GATE CRASHER

Apparently, the easiest job to nail appears to be these low cadre jobs that experience does not count much. The only thing you need to do is present yourself, get interviewed and start the job. Pankala!

Well, you are probably looking for the wrong job if you still have not yet found a job. A dream job should find you being averagely paid, on peanuts or in an equal status. I have vowed not to immerse myself again in sales. It is something that is personal, yet not such a convincing reason.

Here is why, I am not the multitasking kind of bugger. It seems that I thrive well when I specialize. It's interesting to note that I however love being in the sales fraternity as a blogger. You always have something on your sleeves to write about. Whether it is chasing after pretty ladies you bump into while in the course of duty, frustrating customers you call for ages only for them to disappoint you, easy to sign clients and the pressure to sign new customers .

It is while looking for new customers that I met a certain lady who sells me counterfeit fragrances in downtown Nairobi. I immediately got smitten by her bootylious figure. A lady I admire more for her figure than her prettiness. But when I got close, you can imagine what happened. Or is it that when I started talking to her, the verve to pursue her just plummeted. Maybe it will result in in a J curve kind of intimacy if my pursuit of the main chic does not yield.

Ideally, she was the kind of lady I can do anything to get. Yet, she is not the one I would love to spend the rest of my life with. The one you want to be seen with because men would ogle and wish they were you. She is the kind I would love to be really good friends with. I already know who I want to handcuff with the hardest substance if mullahs come through. As for this ester lady, I will probably get to take her for a date one of this fine days once my repertoire with her solidifies, or gets to the next level. So, you see, sales is after all, a very promising job.

During the week, I attended an impromptu interview. You have no appointment, but because you are adventurous, you give it a shot having gone with a buddy. A friend who nudges you to pursue a venture even though you are lame duck about the future of the organization.

I once read an article or is it an oped by a certain job seeker. The bugger for lack of a better word intimated how he was able to nail the job that was initially meant for a pal he had accompanied to an interview. Actually, he had prepared for the job given that he had read widely about the company they were going to. He did regret somehow because in the end he lost on one end and gained on another. He lost the friend. He gained the job. Chances are this article was written by a lady. Rarely do men catch feelings when you slice them a job because they know that you will eventually come of aid. That’s an assumption that needs null and alternative hypothesis to be carried out to at least come up with an economic conclusion on this matter even though its more social than economic.

I was destined to go to study that day but I was not feeling the vibe (ni ile wakati masomo haiingii). My head was full and I just felt I needed to do something different other than going to study. I hence decided to accompany a colleague to an interview in the city even though I had not even been called for it. Hizi ni zile mi huita interview kienyeji. You are only required to show up and since it is a sales job, you sure can get it just like that.

You see, in many interviews, you must find out details on what the company does, and that can be found online due to internet where you can easily upload information on the company whereabouts. Reminds me of a certain real estate, Simple Homes, a Special Purpose Vehicle that fleeced gullible Kenyans of hard earned shekels. In this case, there was none, just a brochure we were provided with while waiting to be interviewed. In the waiting room, we found ourselves only dudes inside. Now I wish I had recorded the conversation we had with the guys in that room.

There was only one guy in a suit. A rather beat up suit that looked like he is truly struggling. To make ends meet because the sheen on it was not palatable. You know you are dealing with hustlers when the conversation degenerates to how guys have been conned and how crafty conmen incorporate these fictitious companies they use to swindle Kenyans without much notice.

There was this guy who told me of how he once sold jiko okoa carrying three of them going door to door selling it to women at a price relatively high in comparison to the normal jiko. I only wondered how he could carry the load, still be able to seductively sell the benefits and close a sale without even getting a retainer. Given he was in casual wear, I did understand his plight. He had even plied his trade with Delmonte and am here cursing myself for being a bank salesperson. He could sell a jiko at 4 thousand, then be given 200 for his troubles. When shit came to shove, after being trusted with the products, he took five. What happened next is that he changed his phone number. After selling the stuff at throw away price and playing cat and mouse games with the landlord seeing him in branded shirts yet he could not afford to pay rent.

I still think my current employer is among the best that I have ever worked for. Yet, when I ideally look at what I was taking myself to, I was kind of jittery. When you find yourselves in a room and all of you have no idea about the company that you are being interviewed for, then you have to be alarmed. I was not. Since I was feeling like going for a short call, I decided to go ask for the place. Apparently, this office has more modern facilities than our current office, a colonial relic that was first opened more than half a century ago.

The first thing the sentry told me was the acts of a certain lady and a guy who took the opportunity to go and engage in the devil’s dance having found a good opportunity to unleash the tension within. I laughed kimoyo moyo knowing full well that the location of the two sexes toilets was a contributing factor given that most youth are in the experimental stage where raging hormones make them want to engage in dare acts to quench their thirst for commerce.

I was assigned a number. Everyone else in the room was. It was presumed that we had all been invited.

What prompted my decision to go for an impromptu interview? I had been in the office having lost form and deliberating on where to go next in terms of selling. When you have no appointment in the field of sales, you need to strategize quickly. So, I called my colleague who told me to meet him so that we could go and prospect in companies that may open doors later in our quest for figures. Apparently, I hate this idea of being asked for figures why lie.

I found him at our usual meeting point and he looked noncommittal on where we could decide to go. Then he showed me an SMS he had been sent to go for an interview just next door. Initially, I had speculated that the organization was in network marketing. The message had been structured in such a way that I thought it was an organization dealing with investing then invite and the cycle continues.

