NAKED SCARE

It was a week full of legion in terms of making it to see another day and to continue maintaining the job. Like I have written countless number of times, being in this job is a hustle, and sometimes I tend to liken it to a 'kamote' induced bond that is seizing, you want to find your way out but cannot do so because the gods will not judge you fairly, and so like a fledgling zealot, you make it a point being big headed while knowing full well that indeed it has come to naught on your side.

Off all the people, you tail like a bozo, which instinctively you are not given wild goose chase variables. Yet, this is not the field where you force and push. When it does not work out, you have virtually nothing that will rescue you from the brink of being called a jobless bugger once again. It's real. The cheese shifted, we did cling and what's more, there is no more doubt that this was not meant to be if sentiments by fellows who make it are gospel truth. Many have come and gone, these streets are not sympathetic to a moocher. What is happening is that there is nothing more you are expecting other than being laid off.

When you are served with a notice by your boss, ideally, what should be happening is that you should feel some urge to work to uplift it off your shoulders. The truth is, on the contrary, it has failed to inspire action. It has resulted in lethargy; the intent has not taken effect of pushing this soul to the wall. Probably it will ring a bell once you are out of the payroll and no longer expect anything at the end of the month other than knowing that you once worked a salesperson but that never worked to change your destiny. After all I am the egoistic type, if you expect me kukulamba like a politician’s sycophant, the you should come with a promising attitude.

Well, the truth of the matter is that time is what counts. Those who work hard are not the most prosperous and those who put in the least effort are sometimes rewarded by those who work their fingers to the bone to lay better soft landing for those already in the system or yet to come. That's the bitter truth about his pill that I must take. At the end of the day I am going to get the sack, not because of anything but as a result of not being cunning and tactical enough to entice the bait to give in to what you may not believe in but just have to ensure you propagate its acceptance.

Well, it reaches a point in time when you get so annoyed, so despondent and weary that when you try to think there is something better out there that awaits you, you doubt the probability of the result. Why? as a matter of fact, there are roles that humble. Forget about the act of humbling in the sense that you are rich but decide to mortify yourself. The humble one I am talking about is that which you are deprived of a modest lifestyle if you have not been able to deliver. Yet, you find yourself sticking intact hoping that the better tomorrow you have waited for will come to nigh (sic).

The life of a salesperson is bitter-sweet. There are those who love the liberty like yours truly, there are those who are in it for the ease of making cash in plenty and you cannot fail to talk about those queer characters out to dupe customers to make themselves a living. The truth is that few survive the hurdle. In my case, it has been a hell of life that when I look at the bigger picture, I find that I could probably have taken an exit long before the ax came to put me in my right place. Ax the oppressor, am I one? The sword of Damocles hangs over my head. It’s simple, this power has been intoxicating.

Any regrets? Too many, but I have learnt the hard way. I am now more than able to survive given that I have harnessed an income generating project in the name of data entry, another job that has been quite a frustration when you want to work but it’s not coming. It’s those part things you land yourself this time round feeling secure because when pressure will come calling, trust you me, it will not be easy.

Talking of pressure, there was one of this permanent staff who I overheard talking of how she was under pressure from the boss she was willing to go take half pay where she was to be comfortable. And there are many more who are under pressure that if you cannot withstand it like a certain manager who resigned after a meeting with the regional boss. I guess she went and switched off her phone and relaxed from the day to day quest to make the institution that was great to become great again. If those in senior positions feel the heat, then you can imagine a junior cadre organism like me.

Come to think of it, I wish this guys could organize a pressure free day. Like you are free from being asked what you have brought to the table, why is your dashboard not as it is supposed to be and many other things. It should be a day when people can talk, not a case where guys are mum because we have a boss. We should not be having those moments whereby an employee hides just to make sure the boss does not know she is late. Or asking using the mouth if the boss is in. Are we in a realistic version of horrible bosses? Should we be scared or feel guilty? I hate that.

But we have much more greater things and worries that await than those we currently are in. I guess I now know that if it is easy, think twice. If it does not pose a challenge, question the ease and when you are comfortable in life, look back and realize that there is something that was a stumbling block, but you did overcome it.

Hasta la vista baby.

