HOPEFUL HEART, DISTURBING THOUGHTS

I could hear passengers laughing heartily while watching a certain comic clip on the moderate screen that was airing the now mundane suicide bomber in a loosely fitting thwab and a keffiyeh that masks his face. I wanted to laugh but could not. My thoughts were on how to ameliorate my current status which is quite dismal. Looking at the figures on my dashboard, which is currently red, I felt like I am waking up to work for nothing. Red ideally means you are not performing as you should be while green means you are doing quite well.

I decided to laugh given that there was a certain lady who was emphatically cracking up with infectious sounds that forced me to ease up into a succinct détente before resuming the disheartening thoughts of my disenchanting feat. I must confess that I am doing very badly in terms of pushing my clients to give me their documents for submission. While I usually sleep after giving my fare in the bus, this time around I had lost sleep. The middle aged lady seated next to me was in forty winks before and after giving her fare. Occasionally, the bus has usually gone past my alighting point given that after a hard day at work, I usually feel like sleeping because buses have become the cradle where I can catnap as well as be sure of getting in the house without paying more.

There was one morning I arrived very early in the office. I guess I was among the first three because I arrived before seven in the morning. I never knew that arrival at that time would end up being used as a bait to reprimand me for non-performance. Hitherto, I had thought that pursuing CFA level I exams was among one of the hardest things you can ever accomplish. Mark you, I was wrong. In the run up to doing the exams, I was becoming more confident and could easily tackle any exam on the curriculum content even if I knew deep down that the results were not going to be very good while in the process of individually dispensing a mock exam.

Being a candidate and preparing for such exams is totally different from the humans I face every day. As opposed to exams, humans are very unpredictable. They can change within the twinkle of an eye. In the case of exams, you might prepare very well and end up passing with the best grades. Human exam is quite different. Guess the reason why you should be paid more is because of your ability to convince people to buy a product that you are selling. The product normally gives you sleepless nights and each and every day you mull how to be proficient in selling it or increasing consumers who take it up. When you muster the game, that is the time you can relax, but before, you cannot.

The art of convincing an individual to even listen to you before buying is not easy for a rookie like yours truly in the short run. You have to take time to nurture the skill of handling clients which does not come easy. Most of the time you will ask if someone is interested instead of giving the prospective client the offer of giving you a chance to go meet him or her. You will find a rookie like me starting off a conversation in English and being very conservative so much so that our conversation never lasts more than three minutes. As for experienced individuals, if it means reaching out to a customer in their native language, they will do so. At the end of the day, we are all human beings, we love it when we can associate innately to the person who is trying to convince us to buy from them.

‘I was asking if you are interested in the new product we recently launched so that I can come over to your office to tell you more about it at your convenience.’ That interest bit should have been banished from my lingo as a salesman by now. I must confess again that I never knew I would one-day work in a bank. It was off my ambition and outside my career scope. Even if it was to work in a bank, I had wanted to work in a position that required the use of knowledge and technical skills more than creativity, communication and soft skills. Nevertheless, the process of gaining knowledge from various sources convinced me to think about selling services because all organizations have this arm by default.

Ideally, a skilled and seasoned salesperson never gives a client the chance to make a decision of putting him off before he can drive the point home. Most of those I have interacted with are very witty and sometimes deviate from the selling norm so that you will hear them laugh and hold conversations for some time over the phone as you only hear from one end. If a client asks if they are telling them about what they have heard over and over again, they will ingeniously eschew the question until they corner the client into submitting for an appointment with all that they require from him or her. I guess you need to be street smart to be able to outwit the regular guy into closing a deal. Luckily, for most prospective customers you have never met, once you meet them in person, you need not be in a hurry. If you are able to sustain a lively conversation for some time, then they will easily give in as most people never want to let you down thinking about the time and money you have put in getting to meet them.

As I intimated earlier, these days, I never like arriving in the office early. I normally arrive just in time because there was a day I arrived early, my manager got wind of it from a senior manager who lives far and normally arrives very early and hence came to my desk to congratulate me for being an early bird. Instead of looking at it on a positive note, my manager decided to reprimanded me for no particular reason having spent half the day trying to get an appointment after a customer I was to see decided to shortchange me and went for leave on the day I was scheduled to meet him. I had wanted to use him as a gate pass to approaching other clients within the organisation he worked but he was ahead of me in intelligence. That day, I really got pissed off and even though I wanted to collect myself from the disappointment, I could not until in the afternoon when I was lucky to have called and I got an appointment that materialized into a meeting even though I did not close the sale.