Apparently, it is a startup. The interview office looked quite good. It was like those things you consider to be too good to be true. When I looked on the door, it was written Space International. I bet this was hired space if am not wrong. We had looked for the building without much notice yet it was just where we were.

When it was my turn to be interviewed, I felt some little bit of guilt. I had stomach spiders but not the lethal ones. It was going to be like gate crushing. One thing I noticed was that the interviewers did not have any shortlist of individuals they had in mind for the interview. There were two gentlemen and a lady. I tried peeping at what the lady was writing but she looked like she was not at all in the mood. Actually, she was lost. What she had written was not convincing enough. Her attire and shoes made me judge her, which I am not supposed to. You see, she was in rubbers and some cheap top that made me feel like I was lost.

The gentleman who was in charge of the interview was also in a broken suit that seemed it had been procured from Gich. That’s probably how startup are. The night before I had listened to how a certain guy grew his start up and thought this was just what I had listened to.

I won’t delve into the questions that they asked in detail. I have even forgot some. But the pay and the quantity of effort you put to me does not add up. In short, even if I will be called to take up the job, I have already developed cold feet. Apparently, getting a sales job should be among the hardest but this looked so easy.

I was in again for the adventure now I have a blog post.

Hasta la vista baby.

[Picture Source: Pixabay] 

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PUSH HARDER

Someone told me I am one of the few people outside here who don't give a fuck. Sadly, I just had to use the f word because somehow its true I don't. Talk of being nonchalant. I also occasionally smile at nothing in particular since there is nothing to smile about and will be sacked even before I know it (It’s like I have just been conditioned to wait for this). As a successful salesman in making no tangible progress, I have been reading about this thing sales and well, it does not matter whether you are in Nairobi or New York. The human being you are dealing with remains the same. They are a breed of individuals who need a lot of convincing and tact to deal with, sometimes lacing the content of your conversation with a fib just to ensure they buy the product you are selling because humans like being persuaded to give in (don’t politicians lie they will make our lives better but once they assume office the opposite is what happens?).

It has been a journey of a thousand miles, I bumped into some sales memes and some of the memes do actually relate to what I have gone through as a sales person from Spiro.

The first one reads, ‘You’re incredibly excited when you start a new sales job.’ I remember the first days at work after training, I usually wore my bespoke suits to work, I was well shaved and groomed, ready to hit the road in search for new clients. I was in it for making money and getting new experiences. I remember we were located on a vast sales floor and some individuals later confessed they thought I was a manager who was coming to communicate something new only to be disappointed that I was only a salesperson. Jeez, those were moments of glory when I was first introduced to the sales team. Later, the sales team is no more. Rapid economic changes have really contributed in dismantling the team and now it has come to nought in some spheres of productivity because numbers have been plummeting due to some reason I cannot explain because someone somewhere was selfish and thought inert.

The second meme reads ‘And you’re likely to feel a bit overwhelmed.’ The first thing that made me feel a little bit of disillusionment was the figures on the whiteboard of those I was going to work with. Damn, I looked at them and felt like it was not an easy score on this street. It takes time to make it. If those who I was look up to were not making it in the industry, how sure was I that I was going to do the same. The eggs that had been hatched in terms of zero submissions was not motivating, I said I can and will, but something was never making me excited as I should have been. Let me say that I took up the role because I wanted it to catapult me to what I wanted, to join the investment arm once I had worked and proved myself. You can now imagine that I still harbor the dream but the thing sales has made me feel disheveled and reluctant in even trying to pursue the end goal.

The third meme goes like, ‘But you’ll quickly get into the swing of things.’ It’s true, it’s like joining high school but this is also a banal lie. There are those who cannot withstand the heat and leave within a week, others within hours, but majority stay because when you have no alternative, you just must stay. There are those who encourage that things will be better over time once you have learnt you market. I was adjusting to my new role as a credit card sales person, then suddenly it was disbanded. I was then handed over to a new department and before I knew it, CFA pressure was also beckoning. Now, I don’t know whether it is figures I will chase or concentrate on the grasp of curriculum content. That’s why sometimes I find myself smiling as opposed to feeling the heat of the moment. Whichever of the two that counts at the end of the day is still a mystery but the truth is that I love what makes me feel smart. I rarely have no time to joke around with my colleagues though. Yes, we have to call bad leads that someone thought because we are not delivering. The management says the sales team is responsible for 70% of the sales. A gimmick I think of to encourage us to sell. Yet we are the guys who shoulder the yelling from both management and customers. If you are not delivering, the manager will be on your neck, if you are, customers will be on your neck. But when we close deals, we are happy because the commission slip is fat.

Making mistakes is part of the process, even the most accomplished salesperson makes mistakes. You may take a client’s payslip and calculate a figure that is promising only for the finance or HR department to inform the bank’s compliance department that the customer qualifies for less. Do you go back to the customer to have the documents changed because the figure you initially quoted has been reduced? That’s where the creativity of a salesperson comes in. But let you not be on the wrong side with the compliance officer, they can ruin you if you give them a hard day because you should stick to their whims. I know of a situation a salesperson was reported to a boss because of acting big headed after doing something that is uncouth. Let me confess that we have some really next to accurate individuals who can give justice to a customer’s signature because well, you don’t want to continue disturbing the customer when he or she thinks he is only waiting for the product while the mistake is on your side, right.

