PROLETARIAT

Do dreams come true? When I grow up, I want to be self-independent and an employer. Every jobless bugger always dreams about being safely tacked somewhere in employment (hata kama ni kwa baniani mwenye kiatu chake dawa). Even a CEO fears being fired or waking up to find that all employees have not turned up because the status quo will have been breached. Which reminds me that I have seen a guy writing a letter to his manager. I hate being idle. In the place I work, activity that is beneficial to the bank does not count if you have not brought in results. It’s synonymous to reading for exams then at the end of the day you cannot answer the questions correctly, what does that mean?

It’s worthless to sometimes struggle then at the end of the day the compliance department officer gives you back the document that you had. It’s called RTS which translates to ‘Return to Sender’. I have been a victim.

As a victim, which I have been like thrice or slightly more times, my morale usually falls so low. A slight pain, a nauseated feeling engulfs and I also develop some tightness in the chest. Cortisol levels rise and the vagus and cranial nerves become overstimulated. Those are the times I feel like a wildebeest watching her young ‘un being picked up with the golden paws of a lion that had seen better days. I sometimes feel like shedding tears thinking about the struggle I have been through. But I usually find myself laughing.

The compliance officers are one bunch of hawk eyed chaps who have an eye for details and ensure that all business is carried out within the regulatory framework. They are very thorough. While as the first line of defense you may think that you have everything in order, they will notice slight mistakes much to your chagrin and the process can be quite aggravating and frivolous. You can imagine these are the chaps who sit the whole day while you spend time and money on the streets looking for client’s documents to submit then in certain situations they totally reject your submission.

Well, the most beautiful of memories are normally the worst, cutting your insides as if they were shards of glass. I hate it when such wretched memories swirl around my brain. But hey, such situations should make one better in the sense that you learn faster not to make such silly mistakes in the future.

There is one problem though, any RTS means a reduction in income.  Imagine that you have spent money looking for a client, then such instances happen? Food for thought.

Building up on that, the field of sales is one tricky one. It’s like trudging in the desert or being an alchemist. Everything is based on hope. Hope that things will be better the next day. Such hopes fade when you have nothing that is worthy to talk about. Countless times I have thought of calling it a day because my numbers and statistics are not adding up. Then when I feel like doing so, I usually imagine the stress my mother will go through, my family and those who take pride that I have a job. Never mind that I will feel the pinch more than anybody else. Because bills have to be paid.

Which reminds we that I should gather enough courage to write to our CEO. You see, I am a kind of a third rate employee (it depends on how you view it). I recently read an article on business daily about a diversification in investment banking by our bank. I really got excited. Guys like us have no email to get incoming information from the bank.

Ever since I finished my level one exams in the CFAI Program, I have been contemplating applying to this arm of our bank. Yet I have no gen whether they have a vacancy or not. Based on the fact that I have not been bringing in sales, there is the possibility that my dashboard can be used to judge my commitment rather than the knowledge I have.

There is something called the power of positive thinking. In the event they show me those figures, I can counter them by saying that sometimes a person can be more productive when he or she does that which he loves. In my situation, I am more enthused by investment banking. Especially when it comes to dealing with traditional investment or the vibrant alternative investment which my crystal balls tells me is more likely to undergo some bubble especially with regard to the mortgage industry given that mortgage funding is somehow going to shrink if lending is going to be restrictive as it currently is.

You see, I would love to tell the CEO that I am the impatient kind of person. If a client does refuse to uptake what I am selling the first time, I become discouraged a lot. I also have a mechanical mindset. At times, I have tried being creative in this sales job however the situation does not look bouncy. Again, my career objective is not in line with my next level of promotion even though I love the flexibility of the job. I would love to do something more meaningful.

Yet, I cannot be able to do that if I am not able to perform in the current level that I am. I am this kind of person who does not like pushing other people a lot. I also love it when someone accepts a product willingly rather than begrudgingly while selling. And that is quite different from what I am supposed to do.

Since I have not been quite successful while am almost finishing my fifth month, I have been having a feeling that I need to be more vigorous and crafty in delivering the message. And do you know what this has resulted in?

I must say that I have been really broke since I am not receiving commissions that I wake up every day to chase. There is that dull and frumpy feeling; an empty bank account and a feeling of despair. When you see friends grinning and they update pictures that make you feel like I made the wrong choice because they are moving up the career ladder while I may be stuck in a rut if do not adopt a strategy and vision whose goal is aimed at appeasing people. And the reason why I am broke is because of the bad financial decisions that have trapped me and I am feeling like I have been ensnared with no viable options. Ideally, what I had expected will not materialize.

You know you are broke when a chic tells you to go out for a cup of tea in the jisty noshery and you lenga that story like a Koinange street hooker running away from a UON student. It even contributes to emotional glum. Then again, I now need to develop a radical shift in my perspective on cash flow, debt and my own financial well-being given that I am spending more that I earn.

Obviously it will be a struggle. Living below my means that is. The number of platforms where I can get soft lending has drastically increased. I also deliberately took credit to buy a smartphone which has resulted in increased consumption on my side. Yet I cannot regret having bought the smartphone given that it also serves as another platform where I can continue perusing while javing or waiting to see clients. I have been somehow found it rancid to savour the contents that I need to cover in the CFAI Program. Still I am remaining hopeful that one day I shall join that which my heart desires.

Talking of credit, there are many chaps who have come to me for the same thinking I have some soft loans to lend. In the process I have discovered apps like Tala and Branch. I used those platforms instead to request for loans for some. My credit score is kind of good. Lies, I live on credit. And I need to do away with it once and for all.

Obviously there are shylocks in our office who lend at some crazy interest rates on a one-month basis and people still take credit from them. I don’t love it but there are times when I have been forced to take credit from such chaps.

There is no denial that debt collection is not a rosy job either, especially if you are a Shylock. Once someone has used that which he does not have is when he realizes that he truly can play the cat and mouse game. The problem with human beings is that they never allow you time to compose yourself when they aim at collecting their dues. Apps do on the contrary. The only thing hassling part is to constantly remind you to pay through many SMS prompts. And I ensure I pay to avoid the possibility of not qualifying.

I hate surviving this way.

PS: We all have multitudinous opportunities. Nas once rapped  'I know I can be what I wanna be'. So anyone can be anything. Because the hypothetical biblical verse in Hezekiah 6.1 says, 'God helps those who help themselves' apparently does not exist. So strive for that which you want without cessation.

Hasta La Vista Baby.

[Photo Source: Google Images]