WHEN YOU WANT TO RANT

I finally watched the movie, ‘The Fate of the Furious’. Watching the trailer on IMDb, I had vowed to watch it like I am thinking of Wonder Woman now. By any standards, it’s a must watch. It has a low-key start, less brouhaha film and as it ends, you enter an escalated fictitious world full of excessive stunts that are quite pulsating and promising if a lover of action movies. Who deserves the man of the moment in this movie? It should be both Jason Statham and the Rock. Vin Diesel was the hero turned villain turned hero again hence does not qualify in my opine.

I loved his car moment where he was able to withstand five cars pulling his petrol head in five different directions as he remained steadfast and unmoved behind the wheels. His muscle car driving dexterity was heroic. The adrenaline in this scene was momentous. That part was suspenseful as the stakes seemed higher and I cringed in the settee wondering what was going to happen next. His escape was lackluster if not a misfire.

I was really waiting for a fight between the Rock and Jason. It would have put to rest my burning thirst of what I considered to be an epic fight in recent times in action movies. Well, there is a scene where Dom kills Deckard (Jason Statham). On learning that Deckard did not make it, the heavily built agent Hobbs gets disappointed and hits the wall hard causing a huge dent with his brawny fist. A sign that he really wanted to have the fight.

Like I have always intimated, I am still a novice in matters movies review. I would like to be a better one sometime in future. Like, I used to narrate the stories of ‘Staro’ (hero) and ‘Killer’ (villan) when I was an addict of Chinese movies like Shaolin temple and the likes of what I had watched in class to my camaraderie when was still in primary school. Yet these were movies which a child my age was not required to view.

All in all, The Fate of the Furious is a top-notch blockbuster that deserves a flick. I gave it a 7 out of ten when I saw how it started and when it was ending I reviewed my rating and gave it something above 8. As, it turns out, it has a commendable rating of 7 in IMDb, 66% on Rotten Tomatoes and 56% on Metacritic. Incidentally, I don’t understand why the ‘b’ in IMDb is small while the rest are capitalized. Critics though, have really slammed it for lacking on script content, editing and post production. One critic even said that it is stupefying because of the ‘failing in the material that connects the action sequences’.

Away from movies, I had initially thought of writing about my last pay from the bank which I worked for. It was a pitiable $18. I could only withdraw $12 of that amount given than I had some $8 in the account. I could not be able to withdraw the rest of the cash because I was in what people called, ‘Bank ya wadosi.’ The ATM I used that day could only dispense KSh. 1000 notes only. So the rest of the cash has gone, gone like that to the dogs.

Don’t you just hate it when you think you will be paid but end up taking a tenth of what you should have got? Let me not even explain about that. I was expecting nothing or the full pay I had worked for the month that I was summarily dismissed having left alone for reasons that were more personal than work related.

Indeed, I felt like a used contraceptive that had been thrown after serving its purpose when I saw the pay I was to receive. How do you even wire such an amount to a person? Hmmm. What to do next? Well, the reality is that we were being paid like casual labourers, it hit me like a ton of bricks. Actually, you get paid at the end of the day but the salary comes at the end of the month. The commission is what is paid without much ado.

That moment you stare at your ATM account balance and, bang! You freeze on your tracks. Then you ask yourself what you are going to do with that money? At that point, I remembered I had a loan. I used the pay to settle the loan I had procured from the bank and still had a deficit. I paused for a moment then an idea struck. Mshwari. Well, I am not an advocate of using credit to pay another, but there are times when you need to ensure you are not CRB listed in order to maintain a clean sheet because of the future.

I paid my loan and thought I now had Mshwari to contend because it is more reliable and less cumbersome when you want to get a soft loan. I bet my former employer should work out a superior approach towards lending instant cash instead of copy pasting an unworkable mechanism that puts the interest of the lender first at the expense of the recipient. It operates like a fintech lending app only that the fintech is risk seeking with its lending than banks.

