THE POST CAMPUS BABE

“You need to make money before you can even think of ever getting a date with me,” she told me. “Until you get enough in the bank, I am out of bounds.”

She works for the percepteur and that means she has a rough idea of how much you pocket at the end of the month. Ideally, she only needs to know your name and work station and alas, she can decide if you are worth dating or not. Plus she is a schemer, not the average chic who only thinks of going for fun filled rendezvous in ritzy hotels then she is left bereft at the end of the day. I felt challenged when she intimated to me about her net worth. Am still reeling from the hangover of having mused why a good girl would decide to take this route.

Welcome to the world of sponsors. I don’t know why she was so comfortable to let me know of her overtures yet I was not even a close acquaintance.  What started out as a trivial conversation after some brief reading turned out to be a real eye opener of what the average lady wants.

The average Kenyan girl, lets say post campus wants to be showered with mullahs. Unless she is straight, that is, has been a church goer for quite a while, scored a good grade in campus and thus knows what she wants is life is a good job, or probably has got no opportunity, she will strive to get the life only existential in Utopia. The average lady wants class, she does not want to be showered with love. What’s love with no money ? Who wants to live in penury?

Let’s call this chic friend of mine Betty. She comes from a reasonable background where she never lacked and most would envy. Her peeps met in campus and as opposed to now when it is quite tricky sticking to your campus beau, her folks still are together. In fact, she does not know about Eastlands, (mahali masufferer ka sisi hupark). Whereupon she was asking me where Greenspan Mall in Donholm is because she has heard lotsa good gen about the area.

I first met Betty while we were undergrad students in Uon. Back then, I never interacted with her because the class difference was clear. She was a module 2 student and I a module one. It goes without doubt that to be a module 2 student, your folks or family was well endowed financially (This sentence defies common logic). Again we were worlds apart, they had their own cocoon and so did we. But the reason why we never interacted was because we were in a big class and you cannot interact with everyone. Plus I associated with a different class of people. Let’s say she was not my type. She told me they were "English speaking babes" and hustlers dudes like yours truly who was a "Sheng speaking dude" could not have the nerves to approach her. A fallacious argument whose proposition does not meet the material threshold to be considered worthy of inclusion in this blog but will be because it surfaced. 

Betty is the kind of chic who is baby faced. The one whose innocence is visual from afar and has subtle beauty. The pretty one who you take time to notice but when you do, you become addicted. She is quite affable but still reticent. Her voice is soft and sensuous, the kind you would love to listen to even when it gibbers nonsense. She also drives, an ergonomic car which is not stylish or elegant but still fuel-efficient given that she is a mean girl. In addition to that, she runs a couple of her own businesses (which I doubted from the word go). 


I just don’t know how she readily revealed so much to me in the short duration we have known each other. In fact, I got introduced to her by a campus buddy who does not shy away from interacting with chics. So he sometimes acts like a wingman when prospects look really promising. Plus he really had an interest in Betty until things happened that he will not ideally reveal. Betty is my classmate in a postgraduate class. She works, I don’t. So there lies a big class difference, again. Guess society has designed itself in such a way that guys like us have to struggle it out for real to give us bravery and stoicism. We passed in high school thinking it would offer a leeway, it's not. Chics like Betty who probably never got minimum entry points but still qualified for campus are way ahead. The guys she was recruited with, some are past 30 probably issued free newspaper for peanuts, have embarked on a journey like her. Plus she is younger than I. So if you have a pusher of a parent, you don't stay searching for a good job for long. As for the rest of us, we have to wait for an incentivized job because we hope that some guy will give us a chance later if not sooner.

“This guy wants me to accompany him to a international destination of my choice once I am through with my exams.” She told me hiding his identity from her Whatsapp conversation which she let me read. Obviously, when a girl tells you such stuff, she indirectly tells you, “Dude! please, am above your league, so don’t even think about it.” Obviously, I cannot even take her to an internal getaway let alone a holiday one like the one she was intimating. I decided to be a full-time student which is quite demanding, as for her, she took a leave to study.

“So will you accept the offer?” I asked feeling a little bit embarrassed and debased at the same time. These are the kinds of situations that bruise the ego but because you are a man you keep up appearances by being stoic.

