THE INTERVIEW

There are companies that you never knows exists and if they do, they are tacked in the middle of nowhere where a prospective job seeker may have no opportunity to drop a CV if you intended to. This reminds me of Courage the Stupid Dog. Always ready to rescue his master even though the senile bugger would never appreciate the efforts of his only source of solace with his equally aging wife when things went haywire. Nowhere Newspaper and their house located in the desert made the cartoon a must watch even though I was in high school.

As usual, when you are called for a job interview, there are usually two things; it is either you qualify or fail. Someone said that ‘Interviews are conversations in which one person is trying to obtain extensive facts or information from another, usually by asking questions. It bridges the gap between geniuses and the common understanding person. The interviews should be conducted in a professional manner for the complete flow of the dialogue and interviewers should take note that they have to use simplistic language to avoid the issue of interviewees discomfort with vulnerability.’

A mate told me of how he attended a job interview and I was really fascinated. Since it was a referral, he went to the interview and arrived late. He used the wrong vehicle to deliberately arrive late. Obviously, his heart was not in the job. He was attending the interview as a partial fulfillment to a call he had been obliged to adhere to. He never got the job, partly because he found that it was paying peanuts and the second reason was he performed dismally in the interview premeditatedly.

How can someone arrive thirty minutes late for an interview and again all sweaty? Being a heavily built individual, walking is not his thing. He was also dressed semi casually and again, his shoes were full of dust as a result of the long walk he had gone through to make it to the offices where he had to be interviewed. Poor boy, he degraded his sender and later told me if he had known the place, he would have gone with slippers, ouch.

Then there was another chap who quoted a very huge figure to deliberately scare off the prospective employer not to employ him. When asked why he wanted the sum, he clearly gave out procedurally the reason and qualifications not forgetting his desire for a better standard of living even though the company could not clearly afford the sum he had stated.

In all the two cases, there was a common factor. All the two individuals were not passionate about the job they were going to do. As such, they deliberately flopped in the interview even though they were not sure of when they would be attending another with the ever competitive job-market where it is tricky to get employed or even get to be interviewed by a prospective firm.

Having whiled away enough time, I was therefore ready to attend an interview as an intern. Indeed, even internships are like jobs where several people are interviewed because the labour market is flooded. I remember watching “The Interview.” It was indeed a very assertive movie full of intricacies because it is virtually impossible to interview Kim in reality.

Dave Skylark gave it his all and even though it was full of fiction from the start to the end, it gave me an idea of how to approach an interview. Interviews are everyone’s Achilles heel. They cause stomach spiders and anxiety. Few have the courage and stamina to attend such important occasions in life without preparing in advance. And I am among those who appreciate the fact that interviewers are also human likewise the interviewees.

I got a message requiring me to attend an interview on Mombasa Road (as an intern). Having been jobless for a very long time, this was an opportunity of a lifetime. I was imagining getting the requisite wealth of experience that almost all companies want irrespective of the experience being recurring. The firm was large, owing to its roots to Uncle Sam and having been established at the wee years of the 19^th century. However, I was not very excited. Having been a good reader of Business Daily, I had read of the closure of some of its plants. All in all, when an opportunity comes your way, you invite it in and take it with open arms. Just like a visitor is to a conservative African house.

That meant I had to do some research. I did call a buddy who had some gen on the firm and who also had some pal working for the said firm. When my buddy got back to me, he did not have any soothing words of the impending interview. I was awestruck. ‘Why was I among those to be interviewed when all along the gender of the potential interns had already been determined?’ I did meditate. In fact, many companies have this silent requirement that ladies should be given the first priority. Indeed, the constitution has caught up with a majority of companies that never applied the gender a third rule of ensuring that they have one third of women as part of their employees.

I also did hit Dr Google, the answer to all questions whether banal, simple or byzantine. Alas! The situation was neither portent or grim as I had earlier envisaged. Its prospects in the bourse were also laudable. Linked In did give a detailed profile of some of their employees and what more could I expect. When you have nothing, something no matter how mundane it may be, it becomes lemonade.

