A BREATHER

Life happens in strange ways. The guys who were smaller than you become bigger and you are left wondering whether you don't feed well or you have intestinal worms given that as opposed to being in the league of adding,  you are in the loss league.

Someone who saw you months ago thinks you are into getting in shape. Another tells you, 'na umeisha'. It's a combination of many things. But the truth is,  it has more to do with stress than actually being passionate about what makes you happy.

At some point, I got really sick all of a sudden because of having walked a normal distance I used to cover. When I went to the hospital, I started feeling unwell. A cold had resulted in a fever and I had to be tested for everything to find out if I had something in my blood 'kamdudu kanaweza kuwa kamesneak'. They found nothing. That day, I had to be booked for bed rest as I waited to see the doctor. I was OK realistically,  that is according to the doctor. Yet I was not feeling well. My weight had greatly reduced. So in the intent of ensuring I get to spend inside there,  I was given medicine. Medicine that I wake up everyday,  look and feel like they remind me of that day when I was sick but not sick.

Henceforth,  my morale went low. My ambition died,  my reason for living was pricked, and I decided it was time. Now am no longer an employee. I feel more free and can sometime eat. My younger brother is even weighing more than I do. My sister who I live with thinks that I never take ugali and mboga because I don't work for it. I felt like, 'Shit,  this lady thinks it's only the most precious food currently in the country that I don't eat.' Sad that she only thought that I only dont love ugali and mboga. Truth is,  my life is not sweet. I hate that I gave up hope, I hate that I became thin,  I hate that I am where I am. Even chapatti has become unpalatable.

What's worse is that I pass the workplace without feeling a tinge of guilt that they pay me for having not worked. I had contemplated exiting,  but they told me to hold on. Now, I am in a dilemma. Wait,  can't they just sack me now! This is the kind of feeling I have. I sat with my line manager who was feeling like I was doing nothing and felt like telling her, 'Madam, have you ever found someone who sees money and says I don't want money?' If she knows of one,  then am not in that category.

I was to hand her my resignation letter but I have not. I feel empty, and indifferent. She had requested for it. I hate to think of the stress she has to go through because of me. Damn! If I was Ozzy Man,  I would have easily used the name destination fucked, dickhead and pussy in the same line without any ado. Simply put, I just have to be ethical in the face of being debased. Sic.

Am happy that I managed to take a certain lady for lunch, a campus girl. I forgot to ask what her name was,  forgot to ask for her number and forgot to tell her that she is truly a go getter. We met in the library. You meet with a guy,  talk to him for few minutes,  become friends and you don't get pricked asking to be taken for lunch. If she were a salesperson,  which she is given that she sells perfumes,  her client list would be bulging. And that is evident by her WhatsApp messages.

So we went to a modest restaurant in uptown Nairobi. Where a decent meal costs about 500. Initially,  we had planned to go for fries,  but given that it was Friday and that is the day I normally expect some cash, I decided to take her to a midrange eatery. Luckily for me, I also had cash backup in the event money did not show up through Mpesa.

I ordered for fries and sausage. What I never do because I rarely go for lunch. Ever since I relieved myself from walking helter skelter without a reason in the quest for a clientale,  I have been having peace. A reason why I decided to go for lunch with a lady I barely knew. Was she pretty? I bet she can work on that. Say,  she was averagely beautiful.

Then she started telling me about her stay in New York. It's crazy in the land of milk and honey. What's for sure is that you need to sync to new situations faster. When a man washes dishes,  all night and still has a day job to make ends meet, that is itself a real hustle. And the pay? Having a quote on your head in terms of what you are worth is important. Her host was an uncle who did menial jobs to make ends meet. They lived in a three bedroom house. They lived in a house where each bedroom was occupied by a different family with a shared sitting room. But it's easier making money in the US than in Kenya. Right?

More recently, her uncle had decided to be a teacher,  a profession that is synonymous with poor pay. I remember a certain priest from the US telling us the same about teachers in the US since teachers were on strike at about the same time he was in Kenya. A stingy guy who bought Meakins and thought it was better than Gilbeys. I refused to take his digits. Because I hate stingy people.

My guess is that this chic was probably deported, lies. Life was a real hustle for a high school graduate who just found herself in US. Juggling school and still working partime. Though when you are on student visa, it becomes illegal to work and the institution you are in can propagate your derpature and deportation back to the country. You need to be extra careful if you have to work because snitches are also in bulk. Even the person who hires you does it knowing it's risky,  but given you are in need of mullahs, the pay is peanuts and though the working conditions may not be deplorable, the end result is that you end up feeling inadequate. Conclusion, to make it in US,  you have to have thick skin.

Hasta  La Vista,  Baby.

[Picture Source: Pixabay]

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GATE CRASHER

Apparently, the easiest job to nail appears to be these low cadre jobs that experience does not count much. The only thing you need to do is present yourself, get interviewed and start the job. Pankala!

