THE HURDLES OF BROTHER JERO

“Excuse me sir, I came for my certificate.” A bewildered former KU student was telling one of my clients, a lecturer in the institution. 

“Young man, first correct your sentence. Came is past. Can you talk like someone who knows English?”

I looked at the young man, a former student; he looked confused and disheveled. One of his long sleeves was tousled and folded while the other was crinkled even though I did understand how tough it can be to be an ex student in a public university hustling for a job. This was made worse given the fact that the don was probing him questions in a commanding tone to scare the hell out of his timidity which was evident in his posture and facial expression. Even his raiment and shoes bereaved him of any confidence. He had ‘toughees’ like shoes. Does that mean he had not got out of high school mentality. I guess four years in campus is enough to re-engineer a student's fashion sense to find some formal kind of footwear that will not deny you the status of someone who should be proletariat in due course. Those shoes did signify a lot.

Later the don told me of how the immediate alumni were eager for the certificates entailing their leadership skills and competency whilst some could barely construct a coherent sentence without switching to sheng. He said that in the event he would have questioned the former student further, he would have easily started crying (I doubt since he was a man) and gone away saying how ludicrous and bureaucratic public institutions are run. Yet he was partly to blame for issuing certificates in leadership when his very own students could not have the requisite courage to even face him yet many had qualified with distinction. What of a no nonsense employer who will not have time for you in the event you look timid in front of them?

This client worked in the English and Linguistics department and hence easily got irked when someone in his right senses was mutilating what heavily mattered in his pursuit for income. The Queens lingo.  From my analysis of him for the short duration we were together, I realized that he was an easy and witty guy, loved to book appointments which he was reckless in documenting because he wrote it on a piece of paper that can be easily shredded or end up in being used for wiping the arse. I loved the way he joked about Facebook. However, I don't remember what he attested about the social media giant. He ended up laughing at his own joke.

Anyway, he was the first client who I found with all the requirements I needed even though my intent then was not to go and sign him up. That's a serious guy. In fact, I had wanted to go and notify him then wait for him to sign up after a couple of days given that there were questions he needed addressed. I went away smiling with the documents at hand having nailed at my first glance. Some people can be really easy. Especially if they know what they want.

Ideally, he was not an easy client, he only knew the product that I sell which happens to be a credit card which most Kenyans are not aware about and if they are, they presume it is a lending scheme availed to them to be consumers of that which is not within their means. They assume that a credit card will make them excessive spenders which will land them in debt given that they are satisfied with the little they get from their employers. Yet most still lament how they are peanuts, yet when you are given an avenue for using money without paying interest, you become conscious that there are hidden charges that you are not being told about.

So far, none of my friends has taken up the product I have sold to them. The few who have tried to even listen to me have been wishy-washy so much so that am tempted to just tell them that at the end of the day when I call you, it's sometimes just a way of checking on you as we go somewhere a take a cup of coffee or tea as we go about the business of making money which can lead me in getting a client from him or her. Nothing serious though.

Talking of pals, there is one thing I have realized in them. Selling to your friend even when he does not buy what you are selling is the best bet towards starting off as a salesman. If you are lucky to even find one sign-up or purchaser, then you will have started on the right track. They give you the avenue of making all the mistakes without you being reprimanded. You get to chat first then see how you can introduce what you have.  You get to gain by making a presentation hence improving on the product knowledge which also improves your confidence. Nevertheless, many have this conviction that you are friends and hence you do not need to do something like being a product seller. Some see the desperation you are going through, others wonder why you have stooped so low while others cheer you up because they say finding a job not matter how small the pay is, the better because there are more potential employees than jobs.

I instinctively love those who make a steadfast decision that they are never interested or those who say they will think about it in future. As a rookie, all you need is an answer instead of someone beating about the bush, giving empty promises then ends up refusing to take your third call because you look like you are forcing them to buy what you are selling. It’s even worse when you try to hook up with a friend whom you had to find the contact through a proxy or on a Whatsapp group after which you introduce yourself. A person will be like, “So this guy just wants me to buy when all along he has never even bothered about me. My grandpa died and he never even sent a condolence message.” 


Such thoughts usually ran on many people’s instincts, especially those you have known for some time. What motivates is I have this blog, I tried to sell it to my friends and the uptake was quite distant. Does that prevent me from writing? It does not, someone somewhere will consume what I am writing. The same way, if you are jobless, you wonder why people do not need your services then when you get a job, you are wondering why you are overworked and underpaid.

