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My
rural area where my old man has erected a structure is full of stones
underneath and in the event you strike a hoe in it, you can easily land a
boulder in patches that have not been reclaimed. When my old man built the
structure, he thought it would be a temporary dwelling where he would stay for
a while before constructing something graceful a top the tiny hill with a
wonderful view of the massive lake. Now it has become his permanent residence.
As a civil servant, he thought he would one day upgrade it to match the status
of his stature in the hope of solidifying his lead. Even in retirement, he
still thinks of constructing a modern structure that will be the embodiment of
his once reputable stance. Not that his reverence has withered, but his
position was questioned by one of my grandads owing to the fact that other
people have gone two strides while he has remained with the good old
conventional tenets instead of copying the avant-garde that once came to
solicit for direction from him.
While
there is erratic power from the inconsistent lines that serves our area in
terms of electricity, forcing them to acquire over-priced solar panels that you
have to feed daily by paying some cash in order to continue lighting up the
house. Still, there is no proper supply of water in our area. The drought that
had forays with fitful rain in the just ended season contributed in the area
that is found near the equator to dry up and the worst part is that women and
those people who fetch water have to walk far distances to find the commodity
now likened to gold. Crops have failed and the corn fields where casual labourers
wielded in the hope of reaping are now used to feed cattle. The peasant farmers
are despondent.
Reminds
me of a time when a certain shampoo-like liquid was used to hoodwink people
that it would solve the perennial food-shortage in our rural only for crops to
fail resulting in a dearth. That season, the supplier of the inept fertilizer smiled
all the way to the bank as hapless farmers were left to shoulder the loses of
having taken in advice that was catastrophic in terms of contributing towards
good yield. Realistically, this should be a hardship area. Yet policies passed by
lawmakers have rendered it a place that is self-sustaining, which is awesome as
it adds to stature but fallacious in terms of the wellbeing of people who
reside in this area.
Since
it is almost approaching the electioneering season, one chap suggested that an
aspirant who was keen on reaping from the area can either dig a borehole, or
bring a water bowser to wow the ladies for at least a month and his or her name
will be a song in the area resident’s mouths. Am not a not a political
strategist and even though I know how politics shapes the economy of the
country, there is little or no desire in my intuition to immerse myself in the
murky waters that can be dogmatic and sycophantic.
In
retrospect, I can say this was a mixed year full of ups and downs. At the beginning,
I was all lamenting about the lack of jobs since I was in some kind of
frictional unemployment. Yet when I got somewhere in an MNC which I sometimes
run into gen about that which am studying, I am feeling like am again in a
structural kind of unemployment. Indeed, I feel there is a mismatch of what I
am wired to do and what I am doing. But given the fact that I am at the lowest
cadre of employees, my plea for change has been unforthcoming. Yet my dashboard
is red. A sign that I just have to plead hard or because I cannot perform, I
exit before the axe finds me.
This
is my confession. Obviously, I have been like a toy being swung around by those
who have authority over my stay in the bank. Already, I have got a transfer
letter and I am jittery now that there is too much pressure on three forces
that sometimes make me feel like I need to take a break from one and focus on
that which is material and not back-pedaling. First, I have this lady who I
think I have been playing cat and mouse games with for long I feel like she
should just find a beau who will make her feel like a lady and take her to
where she wants to be- married. Though, I like and love her, when things are
not moving, you have to let go. It’s sad but, given the turmoil that I am currently
in, I will only be a baggage as opposed to a solution to her new-found
overtures that have been promising. Still, I want her to get someone else to
compare me with. Like I have been this good guy she toys with then when she
feels like exiting, she does and returns thinking I am a stone that is devoid
of feelings, hell no, am human.
Well,
I don’t feel like writing is bothersome. It goes and comes back gratuitously.
So it does not fall into a category that gives me internal pressure. Lastly, there
is pressure from CFA Institute. This one though, I love because I enjoy reading
knotty stuff in as much as it enlightens on so many fronts. The pressure is
internal. I have written about it and am not going to engage so much in it
again.
The
year in wait comes with so much to ex ante (in investment lingo it means expect).
I am expecting to get a new job and to embark on the final level of my studies.
It really feels good to pass exams. Though the feeling is transient, there is
normally that joy that you have done your part and it’s now up to nature to
reward you. If it does not, you have a life to live. Given that there are
people who see you as their role model, you have to sometimes pretend even when
it’s tough. Hope, the Oldest Man up high hears my prayer and grants me
something relieving in due course.
Sometimes,
I usually feel like I have let down those who surround me. Even though I am not
accountable, I still feel that pressure that even after studying laboriously, I
still am not able to match even those who dropped out and are independent and
taking life by the collar. They make me feel challenged. It is as if am not
doing things right.
What’s
next? It’s high time this bugger moved away from contentment towards a
challenge that will harness my potential. That should be soon because serenity
and laxity may make me forget that there is more than just writing a blog,
maintaining it even though it is kind of dormant, working to be seen you are in
a job while in reality there is no prospect of breaking even and the list is
endless.
Hasta
La Vista baby.
[Picture Source: Waiting]