[Picture source: Google Images]

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NOTHING EVER CHANGED

Though the heart is relieved and the burden that clogged smashed into shards like the windscreen of a third world Japanese contraption in a less than tragic car accident, there is still an empty void that feels like there is need for it to be filled. There is hope for a better tomorrow. In a nutshell optimism, even in the face of nonfeasance means that there is a drive that will keep the tempo thump.

The truth is that the more things change in life the more they remain the same. We all struggle to get an inkling about what our tomorrow will be. As we do, there is this volatility that is the life we live. At some point, we cease to be in love with our jobs, life itself, the house we live in, the environment and all the fanfare that you can ever think of. You are in a state of Armageddon. Whether it is personal, societal, economic or filial, there are moments in life when there seems to be no brouhaha at all.

When the year blossomed, I remember being woken up by the popping sounds of firecrackers that marshalled a new era in many ways. I remember looking through the window as the whizzing whistles and the thunderous thuds rented the night sky into a sparkle that is usually rare.  The bright flash was nostalgic as it was glittering the sphere, I felt that I should have gone to be part of the new dawn and celebrate with the others in the merriment but the zeal could not evanesce. It was really a delectable spectacle. It was dazzling and amazing as an illuminating giant with the inscription ‘2017’ faded away in the moonless night.

Either way, I remember meeting a former high school buddy who works for a certain non-governmental organisation in Karen on the eve of new year and I realized that nothing ever changes. Dude has remained the same.

He is still the lanky dude with so much to tell, stale jokes, and nothing looks promising in him. He was headed for a showdown with an alumnus somewhere in Jamhuri estate to cross over the year along Ngong Road (He later told me they went to Space Lounge but the beer price was exaggerated they had to chuck). I loved that I was doing things man solo. Yeah! I wanted to mark the day alone because I have never. So, I went to a club called Ricoz at the heart of downtown Nairobi. A place I was introduced to by a colleague who was also introduced by a certain bugger who is an alumnus of my former campus. He told me when he wants to have some me time, he finds his way to this sin city that is renowned for a major slack. Those who you interact with in this place don’t feel a tinge of scuzzy that the air surround this place is.

I believe I am the decent types of people who are never in a hurry to quench their libido once there is an avalanche of twilight girls. In Ricoz, you are spoilt of choice when it comes to the type you want. The only hindrance is that you may take quite some time to get a lanky lady, with a sexy derriere, a bewitching buxom bosom and the despicable smile that may twitch the lecherous urge in the gonads to feel like bursting because they have seen the appetizer. Once one spots you, she will grab your am saying ‘kuja ntakufanyia poa leo.’

Watching football was nice. Once in a while I would sneak to go find out if one who did fit the description of the lass I had thought of would show up. Yes, I am a man, and when you have downed some tots of cheap liquor because the pay was so frothy that month, you feel like finding something to cheer you up. Going to the urinals hoping to bump into her so that you can ease the load is what the minds wants, but the finances and the body does not feel it is right. It’s all about objectification and the primal urges when the blood flows from the brain to the equatorial region you find yourself thinking like a horse on Viagra.

Yet for someone like me whose vowed never to touch a lady of the night, it was quite easy to think of football again. My team Chelsea was having a field day. There is some form of guilt that comes with seeking the services of a hoe. The risk, the truth is that there is that someone who will see you and he will not let the cat out of the bag soon. Then one day, you will be astounded by the tale of you as a person who is after the services of a prostitute, yet you had only gone to watch soccer. I guess I was just feeling a little bit lost and lonely. Tinder was not working out and my amor had gone MIA again.

So I went and ordered a hard drink and a soda to reduce the ukali. I sat at a corner where I had a good view of the telly.  I barely finished my ‘’ka quarter’’. In fact, I left it half way when what I had intended for came to an end. I religiously took the exit even though there were those ladies who wanted to grab me to go and quench their paper urge yet I knew that if I had carried excess cash, there was bound to be temptation to go with one. However, I detest the oblong body shapes of many and inappropriate touching the ladies give men. I don’t think I want to go to a place like that. Unless things are tight and I need to kill the sober tendency, it’s just a lure to peccadillo. By 21hrs I was already in the house hoping to start the new year by doing some little reading. It’s good to be ethical even when faced with temptations right!