In anticipation of the time where I will not have to call my friends and they refuse to pick my call because of the belief that I am going to sell them something, I will steer away from calling them. Not that I even used to do so. But as time passes by and I possibly get another job through vertical ascendance or career break, I will call because our circumstances are not fixated. Maybe they may be having down moments and they need a friend to console them, or they may be in need because a friend in need is a friend in deed.

Luckily, as the sages once intimated, you can never have ten friends for more than ten years. The demand of the job market has made such that you may only socialize on the different social media page chat-rooms or never do that because they are skirt or paper chasing. If you can offer a ‘round’ then you will be good friends. Never mind that it is still a product they are buying. If they decide to invest, unless it is in shares, bonds, or they decide to leverage the amount they have by dealing directly with an investment firm, they will still need product selling skills. And it will be worse in the event they are starting off because they will be looking at a person as a consumer. Plus, they will be like me now whose notion is, ‘If only I can convincingly convert this person to buy from me given that he does not have my product, I will be the next millionaire in town.’

Guess riches comes through a good product proposition, working smart and selling to the masses at a discount. Products like Microsoft Word- which I use free of charge-, Blogger and a host of others do not need marketers but a mechanism of reaching out to many people. That way, they use the clout that comes with people using the product to increase their income streams. Yet that is not the way that credit cards work. Having been in the business for quite some time, this is more of a personal product. Say visiting a dentist with a tooth cavity and he is the only guy who knows what’s in your mouth.

So it is the salesperson who best knows the client, especially credit card sellers. Nothing is as innate to a person like the documents he gives to a salesman, who is a hustler by the way. He can easily judge your financial situation as either a person who lives past the minimum wage requirements or has excess which you can use to pay for luxurious items and still remain with more to save in the bank; you wonder how she does it but ethically, you will not divulge such info because of the oath and ethically it is not right.

To see a client, the first contact you have with the ground is shoes. If I asked my shoes what it has gone though, they would never give an assuaging remark. Yet I have gone to offices which are red carpeted and I felt like I was slowly sinking inside but still landing on a cushion. Those are the times I felt like lying on the floor and forgetting my sorrows. Though the soles are wearing out faster. There are offices with blue carpets; others are brown and a variety of other colours depending on the status of the individual. My shoes know best, they get dusty every day apart from Sunday which is the day I relax. At the onset, I used to go to the cloakroom to find if I can get some tissue paper to remove the dust on them. But as time has taught me, very few institutions buy tissue paper and stock the same in restroom. The most notorious ones which don’t buy the same are public offices but the only plus is that the WCs, and urinals are clean in most of the offices.

Writing of toilets, I have now known few places where I can go and relieve myself in the event I have no coins in my pocket and am pressed. The job of a car-less salesman is to walk and walk and walk. A sale rarely brings itself in the office. Unless you have been in the field for long and probably know how to maneuver your ways, closing a deal in the office is not easy. While cold calling in most of the offices, you will get to know those that are having toilets which are not locked and those where you can easily find free condoms for those whose libido is loose but still need to protect themselves or those who find it hard to purchase the same products in supermarket or the Nairobian Nights alleyway which are laced with the same in almost all the streets where a club exists.

There is some magic that works for most clients in certain offices. That will not work for a client in an office full of disarranged files and papers and probably holed up in a cubicle where his face just tells that he is going through moments that are tight. Praising someone who looks sharp and even going further to commend his office on a positive front makes someone to easily feel flattered and he may close the deal or refer you to clients of equal status. What’s more, you need to listen a lot. Most people want someone to listen to them, if you do, you are patient and offer solutions though a beneficial product, they will even give you referrals. All you need is a convincing language, which comes through breaking the ice by using well thought of flowery words. Like there is a certain gentleman we found in an office and first told him of how his spacious office looked spacious and relaxing and with an aerial view you would die for since it located next to the window on the 15th floor. In response, he said we try out the seat to get a feel of what he was feeling.


I am still pursuing him given that he was very interested in and told me to check on him later when he has made up his mind. If he signs, my efforts will not have gone to waste, if he does not, i will be like, "At least I tried but my language never worked."

  

To be Continued

[Picture Source: Google Images]