 After Dr Google, I went to a trustworthy site, YouTube. Again, I went to the video site for purposes of interviews. There are so many subscriptions I had subscribed to on how to conduct myself when attending an interview. Mostly it had to do with body language, diction and possible questions to expect and how to answer them. Generally, it did not let me down. Ahoy, I also remembered Carol Musyoka’s article on inane questions interviewers ask. It had been adopted from influencer Liz Ryan’s article on ‘Smart answers to stupid interview questions.’ As such I could succinctly say that I was indeed well prepared.

When you are to attend an interview, you need to be much spruced and look chic. You need to be in your best; be it clothing, shoes et al. Your confidence and self esteem should also be at its best. Even when you are never among those who adhere to being conservative in clothing, you are obligated to be in those clothes you have placed somewhere unknown in your wardrobe.

Oh, a day before the interview, I went to my barbershop. The one that offers very many services you pay an arm for the service because you not only go for a shave but also you go for exclusive treatment (I love the experience because it’s one of a kind). I don’t regret having spent the much I did to look elegant. Are we not supposed to look well groomed and modish for an important event like this in life?

On the day of the interview, I woke up very early, say 0500hrs. Something unusual happened. I did not know the offices of the place where I was to go for the interview. I had enough time though. Time to Google because Google Maps gave me the exact time I would take (devoid of jam which was absent anyway) and the location of the offices. That done, I was good to go and very conversant.

It being a Friday, I had this feeling that adorning a suit would not be worth it (Chances are it did cost me the position, maybe). All in all I was smart, dressed for whatever lay ahead. I did board a mat to Nyayo and from Mombasa road to the offices. Unlucky me, I was not observant enough and the mat went with me about five miles away from the place I was going for the interview. I had to take another matatu back to the place of appointment.

The offices had this flair of flamboyance. The sentries were quite receptive and cordial. The kind who treats you like a boss even though they can qualify to boss you over matters papers. You feel good and saunter like a peacock even though you know you will only be a statistic in the job interview because the gender had been predetermined.

Ideally, you arrive ten minutes before the designated time and realize that this is a dream place to work in. What with the spacious rooms that are well air-conditioned in the dried out and lonely location near Ukambani. This complimented by the fact that the lawns are well maintained and in the event you get to drive, you would never have to part with hefty sums for parking fees.

Inside, the doors are automated  and well secured and upon arrival, you are given a form to fill on the job you want. Instructions are very important. You read all the instructions and get excited by the question requiring you to state the pay you want. In fact, while answering the questions and giving your bio data, you long gone forget that male candidates are not eligible. The only eligible candidates are female. Statistics never lie and the number of ladies chosen to attend were double that of men.

You feel like telling the dude that this thing is for the ladies but rescind. You never want to dash the hopes of a job seeker because you are not sure of how the chap is going to perform. There is something about earning a position. It has to do with being extremely good and convincing. Being extremely good is not something that you wake up and find existing in you. You need to nurture it with time. The best of the best usually take their time to hone their skills. Which reminds me of the movie ‘Whiplash.’ Neeman had to fight for the position of being a drummer. I also thought that in this interview, I had to give it my all, who knows, the panel might change their mind altogether.

I did chat with the dude and even though I never got his number, he was quite buoyed. He was called in before we could engage in further discourse. He looked timid but I could not be able to read his mind.

When he went for the interview, all the ladies who were gibbering loudly all of a sudden went mum. The waiting room was pin drop silent. I remember writing a poem on the behavior of the ladies but felt that it was not all that worth it after all. Soon the ladies forgot about the tension and did engage in their banter, yakking loudly you thought they had got the internship already.

One of the ladies came and sat next to me. She was anxious. She told me about the fact that she had never been in a panel interview and as usual I did try to give her hope. Hope that those who were to interview her were human and all she needed was confidence.