Well, I must say fintechs are much more adept at money lending than banks it seems. They take more risk for the averse individuals they lend to. They know how to create mini moments of seduction. Then they tie you without your knowledge. Like an unsuspecting bunny, you follow the scraps of food they dribble out to lure you to take another loan. Then you become addicted. While it started nicely. It ends badly. You drown in. And when you cannot pay, you become carefree. The next time you are borrowing, you realize you were CRB listed. There is a charge of KSh. 2000 to clear your name and the money you owe may be a paltry KSh. 100 bob. I can’t refute that I have been tempted to forego paying and don’t even try to deny it either.

Check this out, I requested for a loan of KSh. 1000 the first time and repaid it within a record time from my banks app. On requesting for another loan, I could not qualify immediately after repaying. In Mshwari you qualify immediately after paying your dues. The amount I could qualify for had also been watered down tremendously. I also had to incur costs like sending the money to my Mpesa account, and then another cost of withdrawing from Mpesa. While you may think the monthly interest is low, what you end up with is way less than what you receive if you request a similar amount from Mshwari.

Usitukane wakunga na uzazi ungalipo. I may need that facility in future. But in the meantime, I will stick to what I know best, Mshwari for soft loans.

Fast forward and the loan that I was thinking was out of the picture is still haunting my financial standings which makes me feel like retching altogether. How do you explain another rollover fee which I am told is because of reversal of the loan I had paid and had not been received, annoying isn’t it?  Ati because the due date had passed and I had not paid my dues I was supposed to pay more. To make matters worse it’s not my fault for lack of paying. It’s theirs for lack of collecting. Bet this is a one off event.

For a guy like me with unreliable income stream, it came as a surprise when the loan I had paid was reversed to my Mpesa account. I had an urgent need for money and ended up using the reversed shekels to pay for an event that I am to attend.

Then I received a call telling me to pay the full amount plus the rollover fee and the mistake was not mine. That the excess will be reimbursed into my account once I had paid the full amount. Well, Ksh. 171 may not look like a paltry figure when you are slapped with but when it is as a result of someone else’s negligence, you feel like lamming the hell out of that person’s senses.

Here is why, there is another charge of Ksh. 50 to process the loan to ensure it gets paid. In total, I am to pay a cool Ksh. 220 kwa makosa si yangu. It’s my money they are robbing me in broad daylight, right? And that’s just sad for a pleb.

What can KSh. 220 do? It can buy me chips, a piece of chicken and soda in a bargain fast food restaurant in town. I could have saved the money. I could have bought four underpants or pairs of socks. Now, I have learnt my lesson the hard way and lost money. I have henceforth vowed that I will not be using the platform anytime soon. Mshwari pod pek jowegi.

If it were not for that sales or debt collection guy with a heavy Sap accent, I would have gone on rampage on social media ranting how I won’t pay anything more than what I was intended to pay. Why? I remembered how I used to feel when clients never took offence with some bank policies and decided that I will pay just to keep the bugger in his job. He deserves to be in that job. Maybe he is the sole breadwinner who is also taking care of an extended family.

But I still feel hurt and betrayed and annoyed. I wanted to tell the bugger that I am broke and jobless. That I thought they should have known better. Well, I am here writing about how good the bugger probably from collections or CLM was to me. In short, the guy alinituliza moyo.

He never knew that I was owed by the people he was working for. I wanted to tell him, ‘Hebu ambia hao watu kwanza wanilipe kwa ile kazi nilifanya’. You see, no one recognizes the efforts of a salesperson who goes hawking without coming back with a sale. That’s behind me now.

I must admit that I used to feel guilty as to why I was not doing things right by submitting ‘an application’ of prospective and current customers. Well, it was frustrating reporting to work and not being able to deliver because of many reasons that were beyond my control. Now I feel free.

Legally, I owe them. Morally, they owe me. Probably I will be CRB listed because of my account accruing ledger fees. Again, it had some Insurance standing orders that I am not able to pay. I intend to pay the loan I owe as soon as I get the peanuts that I receive from working online because my efforts have not been able to burgeon like I had intended them to. But they will with time.

That said, the freedom that I am currently experiencing is worthier than the stress that I used to go through in my quest to be seen as a proletariat in a sales job. I don’t need the money they owe me that much because it is not that substantial to change my standings in society financially. I just love the fact that it’s not as suffocating as I used to be. I am more than happy with the petty that I get.

