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Way back when I was still in primary school, Kantai rapped about
‘Issues’. I had to listen to it again just to be up to date on the lyrics. As a
matter of fact, there was a line that went like, 'I got issues that can't be
absorbed by a tissue.' Am also going through a complicated phase in life. Girly
issues, those that I cannot talk about because they are dear to the heart.
School issues, those that make you a nerd even if you want to be a bubbly
extrovert who oozes a sphere of warmth and a debonair condescending aura. Money
issues, because money is the reason why we do that which we do and live our
lives either in indigence, ease or abundance. And overall, just many issues
that make life a real challenge but since you don't know tomorrow, there is
always that caveat to continue laboring till you get a big break.
There is nothing as troublesome as trying to be in the dating
scene and all you have are just illusions of how it should be. Worse of all is
if the notion that you think you are the party who tries to keep it going. You
are sometimes forced to retract and take that seat on the cliff to ponder about
how life has been in general. Why do ladies behave the way they do? Don’t they
know they irritate when in actual sense we are trying not to be bitter because
there is more good than bad when we want them to converse as it is the only way
of letting that which is clogged in the heart. However, it reaches a point you
realize someone does not want you and you are forced to move on. They probably
moved way ahead, only you never read the telltales early enough to hedge
against the risk of a broken heart which comes as a result of break-ups. Which
are not good to either party because they make you socially paralyzed but you
pick up the pieces and move on ahead.
I hate that I have become subservient to the institution of
scholarship. It’s a venture I thought would be pro tem without too much
captivity in terms of reducing on the effects making me a slave to myself. Yes,
because I immersed myself in it, I have to take full responsibility of my
actions. The payoff may not be justified but the fact that patience pays does
not give me a reason to forego my pursuit. I just have to love my predicaments
and work towards turning them into strengths because that is what we need to
do. You find you have dedicated too much time to something but you are yet to
get to the industry average standards and as such, you are forced to pump in
more. But even though you try, you only have 24 hours like everyone else. Which
means it is essential to stick to your rote to get maximum returns or make use
of time which should be revered.
Oh! there is also the issue of forfeiting being in the social scene.
You realize you have to become a nerd when engaging in some academic pursuits.
They come with subtle caveats that deter you from doing that which you would
have done. Like enjoying a cold sweaty bottle of your favourite ale, or going
on a long road trip to have fun, or maybe just having your own time to reflect
on that which makes you happy as a man. And this attachment causing
self-induced confinement probably caused that belle to call it a day through
unethical ways of cutting all communication between the two of you by not
replying messages or receiving calls. But you learnt from the situation the
hard way and every experience in life is a teacher. You now are bequeathed with gem given that you
can take filth even amid conditions that are severe and ominous.
I
also have got issues with ladies who think that they should ape the
rollercoaster lifestyles of our perceived socialites that has taken them from
the chains of penury to being most girl's favourite idol. Sometimes it baffles
me how ladies have got so obsessed with socialites so much so that they wish
they had a life like theirs. Showcasing or purporting to own houses they may or
may not own. Driving cars they make the average chick who has curtailed
ambition think that she may never get there no matter what she does. These
socialites have set precedents that if you have a daughter, you will probably
rue if you cannot provide for her and she becomes rebellious thinking that becoming
a socialite in the Kenyan context is the way to go. But it’s also a profession
that comes with killing the conscience, sacrificing certain luxuries like never
worrying about your health and body and being a social media fanatic. Having
been in a discussion about socialites, I am certain that indeed, even married women
who are undergoing mid-life crisis would want just a piece of what the high
life socialite is going through.
Perhaps
the most implosive reason why my writing is undergoing through periods of
attenuation is due to my perpetual lack of interest. I wish I was half as
active as I used to be before things happened and I had to take responsibility.
But I have to reignite it ostentatiously through thick and thin even though I
am not as dynamic as I should be by adopting a resplendent tact of splendid
brilliance in my current tasks. Which is itself easy to say but implementing is
as hard as cracking a macadamia nut with your own teeth.
Amid
all the issues, I was able to be invited to one interview to be a sales guy. Am
gradually becoming an optimistic after becoming a discouraged job seeker. What
I am not sure is if I will eventually land a position I want in future given
that I have become very impatient in the careers I undertake. If those chaps find
me worthy of a job, I will take it. In fact, it will give me a new dispensation
of doing something I never thought I would do. I currently love doing that I
never wanted to do just because I will get an avenue of writing something after
going through it. And writing to me is beyond the passion of waiting for things
to happen, but making things happen. Never mind that my hustler traits are not
as insurgent as they should be.
And on that note I have to sign off hoping all goes well
with my usually signature.
Hasta
La Vista, Baby.
[Picture
Source: 58pic.com]
