A Promise is a Debt

Imagine that you are in the middle of an important activity, then suddenly you receive an unexpected call. The caller is oblivious to your engagement but still seeks your indulgence. However, you have a strong preference for solitude because you can focus 100% on the task at hand and avoid unnecessary interactions. Just as I started to pen this post, I received a call but went ahead and picked it up because I knew it would be brief. Forgive my manners. Upon reflection, I think I am usually the victim of my creation, in particular the phone, with which I spend the most time. Frequently, it would have been safe to stick to some simple precautionary measures like being in "Do not disturb" mode. I would have eliminated callers who wanted to engage me at such a critical time. Last week, we went to celebrate the birthday of a friend who was commemorating his golden jubilee. I regret not asking him how it feels to mark that important milestone, I mean he had done half a century on this earth. When you are in your mid-thirties, like yours truly, you often think that getting to be a fifty-year-old bugger is quite some distance. Yet, the reality is that sooner than later, time flies so fast that you wonder how those grey hairs appeared. Something about life is that it teaches us to slow down and take it easy. We are usually in haste for practically no reason. Everyone who met the 'birthday boy' couldn't help but remark how he had aged gracefully, and looked youthful tantamount to a chap in his thirties. I am tempted to say that he aged like fine whiskey. He loves rare whiskey, nope. He just has a preference for it as opposed to other liquor brands. He is an easygoing guy, loves hanging out, sports a bald head, is without a hint of snobbery and has an authentic demeanour that sets him apart from some of his peers. Unlike some chaps who upon getting to a certain age adopt an air of entitlement, he was different. His approachable nature and genuine character easily makes you feel at home in his presence. Discussing personalities is not usually my forte. Yet, as with any other person, everyone usually has a weakness. I first met this chap a decade ago. Back then, he owned a modest little pub. I thought that he was a regular John. Someone we'd refer to colloquially as 'Japap.' He was quite adept in manoeuvring the gruffy and squally street life. Still, he was also book smart and sharp, knowing how to navigate the complexities of the corporate world. He had unique and unconventional ways which he perfected in his quest to earn a living. Let's call him Ken for the sake of this narrative. Because Ken is a short, memorable, three-letter name with a single syllable. Ken is like a sniffer dog. He quickly grabs an opportunity when he sees one. And he does not only seize such chances but also ensure he maximizes their potential to his advantage. Ken had asked my friend and me to help organise a birthday for him at a local joint capable of accomodating him and his friends. Having 15 years of experience in nightlife and club leisure, I felt like we needed to show the guy how things are done on the other side of life. He needed to trade in his rustic Kienyeji-style set up for a cosy and sophisticated setting somewhere uptown and urban.

As is the norm and standard procedure of our operation, the celebrant is usually required to provide a budget, and in return, we provide him with a show stopper. Even if he wants to indulge in something wild like the devil's dance with wasp-waisted ndogo ndogo with a big booty, we can always promise that unforgettable experience for an extra fee. Though, to be honest, we've never actually done that extra bit. Obviosly, the guest list is limited to a trusted inner circle because things can take an unexpected turn. Chaps like Ken, who run pubs, tend to have an extensive network of friends who might come with unprecedented expectations that are overwhelming when on a budget.

To cut the long story short, Ken ended up disappointing us so badly he had to atone for his sins in another way later on. He had committed to a day of indulgence, which was to include locating a venue for a preliminary strategy gathering prior to the main party. Unfortunately, this did not materialize. It could be that we also disappointed him. The Whatsapp group we had created for coordinating the ceremony failed to gain momentum—it was dead on arrival. The individuals whose contact details we had collected for invitation were also non-committal. Their lack of commitment killed the group spirit. At some age, individuals feel like they have made it in life and they do not like to be instructed on how to go about their life choices.

Come to think of it, why are we always so much emotional when we are told or made aware that a certain expectation can't be fulfilled? From the way that Ken was behaving, it was apparent that he could not be trusted. He was a very cagey man. He was the kind we term as a finicky character. The chap who will overpromise but when it comes to delivering, that is where the rubber meets the road. That's when the treads realize that the road is not often that smooth because the surface wears out depending on the way the road was built.

