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Every other time, I usually want to rave and rant about my weekly
successes, trials and tribulations of the job I am doing. Luckily, I have a
notebook to jot down the excitement, the indifference and frustrations of
looking for existing and potential clientele. Some you can pursue for weeks
before they finally give in. Others give empty promises, you end up chasing the
wind pursuing them, yet they were just so near. That’s how diverse we are as
human beings.
Anyway, I am not writing about them because I decided to change
what I intended to write about in order to out pour my frustration about this
Coastal Belle who has kind of decided to I am not worthy of her because of what
I am not sure or hesitant to disclose or she wants to be just elusive.
At some point, you usually get a nice lady. The one who you call
at the end of the day, in the middle of the day or in the morning because she
will share with you in your pursuit to be that person you want to be in life.
Unfortunately, barely two weeks of knowing her, she decided to go mute. What
she never knew is that am very good at handling such situations.
Though knowing her was such a short affair, I wanted something
more than friendship if it would not materialize into a relationship. That has
to do with matters business. The business of numbers because as a salesperson,
numbers matter more than anything else.
There
is one problem that has bequeathed me for quite some time. Ever since I was
dumped by my former dame, though she has never acknowledged it out rightly, I
have never been steady with the opposite sex. What I know is that she did it ‘chini
ya maji’ for reasons she only knows and the moment I did sense about
it, I wrote it somewhere here only that I have forgotten the title of the post.
Barely few months later, there was this Coastal Belle.
I
had imagined that our new hatched union would last long. Just when I was on the
verge of knowing her is when she disappeared in thin air. Now I am alone. Not
broken hearted but pathetic. There are so many questions that linger in my
mind. But one that continues to go unanswered is that of, ‘Can she tell where I
need to improve on or what I need to do away with?’
Albeit
no one wants to remain doled up in the same scenario, there is that
preponderancy that they will surmount the ordeal even when the magnitude is
immeasurable. The variation only adjusts depending on how much mettle you have
to exert to counter the ravaging effects if they make the heart grow fonder.
It’s even worse when you start having sleepless nights thinking of what could have
gone wrong. What is it that keeps them repulsive? Is it something that is
tentative or there is a maze that has to be cracked to unravel the object of
their indignation?
I
don’t know how the coastal belle decided all of a sudden to be inert to my
calls. Maybe she did her homework and found out that I was not being sincere or
not moneyed enough. Or I was erratic in the way I was calling her. But she
knows best. I had embraced change thinking this was going to be a windfall. Say
a big break from the hustles of finding a better half which I have been too busy
to even think about.
The
first few weeks of knowing her were quite ecstatic. However, being the relaxed
type of guy whose overture borders towards being insipid, I faltered like a
slain soldier whose armour failed to shield him from the enemy’s assegai. I can
recall it began all well, this intimacy was growing, but snail pace. I wanted
it to be a gradual process so that none of us will be left famished. Something
that’s smooth and velvety. It does not just start and end like a quickie. Then
again, I was in for a rude shock. Nairobi is for the fast paced, not for
chameleons like yours truly who takes one step then ponders before taking
another.
In
fact, I must say that I was not in a rush. If I was, then some of this filial
things could not have been part and parcel of my wont. Guess it’s something
genetic whose anatomy cannot be explained by science alone. It transcends past
that. Maybe psychiatry might try to explain it. My doubts are that it may fall
short of giving a lasting riposte and consequently lead me back to square one.
Which ultimately means that hitting rock bottom may probably be nigh if not
absolute.
Just
a reflection. In the first week of us knowing each other, she was quite what I
had envisaged in a lady. She was understanding, very considerate and being the
lousy fellow with few words to wow someone, she did not have this alter ego of
showing her true feminine colours. She would even think for me and start those
conversations. I was thinking how easy it was with her. You meet a lady in a
mathree, walk with her for close to one kilometer, get her to share with you
her number and the rest is nuclear physics.
Thinking
I had nailed it, I decided to relax before closing the deal. What’s worse is
that I took time to keep in touch, say three days. It was a hectic time for me,
I had to juggle so much and being a man, multi-tasking is not easy. That’s
probably when the rain did start beating me. Guess she also realized that I was
not telling her what she wanted to hear. Which I never do until I am very sure
that we are leading somewhere.
The
cessation of communication between us did not come as daze. Actually, I was
expecting it. She had acted too easy a lady for a man to be wooing her. When
she realized that I was flattering her, like the most ingenious ladies, she
decided to go AWOL. Her phone would ring but she could not pick. Sometimes send
the hackneyed ‘Please call me. Thank you’ message from Safaricom. Then in the
even I woul call back, she would not pick. I guess she was either tired of my
vapid vibe or she was like the good girl she should have been who has to test
the patience of a man. So there are days after which she became self-conscious
where I would try to call her like ten times without her picking or replying
back and she would not respond. She did remind me of my former ex who has
refused to pick my phone to date even though I just want to ask her what went
wrong between us?
Guess
I have to move on quickly now that I am all alone. Maybe I will find just who
we were meant to be with sometime later on in life. This relationship ‘tings’
have inked in me a lesson that I have been sagacious from.
As
I mull over the coastal belle, I bet I will one day see her on the streets of
Nairobi. She will recognize me because it’s hard to forget about me once you
have met me. Maybe I will still be wearing the same old big shoes that are
partly deformed like the day I met her.
She will look at me straight in the eye and I will be guilty because I
only met her once and forgot about how she looks like because she probably
blocked me from whatever platform I could find her in. Being like all the girls
I knew once, she will probably be more successful in a better relationship or
she will have maintained the status quo. She will possibly be having the desire
to approach me but her guts would not let her.
That’s
how life is. You get kicked on the face by all that you never had an idea
about. The tribulations are many. The only thing that keeps us going is that we
dream each day that which we envision will one day be a reality. This reminds
me of a colleague who has been yearning that his ‘sponsoring’ days be fast
forwarded so that he has the time to ‘play around’ with all the beautiful ladies
in town. The single and ratchet who wait to be bankrolled as they wait for the
day they might walk down the aisle if they play their games well.
Hasta
La Vista Baby.
