THOSE WHO COVERTLY EAT

I still can’t believe my cousins did it. Yes, they did it. They loved doing it like it was a routine. Then again, I cannot blame them, they were maybe shy or feared being thought of as whom they never wanted to be branded. Like many teenagers, they never liked being seen eating a lot. It was intriguing listening to their fabricated story of Inkalimeva. Inkalimeva was a fictitious character they had invented in their minds who would supply them with food especially when chapattis had been cooked. Back then, we lived in a wheat land and as such partook of brown chapattis. If you took one, your stomach was bound to be filled to the brim since the flour used was easily satiating.

So one night I decided to wait for the so called Inkalimeva. They had alleged that the creature only emerged in the middle of the night to supply them with chapattis from the TV. He would throw the chapattis to them till that point they were
slake. I wanted to see how goodies come from the TV.

On the night I was to wait, I did not make it beyond 2200hrs. As a tot, I slept very early since I used to play a lot during the day time. Football was my favourite sport then and it took me to very far places and as such, I was usually very weary when I got back home.

Since I was not able to make it to see the so called Inkalimeva who issued chapatti from the TV, I did ask my aunt to clarify whether it was true that there were chapatti that came from the TV. She laughed at my innocence and told me that nothing of that sort has ever happened in the history of TV. Still she did not answer my riddle. My cousins had warned me not to tell my folks since it would have been ludicrous. I had conformed.

As opposed to most people who ate chapatti on special occasions or days, we had abundant floor and it was a meal cooked frequently since we loved chapatti. My mum knew it and since we had two domestic managers, they easily did the task with ease. Mum was a good cook of chapatti but owing to the fact that she never liked frequenting the kitchen, she had taught one of the domestic managers on how to go about the whole process. This also applied to household chores she had delegated to those concerned and had hence trusted them to deliver including us her children.


Since I had slept during the previous session I was to see Inkalimeva do his thing, I asked one of the domestic managers to tell me when they would cook the meal again. When she had confirmed, I never went to play on that day. I was psychologically prepared by my cousins for what was to happen that night. What usually did perturb me was the fact that most of the time, they ate only half a chapatti claiming that they had helped in the preparation process and the aroma from the kitchen had satiated them in the process. Mum did buy that as she always said she had the same problem and could never eat when she had prepared the chapattis.

On that given day, I had bought a couple of sweets and ball gums to keep me awake. I also placed my feet in cold water which I would empty and refill when the temperature of water had equilibrated. At around 2230hrs, I saw my cousins coming from the kitchen with a plate full of chapatti. 

They then placed it on the dining table and told me to join them in the relishing of the chapatti with stew. So this is why they never ate in front of my mum. Though my mother to some extent had sensed about this queer behavior, she had never reproached the two boys since she knew their plight.

I only managed to eat half a chapatti as they feasted on the remainder with zeal. "So this was what they called the 'Inkalimeva on TV giving them food,'" I mused . I now knew the Inkalimeva. I rued having sacrificed my play and sleep to end up seeing people eating.

This reminds me of the domestic manager who runs my sisters crib. She has a very queer personality. While her weight has been increasing geometrically, her bolting mannerisms while she is on the dining table is mind boggling. The biggest chunk of Ugali she can eat is like half a slice of bread with two pieces of meat and some kales. The same applies to other rations.

Never trust she who eats a slice of ugali in the table and a few pieces of meat. They invest in eating in the kitchen either before or after. Someone needs dm cams in the kitchen. They lock themselves inside and feast. Feast till you hear their mouth chuckling like a chicken does. While you wonder why she is eating like a mzungu yet she looks obese. You also wonder why she is never getting any slimmer. Competing with them is futile like attempting to fly off into the wild blue yonder. You might end up being  boneless yet they know their plight.

It is worse when you think that you will have some tea with remaining mandazi at 1600hrs when in the house. While it’s plausible that everyone has raging digestive juices and hormones, those for some people are exaggerated. How can you explain it when you only find two mandazi remaining when you had left over fifteen in the larder?

Some behaviors are surely inimical. They are not only absurd but they also reflect the kind of personality one has. If you really want to eat, do it with open palms. Never pretend that you are a morsel partaker in front of other people. Obviously people will get to know about your clandestine behavior and you might be embarrassed when they decide to frankly tell you the truth about your odd demeanor. 

If you covertly partake of big chunks of food in the dark, make sure it never chokes, remember you may be alone and not know how to administer Heimlich maneuver or that person who finds you may not know how to accurately go about it. As a safety measure, eat in the open. There is a saying that goes, “Haribu jina, Jenga mwili.” 

SITUONANE.

[Photo Source: Google Images]