Hasta La Vista Baby

[Picture Source: My Own]

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HUSTLER CRAZE

There is a scene where Nick, that cunning fox who is also the deuteragonist, sells popsicles to students after class having played victim in order to get a big pop yet his character is duplicitous. He cunningly gets paid for the pop by officer Judy Hopps who sympathizes with him and his young ‘un. She later finds little Finnick and Nick melting the pop in order to go and reshape them into small ‘pawpsicles’ to sell to the rat students where the earn quite some bucks.  

And then, there is that point where Judy tells Nick, "Well. I stood up for you, and you lied to me. You liar!" She lashed out at him. Upon which he naughtily replied "It's called a hustle, sweetheart."

Obviously officer Judy had a déjà vu moment and she did not waste time in seizing the opportunity into duping him to confess that he had committed a felony by lying on a federal form for tax evasion. ‘Well its my word against yours,’ Nick tells him. She then lets him listen to his tape recording before replying, “Actually, it’s your word against yours.” Before continuing feeling like a diva saying, “It’s called a hustle sweetheart.” Kaboom.

Mockingly, Little Toot Toot who was in the pram jumps up laughing out loudly while retorting boisterously, “She hustled you. Hahahaha. She hustled you good.”

I have never tried doing movie reviews before since it is not my cup of tea. Consequently, I am not going to pretend to do a synopsis of that movie. However, I love the hustling bit. Movies have also become my other love.

The lucky me requested to be redeployed to a less frustrating job from the more cumbersome and seizing up job of outdoor selling to telemarketing/sales. The day I got my letter, I could not even think twice. I even forgot to go tell my boss that I had moved given that she was not willing to let me go. The HR had solemnly replied to my prayers because I had drooped like a desert tree in that arena, why lie. I was even contemplating to resign during the festive season considering that I was finding it stressful to go back to do that which was not brining in results. It was a return to uptown deluxe. Actually, the reason why I left that kind of hustle though very rewarding monetarily is because of the fact that there is a behemoth in the name of CFA that I tackle each day that I cannot compromise on given that I hate repeating coursework. It normally comes between me and all the adoration I have loved over the years. Actually, you have to give blogging a wide berth sometimes to read CFA. It’s just practical. I don’t know how to explain it better than having to feel the pressure from within.

I now sit in a corner somewhere next to the boss’s WC and in the event that it becomes sprayed with those noxious air fresheners, I usually feel like fleeing especially when the door is opened because I am now a full-time proletariat operating from the Branch as opposed to looking for sales in the field. Well, it shows how diffident I can be especially if the pockets become shallow and you have heaps of debts that you need to settle but they keep on resurfacing like night after day.

So, there was this guy who came to the office and I loved his courage. He was sweaty in the armpit which was visible in his tight and amateur-redesigned t-shirt. Albeit, the njaanuary rippling effects were quite real and the Zuku bouquet had not been replenished so that I did  have to look for movies elsewhere.

The lanky guy was in all white. His face looked like someone who has worked so hard but ‘mjengo’ had not come through, the reason why he resorted to peddling movies in CDs the way I used to peddle loans, credit cards, accounts and insurance policies and my figures were not looking any brighter.

He showed me several pirated movies that would have wowed me, but I only focused on his general mien that was also questionable. None of his movies had the x factor that normally moves me to watch because ratings and the small bio of the movie tells me a lot rather than listening to the perspective of someone who there is a likelihood did not watch what he is selling. 

There is this movie called pets that caught my eye. I have never had about it but given that this guy appeared like a movie connoisseur, I instinctively trusted his word to be the gospel truth. I looked at him, tattoos all over his arms, neck and I  could tell they were never done at a professional tattoo artist but a novice who was not thorough in his trade. What convinced me to buy from him was the fact that he mentioned a certain manager who has a seat at a certain corner as his main customer and given that he succinctly gave a fitting description and given that it is a month known for its inadequacies, I gave him a benefit of doubt and decided to promote a fellow hustler who probably earns more that this office guy when their is a shortage commissions.