Well, I finally managed to change my job location and role. The new role has been quite slow. Albeit, this is just a déjà vu. Am back to the place where I started with. So, the process of adjusting has not been intricate given that there are peeps I already knew. The new environment is quite serene and away from the foul smell that is the ostracized Gikomba by the city gentry. Uptown deluxe it is, it’s a role without much sweating. Sometimes I wish I was given a desk at the brokerage wing, even as an unpaid employee. Then again, there I never a need to rush. You get there at some point. If you don’t, one door will open with full force and you have just to accept it.

Hasta La Vista Baby,

[Picture Source: Google Images]

PS: I rewatched Terminator and there is that point where Terminator tells the villain ‘Hasta La vista Baby.’ Ain’t it funny.

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IT SHALL BE WELL

Somehow, we all want a big break in life. A big break in our hustle so that we are better than the next average John or Jane. We need one to cross over to the other side of life, to be viewed as having made it years after struggling and the list is endless.

For lack of a better word, I am leaning towards the phrase ‘big break’ which I have repeated thrice. Anyway, I got a number of synonyms through Dr. Google and 'windfall' is what should replace the phrase.

Hitherto, I used to love the name we have been accorded as salesmen in our bank. We have this fancy name called ‘Lead Generator’ which sounds posher than being called a salesperson or a sales executive. Does it mean that roles have changed, not really? But we are better off with that name. Perhaps I should also change the status on my professional LinkedIn page to reflect my new found title fortune in a tier one bank.

Over the week, the country was so much engrossed in the pep talk on how the capping of interest rates was a godsend for the normal mwananchi who had to contend with high interest rates from the banks. This significantly means that they are going to start enjoying low rates failure of which the Central Bank will act in the event they do not cap comply with the new law.

Being the first line of defense when it comes to dealing with customers (which is obloquy as opposed to the title client because they are seeking after services). Obviously, we want a kismet in our endeavours. As for yours truly, getting many clients who uptake products from our firm will be like karma for me. This can be made easier if they refer me to other potential clients who will give me more business and the rest as we say is history.

Anyway, I read an op ed by one Larry Madowo on his exploits as a teenager who worked as salesman for a bank and I was left tongue in cheek because of what I can refer to a teenage rampage. Ideally, most teenagers never really know what they want to be in life. They think of so many careers, but never know that which they want. My bet is that he decided to be a salesperson to while away time. Little did he know that that would form a foundation of his journalism skills especially with regard to questioning clients who in his case are various individuals he interviews on various occasions. But one thing remains, the art of having people’s skills starts with selling.

While Larry may have painted an honest view of what he perceives of the profession of salesmanship, what he failed to understand is that there are so many people out there who survive on it and if given a chance to move to the next level, they would not or some went and returned back to the job they know best, selling.

This reminds me of the bestselling individual in our bank who I normally sit next to because our desks are on the same row. I remember eavesdropping to a conversation he was having with other vintage colleagues about a certain proposal he was given by another organisation to be employed on permanent basis with a figure slightly less than one hundred thousand.

‘Niliambia huyo HR sitaki hio kazi nikakata simu.’ He said.

“In fact, it was the HR who called me and said that she was going to give me an office, better terms or service and other benefits which I declined.”

“Unajua my monthly exenses run in excess of 200K and this lady wants me to be seated in the office the whole day only to be given 80K. I have told them to review my salary to something better past what I currently earn, failure of which I will not take the position.”

I was seated next to some two rookies who were recruited after me and told them of how this boy genius was talking and they did concur with him. He is usually sharp in his formal and casual wear and his cologne is mild for the occasion. Not the kind that screams even though it should be easygoing so that you don’t vex your imminent host.

What I love about this guy is the fact that when he is talking to a client over the phone, he usually takes over the conversation like a boss. He explains facts and scenarios like a person who has information at the palm of his hands. So, at the end of the day, he can be able to close so any deals such to chagrin of this blogger who should by now be making big bucks to take this blog to the next level. The next level here means finding a domain name, a webhost and a professionally designed web platform.

Anyway, when the money comes, I will do the same. Which reminds me that I also should be saving for it instead of waiting for the money to come. However, as for us in the selling business, sometimes it’s not about the lack of job in the market. It sometimes about the skills you gain in the process, the knowledge you get and the ability to make more money once you get steadfast in the business.

Has for me, there much more to be gained in terms of new insights, stories and most of all, getting engaged.

Hasta La Vista Baby.

