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About two decades ago when I was still a toddler, there were a
certain breed of white birds that flew a in flock forming a triangular
pattern just high enough in the sky. I don’t know their botanical or plebeian names though, and
rarely notice them these day. Well, there was something special about
them. As tots, they assured us of felicity. Whereas the bliss would come late, you also
got an instantaneous reward from them. The immediate reward was in form
of your finger nails getting white spots which was a sign of glad tidings if you followed them with your fingers pointing towards the sky.
Never mind that as children we were quite oblivious and the next time we
spotted the birds, we would go amok following the birds requesting them to
polish our nails with white spots so that they could look beautiful.
As time passed by, I soon realized that I could cheat my way in
getting white spots on my nails by using a sharp razor blade to create light
cuts on my nails. This, I did carefully by ensuring I created tiny dots
speckled across the nail that would look like the ones these birds would give
us upon following them. Little did I know that it is a medical condition called
Leukonychia, which is totally harmless and probably some of my childhood
buddies were suffering from it
Later, I realized that there were people who essentially had them
which was kind of strange because as opposed to them I had to hustle in order
to get the dazzling white amorphous dots on my nails. Little did I know they
came naturally. I think there were those kids who had them genetically and
therefore used the opportunity to taunt those of us who hadn’t into believing
the birds would give us small, bright white dots on the nails.
What is fascinating is that there was a time I truly admired those
whose parents had bought VCR machines and would walk around the estate with
videotapes much to my chagrin because my old man took a while to buy it. I
wished he could buy the damn gadget once and for all and put me out of the
misery I was going through each time I saw neighbours carrying tapes to go
exchange after watching. Nowadays, a movie is just a click away (vindu vichenjanga).
As a matter of fact, I did suffer in silence until lady lack smiled on us and
my dad bought a coloured tv screen, which he travelled all the way to Nairobi
to get since we resided in Eldoret. And it came with the coveted JVC VCR. Now
we had the opportunity of flossing just like our neighbours.
Years later, my old man thought that buying a satellite would ease
our troubles and he bought one big white satellite that would reduce the hustle
of watching a blurry TV with ‘mchele’ on the screen. Unluckily, it was not
strategically mounted and a couple of times, it got dislodged which means we
would go back to square one because it also required a technician to properly
mount it on the direction of the TV waves frequency. The downside of this
satellite was the fact that it only displayed clear Bollywood and Chinese channels
that were less captivating for a dude on the verge of being a teenager.
Looking back, I feel nostalgic about those good old days. When I
would see a hawk in the sky and I would expend the little vit I had trying to
step on its shadow because it came with a reward of walking the next few steps
and as assurance of getting a KSh. 500 note which was not a petty figure for a
kid of my ilk. Thus, when a certain guy who now wastes away in the hood told me
that he was handling more than KSh. 20000 in the nineties as a teenager monthly
in an international school where the fee now is over a milli and keeping even
more for his prodigal classmates, I felt like we were really of humble
upbringing.
Alluding to matters monetary, I am still in a bind. I have even
lost hope in a financial sense. But that does not mean am out. It’s only that I
have taken time to make an impact on myself and am feeling like yes, time is
coming when I will be counted as one among equals. Surprisingly, this time is a
healer façade has taken too long and I feel kind of purposeless. Who else goes
through this times in life and feels he can take the next challenge that comes
along the way without bouts of self-doubt.
Which makes me soliloquy asking myself, “ Is it that I am making
wrong decisions? How sure am I that am still placing doubtful bets that may
fail to reward me with anything other than being frustrated and hoping if
wishes were horses I ride on? Or is it that I am going through a process of
sensational awareness? Could this be the result of sitting quietly indoors most
of the time. Do the decisions I make augur well with that which I should be
steadily focusing on? Or are these thoughts corroborating the fact that August
sucks sometimes.
To cut the terse monologue short……
I got a temporary job as an election clerk and realized that we
have so many people who are unemployed and just like me, they are actively
looking for a legit job. Yes, they want a place where they can get a reliable source of income. They want to
experience the liberty that comes with being financially independent which is
the best kind of independence that one can achieve.
Unfortunately, I never got to do the job even though I went for
the training. Admittedly, I chickened out before verifying where I was posted
to because hurried placement of clerks was done at night. That means there was
a lot of scramming at night to see where you are posted to work for among those
who were eager to have probably found a lifeline in the stipend. The
disorganization that our seniors subjected us was more than enough, I resigned
and went to sleep on the eve of elections feeling wasted.
