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As usual, when you are called for a job interview, there are usually two things; it is either you qualify or fail. Someone said that ‘Interviews are conversations in which one person is trying to obtain extensive facts or information from another, usually by asking questions. It bridges the gap between geniuses and the common understanding person. The interviews should be conducted in a professional manner for the complete flow of the dialogue and interviewers should take note that they have to use simplistic language to avoid the issue of interviewees discomfort with vulnerability.’
A mate told me of how he attended a job interview and I was really fascinated. Since it was a referral, he went to the interview and arrived late. He used the wrong vehicle to deliberately arrive late. Obviously, his heart was not in the job. He was attending the interview as a partial fulfillment to a call he had been obliged to adhere to. He never got the job, partly because he found that it was paying peanuts and the second reason was he performed dismally in the interview premeditatedly.
How can someone arrive thirty minutes late for an interview and again all sweaty? Being a heavily built individual, walking is not his thing. He was also dressed semi casually and again, his shoes were full of dust as a result of the long walk he had gone through to make it to the offices where he had to be interviewed. Poor boy, he degraded his sender and later told me if he had known the place, he would have gone with slippers, ouch.
Then there was another chap who quoted a very huge figure to deliberately scare off the prospective employer not to employ him. When asked why he wanted the sum, he clearly gave out procedurally the reason and qualifications not forgetting his desire for a better standard of living even though the company could not clearly afford the sum he had stated.
In all the two cases, there was a common factor. All the two individuals were not passionate about the job they were going to do. As such, they deliberately flopped in the interview even though they were not sure of when they would be attending another with the ever competitive job-market where it is tricky to get employed or even get to be interviewed by a prospective firm.
Having whiled away enough time, I was therefore ready to attend an interview as an intern. Indeed, even internships are like jobs where several people are interviewed because the labour market is flooded. I remember watching “The Interview.” It was indeed a very assertive movie full of intricacies because it is virtually impossible to interview Kim in reality.
Dave Skylark gave it his all and even though it was full of fiction from the start to the end, it gave me an idea of how to approach an interview. Interviews are everyone’s Achilles heel. They cause stomach spiders and anxiety. Few have the courage and stamina to attend such important occasions in life without preparing in advance. And I am among those who appreciate the fact that interviewers are also human likewise the interviewees.
I got a message requiring me to attend an interview on Mombasa Road (as an intern). Having been jobless for a very long time, this was an opportunity of a lifetime. I was imagining getting the requisite wealth of experience that almost all companies want irrespective of the experience being recurring. The firm was large, owing to its roots to Uncle Sam and having been established at the wee years of the 19th century. However, I was not very excited. Having been a good reader of Business Daily, I had read of the closure of some of its plants. All in all, when an opportunity comes your way, you invite it in and take it with open arms. Just like a visitor is to a conservative African house.
That meant I had to do some research. I did call a buddy who had some gen on the firm and who also had some pal working for the said firm. When my buddy got back to me, he did not have any soothing words of the impending interview. I was awestruck. ‘Why was I among those to be interviewed when all along the gender of the potential interns had already been determined?’ I did meditate. In fact, many companies have this silent requirement that ladies should be given the first priority. Indeed, the constitution has caught up with a majority of companies that never applied the gender a third rule of ensuring that they have one third of women as part of their employees.
I also did hit Dr Google, the answer to all questions whether banal, simple or byzantine. Alas! The situation was neither portent or grim as I had earlier envisaged. Its prospects in the bourse were also laudable. Linked In did give a detailed profile of some of their employees and what more could I expect. When you have nothing, something no matter how mundane it may be, it becomes lemonade.
After Dr Google, I went to a trustworthy site, YouTube. Again, I went to the video site for purposes of interviews. There are so many subscriptions I had subscribed to on how to conduct myself when attending an interview. Mostly it had to do with body language, diction and possible questions to expect and how to answer them. Generally, it did not let me down. Ahoy, I also remembered Carol Musyoka’s article on inane questions interviewers ask. It had been adopted from influencer Liz Ryan’s article on ‘Smart answers to stupid interview questions.’ As such I could succinctly say that I was indeed well prepared.