Sales is about now; the past is just that. You need to be really on the move. Your last month’s sales are as good as your primary or secondary school results. They don’t count in any way. I know of an individual who was the best in the country the first month I became a salesperson. Now we are both being put under tight surveillance because we have not been delivering those results. Well, it’s just the end of the first business Quatre and probably, he will improve as well as I. So, as much as you may be the best now, inaweza kauka you wonder what has gone wrong. Never mind the bugger who once was a top performer talk refused to be promoted given that he was raking in enough bucks to sustain a five-star lifestyle of dining with the who’s back then when the bank was still under good times. The problem now is that the promotion system has been skewed and it does not give precedence to salesmen.

Obviously, there are some things that we sales people must keep mum about. Like we are jealous of that person who is making good money, we never tell the clients the truth about some costs, we assume they know. We sell because we are in the business of selling and that is the role we have as per now. We fear our bosses when we are under-performing and this is one of the jobs where you become your own manager and determine your own pay. There are some dirt like being over reliant on credit because your pay is a not surety and reliably constant. At the end of the day, tea is plenty in the kitchen, you caffeinate with it to forget your worries. The ideology of ruminating to churn over emotional upsets is also a reality.

When you are having a sales slump and then suddenly you make even a small closed sale, you get this elation that is exemplary. While a normal person has no much metrics to be gauged on at the end of the month, a salesperson must contend with year to date statistics that pile every now and then. That HR guy does not care for your past. He will release the dashboard and I have confirmed that there is no three conservative months you will find a sole salesperson on the top of the board. This is the only field that humbles even the best of the best. Markets crumble, companies get blacklisted, individuals get low credit scores and well, company policies also change, so does the economy and laws of the land.

The tenth meme says that ‘You’ll have a lot of ups and downs, but not much in between.’ You have had so much on the downs. The only thing that makes you love what you am doing is that the culture of the institution makes you feel energetic once in a while. However, there are more situations where you feel rock bottom, pessimistic and don’t feel like you’ll ever close another deal as a rookie as opposed to feeling like you are on top of the world, confident, friendly, energetic and successful. This can be made worse when you have no pipeline and rely on fate in making inroads in a field that can be truly discouraging.

Well, as opposed to other professions, the hours of a salesperson can be really really long. You don’t forget about work just like that. And that is the real bone of contention on my side, I have two pressure points that have even made me lose appetite for food. I am svelte than I started, look kind of haggard and feel ish ish. I sleep very few hours. It's called, hustle sweetheart.

I have no idea why the tax man loves to ‘nyanyasa’ a salesperson. Irrespective of the much you make, you will be taxed at a constant rate. The commissions are never taxed like the normal pay. So in whatever circumstance, the much you can make can never be enough. If you think you have made this much, you deduct taxes and well, it’s not as rosy as it is said. But the best thing about an open cheque is you can earn more if you just have the best pipeline.

The truth is, ‘You’ll have to push through some obstacles when prospecting.’ One day you wake up having done the actual prospecting that you will come and close the deal. Then on the day when you are supposed to sign up, the client turns into a politician and changes mind. Does he know that you are not paid to report activity and you use your own money to go and see him. That’s why sometimes you must fabricate to bring in numbers. When they come to realize it, they start screaming when the deal turns soar. But it’s sometimes the management that puts union-less salespeople under pressure. There are those old guys who you are sure don’t qualify for something but they will keep you in a conversation for hours only to out-pour their frustrations yet they are a high risk lot of individuals. How can you lend to a person who the holy book refers to as living on borrowed time having reached the mandatory bible age? Let me not talk about wrong numbers, the not interested individuals, the guys who never pick, the out of service phone numbers and those who rant like this lady with a jaka tone accent who told me, ‘Ei ni mapema sana, bado hata sijakunywa chai.’ Those are the kind of objections that make you really realize that you have a thick skin. Let me not talk of those who abuse you over the phone.

Sales veterans are some of the most selfish individuals you can come across. Even sales managers are. They make really good sales but will talk about the month they never made a sale because the company they were selling in became blacklisted suddenly. But, if you get a good one who is not afraid to advise, they make some of the best mentors in a field that can be quite a challenge.

There are those times when you try to remember a customer’s name but can’t. What do you do? Well, the first thing a salesperson should do is to remember the name of the client. I however hate it when a customer keeps you waiting just because they think being a customer makes them king. I was told to deal with them the way a doctor deals with a patient. Well I am the doctor, you accept the injection or not. However, it’s sometimes frustrating when a customer gives you three different deals that are better from competitors. You still maintain your cool amid the vexation that you have the best proposition and sell because that is what you are meant to do.

The whole reason why salespeople are liars is because the customer is also a liar. Several times the customer will say they are going to call back only to renege on the promise. When you talked, the person sounded positive and ready to take the product, but then, the interest wanes. If this is not stressful enough. The truth is that few salespeople who don’t make it to have enough backs really have a bubbly visage. Most of us look aged and pretend we are doing great while in actual sense we are not. Only sales ladies with those who support them look chic, otherwise, most men look burdened for real. Reason why boujee cougar talk sometimes surfaces in our chats.

When you have hit your stride and the sales keep on coming after meting your monthly targets, that is profitable sales, there is reason to like the job more. Well, this never last long enough. But hey, when you get money, lazima urudishie mwili shukrani. Pop champagne, get your grove on and perhaps surprise that someone.

Hasta la vista baby.

[Picture source: my own]

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NAKED SCARE

It was a week full of legion in terms of making it to see another day and to continue maintaining the job. Like I have written countless number of times, being in this job is a hustle, and sometimes I tend to liken it to a 'kamote' induced bond that is seizing, you want to find your way out but cannot do so because the gods will not judge you fairly, and so like a fledgling zealot, you make it a point being big headed while knowing full well that indeed it has come to naught on your side.