Later, when I went to try it on my laptop at the close of the day’s business. I realized that it was blank. I remember telling the chap that his DVD was probably blank but he reassured me that he cannot do so given the loyal customer he had.  That’s the point where I recollected my former nark skills in surveying a DVD. Ideally, there is a start difference in the coloring of a blank and a written DVD. A written one is kind of darker while a blank one is not as dark.

There is this conversation I was listening to about food in our ka small office kitchen and one of the ladies who work there made me laugh inwardly because I am new and as such did not want to burst out laughing at her. She was telling a story of how she arrived in the city back then from shagz. Apparently, she was brought up eating food in such a way that you eat as much as you can. On arrival in the city where she was to probably slum with her brother because I am sure they were not living in the suburbs to qualify as a resident, she got a shock of her life.

Ugali, was served in slices and since her brother also lived with a company of men, she started crying when she saw the quantity that was to be shared by all the people in that house. Five to be precise and she was there to eat with men who she thought were not having enough. Yet when you look at her, she does not look like someone who would eat lots of food because she is the kind of those we call petite. Luckily, her elder brother came to her rescue and bought her a full loaf of bread which she cleared not knowing that in the city you have to have manner when eating.

Since this is about hustling, there is a certain hobo who is dread-locked on Moi avenue near Innscor eateries who ‘times’ dudes walking with ladies to request for alms to go and buy some victuals. I only noticed that when I saw him hustling a certain guy with a ‘kawa’ chic and I passed him realizing that he also begged me to give him cash not twice but more than that on several occasions when he spotted me walking with a chic from work. I just shook my head and said inwardly, 'This is Nairobi.'

Hasta La Vista Baby.

[Picture Source: Google Images]

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A LONG SHORT

‘People hate to think bad things happening. So they always underestimate their likelihood.’

I love poetry. Out of sheer wit and passion because poetry is what is synonymous to derivatives in the financial miasma. They can be short, or long and are challenging to decipher. Similarly, you can long or short a derivative and they are not easy to decipher because they are esoteric. So yes, the two positions (long or short) are mutually exclusive.

Mmmmmmmmh! I bet you are at sea right now. If not, then you know about ‘The Big Short.’ Perhaps you also have also watched the series ‘Billions’. They both have investment grade rating in IMDB or rotten tomatoes. Sorry, they have high rating. The other day, I talked to some kin about betting. There is a person who did bet a company on the probability of a certain minnow clinching the title of the most followed league. Bet the guy has few hours to reaping big based on the high chances of his bet making a market.  Never mind that some pundits with marginal gen have trashed the ‘The Big Short’ as being irrelevant.

Life is a gamble, you either lose, win or maintain the status quo. If you bet against nothing, never think of making a kill. If you bet on the other hand, you either win or lose. There no sitting on the fence. The biggest gainers are those who act based on wit, yet there are some more who stumble upon gain based on sheer lack. Obviously, you know that the latter never smile because the probity of some prudent guy reaping from their idiocy is more than likely. Reason why the world allows for equity and not equality. See, equality has ‘al’, let’s assume that those two letters denote ‘all’ which we are used to. Equity on the other hand is aimed at moving towards equality. In other words, it is a subset of equality.

If you have ever done something, you know all well that it is never easy achieving the desired results. In economics, you know about insatiable human wants.  But we are all aiming at breaking even. When we consider the margin to achieve pleasant and abnormal results we either backtrack or advance. If we advance, we achieve results.  Those that make you smile sheepishly and feel like you are indeed a winner above all other immortal beings. Recall back when you were in high or primary school, didn’t you feel on top of the world when you scored the best results above everyone else. Then years later, you find that guy you used to beat doing well and you feel like asking him for a favour because you have hit a rock bottom.

‘It aint what you don’t know that that gets you into trouble.’

I decided to weed some kales on our small garden the other day. The guy we had assigned the duty was kind of, ‘I won’t soil my hands yet I can make easy bucks somewhere else.’ When it gets to that point where you are begging, you usually find an alternative. Why not try it yourself? Unless the issue is rocket science, you have the option of taking the bull by its horns. I went to till the garden after a five-year hiatus and guess what? You guessed it right, I managed to finish weeding it but not after feeling like I was pulling a tooth.