Although Ken never fulfilled his promise, he went ahead and joined his peers because they were willing to purchase him drinks and have fun their own unique way. Had I been in the same position, I would have opted to avoid spending at all costs. Guess it is the economist in me that loves frugality. He later claimed that his friends treated him to five bottles of Martel VSOP though we remained skeptical because when we asked him to present pictorial evidence to substantiate that he was indeed showered with Cognac, he declined to show proof. I mean we know his fondness for whiskey. At the end of the day, when a chance presents itself, we want an easy way out. What's more, it could be that Ken enjoyed himself in the newfound company. I cannot blame him because we were not good salesmen to present a compelling case that our party was going to meet his standards.

The next day, post the party, Ken invited us to his pub where we indulged in fine whiskey. He wanted to redeem himself. Subsequently, I felt it was a way for atoning his sins of ommission and commision. At least he bought a distinguished label. A brand that when you sip it leaves a smooth sensation with a rich oak wooden taste. And the drink glides down your throat leaving you pleasantly inebriated. But as always it was a trap. Once you have finished the first free drink, you are forced to buy another drink in his tavern.

Hasta La Vista Baby.

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Never Give Up

In the recent past, I have been struggling to concentrate. I can't seem to create a hymn out of words that can become a gentle melody. The kind of genre that resonates profoundly with immense appreciation like the works of medieval composers whose lyrical masterpieces are timeless and transcend generations. The sort of aria that has lyrical beauty and harmonic richness, an intimate connection is subtly created. The etudes that mutely leave your heart palpitated in serendipity. You are cast upon your chair and spellbound, feeling the slow thud of your heart transition into an avalanche of emotion. Maybe, it could be the outcome of burnout or the weight of continuous productivity. I have not yet pondered on the root cause. I have no idea whether I am shallow or tardy. Regardless, I deserve to understand the genesis of this mixed feeling that demands testament. 

A few weeks ago, I came across the notion that "Every skilled and talented artiste needs to know the right time to exit the stage lest the performance becomes obnoxious." Consequently, you need to read the mood of your audience to leave a lasting and impactful impression. Winning an audience is normally a hard nut to crack. It's not like a bell that peals as if in ballet shoes and twirls through walls and every other crevice to all and sundry's tender ears. Charming folks require good timing, original ideas, finesse and ease of execution. One day you are a darling, basking in the glow of people's admiration and you feel dazzled about it, the next day you are a villain, chided and scorned by every soul as if you never mattered or what you did is dismissed as utter balderdash. 

Soon new breeds take over, they are always waiting for an opportune moment to strike it while it's hot. They are always lurking in the air like an eagle that has seen its prey but waiting for a ripe moment to pounce. And they don't just take over, they come prepared, having learnt from your failures, strengths, opportunities and threats. They seize opportune moments that present themselves and make their mark. For some, it is a happy-ever-after affair. For others, it's a brief taste of fame that is elusive. It's a fleeting affair synonymous with the one-hit wonders whose success is ephemeral. When they are given a stage to prove themselves, they end up like that chap who hypes his level of capability only to disappoint like nobody's business when it matters the most. Big game talk, null results. You promise the sun but fail to deliver the moon that merely reflects from the sun.

Doing what you cherish is easier said than done. Most of us would love to escape from the tentacles of what is holding us hostage. I, too, wish to do what I love, earn a living and be genuinely happy about it. But I am hesitant. There is that inherent fear that things may never work out. After all, it's not all the time that you dedicate yourself to what you are doing that success is assured. Were it a low-hanging fruit, then it would have been easy to pluck it from the tree, however, it is not. It is a relentless pursuit that is full of ups and downs. It's a treacherous journey that involves so much sacrifice. Somehow, success is eclectic and elusive. You may do everything in the book but it will still slip through the fingers. Nonetheless, there is one instance that will beget that happy-ever-after state. Or it may just never come however much you push and pour yourself into what you are doing. Sometimes, like Nikola Tesla, others will reap the fruits of your labour. Because prophets are seldom appreciated in their hometown. 