A good salesperson knows how to prepare a sales pipeline. Doing that entails forming a good rapport with clients in the organization or firm you go to seek from clients. There is a saying that Rome was not built in one day. Skills are learnt slowly by slowly. If you rush, you will might falter in going through certain crucial stages but that does not mean you should be daft to that point where you need to be pushed to do that which you are supposed to be doing. There are times when I usually feel like I should have gone straight into a situation where I am a star instead of being that person who is the laughing stock as I am not being referred to as the S I unit of top performers in the business.

I hate to think that I am not doing well when it comes to sales. I initially wanted the experience as it could offer give me an avenue to go about exploiting and getting new stories that would keep my blog busy and my mind also thrilled. However, what I find is pressure. Like any other business, dedication is key. I have forgotten about other business and decided to concentrate fully on salesmanship. Though there are times I have deviated, they are very few. Am not perfect, that’s why I have to learn from my mistakes.

Occasionally I have been making cold calls to different firms in town with a colleague or two. Though the strategy has worked in some instances, I think I will adopt a reclusive one because those who do go solo are bringing in more sales than working in a group. Clients, like most individuals love it when they only deal with a single individual. There was a conversation I did eavesdrop on while listening to those who we call vintage (those who have stayed in business for long). There was this guy who was saying that every time he wanted to see a certain client, a situation would arise and he would delegate the duty to another person. The client would insist that he could only meet him. As time went by, he found time to see the client. Unlucky for him. The client was now indifferent towards him. When he requested if they could meet, the client no longer held him in high regard and refused the offer. A lesson well learnt.

I guess this write up has removed the clog that I had that was giving me constant worries. However, I must still acknowledge that the first few months of a rookie are still not that easy. But it’s better and worthier than being unattached to a place where you cannot generate some few cash. Sometimes when I think I could have done better than the extent to which I am doing. There are times I wish I could do things different. I wish I had more numbers to call, more appointments to go to and be more disciplined. However, with human beings it is different. You can never say you will have more time to attend to them. They will decide when you can see them, decide if they will receive your call and the list is endless. If you call someone, they can decide to hurl invectives or offer you empty promises which means there is nothing you can do about that if you have no other people to call, you swallow it up hoping the next person will be judicious enough and realize that we are all human and must eke a living whether the job is bothersome or not.

Again, there are certain situations I have found myself mulling deeply. Colleagues are busy filling forms and ensuring they are ready for submission while a person of my ilk is looking at the sky or listening to those who have done well during the day. I am coming from the school of thought where I never feel like I am not doing something constructive to be worth in the space I am in. In my case, no matter how many people you have talked to and there is no sale, at the end of the day, if you have no submission to make, you will have done no job. Statistics never lie. Mine are not palatable in their current state.

I don’t know what I will do to change the figures so that I am able to ensure I get them right to be able to earn more and be in good books with myself and my boss. At present, I am not feeling like going next to her because I cannot deliver. Obviously, I was recruited on the basis that I am able to convince someone to uptake the product that I sell. When at the end of the day I am not able to do what is right, I tend to question the reason why am not doing things the right way. Such situations make me feel doleful.

There are days I find myself connecting to the spiritual side just to increase my chances of close a sale. Perhaps that maybe likened to tempting God. Even though most of the jobs I have done before have given me worries, I even had to work from home, I have not yet been able to work from home as a salesman. I have been promising myself that I will buy a smartphone to enable me do that while on the move but being indebted has denied me the chance. Having a smartphone is just what I need now. Even if it cannot bring in sales, it can be able to aid in so many other selling facets that will contribute towards my sales snowballing. For example, I can watch YouTube clips on how to approach customers and tremendously improve or read blogs and relevant websites on what is the current trend in selling industry.

