 |
Writer’s
block finally catches up with you. Your brain feels like mush. And procrastination
takes the better of you. You try to mull deeply what to scribe about but nothing
seems to be forthcoming, not even freewriting. It’s like you are in a desert
and you cannot find your way out. This scarcity of thoughts gives you a blow like
a Mayweather punch. You easily forget that which you wanted to put in black and
white. Then you find you are wallowing in self-pity. Only fathoming but never
penning delectable mental imagery. You wonder how you can channel the mental
distress in a serendipity.
Anyway.
You
know you had been having upbeat moments until the job you are doing decided to smirk
you on the face through the adjustment of your hourly earning back to square
one. Because they assigned you new tasks. Truth is, it’s not only devastating
but also disheartening. That you have worked so hard to achieve a certain
milestone, then all of a sudden that does not matter anymore.
I
tell you, working online can cut both ways like a doubled edged sword. There are
weeks you will find yourself having a reliable and stable income while there
are others you will be in total disarray. Then you start wondering what is
wrong. Then you remember you have a program as your paymaster which is thus bad.
You work but cannot be able to ascertain how tasks have been codified using
machine learning. You even don’t know how your earning algorithm is worked out. But you
just work, work because you have a dearth of cash. And when you have no one to
intimate the hurt you are feeling, you turn up to your blog. The blog because
it also has no feelings but will tell the world if someone does care out there.
Plus,
it offers solace, it offers an avenue to tell it that you have been having down
moments after your pay was clashed by more than half yet you still struggle to
do the same amount of work in the same environment but the motivation has dwindled.
You no longer feel like you enjoy what you do, instead the deep-seated desire
plummets as time flies. You try to piece up the reasons and even ask yourself, “Why
me? And not the others”. Then you tell God, “You gat this.” Just to console
yourself that things will look up like they used to do.
But
this is not the first time that this is happening. It’s a déjà vu. Employers
have reneged on their initial contract they had with you and this now does not
look different in a bad way. It’s just that it makes you feel less worthy of a
person. It makes you feel like a coin that can be tossed without care of where
it lands. Or is it that a die has been cast and you are waiting while you
should look for things abound other than restricting your breadth? Perhaps
widening your perspective to get out of constantly being at a limbo.
That
said, a real man never complains or becomes bitter. A real man learns from the
past and make alchemy out of lemon situations. You push hard next time. Push
till you cannot push anymore. If you get to that place between a rock and a
hard place, you decide to face it one with an IED that you conjure up in the
midst of time.
Enough
of masquerading in this bulshit, well that word, the way it has been
used was not the intention. It happened. Writer’s block is not real. It’s a
mental creation and a dearth of imagination. You just kill it by sitting down
in a quiet place, reduce distraction like internet and all that (me, I can’t write
without net). And my paper writing using a pen is messed up. While you are at
it kill the urge to throw in the towel by writing something as nonsensical as
this piece.
Hasta
La Vista Baby.
PS.
Looks like I need read and apply the instructs of Graham Greene’s journal to liven
my imagery and console myself after all.
[Picture
Source: Courtesy]