When you are to attend an interview, you need to be much spruced and look chic. You need to be in your best; be it clothing, shoes et al. Your confidence and self esteem should also be at its best. Even when you are never among those who adhere to being conservative in clothing, you are obligated to be in those clothes you have placed somewhere unknown in your wardrobe.
Oh, a day before the interview, I went to my barbershop. The one that offers very many services you pay an arm for the service because you not only go for a shave but also you go for exclusive treatment (I love the experience because it’s one of a kind). I don’t regret having spent the much I did to look elegant. Are we not supposed to look well groomed and modish for an important event like this in life?
On the day of the interview, I woke up very early, say 0500hrs. Something unusual happened. I did not know the offices of the place where I was to go for the interview. I had enough time though. Time to Google because Google Maps gave me the exact time I would take (devoid of jam which was absent anyway) and the location of the offices. That done, I was good to go and very conversant.
It being a Friday, I had this feeling that adorning a suit would not be worth it (Chances are it did cost me the position, maybe). All in all I was smart, dressed for whatever lay ahead. I did board a mat to Nyayo and from Mombasa road to the offices. Unlucky me, I was not observant enough and the mat went with me about five miles away from the place I was going for the interview. I had to take another matatu back to the place of appointment.
The offices had this flair of flamboyance. The sentries were quite receptive and cordial. The kind who treats you like a boss even though they can qualify to boss you over matters papers. You feel good and saunter like a peacock even though you know you will only be a statistic in the job interview because the gender had been predetermined.
Ideally, you arrive ten minutes before the designated time and realize that this is a dream place to work in. What with the spacious rooms that are well air-conditioned in the dried out and lonely location near Ukambani. This complimented by the fact that the lawns are well maintained and in the event you get to drive, you would never have to part with hefty sums for parking fees.
Inside, the doors are automated and well secured and upon arrival, you are given a form to fill on the job you want. Instructions are very important. You read all the instructions and get excited by the question requiring you to state the pay you want. In fact, while answering the questions and giving your bio data, you long gone forget that male candidates are not eligible. The only eligible candidates are female. Statistics never lie and the number of ladies chosen to attend were double that of men.
You feel like telling the dude that this thing is for the ladies but rescind. You never want to dash the hopes of a job seeker because you are not sure of how the chap is going to perform. There is something about earning a position. It has to do with being extremely good and convincing. Being extremely good is not something that you wake up and find existing in you. You need to nurture it with time. The best of the best usually take their time to hone their skills. Which reminds me of the movie ‘Whiplash.’ Neeman had to fight for the position of being a drummer. I also thought that in this interview, I had to give it my all, who knows, the panel might change their mind altogether.
I did chat with the dude and even though I never got his number, he was quite buoyed. He was called in before we could engage in further discourse. He looked timid but I could not be able to read his mind.
When he went for the interview, all the ladies who were gibbering loudly all of a sudden went mum. The waiting room was pin drop silent. I remember writing a poem on the behavior of the ladies but felt that it was not all that worth it after all. Soon the ladies forgot about the tension and did engage in their banter, yakking loudly you thought they had got the internship already.
One of the ladies came and sat next to me. She was anxious. She told me about the fact that she had never been in a panel interview and as usual I did try to give her hope. Hope that those who were to interview her were human and all she needed was confidence.
Since I had taken tea with some wheat products while at home, I was feeling very thirsty. I looked around the reception but never saw any water dispenser. Unlucky me. I had to contend with the situation. I talked with the chic for a short while before I took a leave from her. I was feeling thirsty, I knew that the washrooms had some water so I went and inquired from the receptionist on the location of the washrooms.
Being a little bit nervous, I was also feeling like peeing and farting. I went to the WC and was shocked to be greeted by two sausages of stools that had not been flashed. I closed my eyes, flashed the toiled and went to the urinals and did my thing. I felt like going for a long call but realized I had nothing to pelt.
After finishing, I looked in the mirror and saw that I was well groomed and ready for the interview.
Two ladies went to the interview after the dude and they took approximately fifteen to twenty minutes with the panel each.