What I know is that at the end of the day, I will not give up. In the event I am not able to crack the art of selling, I may be forced to take up something else. While it is not easy getting a job, it is very easy to lose one. As opposed to my former job where I was a performer and ended up using the skill learnt to make use of it even after moving out of it, this new job is teaching me a lot in terms of people skills. Though there are those times that I have really been irked to the extent I felt I needed to cool the fiery tempers by going straight into a cold shower, or doing that which Jeff Koinange does, using a fire extinguisher.

For example, I once went to see one of my cousins in their office and the shame I went through to see him taught me that even a relative can denying knowing you. I was with a friend. We asked their receptionist if we could see him because I knew if I would have called him to schedule an appointment, he have said he is very busy and would keep on playing cat and mouse games with me to give up before driving the point home.

When he arrived, he also came asking who I was. Yet he was the same bugger who came to collect me from campus (while in UON) sometime back while I was in the process of revising for an exam the next day to go see their offices. Ideally, I have never felt insulted the way I did. Even if you have to forget a cousin, pretend that you know him just when he is accompanied by a friend because you are relations and you had once seen him.

The day he came to pick me up in university, I had no idea who he was, but the fact that he did call me, I was able to shield my revision aside to go attend to him because I knew he would help me one day in terms of securing a job or in other ways. We walked for quite a considerable distance and chatted a lot even though my mind was focusing on exams more than on what he was telling me. That day, I left what I was doing in the library and went to see him.

My colleague and friend who had accompanied me was quite perplexed but decided not to show it off. He came to where we were seated then enquired about who I was before going back to the reception to sort some issues. After his exit for the brief moment, my colleague intimated coldly that even my cousin could feign not knowing me. Anyway he did understand how we human beings are, especially if you are carrying brown envelopes which signify that you are looking for a job.

We briefly talked with my cousin but my pal, Don noticed how uptight he was. His eyes were shifty because he was trying all means and ways to avoid us. A cold call had gone sour. I was to write him an email detailing the products we sold so that he could forward it to all the staff in the organisation. Which was a plus. Even though you are hurt, you never show it. If someone who knew about you and even visited your place cannot remember you after less than two years, then, there is always a relief that there is that guy who will never forget about you come rain come sunshine.

As with selling, I will continue doing so even if they terminate my services. Sales is a continuous process and those who know how to sell what they have whether a product or service make lots of cash which those who cannot do will have to wait for.

Have a cheerful day. But until then,

Hasta la vista baby.

[Picture Source: Google images]

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THE HURDLES OF BROTHER JERO

“Excuse me sir, I came for my certificate.” A bewildered former KU student was telling one of my clients, a lecturer in the institution. 

“Young man, first correct your sentence. Came is past. Can you talk like someone who knows English?”

I looked at the young man, a former student; he looked confused and disheveled. One of his long sleeves was tousled and folded while the other was crinkled even though I did understand how tough it can be to be an ex student in a public university hustling for a job. This was made worse given the fact that the don was probing him questions in a commanding tone to scare the hell out of his timidity which was evident in his posture and facial expression. Even his raiment and shoes bereaved him of any confidence. He had ‘toughees’ like shoes. Does that mean he had not got out of high school mentality. I guess four years in campus is enough to re-engineer a student's fashion sense to find some formal kind of footwear that will not deny you the status of someone who should be proletariat in due course. Those shoes did signify a lot.

Later the don told me of how the immediate alumni were eager for the certificates entailing their leadership skills and competency whilst some could barely construct a coherent sentence without switching to sheng. He said that in the event he would have questioned the former student further, he would have easily started crying (I doubt since he was a man) and gone away saying how ludicrous and bureaucratic public institutions are run. Yet he was partly to blame for issuing certificates in leadership when his very own students could not have the requisite courage to even face him yet many had qualified with distinction. What of a no nonsense employer who will not have time for you in the event you look timid in front of them?

This client worked in the English and Linguistics department and hence easily got irked when someone in his right senses was mutilating what heavily mattered in his pursuit for income. The Queens lingo.  From my analysis of him for the short duration we were together, I realized that he was an easy and witty guy, loved to book appointments which he was reckless in documenting because he wrote it on a piece of paper that can be easily shredded or end up in being used for wiping the arse. I loved the way he joked about Facebook. However, I don't remember what he attested about the social media giant. He ended up laughing at his own joke.