Come to think of it, does that happy-ever-after state even exist? At every stage of life, we have to struggle with new challenges. Which forces us have to keep going. Otherwise, you give up and see the hopes and dreams you had evaporate in thin air yet there is something that you could have done about the state. Some days, you will be disappointed and ask yourself questions no one can answer. I sometimes ask myself when the rain started beating me, then quickly realize that I have everything within my control and figured out. Where did I lose the direction I had? Why am I inconsistent with what I am doing? 

Originally, I planned to be astute as much as possible. You know how some random ideas oscillate in the mind, "If I do this, then probably this will happen." Then it turns out that the plans are never on their own. They have to rely on other plans and in light of the changing circumstances end up being obsolete endeavours. Which effectively means they may be overtaken by events and as such inconceivable, often beyond the realm of possibility. Could it be that the world is so cold that it has failed to melt the ice into free-running water? 

Hasta La Vista Baby

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Are You afraid?

Fear of the podium sometimes makes me afraid of facing my woes. As much as I have been able to compose a couple of times, I still get stomach spiders when I sit down behind the screen to pen down my thoughts. I wanted to chicken out into doing this blog post because my creative juice had been punctured. Why am I even afraid yet I don't even have an audience? It's like presenting in an empty hall or the dark. Or I am in my room where I am not supposed to fear because I have no cheering squad or rival haters: the critics and the fence-sitters. But still, I feel like I don't usually get it right in terms of what I am doing. I wish I was spot on, hitting the nail on the head and addressing issues with clarity and fervor. Sometimes I feel like I suffer from some kind of fear that I don't know where it comes from. 

For instance, I would have somehow faced my woes head-on, but I am still beholden to what is holding me from breaking out of my cocoon. The way individuals say that the fear is gone. That does not necessarily apply in my case because I know myself well. What I have since realized is to accept that sometimes I may be hopeful that the future will change, yet it never does. Life is never predictable. Sometimes you are a vibrant fellow, you are tough and looked upon by individuals who look at you as if you are the one who was sent to be their savior. At least, no one has ever seen me in that angle. If at all, I am this guy who is perhaps mellow and quickly develops cold feet. 

I am afraid of many things. I am afraid of the dark yet I have to sleep alone most of the time. I am afraid of doing what I have never done before I love the comfort of the status quo. I even fear approaching people and getting married. Every time I think of marriage, as opposed to bliss, I see it as an obligation that will rob me of my independence and freedom. Many of my age are now happily married. Some complain while others get along with the union perfectly well. To all those who are married and in a perfect or near-perfect relationship devoid of social media brouhaha, you make the world a better place.

I love solitude because I do not have to worry about others who are doing things differently and are equally doing it better. I fear voicing my concerns and normally convince myself that at the end of the day, if I speak out nothing will ever happen as I expected and there will be no change. As a result, I tend to sit on the fence. Which is not what I am supposed to do. I should not be like others who are perfectly at home with the state of affairs even when they are not headed in the right direction. The problem with this state is that you are always afraid to do something controversial. It feels like I am too concerned about other people's feelings because I also want to be a people pleaser. Which makes me want to question myself, "What the hell is wrong with me?"

Every time that I hope that age will bring in new prospects, that is when nothing of that sort happens. Instead, what usually happens is the direction in which life takes is the one in which I have no perfect control. I am the type of person who cannot be decisive when it comes to making up my mind. As much as I am a recluse, I still love other people's company. I fall under the category of ambiverts. Just some with a better proposal and I will be in. If you call me in the middle of the night and convince me that you have my favorite drink as long as it is not a weekday, mimi huyo, I jump onto the bandwagon with so much passion. 

That said, I hate kissing ass. If you expect that I will be your little minion, then that is not my cup of tea. I am highly egotistical in what I normally do. I still have a long way to go to mend that character, but what I usually tell myself is that I don't think that it matters what others think. At the end of the day, everyone is his own man. 

Since I know I am the type of person who is usually afraid in some cases, I usually feel I need to work seriously on this incompetence. It is said that what you fear is what you need to do many times until you are finally able to overcome the fear with so much ease. It becomes a routine that when you look back to, you feel like 'Why was I even afraid.' Yet some of the fears I have are not those that I can be able to address with immediate effect. I still fear going to the gym, yet it is just a few meters from where I live. I have been saying I need to go there to have my body toned and stop having chicken legs but the I still dont have the courage to do so. Reminds me of the fact that the nearer the church the further the heaven. 