Since I had taken tea with some wheat products while at home, I was feeling very thirsty. I looked around the reception but never saw any water dispenser. Unlucky me. I had to contend with the situation. I talked with the chic for a short while before I took a leave from her. I was feeling thirsty, I knew that the washrooms had some water so I went and inquired from the receptionist on the location of the washrooms.

Being a little bit nervous, I was also feeling like peeing and farting. I went to the WC and was shocked to be greeted by two sausages of stools that had not been flashed. I closed my eyes, flashed the toiled and went to the urinals and did my thing. I felt like going for a long call but realized I had nothing to pelt.

After finishing, I looked in the mirror and saw that I was well groomed and ready for the interview.

Two ladies went to the interview after the dude and they took approximately fifteen to twenty minutes with the panel each.

When my time for being interviewed reached, I went inside. It was a conference room. Initially, we had been given some leakage on the type of questions that the panel was asking by the three who had gone for the interview. They were the usual questions; tell us about you, tell us about this company and questions relating to the profession we had been called to interview for.

Upon entry, I realized the barrier that existed between the interviewers and me. The huge conference table did not allow what I would call an intimate handshake to create that vital repertoire. Even if I was to give the firm handshake, I was clearly disadvantaged. I would have struggled for nothing. As such, I was told to sit without having a chance to apply the same force on the palm that I had intended to shake. Again the interviewers were seated a distance from each other and that was also a drawback.

I took my seat. It was a seat that clearly gave me the inferior position. I was facing the interviewers and my back was facing the door. I was seated in a position in such a way that we formed a triangular like figure with the interviewers being the base and I the apex. I was caged. But I decided to feel at home. This was not the first time I was answering a panel. I had previously.

The first question was on personality, schooling, experience and all that. I did answer. It is like going to an exam room and realizing there is a question that you had all along been preparing for. You give it your best, right. I was asked a number of questions which I thought were stupid because almost all interviewers ask them. Questions you think were directly pulled from Google. But a STAR analysis question caught me off guard. I thought of a situation where I had to perform a task and the activity that would enthrall to give a good result, but my mind went blank. My creativity and swiftness had been nabbed. Ok, I wanted to impress. I wanted to give a creative masterpiece that would leave their tongues wagging. Something only McGuiver could pull off when caught in a tricky situation.

The most inane question that I had to answer had to do with, ‘If you were an animal, which would you be and why?’

I had been expecting this question. Only that I was not able to give it my all. In the stupid questions interviewers ask, there was an answer that had impressed me. It went like this. “Is that part of the company interview script?” That way you shift the goal back to the interviewer. But I never asked the question.

I answered that if I was one (an animal), I would have been a cheetah; Reasons, one because it is fast and swift and two because if it sets its eyes and mind on a target, it never misses. Initially, I had thought of saying a human being. Because a human being is rational, knows how to follow instructions. Has feelings and will talk about things because human beings are also animals. However, I thought wise not to appear too brazen and know-it all. So I answered like a meek lamb to gain the much needed acceptance and result even if they had set their minds on having ladies; the job. It would have given me a head start. I would have kissed hustling goodbye, I would have got the temerity to start on a journey of financial independence.

On completion, I realized my mouth was dry. Saliva was abating and the more I talked, the more I appeared uncool. I wanted water. The pastries I had eaten in the morning had turned against me. When I exited the room, I went straight to the gents to wash my mouth even though the water is usually not so pure because of the germs and waste that is associated with the room. It was a relief.

Looking back, I am happy because I attended the interview. Ideally, I should have performed very well. For instance, I had heard of cases where there were some predetermined candidates in interviews, but as fate would have it, the candidates never earned the position as those who went for the interview who outshone the former. Unlucky me, I was a pale shadow because I never even got a regret call or message. That’s how dismal I was in the interview. Perhaps I should concentrate on things I know best. In the meantime, life continues. Maybe, just maybe I will be called for another interview. Who knows? Life is so dynamic and full of surprises. Today’s adversity does not have an effect on tomorrow’s luck. But if tomorrow ever comes, I will sing the song of joy. Like “This is the day that the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it. This is the day; this is day that the lord has made.”

