Matthew 7:7 “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and
the door will be opened.”
If you have a job, you are through with the ask part. Probably, you have to act
on the seeking and being opened the doors of your endeavours.
Translating the bible is not what I am good at. If I was, my debut in the
seminary would not have been an issue. I would have long gone there and hid
myself behind the “Holy Walls” and immersed myself in the whole journey of
ordination and proclamation of the gospel; prostration, anointing hands, giving
of the chalice and paten and sign of peace. That oath of celibacy was what I
cannot contend with.
However I had some disturbing stories of some of those popery priests and they
are disconcerting.
Joinno Ten. I give it up to this man for his mastery of deception. If you want
to manipulate people into buying your ideas, don’t be too boisterous and
puerile. This especially applies to situations where individuals are not
children who only think hypothetically instead of abstractly and intensively.
This situation is usually untenable and void unless you aptly have cognizance of the
people you are dealing with to be of hunker down intellectual viscosity.
Any man who engages in conmanship should back it up with the way he dresses and
also in his general mien, not forgetting to be as realistic as possible.
Joinno Ten, not his real name is a lecturer in Daystar University. He has a
strong bias for business and he said he was in the process of clearing his PHD.
That was a very good overture owing to the fact that he wanted to be a good
tutor on core business skills.
“I am single and born-again.” Those were his first words upon entry into our
class (job searching led me to a job training class). “I am standing in for
your lecturer who has been held up somewhere.”
Impression matters. It is said that irrespective of what you do, the first 15
seconds of how you conduct yourself matters to people who have never seen you.
Video evidence also corroborates the same as has been found out in most
research carried out.
“There is a difference between lecturing in a public university and training
students like you for the job market. I am not here to lecture; I am here to
train you on the business skills required in the job market. I want to change
your attitude. Yes to make you look at the bigger picture.”
“I love marketing. You were taught there are two Ps that matter in marketing;
people and place. There are ideally 4 Ps in marketing. Product, Place, Price
and Promotion. ”
He went on and intimidated on a practical approach on how the four Ps in
marketing work.
I was impressed. I am that kind of person who likes seating on the right wing. And
on that day he had influenced my emotions ideally in the sense that the
emotional part of the brain is located on the right side.
While Joinno Ten was to facilitate on human resource management, he told us he
had a passion for marketing and he therefore dwelt a tad on the topic.
“I came up with the course manual of this program. I don’t like lecturing, not
when students are looking at their watches waiting for the time when the
lecturer will finish lecturing.”
I must commend Joinno Ten for being such a lively lecturer. He made two and a
half hours have a segue flow as one never easily noticed that he was lecturing.
It was engaging and fun listening to him (better than the lecturer he was
standing in for). The anecdotes that he sneaked in occasionally while the
lecture was in progress were delectable and invigorating.
“My nine year old daughter has a bank account with Sh.987000. She has her own
car and knows the essence of managing it. In the meantime, I have told her that
the car is mine but registered under her name.
I don’t want these Nairobi men to come cheat her when she has come of
age with their small toys to hoodwink her using their cheap contraptions. In
fact, she is well taken care of academically since the insurance cover I have
taken for her lasts for the next ten years. I am paying a hefty sum for the
same and I want her covered till the first four years of completing university”
Meanwhile, I was getting curious. This man was looking disheveled but dolce in
his harangue. The kind you see on the streets preaching to earn a living when
in reality they want fare back home having seen the gullibility of those seated
on the frustration benches and their ease of giving if well motivated. He was
lanky and looked elderly from afar even though his talk was grandiose and
pompous. His bespectacled face looked funny since he had huge metallic rimmed
spectacles since his face was thin making him look like a cartoon. Again his protruding
high cheek bones gave the impression that he was indeed struggling to make ends
meet. His visage did not accentuate the figures he was brandishing though. His
belt was kind of cheap and the shoes looked dusty not forgetting the slightly
torn trouser at near his zipper if one had a closer scrutiny.
You can change Sh.1000 into millions. All you need to do is to effectively use
the 4 Ps taught in marketing and you are good to go. When you know your
temperaments, it’s easier to relate with people. But who wakes up every morning
to read on the temperaments s/he got and relates them to the people he engages
in business with.
“The journey of 1000 miles starts with a single step. I realized there is so
much potential in the place I stayed. Being ingenuous, I hired the services of
a cobbler who has been selling me Safaricom scratch cards for the past four
years. I only buy him two cups of tea and two mandazi and he does the duty like
a routine.” He did some quick calculation and from it,
he earned a net of
Sh.35000 after deducting all expenses.
“In fact when I usually go to collect my cash at the end of the day, if he has
other things to attend to, he ceases doing them and attends to me. ‘Professor,’
he calls me. ‘Here is your money’. We then chat for a while before I leave for
my house in Mountain View.”
“There are three thieves in this world. The hobos who smear their hands with
stools and try to rob you off your money. The thugs who come to your house, or
those who rob you in a matatu.”
“In fact the matatu doli capax have
ingenous ways of robbing commuters since they usually alarm those they are
seated next to belt up through falsifying that the cops are a stone throw away
while in reality, they are charlatans who are also equally kleptomaniacs. Their
intention is normally to keep you involved as they steal from you while you are
tying your belt. The third thief is none other than Joinno Ten. But I am very
silled and like Safaricom, I do it subtly.”
“Talking of matatus, since I have done marketing, I know what commuters want. I
ensure that my matatu has shock absorbers each worth Sh.20000 and the rims
rotate each time it is revving ready for leaving. Whenever it is waiting or
passengers, it bounces up and down like a cock does on seeing a hen. It parks
next to Graffins in Westie and has a loyal clientele that has become accustomed
to it that they can patiently wait for it as it makes its way to town and back.”