Off all the people, you tail like a bozo, which instinctively you are not given wild goose chase variables. Yet, this is not the field where you force and push. When it does not work out, you have virtually nothing that will rescue you from the brink of being called a jobless bugger once again. It's real. The cheese shifted, we did cling and what's more, there is no more doubt that this was not meant to be if sentiments by fellows who make it are gospel truth. Many have come and gone, these streets are not sympathetic to a moocher. What is happening is that there is nothing more you are expecting other than being laid off.

When you are served with a notice by your boss, ideally, what should be happening is that you should feel some urge to work to uplift it off your shoulders. The truth is, on the contrary, it has failed to inspire action. It has resulted in lethargy; the intent has not taken effect of pushing this soul to the wall. Probably it will ring a bell once you are out of the payroll and no longer expect anything at the end of the month other than knowing that you once worked a salesperson but that never worked to change your destiny. After all I am the egoistic type, if you expect me kukulamba like a politician’s sycophant, the you should come with a promising attitude.

Well, the truth of the matter is that time is what counts. Those who work hard are not the most prosperous and those who put in the least effort are sometimes rewarded by those who work their fingers to the bone to lay better soft landing for those already in the system or yet to come. That's the bitter truth about his pill that I must take. At the end of the day I am going to get the sack, not because of anything but as a result of not being cunning and tactical enough to entice the bait to give in to what you may not believe in but just have to ensure you propagate its acceptance.

Well, it reaches a point in time when you get so annoyed, so despondent and weary that when you try to think there is something better out there that awaits you, you doubt the probability of the result. Why? as a matter of fact, there are roles that humble. Forget about the act of humbling in the sense that you are rich but decide to mortify yourself. The humble one I am talking about is that which you are deprived of a modest lifestyle if you have not been able to deliver. Yet, you find yourself sticking intact hoping that the better tomorrow you have waited for will come to nigh (sic).

The life of a salesperson is bitter-sweet. There are those who love the liberty like yours truly, there are those who are in it for the ease of making cash in plenty and you cannot fail to talk about those queer characters out to dupe customers to make themselves a living. The truth is that few survive the hurdle. In my case, it has been a hell of life that when I look at the bigger picture, I find that I could probably have taken an exit long before the ax came to put me in my right place. Ax the oppressor, am I one? The sword of Damocles hangs over my head. It’s simple, this power has been intoxicating.

Any regrets? Too many, but I have learnt the hard way. I am now more than able to survive given that I have harnessed an income generating project in the name of data entry, another job that has been quite a frustration when you want to work but it’s not coming. It’s those part things you land yourself this time round feeling secure because when pressure will come calling, trust you me, it will not be easy.

Talking of pressure, there was one of this permanent staff who I overheard talking of how she was under pressure from the boss she was willing to go take half pay where she was to be comfortable. And there are many more who are under pressure that if you cannot withstand it like a certain manager who resigned after a meeting with the regional boss. I guess she went and switched off her phone and relaxed from the day to day quest to make the institution that was great to become great again. If those in senior positions feel the heat, then you can imagine a junior cadre organism like me.

Come to think of it, I wish this guys could organize a pressure free day. Like you are free from being asked what you have brought to the table, why is your dashboard not as it is supposed to be and many other things. It should be a day when people can talk, not a case where guys are mum because we have a boss. We should not be having those moments whereby an employee hides just to make sure the boss does not know she is late. Or asking using the mouth if the boss is in. Are we in a realistic version of horrible bosses? Should we be scared or feel guilty? I hate that.

But we have much more greater things and worries that await than those we currently are in. I guess I now know that if it is easy, think twice. If it does not pose a challenge, question the ease and when you are comfortable in life, look back and realize that there is something that was a stumbling block, but you did overcome it.

Hasta la vista baby.

[Picture source: Google Images]

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LUNCH IS A LUXURY

Unlike some employers, mine has given me enough time to settle down but there is only one thing that is keeping me in place. Hope that tomorrow will not be the same like yesterday. Hope that good tidings lay ahead that will come to my advantage. Hope that the hope of holding on should keep on burning with zeal even if pressure is too much. The bottom line is that amid all these, the end result will be more of a laughter.

Virtually, to this point, there is no single role as an employee that is free of pressure. I did chat with one of the sentries at work and he said it was featuring immensely in his day to day endeavours but he remains upbeat even though his main duty is to ensure the premises is under tight surveillance free from ambush by men and women of ill character.

Hitherto, I thought that pressure was tied only to my current job. I was forgetting that there is a sole proprietor who is antsy somewhere out there about the fact that he needs to keep the business running and customers streaming in through versatility, creativity and picking up even when the shards of hope are like an oasis in the desert.

The bottom line is even if you love your work, even if you are indifferent about what you do, if you allow contentment, you will not be feeling the pressure that boils. Meeting targets is not an end to itself, there is something more than that, that drives the human in us to perform. Some people easily meet targets in the workplace but they are not motivated and zealous. They know they have variables to take care at the end of the day, once they have accomplished that which is required of them, they silently feel some form of inadequacy and dejected. They feel used and unappreciated. That’s why they start being rebellious. Yet none notices this. What is worse is when they have no avenue of transcending their status which has not changed a decade down the line because someone feels they should not move to the next stage because of the vital role they play in aiding the business get business.

So many of us are tied in the wrong jobs but the fear of the other world of unemployment make us stick like glue around hoping that if we accrue the necessary experience and have the academic papers to the job we want we will get satisfaction. Wrong! The truth is, a new role does not mean satisfaction, a new role will have its inhibitions and monotony just like the former role. What makes it different is not even the love of it, just a little bit of progress can make one feel like there is something to achieve.

