SLEEPLESS NIGHTS

Sometimes I want to sound poetic, but I am lonely and experience shards of hope to rekindle the erstwhile joie de vivre. Well, my mind is kind of entwined with so much that when I try to let loose, I feel I should not give up my creativity that keeps on abating.

As such, I am experiencing some inertia with regard to being artistic and thinking outside the box. Truth is, I am this bloke who is kind of a rebel, no, am not a rebel, am the type who conforms and when things don’t work my way, I digress and leave without a word.

Self-definition has eluded me. It’s like I am on a journey of discovery with sojourns interlacing the voyage. A situation where I actually don’t know where I am headed but still brave the storm. The truth is that there are times I get lonely. I spend most of my days alone. Away from people, and it’s countless times. Déjà vu. I love loneliness, sometimes. You get to miss people and they get to miss you.

Mulling over my ideas, they sound antiquated. Yet we live in the 21^st century. Am really trying hard to get things right but it’s not working out. I love it when I am like a calm sea with so much happening inside. I hate it when people are able to read my mind.

Take google for instance, it sometimes knows what’s on my mind when I am googling and that is not funny. Who the blady hell told them that I was searching for what they suggested. Did they read my mind? This clairvoyance is getting into my nerves. Looks like I will have to stop googling. Lies. The only addiction I need to kill is this thing of googling. I have many others. It’s virtually impossible to do it when you have internet and free time after working.

Working online makes me sleepless at night. Dry eyes, insomnia and this thrill of wanting to work. I am a worker and not an employee. A worker works, an employee gets paid even if he does not work. Currently, I am having skewed or intermittent slumber in a bid to make money. I am now driven by money more than ever before. I must admit that I was not like this before. Have I forgotten my purpose? The burnout, exhaustion and incongruence. I need my me back. The guy with a bubbly persona full of life and ambition.

Not sleeping for continuous eight hours makes me drab because I live a mechanized life that is kind of robotic. I sometimes sleep for two hours and wake up during the daytime and when I try to continue sleeping, I hit point insomnia, so I just get out of bed. Worse is my alarm has this excruciating sound I just have to wake up those times I have set it.


In the meantime there is nothing retro that super excites my life because I am a lone ranger. I tell myself that when the weekend comes, I will drift away in a never-ending dream to sleep my body out having denied it this need. As a result, there is unceasing tension that has developed on the sides of my head behind the ears. I am feeling like I have migraines. I should drink more water, walk, eat fruits, meditate and exercise. If I was to rate how ergonomically I am, I would say that I have been drooping at a very slight rate.

My proletariat life has been one full of ups and downs. The truth is that employers usually want a wholistic individual when in actual sense we have this inadequacies that we lie about in order to get a job.

I have been looking for work because this online thingy is not my love like I thought. I feel inadequate and like a carousel that is a means to an end. I am hence searching online to find a matching job. Somewhere I can apply the skills and knowledge gained. They are rotting and I feel tired rejuvenating what I may not use. You see, like the average bloke, I have been sending my CV and a copy pasted cover letter to various firms that I would be interested in working at. The copy pastes and terse resume has been a wide of the mark. Perhaps, I need to restrategize.

Like everyone else, I have been receiving sterile canned automatic “We’ve received your application and will be in touch shortly” responses that elate me when I read. Did I say elate, oh boy, what’s even the right word to use? That they will look into my CV and respond appropriately within a certain time frame. Can’t this programmed responses give a job seeker a reason to smile having spent time pouring your heart out in crafting a winning cover letter and self descriptive resume.

The truth is that am only applying for specific jobs because I am testing whether I can secure an interview which has been elusive given that I have the knowledge. The last time I attended an interview, I knew they were doing what I call ‘fake interview’. When I read the body language of the panel, it was lackadaisical. My guts told me things were not straight. I felt like they just wanted to pad out the candidate roster they had prepared in order to get approval to hire someone they had already chosen beforehand. At the end of the day, a pointless corporate policy had to be satisfied by buggers like us. I felt it was a total waste of my time and energy and the corporate weenies time.