Anyway, he was the first client who I found with all the requirements I needed even though my intent then was not to go and sign him up. That's a serious guy. In fact, I had wanted to go and notify him then wait for him to sign up after a couple of days given that there were questions he needed addressed. I went away smiling with the documents at hand having nailed at my first glance. Some people can be really easy. Especially if they know what they want.

Ideally, he was not an easy client, he only knew the product that I sell which happens to be a credit card which most Kenyans are not aware about and if they are, they presume it is a lending scheme availed to them to be consumers of that which is not within their means. They assume that a credit card will make them excessive spenders which will land them in debt given that they are satisfied with the little they get from their employers. Yet most still lament how they are peanuts, yet when you are given an avenue for using money without paying interest, you become conscious that there are hidden charges that you are not being told about.

So far, none of my friends has taken up the product I have sold to them. The few who have tried to even listen to me have been wishy-washy so much so that am tempted to just tell them that at the end of the day when I call you, it's sometimes just a way of checking on you as we go somewhere a take a cup of coffee or tea as we go about the business of making money which can lead me in getting a client from him or her. Nothing serious though.

Talking of pals, there is one thing I have realized in them. Selling to your friend even when he does not buy what you are selling is the best bet towards starting off as a salesman. If you are lucky to even find one sign-up or purchaser, then you will have started on the right track. They give you the avenue of making all the mistakes without you being reprimanded. You get to chat first then see how you can introduce what you have.  You get to gain by making a presentation hence improving on the product knowledge which also improves your confidence. Nevertheless, many have this conviction that you are friends and hence you do not need to do something like being a product seller. Some see the desperation you are going through, others wonder why you have stooped so low while others cheer you up because they say finding a job not matter how small the pay is, the better because there are more potential employees than jobs.

I instinctively love those who make a steadfast decision that they are never interested or those who say they will think about it in future. As a rookie, all you need is an answer instead of someone beating about the bush, giving empty promises then ends up refusing to take your third call because you look like you are forcing them to buy what you are selling. It’s even worse when you try to hook up with a friend whom you had to find the contact through a proxy or on a Whatsapp group after which you introduce yourself. A person will be like, “So this guy just wants me to buy when all along he has never even bothered about me. My grandpa died and he never even sent a condolence message.” 


Such thoughts usually ran on many people’s instincts, especially those you have known for some time. What motivates is I have this blog, I tried to sell it to my friends and the uptake was quite distant. Does that prevent me from writing? It does not, someone somewhere will consume what I am writing. The same way, if you are jobless, you wonder why people do not need your services then when you get a job, you are wondering why you are overworked and underpaid.

In anticipation of the time where I will not have to call my friends and they refuse to pick my call because of the belief that I am going to sell them something, I will steer away from calling them. Not that I even used to do so. But as time passes by and I possibly get another job through vertical ascendance or career break, I will call because our circumstances are not fixated. Maybe they may be having down moments and they need a friend to console them, or they may be in need because a friend in need is a friend in deed.

Luckily, as the sages once intimated, you can never have ten friends for more than ten years. The demand of the job market has made such that you may only socialize on the different social media page chat-rooms or never do that because they are skirt or paper chasing. If you can offer a ‘round’ then you will be good friends. Never mind that it is still a product they are buying. If they decide to invest, unless it is in shares, bonds, or they decide to leverage the amount they have by dealing directly with an investment firm, they will still need product selling skills. And it will be worse in the event they are starting off because they will be looking at a person as a consumer. Plus, they will be like me now whose notion is, ‘If only I can convincingly convert this person to buy from me given that he does not have my product, I will be the next millionaire in town.’

Guess riches comes through a good product proposition, working smart and selling to the masses at a discount. Products like Microsoft Word- which I use free of charge-, Blogger and a host of others do not need marketers but a mechanism of reaching out to many people. That way, they use the clout that comes with people using the product to increase their income streams. Yet that is not the way that credit cards work. Having been in the business for quite some time, this is more of a personal product. Say visiting a dentist with a tooth cavity and he is the only guy who knows what’s in your mouth.