A while ago, a former colleague once told me a fact about some of the people we work with and I underestimated his jibe. Coming to think of it now, I have realized that there is some truth in what he was saying. Most of us do not have those clothes that we can say are admirable. Well, if you meet someone for the first time, the way he or she is adorned speaks volume if you have not heard him utter words that may also be used to gauge his intellectual capacity.

Many of my colleagues are in a school like uniform. And the sheen in the attires does not inspire at all. The old fashioned corporate textures that is reflected in our sense of self. Few look presentable in tailored and fitted clothes that do not expose but add towards making one look glamorous. This inadequacy is not only limited to the not so fashion conscious men in the house, but it is also reflected in ladies and you feel like ‘umechoka’ because we like to associate with people in stylish dress codes. Guess all this has to do with confidence and lack of peer pressure to look good. Someone should look into this because successful people show it first in their attire.

The field of sales is one that is full of jealousy and selfishness. A performing sales guy will never want to tell you the trick of making it in any way. There are times when I have asked for help from those I admire on how to go about the business but the result has not been appealing. All the possible prospects you try to engage suddenly developed cold feet because they have this fear that you may enter their market and turn the tables, which may also not be true. Well, as opposed to school where if you go to someone for help, they do it willingly, in this field of sales, it is different.

Those was assigned to help me out when things were not moving gave empty promises as to why they would not help me out in the quest for making my debut. They remained taciturn when you approach them to be of aid. So, what’s next. Even the manager somehow could not figure out how to do it. It’s that bad when a team cannot be able to deliver. Aint it this acts of selfishness that make us unprogressive?

Looking at the bigger picture, I can be able to piece up this jinx. Rarely do we eat lunch as people working for a reputable institution. Most of us become broke even before the end of the first week of payday. Yet we survive. The number of shylocks who are on our case is just outstanding. Most live beyond their means, and they rarely can account for their income even though some have earned enough in the previous years so much so that if you were witty, you would only have your day job as a supplement to the other income generating activities if you were sane enough to have one.

That I skive lunch does not mean I am doing so out of want, it is because circumstances have pushed me not to have it. And it has also contributed heavily in my anorexia towards eating super. I survive mostly on fruits and maybe tea. Eating ugali is just to heavy for me. Why? After spending the day looking for work while at work, I barely have the strength to consume stuff like that, talk of being tired. Incidentally, I am employed but must look for work to be at work. If I don’t look for that work, I am ineligible and am taking the business at a loss even though the four-digit retainer makes me look vaulted. Again, juggling studies after work especially CFA thing makes it even tough but all in all, I have got used to the tough conditions anyway.

As for those who eat lunch which is a luxury ever since I became an employee, my bet is that you are doing well. If I were to incorporate that meal in my budget, trust you me, I would barely make it to work in the fourth or third week of the month. Yet, I still want to date, look chic, and be seem that I work as opposed to being idle.

Hasta La Vista Baby

[Picture Source: Pixabay]

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A SALES VIBE

Have you ever asked yourself what you cannot do? Seriously, there is nothing that I cannot do provided I am assured of legitimate income. Hustling on my part is real. I have to juggle a lot of tasks concurrently. I guess I have no rest metrics. Many people I have talked to have hustled in different ways, I think I have been only through a struggle that though I find tough, it’s quite below par in comparison to what others have gone through. All in all, it’s interesting though I think I may burst sometime because of over commitment.

I have seen some wear mascots; standing in risky positions in order to sell to customers.  The reality is there is a problem in the job arena. Then there were this chaps who used to wear rolling skate shoes to market products to individuals gliding perilously notwithstanding the possibility of being knocked out by a deranged oncoming driver. What I know is that there are many who are being exploited by profit-making scam artists and individuals who put the gullible youth at risk of injury and death especially with regard to marketing using skates. Let me not talk about the Airtel agents who sell phones and mobile phone lines in strategic lanes and streets that have human traffic amid the issue of probity being an underlying factor.

Albeit, no one notices this guys, they are salespeople, a Kenyan youth who is in need of something called money. Yet, many don’t last long in the job. Frustration and pressure highly contribute in the high turnover in some of the jobs people take. If you don’t meet your daily target, you are as good as spent cartridge.

I hate to say this but we have been reduced to a Nairobi that has turned many a youngster, straight from high school, college or university into lackadaisical and disillusioned individuals who are having hopes that tomorrow will be better. And it will be if you can sell more to many clients while the truth is the person you are enriching that guy who pushes you to the edge to bring in the figures so that he is also not rendered jobless because as at now, I fear being jobless more than I fear quitting. The average proletariat will do anything to maintain the status quo, a scenario I am in and I am entangled and when I feel like exiting, I remember that there are really no jobs for a no tall relative proletariat like me. So, I have to wait for my blessings where I am or when they will shuka.

The truth about sales is that you are normally on your own. Once you are bequeathed with product knowledge, you are required to go roam the streets and offices to find clients. Nobody knows rejection better that a salesperson. Whether on phone, by some receptionists who are as cold as ice, civil servants in offices or guards and sentries who have to follow instructions because the job depends on it.

Why have we been reduced to job seekers and salespeople. Could it be because we love the easier route? Guess someone needs to find out why there are more sales positions than any other position being offered by many organizations. And you sometimes don’t get a retainer just commissions. What is worse is that even the reputable brands do not have better terms for a rookie. On the contrary, what is good about established brands is the fact that they give you a leeway in some situations because they may be an easy sell.