[Photo Source: Google Images]

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THE HURDLES OF BROTHER JERO

“Excuse me sir, I came for my certificate.” A bewildered former KU student was telling one of my clients, a lecturer in the institution. 

“Young man, first correct your sentence. Came is past. Can you talk like someone who knows English?”

I looked at the young man, a former student; he looked confused and disheveled. One of his long sleeves was tousled and folded while the other was crinkled even though I did understand how tough it can be to be an ex student in a public university hustling for a job. This was made worse given the fact that the don was probing him questions in a commanding tone to scare the hell out of his timidity which was evident in his posture and facial expression. Even his raiment and shoes bereaved him of any confidence. He had ‘toughees’ like shoes. Does that mean he had not got out of high school mentality. I guess four years in campus is enough to re-engineer a student's fashion sense to find some formal kind of footwear that will not deny you the status of someone who should be proletariat in due course. Those shoes did signify a lot.

Later the don told me of how the immediate alumni were eager for the certificates entailing their leadership skills and competency whilst some could barely construct a coherent sentence without switching to sheng. He said that in the event he would have questioned the former student further, he would have easily started crying (I doubt since he was a man) and gone away saying how ludicrous and bureaucratic public institutions are run. Yet he was partly to blame for issuing certificates in leadership when his very own students could not have the requisite courage to even face him yet many had qualified with distinction. What of a no nonsense employer who will not have time for you in the event you look timid in front of them?

This client worked in the English and Linguistics department and hence easily got irked when someone in his right senses was mutilating what heavily mattered in his pursuit for income. The Queens lingo.  From my analysis of him for the short duration we were together, I realized that he was an easy and witty guy, loved to book appointments which he was reckless in documenting because he wrote it on a piece of paper that can be easily shredded or end up in being used for wiping the arse. I loved the way he joked about Facebook. However, I don't remember what he attested about the social media giant. He ended up laughing at his own joke.

Anyway, he was the first client who I found with all the requirements I needed even though my intent then was not to go and sign him up. That's a serious guy. In fact, I had wanted to go and notify him then wait for him to sign up after a couple of days given that there were questions he needed addressed. I went away smiling with the documents at hand having nailed at my first glance. Some people can be really easy. Especially if they know what they want.

Ideally, he was not an easy client, he only knew the product that I sell which happens to be a credit card which most Kenyans are not aware about and if they are, they presume it is a lending scheme availed to them to be consumers of that which is not within their means. They assume that a credit card will make them excessive spenders which will land them in debt given that they are satisfied with the little they get from their employers. Yet most still lament how they are peanuts, yet when you are given an avenue for using money without paying interest, you become conscious that there are hidden charges that you are not being told about.

So far, none of my friends has taken up the product I have sold to them. The few who have tried to even listen to me have been wishy-washy so much so that am tempted to just tell them that at the end of the day when I call you, it's sometimes just a way of checking on you as we go somewhere a take a cup of coffee or tea as we go about the business of making money which can lead me in getting a client from him or her. Nothing serious though.

Talking of pals, there is one thing I have realized in them. Selling to your friend even when he does not buy what you are selling is the best bet towards starting off as a salesman. If you are lucky to even find one sign-up or purchaser, then you will have started on the right track. They give you the avenue of making all the mistakes without you being reprimanded. You get to chat first then see how you can introduce what you have.  You get to gain by making a presentation hence improving on the product knowledge which also improves your confidence. Nevertheless, many have this conviction that you are friends and hence you do not need to do something like being a product seller. Some see the desperation you are going through, others wonder why you have stooped so low while others cheer you up because they say finding a job not matter how small the pay is, the better because there are more potential employees than jobs.

I instinctively love those who make a steadfast decision that they are never interested or those who say they will think about it in future. As a rookie, all you need is an answer instead of someone beating about the bush, giving empty promises then ends up refusing to take your third call because you look like you are forcing them to buy what you are selling. It’s even worse when you try to hook up with a friend whom you had to find the contact through a proxy or on a Whatsapp group after which you introduce yourself. A person will be like, “So this guy just wants me to buy when all along he has never even bothered about me. My grandpa died and he never even sent a condolence message.” 


Such thoughts usually ran on many people’s instincts, especially those you have known for some time. What motivates is I have this blog, I tried to sell it to my friends and the uptake was quite distant. Does that prevent me from writing? It does not, someone somewhere will consume what I am writing. The same way, if you are jobless, you wonder why people do not need your services then when you get a job, you are wondering why you are overworked and underpaid.

