In the recent past, I have been struggling to concentrate. I can't seem to create a hymn out of words that can become a gentle melody. The kind of genre that resonates profoundly with immense appreciation like the works of medieval composers whose lyrical masterpieces are timeless and transcend generations. The sort of aria that has lyrical beauty and harmonic richness, an intimate connection is subtly created. The etudes that mutely leave your heart palpitated in serendipity. You are cast upon your chair and spellbound, feeling the slow thud of your heart transition into an avalanche of emotion. Maybe, it could be the outcome of burnout or the weight of continuous productivity. I have not yet pondered on the root cause. I have no idea whether I am shallow or tardy. Regardless, I deserve to understand the genesis of this mixed feeling that demands testament.
A few weeks ago, I came across the notion that "Every skilled and talented artiste needs to know the right time to exit the stage lest the performance becomes obnoxious." Consequently, you need to read the mood of your audience to leave a lasting and impactful impression. Winning an audience is normally a hard nut to crack. It's not like a bell that peals as if in ballet shoes and twirls through walls and every other crevice to all and sundry's tender ears. Charming folks require good timing, original ideas, finesse and ease of execution. One day you are a darling, basking in the glow of people's admiration and you feel dazzled about it, the next day you are a villain, chided and scorned by every soul as if you never mattered or what you did is dismissed as utter balderdash.
Soon new breeds take over, they are always waiting for an opportune moment to strike it while it's hot. They are always lurking in the air like an eagle that has seen its prey but waiting for a ripe moment to pounce. And they don't just take over, they come prepared, having learnt from your failures, strengths, opportunities and threats. They seize opportune moments that present themselves and make their mark. For some, it is a happy-ever-after affair. For others, it's a brief taste of fame that is elusive. It's a fleeting affair synonymous with the one-hit wonders whose success is ephemeral. When they are given a stage to prove themselves, they end up like that chap who hypes his level of capability only to disappoint like nobody's business when it matters the most. Big game talk, null results. You promise the sun but fail to deliver the moon that merely reflects from the sun.
Doing what you cherish is easier said than done. Most of us would love to escape from the tentacles of what is holding us hostage. I, too, wish to do what I love, earn a living and be genuinely happy about it. But I am hesitant. There is that inherent fear that things may never work out. After all, it's not all the time that you dedicate yourself to what you are doing that success is assured. Were it a low-hanging fruit, then it would have been easy to pluck it from the tree, however, it is not. It is a relentless pursuit that is full of ups and downs. It's a treacherous journey that involves so much sacrifice. Somehow, success is eclectic and elusive. You may do everything in the book but it will still slip through the fingers. Nonetheless, there is one instance that will beget that happy-ever-after state. Or it may just never come however much you push and pour yourself into what you are doing. Sometimes, like Nikola Tesla, others will reap the fruits of your labour. Because prophets are seldom appreciated in their hometown.
Come to think of it, does that happy-ever-after state even exist? At every stage of life, we have to struggle with new challenges. Which forces us have to keep going. Otherwise, you give up and see the hopes and dreams you had evaporate in thin air yet there is something that you could have done about the state. Some days, you will be disappointed and ask yourself questions no one can answer. I sometimes ask myself when the rain started beating me, then quickly realize that I have everything within my control and figured out. Where did I lose the direction I had? Why am I inconsistent with what I am doing?
Originally, I planned to be astute as much as possible. You know how some random ideas oscillate in the mind, "If I do this, then probably this will happen." Then it turns out that the plans are never on their own. They have to rely on other plans and in light of the changing circumstances end up being obsolete endeavours. Which effectively means they may be overtaken by events and as such inconceivable, often beyond the realm of possibility. Could it be that the world is so cold that it has failed to melt the ice into free-running water?
Hasta La Vista Baby