Let’s face it, we all feel used when we take time to do presentations that are draining in terms of writing scripts to please an interviewer, doing PowerPoint presentations and spending a night rehearsing how to answer interview questions only to be asked mediocre and substandard questions that make you feel like you attended a joke for an interview.

Luckily, I have never been called to fill the shoes of an already rejected post.

It is not professional however when you finish an interview, you are told that they will get back, then they never call back or even send a regret email. I wish there was honesty from corporations that need employees. Sometimes you are taken through a rigorous process only for it to turn out that the employer was actually in need of free consultation from an individual like you. Luckily, sales wired me for rejection. That all is not lost because being the drivers of the economy, employers know who will perfectly fit when given a task to accomplish.

I am in like my fourth job. Three years down the line after finishing campus, I am still struggling to make an impact in my own life, finding a stable job that is. I feel inadequate and wasted. But what life has taught me in those three years has more than double what I have learnt in school for more than three quarters of my life.

The experience that I have got, the rejection that I have experienced, the battles that I conquered, the women that have slipped away and the people I have disappointed. I think I should rejuvenate the former personality of mine that was carefree. One that never got embarrassed or was afraid to take the bull by its horns amid the vexations of life.

Life at the end of a day is a journey. It is well told with words and pictures come in to accentuate what it truly is. So, when it is all said and done, we all shall sleep. Let me sleep now.

Hasta la vista baby.

[Picture Source: Google Images]

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GATE CRASHER

Apparently, the easiest job to nail appears to be these low cadre jobs that experience does not count much. The only thing you need to do is present yourself, get interviewed and start the job. Pankala!

Well, you are probably looking for the wrong job if you still have not yet found a job. A dream job should find you being averagely paid, on peanuts or in an equal status. I have vowed not to immerse myself again in sales. It is something that is personal, yet not such a convincing reason.

Here is why, I am not the multitasking kind of bugger. It seems that I thrive well when I specialize. It's interesting to note that I however love being in the sales fraternity as a blogger. You always have something on your sleeves to write about. Whether it is chasing after pretty ladies you bump into while in the course of duty, frustrating customers you call for ages only for them to disappoint you, easy to sign clients and the pressure to sign new customers .

It is while looking for new customers that I met a certain lady who sells me counterfeit fragrances in downtown Nairobi. I immediately got smitten by her bootylious figure. A lady I admire more for her figure than her prettiness. But when I got close, you can imagine what happened. Or is it that when I started talking to her, the verve to pursue her just plummeted. Maybe it will result in in a J curve kind of intimacy if my pursuit of the main chic does not yield.

Ideally, she was the kind of lady I can do anything to get. Yet, she is not the one I would love to spend the rest of my life with. The one you want to be seen with because men would ogle and wish they were you. She is the kind I would love to be really good friends with. I already know who I want to handcuff with the hardest substance if mullahs come through. As for this ester lady, I will probably get to take her for a date one of this fine days once my repertoire with her solidifies, or gets to the next level. So, you see, sales is after all, a very promising job.

During the week, I attended an impromptu interview. You have no appointment, but because you are adventurous, you give it a shot having gone with a buddy. A friend who nudges you to pursue a venture even though you are lame duck about the future of the organization.

I once read an article or is it an oped by a certain job seeker. The bugger for lack of a better word intimated how he was able to nail the job that was initially meant for a pal he had accompanied to an interview. Actually, he had prepared for the job given that he had read widely about the company they were going to. He did regret somehow because in the end he lost on one end and gained on another. He lost the friend. He gained the job. Chances are this article was written by a lady. Rarely do men catch feelings when you slice them a job because they know that you will eventually come of aid. That’s an assumption that needs null and alternative hypothesis to be carried out to at least come up with an economic conclusion on this matter even though its more social than economic.

I was destined to go to study that day but I was not feeling the vibe (ni ile wakati masomo haiingii). My head was full and I just felt I needed to do something different other than going to study. I hence decided to accompany a colleague to an interview in the city even though I had not even been called for it. Hizi ni zile mi huita interview kienyeji. You are only required to show up and since it is a sales job, you sure can get it just like that.