In anticipation of the time where I will not have to call my friends and they refuse to pick my call because of the belief that I am going to sell them something, I will steer away from calling them. Not that I even used to do so. But as time passes by and I possibly get another job through vertical ascendance or career break, I will call because our circumstances are not fixated. Maybe they may be having down moments and they need a friend to console them, or they may be in need because a friend in need is a friend in deed.

Luckily, as the sages once intimated, you can never have ten friends for more than ten years. The demand of the job market has made such that you may only socialize on the different social media page chat-rooms or never do that because they are skirt or paper chasing. If you can offer a ‘round’ then you will be good friends. Never mind that it is still a product they are buying. If they decide to invest, unless it is in shares, bonds, or they decide to leverage the amount they have by dealing directly with an investment firm, they will still need product selling skills. And it will be worse in the event they are starting off because they will be looking at a person as a consumer. Plus, they will be like me now whose notion is, ‘If only I can convincingly convert this person to buy from me given that he does not have my product, I will be the next millionaire in town.’

Guess riches comes through a good product proposition, working smart and selling to the masses at a discount. Products like Microsoft Word- which I use free of charge-, Blogger and a host of others do not need marketers but a mechanism of reaching out to many people. That way, they use the clout that comes with people using the product to increase their income streams. Yet that is not the way that credit cards work. Having been in the business for quite some time, this is more of a personal product. Say visiting a dentist with a tooth cavity and he is the only guy who knows what’s in your mouth.

So it is the salesperson who best knows the client, especially credit card sellers. Nothing is as innate to a person like the documents he gives to a salesman, who is a hustler by the way. He can easily judge your financial situation as either a person who lives past the minimum wage requirements or has excess which you can use to pay for luxurious items and still remain with more to save in the bank; you wonder how she does it but ethically, you will not divulge such info because of the oath and ethically it is not right.

To see a client, the first contact you have with the ground is shoes. If I asked my shoes what it has gone though, they would never give an assuaging remark. Yet I have gone to offices which are red carpeted and I felt like I was slowly sinking inside but still landing on a cushion. Those are the times I felt like lying on the floor and forgetting my sorrows. Though the soles are wearing out faster. There are offices with blue carpets; others are brown and a variety of other colours depending on the status of the individual. My shoes know best, they get dusty every day apart from Sunday which is the day I relax. At the onset, I used to go to the cloakroom to find if I can get some tissue paper to remove the dust on them. But as time has taught me, very few institutions buy tissue paper and stock the same in restroom. The most notorious ones which don’t buy the same are public offices but the only plus is that the WCs, and urinals are clean in most of the offices.

Writing of toilets, I have now known few places where I can go and relieve myself in the event I have no coins in my pocket and am pressed. The job of a car-less salesman is to walk and walk and walk. A sale rarely brings itself in the office. Unless you have been in the field for long and probably know how to maneuver your ways, closing a deal in the office is not easy. While cold calling in most of the offices, you will get to know those that are having toilets which are not locked and those where you can easily find free condoms for those whose libido is loose but still need to protect themselves or those who find it hard to purchase the same products in supermarket or the Nairobian Nights alleyway which are laced with the same in almost all the streets where a club exists.

There is some magic that works for most clients in certain offices. That will not work for a client in an office full of disarranged files and papers and probably holed up in a cubicle where his face just tells that he is going through moments that are tight. Praising someone who looks sharp and even going further to commend his office on a positive front makes someone to easily feel flattered and he may close the deal or refer you to clients of equal status. What’s more, you need to listen a lot. Most people want someone to listen to them, if you do, you are patient and offer solutions though a beneficial product, they will even give you referrals. All you need is a convincing language, which comes through breaking the ice by using well thought of flowery words. Like there is a certain gentleman we found in an office and first told him of how his spacious office looked spacious and relaxing and with an aerial view you would die for since it located next to the window on the 15th floor. In response, he said we try out the seat to get a feel of what he was feeling.


I am still pursuing him given that he was very interested in and told me to check on him later when he has made up his mind. If he signs, my efforts will not have gone to waste, if he does not, i will be like, "At least I tried but my language never worked."

  

To be Continued

[Picture Source: Google Images]

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