Stuck in a rut

There is a Kikuyu saying that goes “Andu nio indo.” Translated, it means, “people are wealth”. It is good that I am surrounded by a circle of friends whom I don’t have close association but whom I look up to in my quest for success. 

They are like a wheel spanner and a jack; they come in handy just when you have a puncture. There is solace in the thought that I am not alone. That does not mean I will continue to rue about my predicaments in life. There is a juggernaut that keeps reminding me not to let things fall apart.

Everyday I see people make it big in life. They have cruised to the next level seamlessly as I struggle to even get closer to a tad of what they have achieved. I am stuck in a rut. I can’t move, eat or communicate. In fact I switched off my phone long ago having accrued loans in terms of both Okoa Jahazi and the soft loan 'Mshwari' lent by the mobile phone operator.

That I am downtrodden is an understatement. I am famished and despondent. I have not known the beauty of what life is. Each time I think of achieving a feat, I am bedeviled by the dilemma of not knowing the way forward. its like my ambition and vision have been blurred. I just write to allay my fears. I am confident that this phase will end and usher in a new beginning full of optimism and promise.

Amid the despondency and delusions that I have to go through, I know every cloud has a silver lining. But how long shall I wait for mine to witness its reality. This is not even comforting. It is said that absence makes the heart grow fonder. In my case it is the converse. My morale is low and my ambition emaciated. But I have faith that things will change for the better. Reason why I put in black and white Primal Odyssey.

Am I  a victim of societal ambiguity? Maybe it has hegemony over me. Am forced to eat the humble pie and accept the fate that this is my current place and short term predicament. I struggled thinking that school would help me. Then I came to realize that schooling can’t help. I have to stand to be counted among those who have made a mark in life. Crying over spilt milk is like waiting for manner to fall from heaven. That I know never happens.

I hope to be a turnaround story soon. I am tired of being ridiculed and looked down upon as a nobody who has no status in life. I am not comfortable being the guy who people shy away from. I am tired of being sidelined and being relegated to the lower echelons that have forced me to accept as a role.

It is shameful to have no clout in life. It is even very embarrassing when people can’t let you talk among them because you are broke and penniless. They term me a failure. This is negatively affecting me. I cannot diet to my satisfaction. I sleep like a watchman. My prayer is to the Almighty to see me through. To fight me this battle that has become so overwhelming and wearisome.

However, I pride in the fact that it is the same people who are against me who will marvel my elation. I know they will rush to my side when it rains and they will bestow upon me the respect expected of my status. 

In this world, there is a master and a servant. Each person knows his place. None can be a master unless born of royal heritage. Again not all progeny of noble upbringing swim in the miasma of patronage. There are those who have kingly duties awaiting and others end up becoming subjects of the king and queen. 

Even among friends, each one has his time. There are those who are slow and it takes them time before they make it in life. What is for sure is that there are hills and valleys in life. The passes and cols lay ground and prepare us to surmount the challenges we have to endure.

It is therefore natural to be envious of those who are making it and we are still stuck in the rut. Those friends are a blessing in disguise. Some may treat you well, others may look down upon you while still others will only sympathize and worse is when they have a risqué attitude with your situation when you are down. Those who empathize are a gem though, they know that fate and personal attitude changes a lot in life.

But the beauty of it lies in the fact that they can come to our rescue when time is nigh. Those with connections will help you in securing jobs, if in business, that coveted tender will come courtesy of a friend.

But when I rise, this will be a stark reminder that life is not static and there is usually a way and a shining star. I believe that only metal and some elements are the ones that never easily undergo much transformation but as humans, there is respite in life.

If optimism is a drug them I am addicted. If only it will make me more hopeful that tomorrow will come with the goodies that I have always dreamt of.

SITUONANE.