You see, in many interviews, you must find out details on what the company does, and that can be found online due to internet where you can easily upload information on the company whereabouts. Reminds me of a certain real estate, Simple Homes, a Special Purpose Vehicle that fleeced gullible Kenyans of hard earned shekels. In this case, there was none, just a brochure we were provided with while waiting to be interviewed. In the waiting room, we found ourselves only dudes inside. Now I wish I had recorded the conversation we had with the guys in that room.

There was only one guy in a suit. A rather beat up suit that looked like he is truly struggling. To make ends meet because the sheen on it was not palatable. You know you are dealing with hustlers when the conversation degenerates to how guys have been conned and how crafty conmen incorporate these fictitious companies they use to swindle Kenyans without much notice.

There was this guy who told me of how he once sold jiko okoa carrying three of them going door to door selling it to women at a price relatively high in comparison to the normal jiko. I only wondered how he could carry the load, still be able to seductively sell the benefits and close a sale without even getting a retainer. Given he was in casual wear, I did understand his plight. He had even plied his trade with Delmonte and am here cursing myself for being a bank salesperson. He could sell a jiko at 4 thousand, then be given 200 for his troubles. When shit came to shove, after being trusted with the products, he took five. What happened next is that he changed his phone number. After selling the stuff at throw away price and playing cat and mouse games with the landlord seeing him in branded shirts yet he could not afford to pay rent.

I still think my current employer is among the best that I have ever worked for. Yet, when I ideally look at what I was taking myself to, I was kind of jittery. When you find yourselves in a room and all of you have no idea about the company that you are being interviewed for, then you have to be alarmed. I was not. Since I was feeling like going for a short call, I decided to go ask for the place. Apparently, this office has more modern facilities than our current office, a colonial relic that was first opened more than half a century ago.

The first thing the sentry told me was the acts of a certain lady and a guy who took the opportunity to go and engage in the devil’s dance having found a good opportunity to unleash the tension within. I laughed kimoyo moyo knowing full well that the location of the two sexes toilets was a contributing factor given that most youth are in the experimental stage where raging hormones make them want to engage in dare acts to quench their thirst for commerce.

I was assigned a number. Everyone else in the room was. It was presumed that we had all been invited.

What prompted my decision to go for an impromptu interview? I had been in the office having lost form and deliberating on where to go next in terms of selling. When you have no appointment in the field of sales, you need to strategize quickly. So, I called my colleague who told me to meet him so that we could go and prospect in companies that may open doors later in our quest for figures. Apparently, I hate this idea of being asked for figures why lie.

I found him at our usual meeting point and he looked noncommittal on where we could decide to go. Then he showed me an SMS he had been sent to go for an interview just next door. Initially, I had speculated that the organization was in network marketing. The message had been structured in such a way that I thought it was an organization dealing with investing then invite and the cycle continues.

Apparently, it is a startup. The interview office looked quite good. It was like those things you consider to be too good to be true. When I looked on the door, it was written Space International. I bet this was hired space if am not wrong. We had looked for the building without much notice yet it was just where we were.

When it was my turn to be interviewed, I felt some little bit of guilt. I had stomach spiders but not the lethal ones. It was going to be like gate crushing. One thing I noticed was that the interviewers did not have any shortlist of individuals they had in mind for the interview. There were two gentlemen and a lady. I tried peeping at what the lady was writing but she looked like she was not at all in the mood. Actually, she was lost. What she had written was not convincing enough. Her attire and shoes made me judge her, which I am not supposed to. You see, she was in rubbers and some cheap top that made me feel like I was lost.

The gentleman who was in charge of the interview was also in a broken suit that seemed it had been procured from Gich. That’s probably how startup are. The night before I had listened to how a certain guy grew his start up and thought this was just what I had listened to.

I won’t delve into the questions that they asked in detail. I have even forgot some. But the pay and the quantity of effort you put to me does not add up. In short, even if I will be called to take up the job, I have already developed cold feet. Apparently, getting a sales job should be among the hardest but this looked so easy.

I was in again for the adventure now I have a blog post.

Hasta la vista baby.

[Picture Source: Pixabay] 

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THE INTERVIEW

There are companies that you never knows exists and if they do, they are tacked in the middle of nowhere where a prospective job seeker may have no opportunity to drop a CV if you intended to. This reminds me of Courage the Stupid Dog. Always ready to rescue his master even though the senile bugger would never appreciate the efforts of his only source of solace with his equally aging wife when things went haywire. Nowhere Newspaper and their house located in the desert made the cartoon a must watch even though I was in high school.