“I am still weighing the options because I have barely known this guy for a year.” This is a recruiter who turned out to be a #Teammafisi after interviewing her, and given that he knew her net pay, in some bank she would not let me know, she easily gave in.

“That’s an offer I will be salivating at.” I told her. Obviously, I know how some of these unions end. Either the break up is pathetic or it results in being the mpango wa kando. While listening to her, I could only imagine if this was my sister. Why should a girl with a good job, comes from a relatively stable background (She lives in the suburbs nest to the house on the hill) decide to have a sponsor?

“I love this friend because he has the mullahs to finance my lifestyle. He is a corporate honcho in a bank. Drives a mint who's a horse on the road which cruise on when he is available and does not fail to show his Rolex Submariner to folks who understand the brand.” Hitherto, she was calling him so until I forced to admit that he was not a friend but a sponsor because he is headed towards where life begins.

“Tier one or two?” I asked her.

“What’s that?” she asked back. I went ahead and explained providing examples to her decipher the difference upon which she told me he works in a tier one bank.

“So he is chummed.” I interjected.

“I recently saw his net and felt wet. I must say it is quite impressive because as girls, what whets or drives us is what you have in the bank as a man. Brains with no money is like a train without an engine. It goes nowhere." 

I momentarily recalled that Blueband ad where the them song involved a train. 'B without BB is like a train without an engine.'

"So with regards to handsomeness, I don't mind a chimpanzee as long as he mints and I can spend at my discretion.”

“What about Dave?” my buddy asked having known him from the conversations they normally have. Dave is her boyfriend. The one who she says has promise in future life and both have been introduced to either family. They as such meet frequently only that Dave does not know about the sponsor, because she hides the Whatsapp conversations in an app called Vault which she also hides when meeting the men in her life. So neither party knows the other.

“If I wanted to get married today, I would, in fact with a rich man. Only that am still safeguarding my future. I also need to enjoy while young.”

So Dave is the official boyfriend while the bank manager and another bunch of men fund her lifestyle because there are some things that your peeps cannot do for you. Like they cannot take you to expensive hotels or joints every Friday to wine and dine. And other things that she only knows best. In fact, she was just telling me point blank that I needed to make enough money to be able to even think of a date with her which would never happen because by then, she will be sell by date and some new breeds will have risen. Plus I know what she can do, she was too liberal with words. But in the meantime studies first for me. Let me see if it will aid in ameliorating my depressed financial status in the future.

Maybe, the reason why our society has become sponsor driven is because we have men who are not able to offer ladies the lifestyle they want. Social media that fancies ladies who are doing well as a result of the same. Guys like us who are supposed to have wedded by now can’t because all the ladies we want won’t accept a relationship that they think is headed nowhere (Moneytalks. No romance without finance). Ladies who even though have money, have to get a man no matter how ugly he is, just to finance their other lifestyle. If a lady who is at least stable like Betty cannot be patient with her man, what of that girl who even gets an opportunity to have such a life. But in economics, there is the insatiable human wants. You have but you always want more.

Anyway, I am not supposed to judge. She is not in this sponsor kind of life to continue being poor. It's symbiotic on her part because she gains like an ox-pecker. She has in the meantime invested prudently judging by her standards because she ensures her expenses are at a minimum. Given that her lifestyle is bankrolled, she now wants finer things in life. She told me that her noble intentions should have been embraced by all ladies out there seeking sponsors, but all they do is use the money they get on vanity. This like includes stuff like going to expensive salons, adorning designer raiment, wearing exotic make-up and some other cosy costs that they always have to work hard for only they know how.

I still don’t know the number of sponsors Betty has. But they are not few. She says she will get married someday. Now, she needs to make money. Lots of money. Reason why she still does camera attire and wears the same hairstyle so that she is not left at a limbo.

PS: Let's face it. You all know that it ain't easy landing a job in Kenya whether you apply or don't apply. But one factor that changes all that is connections, not money. Chances are Betty got the job courtesy of her folks oiling the palms of some unknown recipients given that some of the colleagues she got recruited with are nearing the age where life begins.

Hasta La Vista Baby.

[Picture Source: Google Images]