“Nganya yako inaitwa aje.” I asked.
“Don’t worry. I have done law and psychology. I have financial management
skills and can easily influence the thoughts of most of those I employ. Here is
how I have been able to be rich while exploiting human capital.
I usually tell my drivers that I only want Sh.4000 every day. That amounts to a
cool Sh.1200000 in a month. In a year I am able to make 1.2 million after
deduction of all expenses. What do I tell my driver? I tell him if he is able
to give me sh.4000, after four years, the matatu becomes his. This prompts the
chap to work twice or thrice as hard. Before the end of the day, I am able to
make about sh.9000 because the sh.4000 is usually in my account by 1000hrs. I
am getting rich quicker. While it would have taken me four years to make 5
million. I make it in less than 2 and a half years. ”
Joinno is not in the business of lecturing for money. While most lecturers are
in the business to get money, he was in it to change the attitude of youthful
Kenyans who are deficient of skills but full of hypothetico-deductive knowledge
which they don’t know where to apply because firms have become too stringent
with the experience requirement.
Someone should come up with a course in university called experience. It will
be a booming business as most youths have the knowledge but lack experience.
Repeated knowledge and workmanship in some contexts add no value especially if
the skills required are the same. A seasoned individual may possess the
knowledge which may not have been augmented to handle the emerging trends while
some rookies in the industry; train and even go for further training to acquire
professional skills complete with the knowledge on current trends in the
industry and still there are no jobs for the youth. Some analogue companies
especially in the private sector hold onto the senile men and women who
probably never know that their time is nigh. Still, they never retire. Some
even know how to adjust their ages so that they are young forever. Those who
work in the immigration industry have a way of easing this desire.
“My matatu is never stopped by the police. All the policemen in Westlands know
me. Some even stop my matatu to the curb when it is empty even in places where
passengers are not carried so that it can carry them because it is a car high
on demand. It has a very wide screen inside. Since I know how to market, I also
ensure it has the latest music and free Wi-Fi password glares at a passenger upon
entry.” He continued.
“I have taught my daughter how to make money and save. Every Sunday, she calls
the cab driver of her car to take her to the swimming pool. She needs not call
me. She bought herself an Iphone 6 upon release in the market because she can
afford it. Each time she goes for her swimming, she knows that the income from
the cab business is forgone. I have taught her about opportunity cost. Again,
she never swims in these polluted and congested swimming pools which are not
heated when it gets cold, she goes to those located in high end five star
hotels or to places she is invited because of her social class in society.”
He told us that he has taught her daughter responsibility. She washes her own
dish after eating even though he has several domestic mangers. Her daughter
never goes to the Kenyan education system. Her performance in British system
was encouraging and motivating. She was mostly top of her class and that meant
she was aware of most of the things children her age were not aware of.
Her daughter had her own laptop and Ipad (I only got my PC when I got to
campus). She knew what brand she liked and had settled on Apple products
because of the aura of sophistication they portrayed. Every Tuesday and Friday were
days when she was taken for Pizza.
At that point, my suspicion was proved right. Tuesday and Friday are days meant
for the plebeians to go and partake of the chow as they are offered in doubles
hence those whose financial muscles are not brawn can be able to go and relish.
Why? The few times I have gone for the same are quite different from the normal
regular days when such offers are not offered. You will not have to wait for
long hours before being served and the quality of what you are offered is
usually very high and worth each and every penny spent. Undeniably, anything on
offer is usually of very low quality if the price is slashed to half or the
good is sale by date and the stocks are either not moving.
“I was teaching my prospective wife in a lecture like this and decide to use
some out of the box seductive skills to ensure ‘ameingia box yangu.’ I did ask
her ten things she liked about her brother and father. I was quietly noting
them down. When she was through, I started aping what she had told me about the
two. Since I never wanted to let the cat out of the bag, I convinced her to go
out with me on a date so that she could be able to see my fiancé. She easily
agreed for the date. Twenty minutes into the date, my fiancé was not insight.
After about half an hour, I called my date. And do you know who I was calling.
I was calling her and she was seated next to me.”
The lady was flattered and smitten and with no time she was her girlfriend and
later she became his wife. He had taught her medical doctor wife in Daystar
University. She mostly worked during the night shift in KNH. Do some doctors
work only during the nightshift or the profession has no shifts? One of our
personal doctors who signed my letters to join a certain institution told me
that he was just from the wards and sulked at how he had to work tirelessly as
a doctor. Sometimes he had to do without sleep.
“Kenyan men don’t know how to treat their ladies. Up until now, I have to open
the door of my car to let my wife in. She also does the same to me when I have
to drive in her car. That way, we have been able to remain as wife and husband
for a very long time.”
Joinno was a good story teller. He told us that he never gives lectures on some
of the things students can easily find on Google. As such, he told us to go and
google the answers to some of the questions we were required to have gen on.
But most lecturers hate pulling info directly from the internet. They abhor it
because it is a rival to their eke. Again, that amounts to plagiarism.
When the lecture came to an end, I exited and went to the Gents with my friends
where we laughed and the careful choice of stories by Joinno Ten. However we
were in agreement that he was a good storyteller. With regard to the
authenticity of the stories, they were as cheap as the tie he wore, probably an
acquisition from G-Mall (Gikomba).
We ‘chambuad’ him and came to a conclusion that he could make a good pastor in
down town Nairobi. What with his braggadocio on his adeptness in writing people
winning CVs and Cover letters.
All in all, the next day, the genuine lecturer came and intimated on the ease
of getting lecturers in Nairobi for a paltry sum. I looked at my friend and
smiled. Joinno Ten was actually a hustler (high chances are). And he was full
of wishful thinking.
SITUONANE.
[Photo Source: Unsplash]