So it is the salesperson who best knows the client, especially credit card sellers. Nothing is as innate to a person like the documents he gives to a salesman, who is a hustler by the way. He can easily judge your financial situation as either a person who lives past the minimum wage requirements or has excess which you can use to pay for luxurious items and still remain with more to save in the bank; you wonder how she does it but ethically, you will not divulge such info because of the oath and ethically it is not right.

To see a client, the first contact you have with the ground is shoes. If I asked my shoes what it has gone though, they would never give an assuaging remark. Yet I have gone to offices which are red carpeted and I felt like I was slowly sinking inside but still landing on a cushion. Those are the times I felt like lying on the floor and forgetting my sorrows. Though the soles are wearing out faster. There are offices with blue carpets; others are brown and a variety of other colours depending on the status of the individual. My shoes know best, they get dusty every day apart from Sunday which is the day I relax. At the onset, I used to go to the cloakroom to find if I can get some tissue paper to remove the dust on them. But as time has taught me, very few institutions buy tissue paper and stock the same in restroom. The most notorious ones which don’t buy the same are public offices but the only plus is that the WCs, and urinals are clean in most of the offices.

Writing of toilets, I have now known few places where I can go and relieve myself in the event I have no coins in my pocket and am pressed. The job of a car-less salesman is to walk and walk and walk. A sale rarely brings itself in the office. Unless you have been in the field for long and probably know how to maneuver your ways, closing a deal in the office is not easy. While cold calling in most of the offices, you will get to know those that are having toilets which are not locked and those where you can easily find free condoms for those whose libido is loose but still need to protect themselves or those who find it hard to purchase the same products in supermarket or the Nairobian Nights alleyway which are laced with the same in almost all the streets where a club exists.

There is some magic that works for most clients in certain offices. That will not work for a client in an office full of disarranged files and papers and probably holed up in a cubicle where his face just tells that he is going through moments that are tight. Praising someone who looks sharp and even going further to commend his office on a positive front makes someone to easily feel flattered and he may close the deal or refer you to clients of equal status. What’s more, you need to listen a lot. Most people want someone to listen to them, if you do, you are patient and offer solutions though a beneficial product, they will even give you referrals. All you need is a convincing language, which comes through breaking the ice by using well thought of flowery words. Like there is a certain gentleman we found in an office and first told him of how his spacious office looked spacious and relaxing and with an aerial view you would die for since it located next to the window on the 15th floor. In response, he said we try out the seat to get a feel of what he was feeling.


I am still pursuing him given that he was very interested in and told me to check on him later when he has made up his mind. If he signs, my efforts will not have gone to waste, if he does not, i will be like, "At least I tried but my language never worked."

  

To be Continued

[Picture Source: Google Images]

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SHE LEFT

Every other time, I usually want to rave and rant about my weekly successes, trials and tribulations of the job I am doing. Luckily, I have a notebook to jot down the excitement, the indifference and frustrations of looking for existing and potential clientele. Some you can pursue for weeks before they finally give in. Others give empty promises, you end up chasing the wind pursuing them, yet they were just so near. That’s how diverse we are as human beings.

Anyway, I am not writing about them because I decided to change what I intended to write about in order to out pour my frustration about this Coastal Belle who has kind of decided to I am not worthy of her because of what I am not sure or hesitant to disclose or she wants to be just elusive.

At some point, you usually get a nice lady. The one who you call at the end of the day, in the middle of the day or in the morning because she will share with you in your pursuit to be that person you want to be in life. Unfortunately, barely two weeks of knowing her, she decided to go mute. What she never knew is that am very good at handling such situations.

Though knowing her was such a short affair, I wanted something more than friendship if it would not materialize into a relationship. That has to do with matters business. The business of numbers because as a salesperson, numbers matter more than anything else.

There is one problem that has bequeathed me for quite some time. Ever since I was dumped by my former dame, though she has never acknowledged it out rightly, I have never been steady with the opposite sex. What I know is that she did it ‘chini ya maji’ for reasons she only knows and the moment I did sense about it, I wrote it somewhere here only that I have forgotten the title of the post. Barely few months later, there was this Coastal Belle.

I had imagined that our new hatched union would last long. Just when I was on the verge of knowing her is when she disappeared in thin air. Now I am alone. Not broken hearted but pathetic. There are so many questions that linger in my mind. But one that continues to go unanswered is that of, ‘Can she tell where I need to improve on or what I need to do away with?’