Hasta La Vista, Baby

x

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What's Next

What do you do when you lose your train of thought? There comes a time when you have a very interesting and punchy idea that you had thought would be the kicker that you intend to cash on only for it to end up evanscenting in thin air. It happens especially when you are creative and in such a case, you have to either accept the outcome or you sit down and hope that the thought will resurrect from the gabions or gorges that got lost in the medulla. 

Subtly there is always this unrelentless pursuit in life where, once you have solved an issue or a problem, another also comes about because problems compound. For instance, you may intend to pass an exam so you do all it takes to see to it that you study diligently until you finish the examination. Once you have finished that huddle, then another arises of what is next. We are in a maze where there is always something that needs to be solved. And the maze is such that you cannot be able to forgo it. 

A few weeks ago, I happened to have repaired my stalled jalopy that had been lying unattended for the past 8 months and it came with several costs that only a car owner has to endure. Ideally, it is always good when you have to hail a cab or take a matatu. You only have to worry about reaching the final destination with the other obligations falling on the driver or the car owner. 

As usual, when you want to put a broken car back in motion, you have to spend many hours at the grease monkey. Always, you will be told about items that have broken down that need to be repaired. Had I a good camera to capture the moments, I would have done so and started a YouTube channel with all the steps and then hope I start my YouTube journey. You know the way that Youtubers normally say, 'Please like, subscribe, and don't forget to share this video with your friends and enemies because it means a lot to my channel.' I feel like we debase those who spend time and money trying to entertain us with their content that they have spent many hours trying to curate and edit for us busybodies to come and comment on. It's usually a way to get more people watching and then you get more ads and in turn more visibility and earnings.

Youtubers and social media chaps are the new celebrities in our realm. The gadgets urbanites own have made us associate more with those we see on the internet than those we see on traditional media like newspapers, TV, or those we listen to on Radio. I have no time for TV. It drags a lot. And I think the media stations should find a way to accommodate chaps like us because we have since forgotten that they even exist. And because we can easily be swayed by them, it makes sense to find what suits the average chap who is now drawn to the internet. The only time we remember that local media stations exist is when there is a certain important event or occasion that requires us to stay tuned. Otherwise, I think that the media station has been left to rural folk.

At the garage, you have to contend with all manner of people. This especially applies to the blue-collar mechanics who have set up shop just anywhere because they were able to convince the land owner that they are protecting the property from land grabbers because there are chaps who have a high proclivity for land. They can see idle land. In a few days, they will be selling the plot to an unsuspecting buyer because there is always that guy who has money that they want to invest in a meaningful venture. We usually say that people don't have the money yet the reality is, that there are those with more than enough, all they think of is where to invest the amount because they cannot also give it out for free. 

You need to know how to attract money. That is why there are individuals who have decided to go the amoral route of conning gullible individuals who have not done their due diligence have invested in skills aimed at convincing their target audience. Something funny about most investors is the ease with which they are trusting once they think they have found the right person to handle their capital they are willing to invest. Most of the time, we have very since and trustworthy institutions and firms that never swindle their clients. Otherwise, on rare occasions, you have to at some point be a victim of con agents. What I know is that so many individuals have been conned but they have to let go. They do not want to speak out because it can be embarrassing to document your folly. They may not want to go through the rigorous court process because the wheels of justice are sometimes very slow. In most cases, the con agents lure their targets with very irresistible offers to the extent that they cannot be able to resist the temptation of procuring the product being sold. A case in point could be an instance where an iPhone goes for half the price. Since you want the association that comes with owning the gadget, you go ahead and wire money to the recipient who vanishes in thin air upon receiving the deposit.

So much about life anecdotes but at the end of the day, life is structured in such a way that there is usually that which keeps us going. If you own a house, you are required to furnish it. And not just furnish, but you are also forced to ensure that the furniture is modern and classy enough to be in line with the current taste and preferences. Once you finish the house, you need to again maintain it. The compound also needs to look green and there is a whole lot of stuff that you need to do to ensure the place is serene. I mean, once you are done with a certain objective, it will create another that needs to be solved. And then it becomes a circuitous process with nothing but an endless stream of tasks that need to be solved.

Hasta La Vista Baby.

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