Not being served with a hot drink with some snack was a let down on the part of the firm. Again, there should have been gender parity in those interviewing. How can men only be conducting an interview? I did comprehend why they wanted ladies in this firm.

After getting the results of the interview from my buddy that I had failed, I did listen to Whitney Houston’s ‘Where do broken hearts go’ and Michael Learns ‘Breaking my heart.’ But as they say, the best things in life never come easy. You have to sweat and when you get them you will get a leeway to a goodstart.

Maybe the HR manager should have contacted me as to why I had not made it. A regret letter on what influenced them not to consider me as a candidate of choice would have been welcome. As such, I would not have based this on probable surmise. Sharing the information on my weakness to improve on the same would have been very vital as I would have made use and acted on the gen provided.

SITUONANE.

[Photo Source: Google Images]

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HOW TO MAKE IT NAIROBI WHEN YOU ARE NOT PAID WELL.

‘Ma Narobi’ is a luo phrase used to chastise the rural folk who make it to Nairobi and find the going inimical much to their chagrin of a city that has become more sedentary and reclusive as the going gets tougher by day. Jobs are getting fewer to come by and the harsh economic times does not augur well for those whose hustling abilities have not been highly honed to make it in this dog eat dog unsympathetic city. The existential security threats and the overrated penchant for things illusory is quite mind boggling. Sham scams are the order of the day and everyone knows of a person who has been conned or swindled off their money because every being wants to make it.

The number of young men and women who spend their day watching the latest series and movies   by Americans is alarming. But you cannot blame them because many think that they are spending their hours productively while in the process incurring their guardians and parents a lot in terms of the ever increasing electricity costs. Watching pirated movies it appears is the best past time, in the process killing artistry all in the name of killing idleness. The rural areas are even better because you can get a job just like that.a

But as a prospective intern (I will write about the interview attended) and a jobless bugger in search for greener pastures, I normally take stock of the far I have got, where I am headed to and what I will have achieved. I am still lethargic about coming up with goals the night before dawn of the oncoming day to execute them on the given day.

Every time I sit down to write about the rigmaroles of a job seeker, I usually want some form of motivation which is elusive and in retrospect utterly absent. The average youth is full of vengeance at the protracted struggles he/she undergoes in order to make money. He is emaciated with the hope of ever getting to get there. He/she lives hoping things will change.

Nairobi is increasingly becoming callous and untoward to the average bloke on the streets. The yawning hiatus between the haves and have nots is widening as the day goes by. Some nondescript contractor is winning tenders to supply goods, build roads or houses and the list is endless. The government has no proper oversight because EACC is plunging day by day due to some forces beyond its tentacle rein. Those who want to eat are more than those who struggle to make ends meet. As such they make the lives of the majority harder because of the kickbacks they receive.  

Then there are chaps who are way above owning luxurious items. They can be said to be doing deluxe. Angelo Petrucci, Chief Master Tailor for Brioni landed in the country courtesy of Little Red. His stay probably leaves a sour taste in my mouth. He has orders from the filthy rich who know that money has no feelings and they therefore don’t give a damn about how much they spend to look chic, spruced and having a flair of a difference demarcating them from the common man. How comes a person (the likes of Ahmednassir) spend in excess of $.10000 on a designer suit while you are left to read about the trappings of the plush display of extravagance which leaves you with the mouth wide agape. Is that not tantamount to being prodigal?

Kenya has about 18 million poor people. Those that go a day without a decent meal. Yet a ritzy hotel offered a Valentine getaway of romantic rendezvous with a package of about Sh.2.4 million to a couple who probably got the shekels on sleazy grounds because the pay for most executives never exceed three million in most cases. In either way, chances are the room had been probably overbooked. While most think that this is a rara avis, in actual sense, most of the city godfathers have more money and James Mwangi’s Sh.440 million earning of bank dividends from his more than six percent shares in Equity bank was a laudable amount. The 2.4 million was just a drop in the ocean if he was to spend because it would have been like pocket change.