In short, Nairobi has become a micro sales economy, which is not a bad idea given that many manufacturing industries have been rendered redundant and I am also finding myself enrolled in many Facebook groups with many multi-level sellers with a lure of easy quick money until…... Salespeople are however broke and disheveled, apart from a few whose pockets run deep they never know the trials and tribulations of the non-performer. I know of many who will go and take a nap in open places just to forget about the fact of finding unwilling clients. That’s a story for another day.

I know this may sound harsh but while a salesperson is sweating it out, in the field, there is another person who is seated waiting to reap from the sale and piling pressure if targets are not met because that’s how they get paid and you also get paid as a salesperson. What I know about sales is that it is more about passion that ability to earn. It’s skewed towards one side of the curve and if you are not willing to soil your hands dirty, sometimes get arrested and all that, the truth is try it at your own risk. If you sincerely know your personality, it’s sometimes better to give it a wide berth. But if you are in for adventure, making lots of cash, not fearing to get frustrated, loving what you do, then it’s the best job ever. You can work very few hours achieve results and you will be smiling all the way to the bank having surpassed the targets earlier on while someone is busy trying to close the first sale.

Hasta la vista baby.

[Picture source: Pixabay]

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DASHBOARD, AM I SAFE?

While I was a young boy, I loved watching the dashboard and to be precise the speedometer to find out the velocity at which my dad's car was being driven. There was this adrenaline in me that loved speed. I still do even though I never take chances because I know how the police cell looks like and an imminent wreckage or worse still kicking the bucket. On the contrary, when I exclaim my love for speed, there are people who use it as an avenue of thinking that I am psychotic. Jeez, ain't I allowed to have an awkward tendency? Don’t we in a way have personal idiosyncrasies that when others hear they become timorous?

My pater used to be the only lone driver apart from those rare occasions when he would leave the machine under the care of a driving stalwart. Once I asked him if he could participate in a safari rally but he looked noncommittal. He said he could have tried during his hey days as a ferocious and vivacious driver but could not in his current state (then state close to two decades ago). Immediately after completing driving school, he was given a company car and he had to find a way of ensuring he got to his destination even though there were no Google Maps and other aids during those first timers. Still he managed to do that which he was supposed to accomplish.

I recall he was that guy who could not drive past 100kph. That was his mien. Always disciplined, albeit the radar speed guns had not been introduced in the country. However, he rarely belted apart from those rare occasions when he was coming to Nairobi for seminars and other prolix trips that forced him to drive at belted up. These days, he rarely drives. Luckily, the cars being made now forces one to belt up even if you never want because of that nettling sound which implies you need to secure yourself.

When I started driving. I usually loved speed. There was one day my Oldman left me his car as a rookie to horn my skills and the experience was an eye-opener. I had tried driving at a speed so fast I almost veered off the murram road. Yes, you can when your coordination is still pathetic. Given that it was the ‘car in front of you’ it was wobbling and my postural stability was not wont. And it was not that fast looking at it now. I was doing 50 mph, the recommended speed for all automobiles.

It's almost a decade ever since I knew how to spin the wheel. I have however lost my edge in driving ‘manual’ cars. I could not even put one in motion after some hiatus in driving such car because of reasons I may attest to the adage that you need to learn, forget, and then relearn. And it should be a continuous process lest I forget again because I am the kind of bugger who needs to learn for quite some time before I get my act right. Think of 'Outliers' by Malcolm Gladwell only that in this context, I will not be aiming at turning into a star. Pole Musa.

The stage is now set. Methinks we have a very lousy system that prepares us for contentment and waiting for life to take its own course. That's our kismet and Rubicon. Once we reach a certain milestone, there is no verve to push harder. Yet others never tire even after reaching self-actualization status, they struggle to be immortal. So that they will be remembered eons after living planet earth for outstanding contribution to humanity like the famous Microsoft founder, Bill Gates though he does not wow me that much.

I remember as a student, I used to be told to work hard because hard work pays. While that may seem archaic, in some professions, it is a reality. If you don't go past the usual that you need to do, then, chances are you will be phased out faster than you know it. Hard work combined with wit makes one able to outdo that which they have initially found too complex to achieve. I am experiencing déjà vu.

While in school, we were told to work hard for a better life, ideally, that also applies to everyday work.  Then again, it depends on the type of work you do. However, there are cases of some individùals who I can term as outliers. Those individuals who in some way outdo the system it looks like they were made out of some special substance that we the typical beings struggle with. They are geniuses, and for some reason, these individuals should be widely spaced from the next. Just like failures should be very few. That's what the normalcy curve constitutes. We have very few at the apex, majority at the middle and a small chunk at the lower stratum. That's life for you. And I tell you for free. I am not afraid to say I am among those in the belly of the normal curve. I really want to eschew this, like yesterday.

In Swahili there is a saying that, ‘Mwenzako akinyolewa, tia chako kichwa maji.’ I read the dailies and saw an article that demonstrates the reality within the banking industry. It is the sack. As long as you do not own the job, you are subject to be fired. Even Steve Jobs was chased out of the company he helped found. Consequently, there is a certain bottom tier bank which was forced to relieve its non-performing employees due to streamlining of the banking industry. Its reason for reduction was to be in line with the industry and to prepare to be a tier-two bank. Which pertubs me because when you want to move to the next stage, you need to do the opposite of what they were doing. Forgive my shallow reasoning though. Never mind that I have not read the Banking (Amendment) Act that will surely lead to even more bread winners going home.