Well, you are probably looking for the wrong job if you still have not yet found a job. A dream job should find you being averagely paid, on peanuts or in an equal status. I have vowed not to immerse myself again in sales. It is something that is personal, yet not such a convincing reason.

Here is why, I am not the multitasking kind of bugger. It seems that I thrive well when I specialize. It's interesting to note that I however love being in the sales fraternity as a blogger. You always have something on your sleeves to write about. Whether it is chasing after pretty ladies you bump into while in the course of duty, frustrating customers you call for ages only for them to disappoint you, easy to sign clients and the pressure to sign new customers .

It is while looking for new customers that I met a certain lady who sells me counterfeit fragrances in downtown Nairobi. I immediately got smitten by her bootylious figure. A lady I admire more for her figure than her prettiness. But when I got close, you can imagine what happened. Or is it that when I started talking to her, the verve to pursue her just plummeted. Maybe it will result in in a J curve kind of intimacy if my pursuit of the main chic does not yield.

Ideally, she was the kind of lady I can do anything to get. Yet, she is not the one I would love to spend the rest of my life with. The one you want to be seen with because men would ogle and wish they were you. She is the kind I would love to be really good friends with. I already know who I want to handcuff with the hardest substance if mullahs come through. As for this ester lady, I will probably get to take her for a date one of this fine days once my repertoire with her solidifies, or gets to the next level. So, you see, sales is after all, a very promising job.

During the week, I attended an impromptu interview. You have no appointment, but because you are adventurous, you give it a shot having gone with a buddy. A friend who nudges you to pursue a venture even though you are lame duck about the future of the organization.

I once read an article or is it an oped by a certain job seeker. The bugger for lack of a better word intimated how he was able to nail the job that was initially meant for a pal he had accompanied to an interview. Actually, he had prepared for the job given that he had read widely about the company they were going to. He did regret somehow because in the end he lost on one end and gained on another. He lost the friend. He gained the job. Chances are this article was written by a lady. Rarely do men catch feelings when you slice them a job because they know that you will eventually come of aid. That’s an assumption that needs null and alternative hypothesis to be carried out to at least come up with an economic conclusion on this matter even though its more social than economic.

I was destined to go to study that day but I was not feeling the vibe (ni ile wakati masomo haiingii). My head was full and I just felt I needed to do something different other than going to study. I hence decided to accompany a colleague to an interview in the city even though I had not even been called for it. Hizi ni zile mi huita interview kienyeji. You are only required to show up and since it is a sales job, you sure can get it just like that.

You see, in many interviews, you must find out details on what the company does, and that can be found online due to internet where you can easily upload information on the company whereabouts. Reminds me of a certain real estate, Simple Homes, a Special Purpose Vehicle that fleeced gullible Kenyans of hard earned shekels. In this case, there was none, just a brochure we were provided with while waiting to be interviewed. In the waiting room, we found ourselves only dudes inside. Now I wish I had recorded the conversation we had with the guys in that room.

There was only one guy in a suit. A rather beat up suit that looked like he is truly struggling. To make ends meet because the sheen on it was not palatable. You know you are dealing with hustlers when the conversation degenerates to how guys have been conned and how crafty conmen incorporate these fictitious companies they use to swindle Kenyans without much notice.

There was this guy who told me of how he once sold jiko okoa carrying three of them going door to door selling it to women at a price relatively high in comparison to the normal jiko. I only wondered how he could carry the load, still be able to seductively sell the benefits and close a sale without even getting a retainer. Given he was in casual wear, I did understand his plight. He had even plied his trade with Delmonte and am here cursing myself for being a bank salesperson. He could sell a jiko at 4 thousand, then be given 200 for his troubles. When shit came to shove, after being trusted with the products, he took five. What happened next is that he changed his phone number. After selling the stuff at throw away price and playing cat and mouse games with the landlord seeing him in branded shirts yet he could not afford to pay rent.

I still think my current employer is among the best that I have ever worked for. Yet, when I ideally look at what I was taking myself to, I was kind of jittery. When you find yourselves in a room and all of you have no idea about the company that you are being interviewed for, then you have to be alarmed. I was not. Since I was feeling like going for a short call, I decided to go ask for the place. Apparently, this office has more modern facilities than our current office, a colonial relic that was first opened more than half a century ago.

The first thing the sentry told me was the acts of a certain lady and a guy who took the opportunity to go and engage in the devil’s dance having found a good opportunity to unleash the tension within. I laughed kimoyo moyo knowing full well that the location of the two sexes toilets was a contributing factor given that most youth are in the experimental stage where raging hormones make them want to engage in dare acts to quench their thirst for commerce.

I was assigned a number. Everyone else in the room was. It was presumed that we had all been invited.