Albeit no one wants to remain doled up in the same scenario, there is that preponderancy that they will surmount the ordeal even when the magnitude is immeasurable. The variation only adjusts depending on how much mettle you have to exert to counter the ravaging effects if they make the heart grow fonder. It’s even worse when you start having sleepless nights thinking of what could have gone wrong. What is it that keeps them repulsive? Is it something that is tentative or there is a maze that has to be cracked to unravel the object of their indignation?

I don’t know how the coastal belle decided all of a sudden to be inert to my calls. Maybe she did her homework and found out that I was not being sincere or not moneyed enough. Or I was erratic in the way I was calling her. But she knows best. I had embraced change thinking this was going to be a windfall. Say a big break from the hustles of finding a better half which I have been too busy to even think about.

The first few weeks of knowing her were quite ecstatic. However, being the relaxed type of guy whose overture borders towards being insipid, I faltered like a slain soldier whose armour failed to shield him from the enemy’s assegai. I can recall it began all well, this intimacy was growing, but snail pace. I wanted it to be a gradual process so that none of us will be left famished. Something that’s smooth and velvety. It does not just start and end like a quickie. Then again, I was in for a rude shock. Nairobi is for the fast paced, not for chameleons like yours truly who takes one step then ponders before taking another.

In fact, I must say that I was not in a rush. If I was, then some of this filial things could not have been part and parcel of my wont. Guess it’s something genetic whose anatomy cannot be explained by science alone. It transcends past that. Maybe psychiatry might try to explain it. My doubts are that it may fall short of giving a lasting riposte and consequently lead me back to square one. Which ultimately means that hitting rock bottom may probably be nigh if not absolute.

Just a reflection. In the first week of us knowing each other, she was quite what I had envisaged in a lady. She was understanding, very considerate and being the lousy fellow with few words to wow someone, she did not have this alter ego of showing her true feminine colours. She would even think for me and start those conversations. I was thinking how easy it was with her. You meet a lady in a mathree, walk with her for close to one kilometer, get her to share with you her number and the rest is nuclear physics.

Thinking I had nailed it, I decided to relax before closing the deal. What’s worse is that I took time to keep in touch, say three days. It was a hectic time for me, I had to juggle so much and being a man, multi-tasking is not easy. That’s probably when the rain did start beating me. Guess she also realized that I was not telling her what she wanted to hear. Which I never do until I am very sure that we are leading somewhere.

The cessation of communication between us did not come as daze. Actually, I was expecting it. She had acted too easy a lady for a man to be wooing her. When she realized that I was flattering her, like the most ingenious ladies, she decided to go AWOL. Her phone would ring but she could not pick. Sometimes send the hackneyed ‘Please call me. Thank you’ message from Safaricom. Then in the even I woul call back, she would not pick. I guess she was either tired of my vapid vibe or she was like the good girl she should have been who has to test the patience of a man. So there are days after which she became self-conscious where I would try to call her like ten times without her picking or replying back and she would not respond. She did remind me of my former ex who has refused to pick my phone to date even though I just want to ask her what went wrong between us?

Guess I have to move on quickly now that I am all alone. Maybe I will find just who we were meant to be with sometime later on in life. This relationship ‘tings’ have inked in me a lesson that I have been sagacious from.

As I mull over the coastal belle, I bet I will one day see her on the streets of Nairobi. She will recognize me because it’s hard to forget about me once you have met me. Maybe I will still be wearing the same old big shoes that are partly deformed like the day I met her.  She will look at me straight in the eye and I will be guilty because I only met her once and forgot about how she looks like because she probably blocked me from whatever platform I could find her in. Being like all the girls I knew once, she will probably be more successful in a better relationship or she will have maintained the status quo. She will possibly be having the desire to approach me but her guts would not let her.

That’s how life is. You get kicked on the face by all that you never had an idea about. The tribulations are many. The only thing that keeps us going is that we dream each day that which we envision will one day be a reality. This reminds me of a colleague who has been yearning that his ‘sponsoring’ days be fast forwarded so that he has the time to ‘play around’ with all the beautiful ladies in town. The single and ratchet who wait to be bankrolled as they wait for the day they might walk down the aisle if they play their games well.