As usual, when you are called for a job interview, there are usually two things; it is either you qualify or fail. Someone said that ‘Interviews are conversations in which one person is trying to obtain extensive facts or information from another, usually by asking questions. It bridges the gap between geniuses and the common understanding person. The interviews should be conducted in a professional manner for the complete flow of the dialogue and interviewers should take note that they have to use simplistic language to avoid the issue of interviewees discomfort with vulnerability.’

A mate told me of how he attended a job interview and I was really fascinated. Since it was a referral, he went to the interview and arrived late. He used the wrong vehicle to deliberately arrive late. Obviously, his heart was not in the job. He was attending the interview as a partial fulfillment to a call he had been obliged to adhere to. He never got the job, partly because he found that it was paying peanuts and the second reason was he performed dismally in the interview premeditatedly.

How can someone arrive thirty minutes late for an interview and again all sweaty? Being a heavily built individual, walking is not his thing. He was also dressed semi casually and again, his shoes were full of dust as a result of the long walk he had gone through to make it to the offices where he had to be interviewed. Poor boy, he degraded his sender and later told me if he had known the place, he would have gone with slippers, ouch.

Then there was another chap who quoted a very huge figure to deliberately scare off the prospective employer not to employ him. When asked why he wanted the sum, he clearly gave out procedurally the reason and qualifications not forgetting his desire for a better standard of living even though the company could not clearly afford the sum he had stated.

In all the two cases, there was a common factor. All the two individuals were not passionate about the job they were going to do. As such, they deliberately flopped in the interview even though they were not sure of when they would be attending another with the ever competitive job-market where it is tricky to get employed or even get to be interviewed by a prospective firm.

Having whiled away enough time, I was therefore ready to attend an interview as an intern. Indeed, even internships are like jobs where several people are interviewed because the labour market is flooded. I remember watching “The Interview.” It was indeed a very assertive movie full of intricacies because it is virtually impossible to interview Kim in reality.

Dave Skylark gave it his all and even though it was full of fiction from the start to the end, it gave me an idea of how to approach an interview. Interviews are everyone’s Achilles heel. They cause stomach spiders and anxiety. Few have the courage and stamina to attend such important occasions in life without preparing in advance. And I am among those who appreciate the fact that interviewers are also human likewise the interviewees.

I got a message requiring me to attend an interview on Mombasa Road (as an intern). Having been jobless for a very long time, this was an opportunity of a lifetime. I was imagining getting the requisite wealth of experience that almost all companies want irrespective of the experience being recurring. The firm was large, owing to its roots to Uncle Sam and having been established at the wee years of the 19^th century. However, I was not very excited. Having been a good reader of Business Daily, I had read of the closure of some of its plants. All in all, when an opportunity comes your way, you invite it in and take it with open arms. Just like a visitor is to a conservative African house.

That meant I had to do some research. I did call a buddy who had some gen on the firm and who also had some pal working for the said firm. When my buddy got back to me, he did not have any soothing words of the impending interview. I was awestruck. ‘Why was I among those to be interviewed when all along the gender of the potential interns had already been determined?’ I did meditate. In fact, many companies have this silent requirement that ladies should be given the first priority. Indeed, the constitution has caught up with a majority of companies that never applied the gender a third rule of ensuring that they have one third of women as part of their employees.

I also did hit Dr Google, the answer to all questions whether banal, simple or byzantine. Alas! The situation was neither portent or grim as I had earlier envisaged. Its prospects in the bourse were also laudable. Linked In did give a detailed profile of some of their employees and what more could I expect. When you have nothing, something no matter how mundane it may be, it becomes lemonade.

 After Dr Google, I went to a trustworthy site, YouTube. Again, I went to the video site for purposes of interviews. There are so many subscriptions I had subscribed to on how to conduct myself when attending an interview. Mostly it had to do with body language, diction and possible questions to expect and how to answer them. Generally, it did not let me down. Ahoy, I also remembered Carol Musyoka’s article on inane questions interviewers ask. It had been adopted from influencer Liz Ryan’s article on ‘Smart answers to stupid interview questions.’ As such I could succinctly say that I was indeed well prepared.