Talking of Equity Bank, there is a prodigy in being a member of the bank because they are the certified lenders of most money released through government exchequer. In other banks, you have to make to do with transfer fees and that means the pay you get only diminishes especially if it is meagre.

While economists have recalculated the GDP of the country through the revision of the base year from 2001 to 2009, the benefits have not trickled down to the common man. This means Kenya is the ninth largest economy with a gross national index of $.1160 meaning it has surpassed the threshold of $.1030.

Rasnah Warah posits that “Corruption, money laundering, fraud including fake shell companies, stock market manipulation, under-invoicing, poorly thought-out contracts with players in the extractive industry, organized crime, drug trafficking and other criminal activities have contributed to these illicit financial flows.”

Being jobless is not a crime, and it is the reason why I have decided to horn my writing skills because there is fulfillment in it. We cannot all be entrepreneurs, some people are better managers, others know how to execute their talents and so on an so forth. While our leaders may have given rise to a still birth economy, the lack of political will to address the plight of the youth and giving the masses empty promises because most people loved being lied to since politics is arguably about who tells the best lie convincingly even if the masses know that the utterances are sweet and gullible empty talk.

Anecdotal evidence however shows that Nairobians are a very witty people. They know how to survive the stormy weather even if times get fermented. They look at life in 3D and act faster like they have 4G in their brains. Many wish for a time when they will be financially secure. They come up with businesses that never see the light of day, most are under conception. They keep hope alive that someday things will go north. But a friend told me that it is very easy to be an overnight millionaire in Nairobi. How? He never knew. The likes of Dennis Itumbi made it through blogging and though many thought low of him, his street-wise intelligence made took him places.

In Nairobi anything is possible. The days when you are hustling are some of the best days. Some friends usually are of the opinion that they cannot take some jobs because they are paid wages and the tasks and responsibilities are debasing and demeaning. They are graduates who have set high standards. They know what they want. I loved one who said that Sh. 15000 was a paltry figure and not a salary but wages a domestic manager (read maid) is given for her productive services that are usually very burdensome in a whatsapp group I am a member. Then there is a master’s graduate who operates a motorcycle having been employed by his younger brother. Fukes!

It’s hard out here for a job seeker. Even the sentries know this and chances are there are some graduates among them with superfluous degree papers who are holding onto their jobs hoping that one day they might just be smiled upon by lady luck. And then the number of people writing to give hope to the youths and teenagers that getting good grades in high school to secure good courses in campus such as law actuarial science and medicine does not mean success in life. Woe unto you if you buy into the idea because grades sometimes matter on how successful one becomes in life.

If my reading serves me right, the richest people in the world have been to or were university graduates or drop-outs. If a person thinks that failing in high school will lead into something better in life, then he is all alone. Failing means the hurdle gets tough while you could lax it by just reading to pass exams if you have the brains and chance. But again it also inhibits one’s prospects if he or she has no nerve to fight it out in this ever changing world that is full of bustle. I hate it when a person thinks that school school is only about cramming and memorizing content to pass exams. Bulshit, if it was so, everyone with high potential in cramming would have gone to the course of his choice. Again passion does not mean you will do that which you wanted. Instead, people should grab opportunities and make a lemonade out of a lemon.

To make it in Nairobi, one needs to be very suave and humble. Like one pal who intimated to me on the dirty tricks he uses to make it to town on a daily basis. His daily spenditure averages Sh.100 exclusive of breakfast and supper. Out of the sh.100, he spends sh.40 on transport and the rest on a meal that is balanced. The meal consist of two chapattis served with beans which retails at Sh.50 and a banana that goes for sh.10. Other times, he takes a brunch and ends up spending only sh.40 on transport. This means he can change whatever he eats at lunch.

As a very witty chap, he adroitly knows how to ensure the receipt he is given on aboard the train is safely kept so that he uses it in the morning on his way to town. His adept at doing it has made him save a lot of money in the process. But again it has to do with being paid peanuts. You need to survive. Someone somewhere is benefitting from the fact that youths are unemployed.