It’s already happening, but subtly. Doing it enmass will attract media attention and that means the banks will have to lose out. There is a possibility of shares plummeting further as more branches will be merged, staff reduced in the process and more importantly, loss of income. Already, I have seen this happen. My job description has changed, there are those who were well prepared. They did smell the rat before us who are still sleeping on the job as they have sought greener pasture. I have no idea where they have gone to. Chances are the destination is cosier.

There is this scale which measures how good or bad you are performing in terms of bringing in new customers. It’s called a dashboard. The human resource department has programmers who have designed it to given those if statements and instructions to identify those who are only enjoying doing nothing. For those who are doing well, they never have to worry much. The only problem is that it slices those who don’t work hard. I am a culprit. One day it will chop me off if I do not pull up my socks. Countless times I have been urged to apply for a new job. When I think of starting all over again, I usually let that go. Plus experience has taught me that there it's not easy getting another job.

Even deciding to write does not come easy. You need to pick yourself up in order to write the first few words. Diction also comes into play. What I usually tell myself is that in the event I will be forced to leave my current designation, if it is because of non-performance, I will only take up a new role in that which I would love to do for the rest of my life-investments. Writing is just a hobby I never take seriously anymore. That I have plagiarized a lot of other peoples’ works is not a lie.

You see, I had applied for another designation given that our positions were no longer tenable. It was going to be slightly more luxurious that this one which involves going to the field a lot. You sit the and call and once a customer agrees to your proposal, you approach another. It’s completely different form this one where I have to seek, get shamed, frustrated and sometimes go empty handed. Why did I fail in securing something I thought was kind of better, it all boils down to performance.

There is this person who has been employed to monitor my performance. I think I have a love hate relationship with him. Truth is, I also think I am on a sojourn. If I was to advice a person about sales, I would say that it’s the kind of job a person does for one month and if he is not steadfast enough, once the first salary is paid, you will never see that person again. Others report and when they are told to go to the field, they never turn up for the rest of their lives.  I have survived even though I am taking the bank at a loss. I have reached that position where I am so reliant on the meagre retainer I receive at the end of the month that my thought process is kind of obtuse. It’s because I hate applying for jobs. It’s usually discouraging. At least clients respond, but jobs never.

Since a sales job is not usually permanent, those that excel in it know malleate themselves to be top performers even if they have been served with a termination or eviction notice. Like I have severally intimated, those who break even do so and they reap very big. And in being line with the what nature is, these individuals are few. Majority just ensure they will not be sacked by delivering just the desired results. One day, you wake up and find that your services will no longer be required. It's that simple. As opposed to other jobs where you only need to be seen to have reported in the morning, done something positive  and exit in the evening, it's a different story in sales. If a week goes without you getting a client. Then you are in deep shit. Worse is when it grows into a month. No one cares that you could have been having financial issues, low moments or lack of motivation because you have to apparently motivate yourself. 

And you know what, over the period I have developed a criminal mind. Criminal mentality dictates that one becomes devoid of feeling even though deep down I know that I am this altruistic dude who will go nowhere with such tenets. Criminals expect to prevail in any endeavor. Do I expect to? Yes by all means I need to. I know of guys who spend half a day at work then the rest they engage in activities that they know best.

While this job offers me what I can say is experience, I sometimes usually feel like I am not contributing to the betterment of growing the potential of the organization. That’s why this criminal mentality is sometimes helping. But this also boils down to the fact that when you see your boss looking like they are doing nothing, you also develop the same kind of complacency. Yet you are supposed not to compare yourself with another person but to work on making yourself better.

PS: It's funny that I had to stand in as a witness to a colleague who looks like he will go missing for sometime given that his Whatsapp profile has gone under. I looked at what he was being charged and felt like we really need to reign in on Shylocks. In one month he was supposed to pay up to 25% of the amount he had borrowed. I only did stand in as a witness because in the event this bugger eschews paying his dues, they will be on my neck. Am I even worried? Not in any way. Whether it will be a harrowing experience, only God knows. So I will just have to chalk it up. After all, experience is the father of wisdom. I just had to be positive. 


Hasta La Vista Baby.


[Picture Source: Google Images]

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NEW CHEESE

Cheese tastes nasty in the mouth when you first eat it. I first ate cheese when I was about twelve, the taste was lactic and earthy and I felt like throwing up. Given that I had said I had once eaten it, I had to keep up appearances while cursing why I had even said I ate cheese. I remember it was red cheddar courtesy of an uncle who had got an attachment to work in a certain creamery within our hometown while still a beverage and food student in a far way college. I had to struggle eating a piece then, but now, I can consume any kind of cheese. Obviously there is a caveat; apart from those that have live maggots that I once saw on a certain TV station which should be cozy and reserved for those whose appetite has pandad a plane. 

Ideally, when you need to taste cheese, the first taste organ is your eyes, then nose and lastly tongue because the initiation should be done carefully. Again you need to ensure that you chew it slowly and note how it feels in your mouth. When you eat cheese (or drink wine) there are very specific physical sensations associated with taste: sweet, salty, sour/acidic, bitter. But your mouth is actually quite limited. Most of the romance of food comes after it’s been swallowed. You exhale. A breath of air rushes up the back of your nasal passages and out your nostrils and suddenly there are a million sensory impressions, most of which have to do with smell: grass, hay, stone, soil, leather, soap, perfume, swimming pool, lead, pencil eraser, and on, and on.