First, there was clearing the overgrown live fence with a blunt panga that took up so much time I felt like I was whistling in a moonless night but I managed to finish because of the few tricks that come as a result of spending some time in the shags. Then there was weeding out the shrubs and since I never did agriculture in high school, I had no idea whether I removed symbiotic or poisonous weeds. And tilling while it is a rainy season is a faux pas. I never had an idea it would be terrible. The ground is usually sticky and it takes so much time because mounds of soil sticks on the hoe so that you need to much energy to cut through the ground if you don’t remove the soil. But it’s also a plus given that you only hit the ground once and you are good to go if there are no mounds. Apparently, you need to safeguard your eyes because you will intermittently have soil jetting into your eyes which means you have to adorn an eye gear as a safety measure.

In the long run, I made it. I finished tilling the land and also leveling the fence to my able best. Whether it was to standard, I am not giving a damn because there is no ISO to certify my work. Given that I was doing it to kill time, time that resulted from getting bored as a result of perusing. Because perusal is what resulted in me deciding to watch a movie. And I could easily relate with the jargon in ‘The Big Short’ because of having this privileged gen. Ideally, what drove me to tilling the land was because I was conned. Which we do once in a while. Like some guy may sell KICC just like Victor Lustig sold the Eiffel Tower.

Hitherto, I had never wanted to till but I saw it as some form of revenge. I must have been very bitter. There is this phony Facebook page that gave me hopes of finding the job of my dreams. But not everything is real as it turns out. Luckily, I never succumbed to their luscious connivery in terms of parting with sums of cash because I will never pay to be engaged in a job. A day later, I found an SMS I had not subscribed to directing me where to find jobs. Men the struggle is real.

You see, when you are sometimes in need of a job, you always think all the opportunities that come about are genuine. You seize them as they come. However, they are never the best opportunities. The best opportunities are those you initiate. Those that you have done some reliable research through carrying out feasibility studies (I loved the way guys who reaped big from short selling of CDOs and MBSes in The Big Short smiled all the way to the bank did their research). But we all fail to seize opportunities. Like every other bugger, I want security. That of being in a job knowing full well I will be paid at the end of the month. Yet when am paid, I don’t invest. I consume all the income forgetting that a rainy day is nigh. Or I should invest after doing some valuations of the investment I am to venture in.

The theory of everything. Can the youth forget about breaking bad to focus on breaking the illusion that they are just a bunch of couples who want to merry and never aid in contributing to the nations growth? That’s a fallacious argument BTW. Anyway, when you are in a quest for something, you will always find those things that relate to what you do and they contribute to ameliorating your ken in the field of perpetuation. Someone called it 10,000 hours’ rule. Some one hand me Outliers, authored by Malcolm Gladwell.

Hasta La Vista Baby.

[Picture Source:  My Own]

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Money, Power and Pussy

I was watching ‘STRETCH’ when I heard Karros (who is a fire starter and a billionaire) talk to Stretch about money, power and pussy. Any sane man (fire starter naught) will aim towards the three. Stretch was kind of not into the fire starter thingy and easily found out ways of giving Karros a wide berth since he had ulterior motives while Stretch is straight.

Stretch, a former gambler and cocaine addict ran into trouble with his boss who was fast losing business to a rival business enfranchise. 

Stretch is a Limo driver and his nemesis, Boris- a driver who tows vehicles, is also hot on heels looking for chance to pin him down due to a previous altercation. Stretch is however to witty for the giant who appears to be more brawny than brainy. The movie is full of suspense mid section but there is a major goof is when it becomes fictitious especially where Stretch reclaims the taxi limo from Boris who was towing it away. 

Trust Stretch to pull stunts that are unimagined. When he dropped a senior policeman who lent him his badge, he went ahead and used the badge to get money from an FBI agent who thought he was serving in the disciplined forces having been sent by Karros to collect the bait money.

