Kenyans are incredibly adept at keeping what is not theirs.

In 1974, the family therapist Salvador Minuchin declared that "The human experience of identity has two elements: a sense of belonging and a sense of being separate."

Trust is a firm belief in the veracity, good faith, and honesty of another party, with respect to a transaction that involves some risk. If it is not for trust, we would not have been free beings to the extent of lending what we have. When we lend, we trust that the party will be rational to return and not safe keep forever or until when asked the commodity or item lent.

We are only as blind as we want to be. Back in primary school, I had a very good friend of mine who was some classes ahead of me called Lencer. He was a figure I would look up to and I truly trusted him. In our endeavors in life, we did most things together every time we were temporarily free from the demanding and hectic schedules that characterize school life.

Hitherto, I did not know that Lencer held no brief for me. When he started acting queer, I thought it was just his character and since I was kind of blinded by him being a beloved ally, I never found these incidences as veritable to arouse some guilt in me. Perhaps my childhood innocence and cognitive abilities had not developed to think hypothetically and in the abstract.

As such Lencer took advantage of me in many situations in life. Once he took a video tape he knew my mother really loved to entertain her guests and refused to return it back. He knew my mother loved it and being a no-nonsense lady she would at some point request for the tape.

A situation arose where she wanted to entertain some rural folks with the tape that contained hilarious standup comedy. When she could not find it, she asked me since I was the custodian of the video tapes in the house. Thank God! she never spanked me as I was able to feign an excuse that someone may have borrowed it and lent another someone and it would be returned and she easily fell for the banter.

The reason why Lencer had ‘confiscated’ the tape was because another friend and I had damaged his video game during transportation from our house so that the cartridges it used could not be able to function when inserted in the connection interface to allow short-distance digital data communications between the cartridge and video game.

He never returned the tape till one time he resigned since I had no money to repair the gadget since I was still a primary school child. I can’t remember the exact duration he kept it but it lasted months. For a while our relationship became cold and sour due to this untoward treatment. I bet it’s the sole reason why we never became the best of friends in later years.

I don’t know if this is a general human tendency but Kenyans are incredibly adept at keeping what is not theirs. Most Kenyans have the habit of borrowing and never letting go when they have finished using something that was lent to them.

Money is perhaps the most borrowed item that Kenyans never like to return when lent. I have experienced such occasions many times. For those with weak hearts, it is frustrating asking back for the money. It is usually a nightmare due to the cat and mouse games a debtor engages in so as not to pay back. In such situations it takes it takes the able and ruthless might of auctioneers to confiscate items that people don’t want to return to their rightful owners.

I remember in high school where most people would borrow money but fail to return to the owners when they urgently needed the cash back. Since lending money was illegal, there was no way one could report that another individual had refused to return back his money.

A friend once told me that he lent a certain senior student his money. Unbeknownst to him, I had also lent the culprit money as he was a cube mate in the hostel and he finished school without returning it back. Each time he went to reclaim his rightful possession, the student would tell him point blank he did not have any money on him at that particular time and he should approach him when he had money.

What did perturb my friend was how to foretell by rightfully predicting the precise time when he could be having money as the chap’s sentiments had loose interpretation and perhaps vague and ambiguous in deducing the intended meaning.

When he realized he could not fathom the exact time, he decided to wait for the fellow in the school canteen. There, one had to scrum like in a rugby pitch to buy bread and since my friend had a frail and petite frame stood at a distance.

When he realized the fellow had enough cash, he tricked him to buy an extra loaf of bread as he received them on the other end. The fellow not realizing he was paying back bought two loaves and my friend easily got back his money.

Then there is a certain lady friend who complained each time we talked and he sneak in a topic on matter finances of how her relatives were milking her dry as a result of her philanthropy when she lent them soft loans. Most times she lamented how she would engage in monkey business as they would say they would return but never did. They would still go back for more money from her and when they did, she would remind them of the previous sum, but she still gave them more due to kinship.

I know the uncanny nature of most Kenyans. I usually lend people money knowing too well they might return the money or may not. Most times they never return. Those I have lent a car return it in bad shape and that I one thing I have vowed never to lend anyone. I can lend someone money to the extent my pockets won’t suffer heavy financial debts or placing me in risky position and when I can’t manage, I usually find a diplomatic way of relaying it tactfully.

At least when it comes to money there is surety of getting more. However, there are thing like newspapers, video cds, magazines and an array of other stuff that one cannot get back when lent.

Talking of newspapers, I got this idea while reading a piece by a fiery, arrogant and combative cultural and social commentator. I never fail to read her articles due to her briskness when it comes to glossing over political contexts and her unrepentant hatred for those she does not subscribe to their ideologies.

That aside, while it has become a covert culture, this kind of behavior shouldn't have its tendency acclimatized to end up being a culture we pass to the next generation. Whether it is a cup, money or any other valuable that is returnable to the owner, return it to avoid collision with the owner.

As you mull over this, perhaps there are scenarios where you have lent some people your item(s) and they have never returned it back years after use. Feel free to comment if you have ever experienced such scenarios in life.

SITUONANE.