What prompted my decision to go for an impromptu interview? I had been in the office having lost form and deliberating on where to go next in terms of selling. When you have no appointment in the field of sales, you need to strategize quickly. So, I called my colleague who told me to meet him so that we could go and prospect in companies that may open doors later in our quest for figures. Apparently, I hate this idea of being asked for figures why lie.

I found him at our usual meeting point and he looked noncommittal on where we could decide to go. Then he showed me an SMS he had been sent to go for an interview just next door. Initially, I had speculated that the organization was in network marketing. The message had been structured in such a way that I thought it was an organization dealing with investing then invite and the cycle continues.

Apparently, it is a startup. The interview office looked quite good. It was like those things you consider to be too good to be true. When I looked on the door, it was written Space International. I bet this was hired space if am not wrong. We had looked for the building without much notice yet it was just where we were.

When it was my turn to be interviewed, I felt some little bit of guilt. I had stomach spiders but not the lethal ones. It was going to be like gate crushing. One thing I noticed was that the interviewers did not have any shortlist of individuals they had in mind for the interview. There were two gentlemen and a lady. I tried peeping at what the lady was writing but she looked like she was not at all in the mood. Actually, she was lost. What she had written was not convincing enough. Her attire and shoes made me judge her, which I am not supposed to. You see, she was in rubbers and some cheap top that made me feel like I was lost.

The gentleman who was in charge of the interview was also in a broken suit that seemed it had been procured from Gich. That’s probably how startup are. The night before I had listened to how a certain guy grew his start up and thought this was just what I had listened to.

I won’t delve into the questions that they asked in detail. I have even forgot some. But the pay and the quantity of effort you put to me does not add up. In short, even if I will be called to take up the job, I have already developed cold feet. Apparently, getting a sales job should be among the hardest but this looked so easy.

I was in again for the adventure now I have a blog post.

Hasta la vista baby.

[Picture Source: Pixabay] 

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POSTPONED

The sporadic rains that we are currently witnessing have two things in common. One is the fact that they are just that, sporadic and the second thing is that they had been postponed and as such are pouring at present (sic). Which is not a bad idea. On the positive front,  farmers will be happy,  when they are happy we also become happy given our reliance on rain fed agriculture. In the city, for a field guy like me,  it means a chance to escape from the crutiating scorching sun.

Officially,  my quest for quitting the workplace was given a big blow when the employer refused to accept my letter owing to the fact that I had been notified before I had done that.

Well, if it is not for the pay and other factors that are beyond my reach

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PEACE

Does peace mean anything? Does it ring a bell? I am not insinuating about the idea of seeing people in endless strife because of ethnic conflicts, or being held hostage, or like in Syria, citizens killed enmass using chemical weapons of mass destruction. You look at the streets that once thronged with life and everything is gone. Gone are the once lively women who sold their wares while only being afraid of the weather. All there is left is cracked sidewalks, empty gun shells, and broken store fronts laid waste by desperate looters. The once smooth sandstone walls that made the town sunny, even when it was grey and overcast, are now riddled with bullet holes. The streets are like a skeleton, stripped of its flesh long ago by the mercenaries who had no mercy and were high on substance. Working under instructions from a villainous vile of a person.

What am I talking about?

It is about feeling calm. You become silent and still and let hibernation take effect. That is, you cannot hear any sound close by or at a far distance. It’s like being in a coffin. Not even the sound of wailers will resurrect the corpse from the cube to come back to life. Even your own breath seems to die as soon as it leaves your nose. It is an eerie sort of tranquility, the kind that soothes, your senses became heightened. You feel like the prey even though no predator can be detected. Your heart thumps in accordance with slow, shallow breaths. Serenity is plastered across your face and your consciousness swirls in the land of dreams, oblivious to the physical world.

Once you reach the climax of introspection you disengage from the thought process and realize reality is just ahead, not even begging but expecting you to delve straight inside without even seeking permission from you. Déjà vu. It’s spontaneous, your bread crumb trail of ideas start rejuvenating. Only that you are stripped of the inner sanctuary of optimism. Negation has resulted in a carousel of confusion and shackles of fear. Still, like a lion marking its territory, you want to roar and regain the urge to swerve like a cheetah.

Sometimes life happens. We only need to dare by doing to get to the next level. If you remain in a state of gratification, you will probably be overtaken by events and have yourself to blame. Finding peace means getting your act together. And taking the bull by its horns.

It’s time to move to new fronts. I am looking at a time when there will be just me and myself working towards making it big. Like that day I will finish my exam paper, I will take a breather. I have already done away with the first hurdle. Am away on official leave waiting to go back for my termination letter. It’s this kind of acts that make you feel at peace. You reflect and owing to the past insanity that you went through. You realize that it was worth it taking that break from work.

While what awaits may be worse than what was left, the truth is that every step we take in life is a lesson. When you are sacked, it means that you have another chance somewhere else. It also means it is a chance to reflect. To find peace and strategize without being in a hurry.

Hasta La Vista Baby.

[Picture Source: Google Images]

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