Luckily, upon receipt of the money he was sent, he stumbles upon his former girlfriend Candace who he deceives he is no longer a taxi driver but a baller. He hires one of those guys who park vehicles for 40 bucks to make Candace jealous of his new found affluence in life as he was ushered back left into the limo much to her chagrin.     

This reminds me of the Wolf of Wall Street, a movie that showcases how money can give a person power and pussy. One of the professor in back in campus told us to watch it to get the gist of stoke brokerage as opposed to the debauchery, sex and use of hard drugs. We watched it because we loved rebellion, the movie having been banned and censured by the film commission and because of the scenes that every sane man likes viewing. 

If you are a broke ass nigger, you never will be content if you aim towards having either of the two, power and pussy. Money begets the two. Even among the gay male, money talks, unless you are the screwed. That is the reason why Jordan Belfort worked smartly to elevate his stoke brokerage firm from grass to grace then back to grass. Belfort ,having been sacked from the firm he initiallly worked for, became ingenuous and came up with Stratton Oakmont, a firm that engages in the art of hard sell which involves the method of pump and dump scam.

The Wolf of Wall Street is arguably a good watch if you are interested in being a good stoke broker but it actually has the net effect of what money can do. Engaging in vices such as drug sniffing, money laundering and do I say? Belfort gained power and was able to use scam in a way that enriched him fast. He easily becomes the target of the FBI as his stock brokerage firm comes under scrutiny and attention of the FBI who were not convinced by his activities. 

He had transferred lots of money to offshore Swiss accounts and the chap dealing with his funds later swindled him all the money together with his wife. The net effect was that he was placed under house arrest and he lost his prestigious position of managing a firm that would make millions just by the dial of a phone.

Everyone irrespective of sex aims at financial serenity. While money cannot buy happiness, it can buy the happiest day of your life- say wedding to ladies, the best car you ever wanted, holiday destination that has the trappings of luxury and affluence, dining in the best bistros and sipping in hostelries you never visualized you would set foot in and that only means the list is endless. 

Sometimes you might be seating in a good joint, you watch as people order for some of the best meals and drinks around. Then, you have your soda by your side. That is where your money has reached you (hapo ndio mahali pesa zako zimekufikisha) -sic. You cannot stretch your budget any further because ideally you have no more cash to spend. You kind of hate yourself seeing people who you admire and wish you were of their status in life.

Men usually aim at having abundance of those pounds. It is never enough though. Money is power and absolute power corrupts like in the case of Belfort. If you have it, you gain some form of influence. Money is not everything though in life. It may give you material wealth, some form of power and also pussy, but it can never ameliorate you ingenuity in as much as you may have a sea of it if you are mediocre. 

It can take you to the best hospitals but it can never buy you good health if you lived a risky life sfull of promiscuity and binging. Plus it can never hold a warranty against death. Still we cannot do without money. If you have plenty of it, don’t trust yourself with all of it. Trust others too. What you may do is hire the services of experts and those proficient with venture capitalism to aptly mete out sagacious counsel on how to go about your intentions even if you think you are the wittiest of chaps if you have the money.

Money has different facets. It has the obstinacy of an ass, and the gullibility of a panda. You can never feel secure with money even as a pauper (maskini akipata matako hulia bwata). The net effect of the resultant anxiety is the probity of acting with idiocy when you are not aware of or when you are limited to the right ken that aids in effective decision making.

One man in Kenya who oozes the three is CK (money, power and women). He has the salvo of the other two courtesy of the perceived view of having abundance of dough. He is not afraid to debase those of low nobility when he thinks their status is devoid of import and full of debris. He knows how to attract the most beautiful ladies courtesy of the image he has created. 

Something about perception is that you can elegantly engage in charlatanry and telepathy and people will believe you even if they think you are into deception. Reminds me of babu wa Loliondo. Most people who become successful know how to entice the human mind, make it accept that they are indeed in need of the product or help. Then you offer them a leeway that will bring them back through dealing with their limbic system. 

Reading books on how to grow rich, positive thinking and all those motivational books are just but side shows. If you are not that person who takes initiative and like a matador take the bull by its horns, then you will be living in denial. You may have read all the books but you are still stuck in a rut. 