When you are to attend an interview, you need to be much spruced and look chic. You need to be in your best; be it clothing, shoes et al. Your confidence and self esteem should also be at its best. Even when you are never among those who adhere to being conservative in clothing, you are obligated to be in those clothes you have placed somewhere unknown in your wardrobe.

Oh, a day before the interview, I went to my barbershop. The one that offers very many services you pay an arm for the service because you not only go for a shave but also you go for exclusive treatment (I love the experience because it’s one of a kind). I don’t regret having spent the much I did to look elegant. Are we not supposed to look well groomed and modish for an important event like this in life?

On the day of the interview, I woke up very early, say 0500hrs. Something unusual happened. I did not know the offices of the place where I was to go for the interview. I had enough time though. Time to Google because Google Maps gave me the exact time I would take (devoid of jam which was absent anyway) and the location of the offices. That done, I was good to go and very conversant.

It being a Friday, I had this feeling that adorning a suit would not be worth it (Chances are it did cost me the position, maybe). All in all I was smart, dressed for whatever lay ahead. I did board a mat to Nyayo and from Mombasa road to the offices. Unlucky me, I was not observant enough and the mat went with me about five miles away from the place I was going for the interview. I had to take another matatu back to the place of appointment.

The offices had this flair of flamboyance. The sentries were quite receptive and cordial. The kind who treats you like a boss even though they can qualify to boss you over matters papers. You feel good and saunter like a peacock even though you know you will only be a statistic in the job interview because the gender had been predetermined.

Ideally, you arrive ten minutes before the designated time and realize that this is a dream place to work in. What with the spacious rooms that are well air-conditioned in the dried out and lonely location near Ukambani. This complimented by the fact that the lawns are well maintained and in the event you get to drive, you would never have to part with hefty sums for parking fees.

Inside, the doors are automated  and well secured and upon arrival, you are given a form to fill on the job you want. Instructions are very important. You read all the instructions and get excited by the question requiring you to state the pay you want. In fact, while answering the questions and giving your bio data, you long gone forget that male candidates are not eligible. The only eligible candidates are female. Statistics never lie and the number of ladies chosen to attend were double that of men.

You feel like telling the dude that this thing is for the ladies but rescind. You never want to dash the hopes of a job seeker because you are not sure of how the chap is going to perform. There is something about earning a position. It has to do with being extremely good and convincing. Being extremely good is not something that you wake up and find existing in you. You need to nurture it with time. The best of the best usually take their time to hone their skills. Which reminds me of the movie ‘Whiplash.’ Neeman had to fight for the position of being a drummer. I also thought that in this interview, I had to give it my all, who knows, the panel might change their mind altogether.

I did chat with the dude and even though I never got his number, he was quite buoyed. He was called in before we could engage in further discourse. He looked timid but I could not be able to read his mind.

When he went for the interview, all the ladies who were gibbering loudly all of a sudden went mum. The waiting room was pin drop silent. I remember writing a poem on the behavior of the ladies but felt that it was not all that worth it after all. Soon the ladies forgot about the tension and did engage in their banter, yakking loudly you thought they had got the internship already.

One of the ladies came and sat next to me. She was anxious. She told me about the fact that she had never been in a panel interview and as usual I did try to give her hope. Hope that those who were to interview her were human and all she needed was confidence.

Since I had taken tea with some wheat products while at home, I was feeling very thirsty. I looked around the reception but never saw any water dispenser. Unlucky me. I had to contend with the situation. I talked with the chic for a short while before I took a leave from her. I was feeling thirsty, I knew that the washrooms had some water so I went and inquired from the receptionist on the location of the washrooms.

Being a little bit nervous, I was also feeling like peeing and farting. I went to the WC and was shocked to be greeted by two sausages of stools that had not been flashed. I closed my eyes, flashed the toiled and went to the urinals and did my thing. I felt like going for a long call but realized I had nothing to pelt.

After finishing, I looked in the mirror and saw that I was well groomed and ready for the interview.

Two ladies went to the interview after the dude and they took approximately fifteen to twenty minutes with the panel each.

