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Lum and Diu were great friends who loved each
other’s company and made a point of ensuring they did everything together. They
had the
habit of criticizing others behind their backs and flattering them to their
faces. Perpetual liquor sippers, these two blokes had an
unmatched penchant for ale and not a single day passed without them partaking
of it in order to quiet their raging nervous hormones. Every Tom, Dick and Harry knew
about them and they never cared what people branded them.
Lum had the habit of lacking
in tactfulness of manner and speech, typical of a character unwilling to accept
the blame for mistakes committed and using unsavory language often when
provoked. He was intemperate and though his general body physique showed he was
hypochondriac he never let the notion subdue his prospects.
Clairvoyant, having
mustered the art while an informer, he did act with adept caution knowing too
well that man has a queer tendency of unpredictability. Nonetheless he prided
in his ability to control his own thoughts though when it came to material
possessions his plight was at best a humble predicament.
Diu, palatal lisp, on his part was a garrulous lecherous petite
bugger whose randy habits had made him a darling of many a people’s wives and
daughters since his famed libido had spread far and wide. He was also a calm
fellow, peaceful of mind and oozed poise in his general mien. However this did
not augur well with most men who did despise and loathe the habits with equal
measure. His reticence though had made many to find him ignoble and they actually regarded him with contempt though subtly.
These two friends found solace in each other and Lum’s house was Diu’s so was Diu’s
hence they duly trusted that none would reveal the other’s clandestine
activities. In their houses, they engaged in palaver and got wind of the latest
gossip that were being peddled left, right and centre. Lum being a former man
in blue’s right hand man had previously been
assigned the role of a nark but was relieved of duty when he became servile to
ale and could spend hours off duty coupled by the fact that he was later admitted
of chronic liver cirrhosis that he was able to escape from by a whisker.
Reo was a city dweller who by any standards was considered a backer if going by
the assets he had in the village compared to the typical life of rural dwellers
and how they perceived him. He had the sole posho mill in the hamlet, a grocery
shop stocked to the brim with all sorts of household items, a hardware and
several farms in the rural areas where he employed many to tend. In it he bred
indigenous cattle and exotic dairy breeds that supplied meat to the butchery
and milk to the locals respectively. He had a variety of fowls both broilers
and layers that he kept in his farm. He also had rental houses in the local
centre in the rural area where he received monthly income.
The two yentas were
his perfect source of gen and grapevine and potential investment advice as the
two were on ears and hitherto had served him well in his pursuits. They also ensured seamless operation of the businesses especially when handsomely tipped.
Reo’s better half, Halika was a nurse who prior to living in the city served in
an upcountry town where she found it rough and had to relocate to the city to
live with her beau. She was the kind of who woman grew up in the shagz and as
such came to the city with the absurdity and fallacious tendencies expected of
such folks. A poor cook, she was too conservative and most of her meals were easily
shunned by those who had a taste for fine delicacy.
Salma was an illiterate and ignorant young lady who exhibited the character of
one whose intellect lacked certain commonsensical traits often at times acting
irrational and whose reasoning was somehow groundless. She was a class six drop
out having found the going too tough and getting paged in the process but ended
up having a miscarriage. She had repeated various classes many times although
she had a baby face which was an advantage on her side. When she continued being in one class without any progress,
she made a decision to cease her pursuit for knowledge which she found too
complex to comprehend.
Halika needed a house help who could aid her with the multitude of house chores
that were quite overwhelming and unending considering she had two school going
children and at times she went for night shifts and needed someone to help out.
Reo called his mother back at home concerning the new developments and his
mother in turn contacted Lum and Diu to act as the go between in the search
for a qualified domestic manager. After searching earnestly they ended up
settling on Salma who was quite ready to go to the city and try her hand in new
exploits. Reo promptly consented and sent
enough cash for transport.
Since Lum had previously worked in the city, he was tasked with the responsibility of taking Salma
to Halika’s house. When Lum got the money, his new found wealth mislead him as
he went and bought drinks in the local pub upgrading from the drinking dens he
frequented where liquor was sold in small quantities at discounted prices. When
he came back to his senses, he was hell broke and had to seek advice and
finance from Diu.
Diu had just sold part of his ancestral land he
had inherited from his late grandfather hence he was papers. Since Diu and Lum
were bosom friends, Diu decided to lend Lum part of his earning without any
condition since he knew the latter would come to his aid when in need. But Diu
had one condition; that he was to accompany Lum on the journey to the city
since he had never visited the city where he had heard there were skyscrapers,
many cars and hot women not forgetting beer.
On the day they were to go to the city, they called in Mike the local
motorcycle owner who operated it as a taxi when one wanted to go to catch a bus
to town before going to the city. Halika was the first to board the contraption so as to
be ferried to the stage where they would board a matatu to the nearest town.
Lum was to pay for fare.
After Halika had been taken to the the point of departure, Lum
and Diu boarded the motorcycle and they soon got to where Halika was waiting
for them. For all the trouble, Lum offered Mike only Ksh.50 which was a paltry
sum considering he ws to pay more than 300 shilling for the twin exercises.
Then they started arguing over pay and since Lum was not sane, he became
adamant that that was the only money he had on him.
Just then a matatu came and they quickly told Salma and Diu to board it as haggled over pay. It did not take long before he also
jumped on it leaving Mike flabbergasted and mesmerized by how contemptible he
had been treated by the duo. In the matatu he could see Lum and Diu waving at
him as they laughed heartily on their way to the city to take Salma to Reo.
After travelling for more than five hours, they arrived in Reo’s place and
found Halika preparing a meal of meat stew and rice. The meal was to take
another hour and this really made the two rascals’ bellies rumble continuously
due to the incessant pangs of hunger that confined them to yawn continuously as
a result of not consuming anything on the journey. Meanwhile they watched TV
which by then was only straining their eyes and stood in front of them officious in their hanker for
apt and colossal victuals to satiate their robust craving.
When the meal was brought to them, they served the whole meat and rice on their
plates almost outpouring and watched as the rest looked at them with mouths
wide agape. In the city, food is served to people in bowls to enable everyone
serve prudently on his plate on the premise that others also need to partake of
it hence the need to observe rationality.
When asked why they had done so, they said that they thought it was only meant
for the two of them and not even the hungry children did bother them.
After the late lunch they exited the house and went to visit hustlers who worked in the construction
industry who make mammoth ugalis and food is served to one’s satisfaction. In
such areas, liquor was also cheap as opposed to where Reo lived. There Diu could also wench his libido at affable rates before he could call it a day.
SITUONANE.