Tasting is experiential, there are dozens of ancient and far distant smells, instantly, magically, recalled by a cheese. Once you have swallowed the cheese does the taste stay. That lingering flavour, often different from the first is called the finish. Which can be; nutty, acrid, soapy, piquant, silky, brothy, tangy and the list of taste is endless. Cheese is a great place to start when learning to isolate and identify different flavours. Highly complex, cheese at its best is a true terroir food; one that is deeply influenced by the subtle nuances of the land from which it is produced.  

I am not a foodie. However, I love food. My immediate manager has noticed this and she told me that I eat a lot. Which I never disputed because it would have ended up being raucous given that I sometimes have those ‘tu mafeelings’. The only abnegation is that the chow is not manifesting itself in my body weight, which has been the same ever since I left high school. I tried to recall instances in the workplace where I eat so much but those thoughts have become elusive. Given that I only partake of a full meal once in a while (mostly rice with some queer beef). Most of the time, I usually take snacks which cannot be as satiating as real food. Kuna kachai kwa ofisi through out.

We normally eat on our desks in the office, breakfast and lunch and for some bachelors, the evening tea serves as supper. Though it’s kind of gross. That is how she managed to realize that I eat so much. But I have never consumed more than two mandazis, or chapatti. The most I have ever eaten is a boiled maize, a sausage and a chapatti. And there was a day I did eat an omelet served with four slices of bread. Is that too much? If it is then I need to reduce on the uptake of calories I do in a day.

So you see, I am not a heavy consumer when it comes to food. In fact, I have some tooth cavities that make eating meat and some food quite a hurdle. Perhaps the reason why I end up consuming too much victuals is because I have this mutating dry cough that has been quite resistant for a while. There is a theory that eating aids in contributing towards eliminating diseases when done dietetically given that there are some meals full of cholesterol and those adipose and oxytocin that should be eliminated from the body.

I hate coughing. It's irritating and piquing. I have to bear with it though. It’s what life has bestowed upon me even though that should not be the case. I was told by an aged medic that it has something to do with allergy, dust or smoke. In that regard, I have been trying to be a stickler to some drugs. I was even given a jab in my left arm to ease the cold. The aged nurse told me to keep my arm relaxed to prevent the contents of the jab from spewing from my body. This cough will mark its first month or more given it has overstayed its welcome. It becomes debilitating when I sleep at night especially when the nasal passage is compromised, I seriously choke so much so that I sometimes feel like I am going to meet my creator the next minute.  Thank goodness I did some first aid some eons ago. When such instances arise, I ensure my head is elevated in position where the airway is not compromised. In the meantime, I am also trying warm water therapy, a combination of lemon and tangawizi (ginger) albeit the process has not had a desirable breakthrough. Luckily given that I am on drugs, I presume that they will not let me down at the end of the day.

Thank goodness, I chose to work where systems are adhered to. Someone cannot just wake up one day and decide that you are up for termination without a proper procedure for dismissal. When changes in the banking sector were taking effect, there was tension and though our actions are tantamount to the act of an ostrich burying its face inside sand, we are surely left exposed. However, loss is the side of loving they never warn you of. It comes like death. Amid the possibility of job loss or continuity, there is still a month in store for me.

I remember updating my profile on LinkedIn having found a new job. A job that sometimes is frustrating, fulfilling and exciting. When the axe man (hr in charge of dismissal) came to notify us of our department being thinned, it came as a shocker to many. It was barely a week after updating my profile on the professional media platform and I had got so many likes which was elating. Then the unexpected news came. Though I was moved, I was quite disillusioned by the hurry it had taken me to tell the world that I had found yet another job. Naturally, it’s not only embarrassing but also demeaning to have lost a job within few months. Already, we are still waiting for communication so that we can be able to find out whether our time is nigh.

In the meantime, my job description has changed. It encompasses new products to sell and master. I have realized that there is some kind of ease in selling loans. As opposed to selling credit cards, people like it when they can be able to receive a colossal amount of income which they can use for personal development or investment.

What’s more, when you call a client with the intent or notifying him or her about revised rates which they are not aware about, they usually give you time to explain to them without them rubbishing you off. In fact, selling paper money as opposed to plastic money is more appealing to the average Tom, Dick and Harry because they can be able to plan and use the income for the purpose they intend from the lending facility. Clients are even more receptive. Even when they never take something, they give you hope of calling another individual without the feeling of discouragement of persuading a client to take a credit card.

What’s a plus is that the skills harnessed in one stage is still effective for use in another. I used to hate it when a customer would out rightly tell me before selling that if it is a card I was pushing for, then I should not even think about further going into deeper detail. While I used to take time to even get a customer who would call back, it’s now a reality. Some are calling back requesting for a top up of a loan in most cases. Those who do so have apparently not qualified for it though. They easily give their pay slips without worry and I think I am loving it that they trust even a person they have not yet seen.

The cheese has moved. The industry looks quite buoyant in the coming days. What I know is that most people still think that banks usually have hidden charges that they never tell their customers about. For example, if you apply for a loan of 1 million, there is no way you will get the whole of it, close to 5% of that amount will go towards paying taxes, catering for insurance and negotiation fees which part of is used to pay the sales guy who brought the loan to the bank.

Sales people survive on commissions. They are the only people with irregular income. The number one salesperson is usually the chief executive officer (though the person has pay protection because of holding vital company information). All other staff play such role but their pay is fixed. Sales is challenging. It is tactically the only job where a person can multitask. As long as you have made your money, you are good to go. But it’s tough and interesting. Finding a niche can be quite perplexing. But when you get your true grounding, I swear, you will be reaping big, influencing people positively and never complaining of doing the job that you initially took up as a pastime or one to reduce on being idle in the digs.

Hasta La Vista Baby.

[Picture Source: My own]

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