When my time for being interviewed reached, I went inside. It was a conference room. Initially, we had been given some leakage on the type of questions that the panel was asking by the three who had gone for the interview. They were the usual questions; tell us about you, tell us about this company and questions relating to the profession we had been called to interview for.

Upon entry, I realized the barrier that existed between the interviewers and me. The huge conference table did not allow what I would call an intimate handshake to create that vital repertoire. Even if I was to give the firm handshake, I was clearly disadvantaged. I would have struggled for nothing. As such, I was told to sit without having a chance to apply the same force on the palm that I had intended to shake. Again the interviewers were seated a distance from each other and that was also a drawback.

I took my seat. It was a seat that clearly gave me the inferior position. I was facing the interviewers and my back was facing the door. I was seated in a position in such a way that we formed a triangular like figure with the interviewers being the base and I the apex. I was caged. But I decided to feel at home. This was not the first time I was answering a panel. I had previously.

The first question was on personality, schooling, experience and all that. I did answer. It is like going to an exam room and realizing there is a question that you had all along been preparing for. You give it your best, right. I was asked a number of questions which I thought were stupid because almost all interviewers ask them. Questions you think were directly pulled from Google. But a STAR analysis question caught me off guard. I thought of a situation where I had to perform a task and the activity that would enthrall to give a good result, but my mind went blank. My creativity and swiftness had been nabbed. Ok, I wanted to impress. I wanted to give a creative masterpiece that would leave their tongues wagging. Something only McGuiver could pull off when caught in a tricky situation.

The most inane question that I had to answer had to do with, ‘If you were an animal, which would you be and why?’

I had been expecting this question. Only that I was not able to give it my all. In the stupid questions interviewers ask, there was an answer that had impressed me. It went like this. “Is that part of the company interview script?” That way you shift the goal back to the interviewer. But I never asked the question.

I answered that if I was one (an animal), I would have been a cheetah; Reasons, one because it is fast and swift and two because if it sets its eyes and mind on a target, it never misses. Initially, I had thought of saying a human being. Because a human being is rational, knows how to follow instructions. Has feelings and will talk about things because human beings are also animals. However, I thought wise not to appear too brazen and know-it all. So I answered like a meek lamb to gain the much needed acceptance and result even if they had set their minds on having ladies; the job. It would have given me a head start. I would have kissed hustling goodbye, I would have got the temerity to start on a journey of financial independence.

On completion, I realized my mouth was dry. Saliva was abating and the more I talked, the more I appeared uncool. I wanted water. The pastries I had eaten in the morning had turned against me. When I exited the room, I went straight to the gents to wash my mouth even though the water is usually not so pure because of the germs and waste that is associated with the room. It was a relief.

Looking back, I am happy because I attended the interview. Ideally, I should have performed very well. For instance, I had heard of cases where there were some predetermined candidates in interviews, but as fate would have it, the candidates never earned the position as those who went for the interview who outshone the former. Unlucky me, I was a pale shadow because I never even got a regret call or message. That’s how dismal I was in the interview. Perhaps I should concentrate on things I know best. In the meantime, life continues. Maybe, just maybe I will be called for another interview. Who knows? Life is so dynamic and full of surprises. Today’s adversity does not have an effect on tomorrow’s luck. But if tomorrow ever comes, I will sing the song of joy. Like “This is the day that the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it. This is the day; this is day that the lord has made.”

Not being served with a hot drink with some snack was a let down on the part of the firm. Again, there should have been gender parity in those interviewing. How can men only be conducting an interview? I did comprehend why they wanted ladies in this firm.

After getting the results of the interview from my buddy that I had failed, I did listen to Whitney Houston’s ‘Where do broken hearts go’ and Michael Learns ‘Breaking my heart.’ But as they say, the best things in life never come easy. You have to sweat and when you get them you will get a leeway to a goodstart.

Maybe the HR manager should have contacted me as to why I had not made it. A regret letter on what influenced them not to consider me as a candidate of choice would have been welcome. As such, I would not have based this on probable surmise. Sharing the information on my weakness to improve on the same would have been very vital as I would have made use and acted on the gen provided.

SITUONANE.

[Photo Source: Google Images]

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