Prior to that, I thought that I had qualified for a bigger and
better job when I was called to be part of the process after applying for some
jobs I had merited in terms of experience and education. I was eventually
called to be a clerk which I never applied for. I deliberated on the idea but
eventually went because I normally work at night and saw this as another source
of income because my current policy is money first.
Sadly, there is this breed of Kenyans who think that when you are
given a job, you are more privileged than those who were never shortlisted for
the job. You’ll hear them say, “You know you are the few among the many who
qualified for this job but got it. So, don’t take this job for granted”. Kwani it’s
a favour when in actual case you will go back to your status quo. Bullshit.
But ultimately the major reason for not participating in the job
was because I remember the prior experience that I had as a clerk. It is a
hectic job and though the pay was somehow good for a jobless bugger or a bloke
on peanuts, it was wearisome. You work like a carousel and although you love it
as a guy in his early twenties, the impact that is after the exercise makes you
feel really wasted.
I remember feeling like going to the toilet and kind of being
pressed and hoping that the voters would not turn their heat on me, I hurriedly
went and peed on an alley between the wooden-walled classroom and the live
fence that demarcated the compound. Unlucky for me, in the process of peeing, I
also slightly soiled my clothes. You see, you can be so pressed and
jittery that in the process of peeing, you find that the dual sphincters of the
anus have relaxed and refused to hold given that we were also on zero diet and
it had interfered with my digestive process. So, some little watery stools gain
way out of your anus and you end up smelling like a skunk the entire voting
exercise. Luckily, you sit next to the window, open it wide to reduce the
strong putrid smell that your mates notice but don’t know who is effusing it.
Another reason why I forfeited work was because I felt did not
need the money as much as I needed to vote. It was either going to be the first
or second time am voting in a process. Consequently, I wanted to feel the
thrill of voting like a newbie. While most people normally feel optimistic. I
realized I felt nothing at all. Even though this was my first time voting to
change the leadership of the country. But politics has its consequences and
being politically engaged has dire consequences to all and sundry.
Albeit some people are feeling victorious, there is a certain lot
like yours truly who feel like something is amiss each time we go to elect new
leaders. What was a tightly contested race has turned into a one man show which
is laughable given that opinion polls had projected something different. As for
me, I am a firm believer that you need to get your act right when you are going
for any process. And it all boils down to preparation for the herculean task
verily. You need to prepare well and be thorough in reducing grey areas failure
of which it will backfire on you and you will feel what we all feel when we
don’t get that which we want. The resentment is real among some people. I
remember a guy saying that an assassin should have been hired to deal with a
candidate he hated to calm the high tempers sometimes back. Would it have
pacified the already tensed aura or spiked deeper animosity? Well, it would
have even been more divisive and lethally volatile.
To someone like me, politics does not matter a lot. But again,
voting is imperative. There is a certain anxiety that normally surrounds the
nation after a peaceful voting process and it has to do with the transmission
of the presidential results which leaves us divided along our ethnic lines. We
are all determined to make our voice heard and that is captured by the mark we
place on a ballot. When you think of who you have voted for, you think of the
revolutionary dreams and the hard-headed pragmatism you engaged in. You tell
yourself, “I don’t want to regret, I want to vote to make things better. There
is this surge of hope of a better tomorrow if I vote. Voting hence makes me feel
optimistic.”
Normally when we vote, nothing changes in our lives. In some
cases, it plummets. It’s not like we vote to better our prospects and bring
closer the future we can rely on. A future that my children who are unborn can
be proud of when they are sired. One where they can get access to the best
healthcare, education and social amenities within their disposal at no premium.
But now like always, I will have to continue being optimistic for a better
tomorrow. If tomorrow ever comes?
I tell you what though, to remain optimistic amid the hardships of
life is quite challenging, I wish I could hope for a better tomorrow and
deliver it. Or can I be just forget about the past and be joyful and positive
even though I feel like I participated in an already predetermined process? And
I was just a rubber stamp to authenticate the validity of the plebiscite. Can
this feeling turn out to be a lemonade once I am through with it? Well, we all
get worried sometimes and feel like the deck has been stacked against us or in
our favour depending on who you think should win an election.
This is the time I wish I was taken to a farm full of manure. And
instead of feeling sorry for being put where there is shit, I brighten my face
with joy, look at it as a platform of making the most out of it by requesting
for a shovel. Then work till I can’t labour no more when sweat ceases to drip
over my body because they sudoriferous glands have reached a climax and the
pores on my skin have shrunk and closed. I am still zetetic but finding this
sunnier side of the street by just being optimistic may remain a hopeful dream.
Hasta la vista baby.
[Picture source: Google Images]
