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| Man looking at the horizon |
That Dead Beat Kenya has exposed philandering men is not in doubt.
Men condom up. Rubber ain’t that expensive. Here is the reason why. First there
is the possibility of getting infected with STI. Statistics show more women
than men have STIs than men. And nothing is as painful as treating one even if
curable. It may leave you with permanent disability.
Secondly, AIDS is real. As opposed to other STIs, AIDS aint
curable. Others are. AIDS is a lifetime disease upon getting infected. If you
can’t live responsibly, sorry for you. Aids never discriminates. It claims even
the most holy of all souls. As long as you get it. Worse still is if you don’t
take drugs upon getting it, in Swahili they say ‘ole wacko.’ Your days may be
numbered as you will probably waste away as a result of the deadly scourge.
Thirdly, there is getting children out of wedlock. Men, it’s
sometimes painful paying but remember the progeny is yours and just like your
parent, give the offspring a deserved life. There is monthly upkeep,
school fees, holiday trips, medical insurance, and lots of other expenses that
need to be attended to. If you are ready for the bills then discard rubber.
Women, exposing men in the public does not augur well. In fact it
portrays you as gold digger. This is especially when the man is financially
independent and again resourceful. Rarely have I had of men who are humble or
shallow pocketed being exposed or taken to courts. Majority of those exposed
are those who are well oiled.
What I am sure of is that some ladies especially those who have
risen the corporate ladder and have since gotten out of the status of ‘wife
material’ have kids without fathers. It’s rare to find those ladies having
relentless court battles if the father of the child was a ‘watchman or a
grounds man.’ Only a career ‘gentleman’ or businessman of repute will be
entangled in such strife.
I think it’s a matter of idiocy to wash your dirty linen in
public. Why not do it in private? Again our ladies sometimes do lack the
chutzpah of approaching bedroom matters with retrospect. I am not against men
paying up for their misdeeds. The law says that the responsibility of bringing
up a child is bequeathed on all the parents.
I refuse to call fellow men ‘Dead Beat.’ In fact it is
irresponsible starting such pages. It besmirches the character of some men who
are incarcerated for crimes without giving the party the right to defense. I am
sure in the court of law even a murderer is presumed not guilty till
investigation is complete and witness accounts certify the same.
Bitter ladies should hence not use men as scapegoats. If you are
not ready for the baby, there is usually the option of abstinence. Worse still
you can ‘flash’. If you decide to carry the baby, it should be consensual. Both
parties need to know that there is a possibility of either having the baby or
not. I presume that is not always the case.
Men don’t disappear. You are frustrating some of the ladies. They
may have spent years thinking that they may be the mother of your child.
However, when time is nigh, you take an exit. Abandoning a child is
really damaging: research has shown that many kids whose fathers have
died fare better than those whose fathers have left.
Research
shows that good enough fathering helps children develop:
- better
friendships
- fewer
behaviour problems
- better
results at school
- higher
self-esteem and life-satisfaction
- lower
chance of becoming criminals or abusing drugs
- more
satisfying adult relationships
According to Adrienne Burgess, author of Fatherhood Reclaimed:
The Making of the Modern Father. "Fathers have a huge impact on their
kids’ self-esteem," she says, "step-fathers too: maybe the child
feels: 'my parents love me because they're my mum and dad, but my step-dad
doesn't have to like me. Maybe the way he sees me, is how I really am...'"
"The more time fathers spend with their children, the greater
their impact. It's called the 'dose effect" says Burgess, "the
more dads interact with their kids, the more of an influence they are"
Most men in Kenya don’t raise their biological children. Only DNA
tests can prove paternity. Only that most men fear taking such tests. As matter
of fact, it is only the mother who knows the father of the child. Sometimes
this gives meaning as to why most fathers’ day go unrecognized. As a man you
feel guilty even thinking of celebrating it when you think of the statistics
that more than 90% of children are raised by foster dads.
In parliamentary parlance ‘As many as those opposed to dead beat
Kenya say hi. As many as those opposed to it say nay. ’ Loud murmurs. Verdict.
‘The highs have it.’ Dead beat should be dead just like the name. This is
another passing fade. I can take that to the bank just like ‘Campus Divas for
rich men.’ Situonane.