There are even questions you have answered that relate to you being successful asked by the authors, the examples of success stories you have read in the books augur well with your situation in life and they have given you the impetus to think of a new dawn of promise. Still you are content, you have done nothing in concern to abating the commoner mentality. 

In reality, you are hurting and making fortifications that are devoid of promise. Very few in this world ever make it to the Promised Land. Some die along the way while others give up hope and return to their mediocrity because they had nothing to lose.

Women. I have to write about them. Men work tirelessly to please their women. As a bachelor on the move, it is effectively tricky dealing with women because you are still not yet decided on who to settle down with. Since you want to be comfortable first before she can come into your life. You might have the looks, but most of our ladies are weak when it comes to men who give them unlimited splurge of whatever money can buy. 

There is this handsome dude who went for a date and had no money. He hence had to wait for his moneyed friend to come take care of the bills. In fact one of the ladies was like “Kwani tunakula uso ama chakula. Bure kabisa mwanaume bila pesa.” The dude though well dressed was red-faced but vowed never to take money for granted even though he had the looks. He would be a good sperm donor in his own way if the lady was married to an outcome of a wealthy man.  

Silently, most women wish they were the ones who were being treated to getaways in those reclusive holiday destinations, that fuel guzzler that lets everyone see you behind the wheels because you have rolled down the car window. And when it comes to fashion, women love it trendy; the latest fashion works magic on them as much as it should be by a haute couture. 

They also love to associate with a certain residential area where they can brag even though they are not paying rent. They take pictures and post them for people to see their new found wealth and how they are doing well in life.  

Make money and all those bitches who have no stance will be by your side like leeches. Those ladies whose place is the gym where they work tirelessly to be curvy and impress the carnal desires of many men who equally want a taste of them. They will gallivant to any port of call without any qualms.

They put on thick make up and skin tone which sometimes backfires and lives them nursing serious skin conditions. Women love being pampered and spent on. They like rolling, they love petty things that most men take for granted and they also love association and vanity.

Focused ladies are however more into the future than the present. They see the bigger picture and what it presents. They want men who will be by their side and treat them like queens. They never share and it is never easy to find them condoning mediocrity. They are not limited by the current repute and class. They make their men feel like kings. They know their potential and revere their husbands. 

They take initiative and build their homes so that a MPW cannot wreck havoc and harvest where she never did sow. When their men slur, they hold them accountable and bring them to book through ways best known to them. These ladies are not afraid to live in mediocrity because they know the future holds that which will thaw in avalanche.

This reminds me of the story of a certain diva whose boyfriend had just cleared campus and she dumped him like he was a cadaver putridly suffocating her nose. The chic went to an established guy who had a car and could sustain her rabid preference of associating with a man who had a car. And is it true that when a man finally buys a car, he ceases to be the baboon that most women usually saw him to be.  He becomes handsome and responsible in the eyes of many ladies. 

This I read on the status update of one of those ladies who all of a sudden realized that her neighbor was handsome having bought a car. Curious I read the comments and there was this guy who hurled expletives at the lady for expressing her mind. With regard to the lady who dumped her man, the guy decided to buy the best car money can buy upon being frustrated by his former girlfriend. The dude got a good job and got an even hotter girlfriend. I wish I knew of ladies who are dumped by men at their low moments and when they prosper the men want them back.

There is nothing like boy meets girl, girls get smitten and falls in love, boy proposes, they get married and live happily ever after. If there are such occurrences (let me know), they are as rare as white elephants. Marriage is never easy even though I have never tried it. It is more about sacrifice than happiness. You cease to be who you used to be. You think in ‘we’ instead of I. The loss of this independence is what sometimes holds me back.

[Photo Source: Google Images]

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Movies

“Movies, movies, movies!” the voice of a young tot who has just discovered a new and exciting skill of speaking is captioned for an ad to entice all and sundry to tune in for the latest movies a certain TV station airs to capture the attention of viewers. The ad had an impact as it incites the patience lymph nodes in my system to tolerantly sit and wait. As a movie addict I hang on yearningly for the movies which prove to be mediocre and frivolous much to my disappointment every time the movies are scheduled on the pay TV channel.