Hitherto, I had never knew where the holoi poloi of Nairobi ate in. With prices in places like Club 36 having risen, it is just fair that someone had to come up with a cheaper avenue to address the delicate matter of issues to do with the belly. Arguably, the number of women selling cheap food has increased sporadically. They are street smart as they know areas where they have a target market who has not been adequately catered for.

But cheap also means the comfort and pride of an individual is compromised. The service is mediocre and there are no seats, one has to stand. Again, there is no surety of adherence to cleanliness especially at the point of preparing the meal. Hygiene issues aside and the fact that this is usually a makeshift eating avenue, the number of those who go to partake of these meals are also well a good number. For a paltry sh.50, you get a variety of meals that you will need to cough five times in places that are housed in that side of town. The place looks like a den and I realized that the number of women doing this brisk business is increasing by the day.

As guys who are hustling to make ends meet, we usually talk of going for mbuzi to our colleagues. We have created the illusion that we spend almost six times the amount we spend on the dish. The lady even knows us. While most people are required to pay before they are served. On our part, we pay after service. But when things get tougher, I usually ring one of my pals who is on the verge of exiting campus for lunch which is usually sumptuous because as a hustler, you never care about the quality but the quantity or other times, just what is enough to fill the belly so that it does not ramble.

Obviously, there are those fries next to Nairobi Aviation sold at sh.30 but most of the time the queue is usually snaking outside and one is forced to go through the discomfort of not only eating chips that are prepared using what people say is transformer oil, but most times, the chips is usually not very appetizing with stains of black spots. Reminds me of my first encounter with sossi which was a pathetic chow owing to the way the cook of the meal had prepared it. It tasted like poorly cooked mushroom. Sossi, however, is not meat. Campus taught me to substitute it for Nyama because it was cheap and readily available and my pal knew how to make a sumptuous meal out of the soya beans.

Safaricom is albeit a good friend for most hustlers. What with their ever friendly products that cater for the need of the plebeian in terms of loans through Mshwari and Okoa Jahazi. While I would have exited the mobile phone operator long ago, I am chained like a dog because they have held the hustler in me hostage. They still overcharge and even times when I have unsubscribed from their products, I usually find them very alluring. Kudos to their Research and Development Department, they know how to entice even when the going gets tougher. Some people however shirk paying their loans not knowing that the credit reference bureau is informed and in the future they might not qualify for loans because the will have been long blacklisted by the firm.

But the best ruse to maneuver in the city is to sometimes take a seat in the frustration benches and watch how it is frustrating to be a Nairobian. Never mind that the kadogo economy is giving you sleepless nights because inflation is on the rise. Lack of rains means the prices of most commodities are rising. While the prices of petrol may have plummeted, the cost of living is still high. A thousand shillings never lasts more than two days. Expenses are never reducing. Ideally, with more money, there are more expenses.

What astounds is the fact that a person who pursued his or her education in either Europe or America is given preferential treatment because Kenyan revere Jungus more than their own. You are never given a better chance because the other person can speak using his/her nose or the queen’s patois which is a plus in the negotiation table. Sad that we don’t trust our own.

What I came to realize is that most youths want better opportunities, they want to go to firms where there is competition which is productive. Competition never kills, it ideally results in making life even better. What most youth want is to work and gain experience that every employer wants before they can be employed. Most employers have termed the youth as half-baked though. As the jobs continue being elusive, the problem is that the number of people who will be inveigled into larceny will be not be abating. The number of abettors might mushroom and the portent of this is that most will end up six feet under or in penitentiary where they might be booked for the rest of their lives or even worse having to wait for the hangman’s noose hoping that one day the big man on the house on the hill will exercise his clemency powers and come to their rescue.

In the meantime, getting out of Nairobi is out of the question. Why? The best stories reside in the city, not forgetting women, cars, casinos and the list again is endless.

