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Spock
and McCoy, my two lovely children reawakened my hitherto torpid state. Men, guess
am still weather beaten (nimechapa) and bereft when it comes to ideation. Let me now try to take on the water regarding
my capsizing boat and steer it to safety before it sinks deeper in the event it
ends up being buffeted by powerful winds that may make me unable to steer the
boat to safety. Mine is a duck boat that navigates both waters and land.
The
conditions I am in have deteriorated rapidly. I wish I had the will power to
lever the situation that is looking bleak for the myopic mind. The genesis was
a quest that has led to total neglect of McCoy. And now he is all naughty,
grumpy and attention seeking. He wants his share of parental love now that I am
out of the woods.
It
has been more than quarter a year ever since I went for sabbatical. Now I am
back but looks like I have lost the sheen and impetus to write again. I need
time off, to go and process a lot that is in my mind. I need a sanctuary like
aura. Quiet and ethereal. But most of all, it’s time to reflect about the
future. To meditate and chart the way forward. Probably about destiny and but
most of all, rejuvenating the severed creativity.
It’s
called starting the journey again. The sojourn was quite good, no pressure that
pierces. It reminds me of a certain pretty lady I met who wowed me but because
I don’t like commitment and breaking people’s hearts, I ducked to safety.
Ladies can be pursuant. Like this bartender who is into me and I think I am not
that interested. I don’t know the best way to tell her that I don’t want this
to end badly so I am subtly killing communication and that’s it. She will
notice and won’t push it any further. She is hot, and I am one guy who my
friend calls a defender. He said he is a striker. Perhaps, that’s the reason
why he is not a keeper.
For
once, I had the guts to tell a certain babe who only calls me when in financial
distress that I could not lend her the money she wanted. It was such a paltry
figure I wondered why she was even requesting it. Well, I had the money, but I
don’t want her to be obsessed with the idea that I am only a money lending
machine as opposed to our platonic friend given that I don’t expect anything in
return as she does not shoulder my emotional debris. It’s just a friend thing
and nothing much. Plus, I hate to say this, If I give your money, petty cash,
not more than 5k and you don’t return it. Trust you me, I will not bother
asking you for it because I can work my ass out and make that money. What I don’t
expect is that you will have the nerves to borrow again. My friend, hapo ndio
mi hukutoka na kukuzidi. I aint your papa. Once is just enough. And If you don’t
return the cash the better because I am not Branch or Tala or Mshwari.
I
still want a thing with the bartender though. I want her to tell me the wild
things she has seen in the line of duty and the good times when patrons have
treated her so well. Those moment s when she does not feel like working or
taking orders, but she still gets the urge because she has bills to pay. The
times when she pockets easily surcharges those highly inebriated and those who
hit on her and she doesn’t feel their vibes, but they still try hard because men
are macho and give up when they realize it’s time to go home.
About
McCoy, I think I have even forgotten how to visualize good graphics and
elucidate the image into fustian and flowery words that seal the message once
and for all. I wish I could just give up this whole writing thing all together.
But, like a coke addict, I cannot. It will take a rehab to restore the factory
settings into the previous unadulterated state. Which is practically impossible
given I am a student? More so like a child with a parent. Only that this child
will be with me till the end of time when I cannot be able to breathe anymore.
Does
death ever ring a bell? It never, it just happens and even those with divine
grip on matters spiritual fear the most. We all want to live, like forever, but
it’s practically impossible. Because you never know what tomorrow holds or has in
store for you. After all, we are only guaranteed today. There is never a
tomorrow. Because if tomorrow ever comes, I will be a hero of the latter-day
saints. Since am not, allow me to stick to my lane. And that is being who I am
because I love being me. The laid-back scribe who fears the unknown of the
unknown.
Looks
like I am slowly gaining my groove back. But it will take time to reawaken the
fallen giant. To get to that level where I was before. Where things were in a
steady state equilibrium. Say, I want my mean reverting level when it comes to the
whole concept of blogging. Good that I have accepted that I am in bad health
and need assistance to go about this whole journey of rebuilding my solid
state. But I have not liquefied totally given that it has been cold for some
time now. Oh, just a thought. Perhaps I may find a new home for my blog. I plan
to do it in the next one year when all systems are ready and Inshallah, if I can
successfully ensure Spock has graduated to a fine environment where he will not
have to be bothered by the demands of his persuasions.
Hasta
La Vista Baby.
[Picture
Source: Deviant Art]