Hasta La Vista Baby. 

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RATS

As a child, we used to live in a house where the garage served as a pantry. My old man was kind of a peasant farmer and hence ensured there was plenty of grains in the house so that his kids never went hungry on any given day. As such, stuff like githeri and beans were forever in the fridge because they only needed to be boiled and stored amass using freezer bags (a better name for clear polythene bags). Also the fact that we were living in a rural like neighbourhood meant we could boil the stuff using firewood and no one would enter our compound to question why we were polluting the air. Those were the days when firewood was not expensive and my dad used to buy them from a sawmill owned by a certain Indian because there was no place we could go to fetch firewood. However, the travails of environmentalists and the increasing population figures resulted in felling of trees being declared illegal and soon, we had to shift to gas and charcoal.

Again, we had a small garden where we grew kales and some osuga which were in plenty while living in the sprawling plateau within the Uasin Gishu where the weather was quite affable and lovely. Those days, the flourishing flora that had greened the aura meant that it was like a routine that it was cold and wet with a brisk wind sweeping the rain across the land most of the days. When I left for school in morning, the sky would be as dark as slate still and the icy north wind would blow the rain straight into my face. That was before our school bus started picking us or when my old man was out of town to take me to school.

I hence learnt to tolerate the conditions given that it was something that I could do nothing about. That did remind me that the July weather may be having similar traits, only that it does not have severe effects given that the Nairobi weather is quite erratic.

Given that we had several sacks of wheat, maize and beans, we did harbor rats in our garage and dingy rooms with no lights. Since it was a bungalow, the rats would shift base to the ceiling and start doing their thing in most of the rooms. Once, when I was back from boarding school, I found one of the mattresses I slept on nibbled on and in pieces and decided to overturned everything in the room. The silly rodents had also gnawed books pages and even wires of different household appliances. When I stayed still I heard scratching and movement both in various parts of my room and beyond (perhaps in the floors, walls and the ceiling). It was a the fuckin rats. I found one and killed it right away. Luckily, I couldn’t find any evidence that they were nesting or trying to nest anywhere in my room, however, I strangely found traces of their fecal matter under the bed.

Obviously, for a seasoned rat killer like me, I have never felt guilty killing one. But most guys fear rats. My family is an immediate example. They may pretend they want to kill a rat but they will jump when it nears them shouting as if they have been attacked instead of the other way round. As for yours truly, I never let them go. If I have no weapon, my shoes become the weapon. Only those that are lucky escape from my sight, terrified because even animals fear death. But I ensure most of them never survive the onslaught of facing me.

So the other day while leaving for home after an onerous day’s work of convincing still quite elusive clients, I saw some animals menacing on the stretch from Wakulima Market to the roundabout near Bomb Blast, on Haile Selassie Avenue. I was seated next to the window, some few seats behind the driver. While looking outside I saw “mutant” rats that have plagued the streets of Nairobi for long. There was a time more than six thousand were killed in Wakulima Market but they have still resurfaced and they dared hover around even when the sun sunsets have been glorious lately, all rosy and as the few thin strips of clouds on the horizon turn shimmering gold.

What I saw were gargantuan rats racing as if they had seen some new cheese. Which did remind me of the story of who moved my cheese. If you have read the book, those rats that never stuck to routine were able to quickly look for new ways of finding cheese as opposed to sticking to routine which had no results. However, these were wild rats. Those that have known how to survive on the streets of Nairobi and certainly go berserk given that they even looked at me without blinking or running away. But food does not look like a struggle for these breed of animals that once raided my room as a pupil in primary school. Without disturbing them it would be quite impossible to tell how many were there. A certain street urchin was walking where the rats were and they still never bothered to escape. Only once did I see them bolt apart faster than a shoplifting gang in the market place.

That are so many rats in Nairobi town is not a lie. Once while doing rounds in houses along Kirinyaga road, I also came face to face with them. Those people who live in those houses have harboured so many they have become like housemates. That was close to half a decade ago. Probably they were experimented with different traps and different baiting techniques or they called a full-on exterminator because I have never heard of incidences of plague or diseases associated with the animals.

Hasta La Vista Baby.

[Photo Source: Google Images] 

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