SITUONANE

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I WANT TO BE A WORDSMITH.

There are people who write and there are those who are wordsmiths. They write using flowery phrases with seamless segue and you never want to let go of what you are reading because it has some form of satisfaction to you as a reader because the word magician bossomly engages all the five senses subtly only a reader feels the vibe.

Being a wordsmith is not only an art, a talent and a technical skill, it also comes with a following or a retinue that earnestly waits. When you pen something down, everyone in his right sense is caught by the insane creativity and imagination and might even wonder how you did it.

Writing is a technique that spans ages. It involves intrigue, imagination, discourse and conviction. Just to mention but a few. With time it has evolved and will continue undergoing mutation.

That I have failed in my ambitions to be a wordsmith is not a contestable half truth or falsification. I only read more at the expense of writing quality mind boggling and invigorating art pieces that probably should edutaint. It is like am deviating from the norm that I had created when I challenged myself to be a wordsmith which tautologically has been kind of a personal missive. When down, I open and savour the contents like it was belonging to another being.

It's like being a journo gives one the best prelude into being an effective and congenial scribe. Especially print journos who are not afraid to play around with words and manipulate our thought process so that we have this illusion of their brilliantly nurtured inteligencia as they be paper chasing.

Some of the most intelligent people are known to have been great writers and readers and alas, thinkers. The likes of Albert Einstein, Shakespeare and Legion of other literary folks whose works we revere and apply to our day to day lives. As for Einstein his goose could have been cooked had he not made it to the Americas because Goebbels and the indefatigable Hitler would have been hot in pursuit of his obvious Jewish heritage. I am currently reading a Walter Isaacson biography of the world acclaimed genius in both science and art. Albert Einstein.

As I am scripting this piece of gibbery, I am lethargic and having obtunded reflexes because I am not sately inspired to equivocally do it right. Am still reeling from the aversión of mediocrity earlier on displayed by the former quandary that befell yours truly in a panel of uncreative experts who I fell like challenging but owing to my premiere, I thought better naught. Wish I could have done better or come out more brisk. Like having that sonorous baritone that gives me an edge to out manoeuvre peers at the blink of an eye leaving them wide agape. Or that height that transcends the rest to scuttle those vertically challenged into submission and petrifaction amid laxity in opening the mouth to vex about my posture. Height wise I think I am tad challenged. I yearn to be taller though.

Sometimes I usually want to be that beggar who rides on an unbridled horseback like a trained jockey full of illusory societal aspirations. Horses were for the prototypical bourgeois who used them as a transit contrivance in medieval times. Few laymen had the auspicious audacity to have one unless they were cascading the societal vertical ladder to supremacy. Their economic supresión having been a set back in their aspirations left most to be admirers of the draught beast mostly seen during occasional visits to jockey clubs to watch as the connoisseurs displayed their expertise amid cheers and ululations from the electrified crowd.

As a pragmatic individual, I always wish that writing was my Joie de vivre. Writing in 3D and capturing imagery like reading a Sydney Sheldon novel or listening to a romantic ballad that palpitaciones the intrinsic muscles of the heart to lam with uncondensating rapidity synonymous to how Hezekiah felt upon addition of fifteen more earthly years on the verge of his extinction from the vicissitudes of planet earth.

I am an average writer. I have the mettle even though the going is pique for reasons this blog can't explain. Yenning I am to burst from the cocoons of bondage and entrapment so as to explore the greater ability of immortality in the art of scripting.

Sometimes I make sense; otherwise I am a nonsensical writer. Many think I subterfuge yet I am always as realistic as required of me. Or is it that I have adopted a witty charm of dismantling the listeners of my plebeian anecdotes that most have ultimately thought of as foolish owing to my usual good first impression since am bespectacled and wear this big plastic rimmed glasses that give me the flair of a very intelligent scholar.