When my time for being interviewed reached, I went inside. It was a conference room. Initially, we had been given some leakage on the type of questions that the panel was asking by the three who had gone for the interview. They were the usual questions; tell us about you, tell us about this company and questions relating to the profession we had been called to interview for.
Upon entry, I realized the barrier that existed between the interviewers and me. The huge conference table did not allow what I would call an intimate handshake to create that vital repertoire. Even if I was to give the firm handshake, I was clearly disadvantaged. I would have struggled for nothing. As such, I was told to sit without having a chance to apply the same force on the palm that I had intended to shake. Again the interviewers were seated a distance from each other and that was also a drawback.
I took my seat. It was a seat that clearly gave me the inferior position. I was facing the interviewers and my back was facing the door. I was seated in a position in such a way that we formed a triangular like figure with the interviewers being the base and I the apex. I was caged. But I decided to feel at home. This was not the first time I was answering a panel. I had previously.
The first question was on personality, schooling, experience and all that. I did answer. It is like going to an exam room and realizing there is a question that you had all along been preparing for. You give it your best, right. I was asked a number of questions which I thought were stupid because almost all interviewers ask them. Questions you think were directly pulled from Google. But a STAR analysis question caught me off guard. I thought of a situation where I had to perform a task and the activity that would enthrall to give a good result, but my mind went blank. My creativity and swiftness had been nabbed. Ok, I wanted to impress. I wanted to give a creative masterpiece that would leave their tongues wagging. Something only McGuiver could pull off when caught in a tricky situation.
The most inane question that I had to answer had to do with, ‘If you were an animal, which would you be and why?’
I had been expecting this question. Only that I was not able to give it my all. In the stupid questions interviewers ask, there was an answer that had impressed me. It went like this. “Is that part of the company interview script?” That way you shift the goal back to the interviewer. But I never asked the question.
I answered that if I was one (an animal), I would have been a cheetah; Reasons, one because it is fast and swift and two because if it sets its eyes and mind on a target, it never misses. Initially, I had thought of saying a human being. Because a human being is rational, knows how to follow instructions. Has feelings and will talk about things because human beings are also animals. However, I thought wise not to appear too brazen and know-it all. So I answered like a meek lamb to gain the much needed acceptance and result even if they had set their minds on having ladies; the job. It would have given me a head start. I would have kissed hustling goodbye, I would have got the temerity to start on a journey of financial independence.
On completion, I realized my mouth was dry. Saliva was abating and the more I talked, the more I appeared uncool. I wanted water. The pastries I had eaten in the morning had turned against me. When I exited the room, I went straight to the gents to wash my mouth even though the water is usually not so pure because of the germs and waste that is associated with the room. It was a relief.
Looking back, I am happy because I attended the interview. Ideally, I should have performed very well. For instance, I had heard of cases where there were some predetermined candidates in interviews, but as fate would have it, the candidates never earned the position as those who went for the interview who outshone the former. Unlucky me, I was a pale shadow because I never even got a regret call or message. That’s how dismal I was in the interview. Perhaps I should concentrate on things I know best. In the meantime, life continues. Maybe, just maybe I will be called for another interview. Who knows? Life is so dynamic and full of surprises. Today’s adversity does not have an effect on tomorrow’s luck. But if tomorrow ever comes, I will sing the song of joy. Like “This is the day that the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it. This is the day; this is day that the lord has made.”
Not being served with a hot drink with some snack was a let down on the part of the firm. Again, there should have been gender parity in those interviewing. How can men only be conducting an interview? I did comprehend why they wanted ladies in this firm.
After getting the results of the interview from my buddy that I had failed, I did listen to Whitney Houston’s ‘Where do broken hearts go’ and Michael Learns ‘Breaking my heart.’ But as they say, the best things in life never come easy. You have to sweat and when you get them you will get a leeway to a goodstart.
Maybe the HR manager should have contacted me as to why I had not made it. A regret letter on what influenced them not to consider me as a candidate of choice would have been welcome. As such, I would not have based this on probable surmise. Sharing the information on my weakness to improve on the same would have been very vital as I would have made use and acted on the gen provided.
SITUONANE.
[Photo Source: Google Images]