Auto tuning of the ‘best’ movies is something that I have been hooked to. I must confess that I have a penchant for being glued on the box for hours when idle and this gives me the insight of what really happens that I need to know and I don’t know. 

Movies are the best thing to have ever been made after sliced bread. The last time I went to a cinema to watch a movie was when I was invited by a friend and given two tickets for free. I never watched the movie. 

There are different types of movies. I can’t name all of them for fear of running out of ken. However, movies are created with a particular audience in mind. The famous movies are those from Hollywood that have captured the attention of the masses as they are produced and launched every other day. If you are a movie lover your Rota is full. 

Bollywood movies are generally drab and the pace in which they develop their plot is far much more lackadaisical and lackluster. The tempo of events is also low and the characters sometimes offer nothing to expect in terms of bringing out the personality of the character they are to portray. If you are a person who loves pace, then you won’t be glued to Indian movies for long.

Perhaps the longest you can stand these movies is roughly 30 minutes since it is full of emotions which are undeserved.  Songs and dances break out in almost every scene. When the lead actor is alone, the next thing he mulls over is the main actress who coincidentally has the same thoughts and alas, their thoughts decompose into a frenzy of song and dance.

Nollywood movies are reserved for the semi-illiterate and bland personality individuals who don’t want to scheme out of nostalgic reality full of no adventure and lack pace. Nigerians have however failed to capture the attention of most cinemas. They usually have dragging movies that are generally plausible and makes one think, alright so things are never different.

If it is not about black magic, witchcraft and cult worship, it is either about penury that is synonymous to the African continent. When scenes are about opulence, the characters fail to truly come out and depict the picture of those who have lived a life of abundance. There is too much too much repetition and scenes that take too long making it hard to like some Nollywood and Bongowood movies. It’s easy to predict the end of the movie and what happens next. Such movies are seasonal and have no durability.

I want to indulge all the movie lovers whose antics while in front of the screens have usually caught my attention. There are certain individuals who never cease narrating what will happen next in the movie. They never let others have seamless continuity of view of what will happen next. As such they will try to depict different scenarios through unending narration much to the chagrin of others who equally want to see the turn of events since movie producers and directors avoid the notion of predictability of what happens in the successive scene in their movies.

Then there are those who are restless while watching movies. These individuals will never take more than thirty minutes glued to the screens. They usually have something burning in their bottoms which make them want to take an exit each time a scene fails to excite their nerves and when there is generally no suspense in the movie. This kind of attitude is usually distracting and they are the individuals who will be hell bent on inquiry of what had happened while they were briefly away.

Another bunch of boring individuals are those who sleep in the middle of the movie. They can turn anything to a mattress. It’s like movies are meant to be sleeping pills. When one becomes slumberous while watching a movie, then there is a possibility the culprit suffers from attention deficit disorder a malady that has no medication and while also having potency of inducing one to systemic failure if not checked.

Again there are movie maniacs who like movies and will concentrate as if they understand and are following the movie and you may think they have apt gen of what is happening. When later you ask what the plot was or how events were unfolding, you will be surprised that they were just looking at moving pictures without knowledge of what the movie was all about. Ideally these are the individuals I consider to be fallaciously daft only that I don’t have proper diction to out rightly give an accurate picture of their erratic mien and character while watching a movie.

The worst are those who leave a movie halfway and never watch it again or those who start watching and when the movie does not augur well with what they expected, then they switch on to other stuff. 

Indeed watching a movie is an art. It requires patience. While some of the most prolific and exciting Hollywood movies take years before they are officially released to the cinemas. Most of the local movies some producers shoot and direct are made within a week or two. This means the script is weak on grammar, effective use of stylistic devices and the characters don’t get enough time to internalize the content to cleverly execute the intent.

While I may not know what happens behind the scenes in most movies as they are usually edited to bring out the watchable parts only, I know when a movie is good. A quick look at rotten tomatoes, IMDb, YouTube and Wikipedia will give a glimpse of what to expect. The brief summary given of the plot, actors and the themes plus the orientation of the movies is enough to tell one whether to watch the movie or not.

SIYUONANE.

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