Many a times some people have told me about my boorish nature and acting puerile. I was once an actor, sometimes am forced to be callous. Damn, even primary school kids intimated the same because I know how to offend especially the emotional right side of their brain when provoked. I can't beat about the bush. Most of those who tell me so are mostly obtuse and inanely thick and as such, I usually try to make them feel at home because it is sanctimonious to be a pious snob when dealing with a person whom you view as a nincompoop.

As I work towards circumventing the barriers of making a wordsmith. My motive is to deride my critics and naysayers into a delectable submission. I want to dismantle their genial idiosyncratic avalanche of not exercising self-effacement at my own bauble alter of penmanship. To subdue their comfort at my behest into thinking their posse are malingering when in reality they are switching ground because they have no more cognate juxtaposition with their royalty.

I might suffer from disdain and being disheveled. But my zeal for a rendezvous is unmatched. That which is wholly defined by a petulant opprobrium and tenets of oblique harangue which is essentially undoubted since its premised by ostentatious misogamy of riley. Frivolously propagated by an evolving decapitation of our morality and the ethical premia we have failed to protect resulting in abrogation of our fragile traditions inherent from our yore folks.

Yet I despise the horrendous itinerary of being held hostage by a barrage of lexical argot intended to embody simple and tacit apprehensive comprehension in my endeavour of construal of my mundane nomenclature of being a deprived quintessentially skillful writer with unmatched renaissance into a new dawn.

Thankfully, the most beautiful thinks in the world are not seen but felt by the heart. I may be a bull in China shop. Because my aversion therapies of countenance buoyed by simplicity have been irrelevant so far. Partly I would never make a difference but slouching on a couch making meaning out of words is something I have to. The ado and reflexes are not as heated. They remain a precursor as I mirror on how best to ameliorate the music in my rhyme scheme.

I want to be that deus en machina who convolutes and gives headaches to the huffish scribes from their yolks of relishing the status quo devoid of being reprimanded. I am not casting aspersions. This is a deuce. Playing it safe and seldom shifting alliance with this innocuous artistry that borders on probity of candour.

SITUONANE.

[Photo Source: Openphoto]

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THE LONG WAIT: THREE ACTS OF STUPIDITY

Gemstone is an object that looks as if it is polished from the most elusive and valuable substance on earth. This valuable stone not only has a technical and scientific aura, but it has some complexity associated with it . The surfaces refracting and radiating sheen on the surface. There are so many gemstones that are found all over the world. The most distinct and notable gems are but not limited to; emerald, beryl, gold, platinum, sapphire, zircon and turquoise.

Here is an analogy I find most compelling.  More than 1000 years ago, an Indian farmer, let his camel rest for a drink on a stream of his property. And as he waited, he looked down to see a rock, that had been tumbled and kicked around more for a few millennia before that. But as he gazed at the black stone, he noticed that it had an eye that reflected the full spectrum of a rainbow. 

With his focused set, he noticed the same stone was strewn abundantly on his property. 

Diamonds. 

That's the legend of the discovery of the most prolific diamond producing sites in the world;Golconda, India. Golconda is origin and one of the richest areas where Hope and the Nassak Diamonds are produced all over the world. These diamond have been able to grace the crowns of monarchs for centuries. 

However Golkonda city is no more as the fort finally fell into ruins after a siege and its fall to Mughal emperor Aurangazeb in 1687 AD.

In Africa we have Blood Diamonds which fince insurgents in war tone zone in some areas where they are produced. The proceeds from the sale of diamonds go into the financing of the activities of the warlords who in turn have militias that rein havoc and amok in the realm that the oversee. 

Is there no difference between Golconda and Blood Diamonds in Central and West African countries?

While there are efforts to streamline the eradication of conflicts through Kimberly Process and Global Winess coupled by efforts of the United Nations, the situation is highly mitigated. Kanye West sung about the blood diamonds. 

The most expensive jewelery, watches and phones are made of diamond. 

Diamond aside, here are the things the acts of stupidity in my opinion

1.      Watching Nigerian movies with inconsistent plots

2.      Living in denial because life has failed to take off

3.      Never washing your hair because you are Rasta

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