AMERICAN ROULETTE

Old habits die hard. They are like a permanent flu that some guys genetically inherited and in some cases, the casket serves as the portent anticlimax to the kooky wont. Clearly, I don’t know the thin line that demarcates that boundary between addiction and a flaky habit. Yet, when a habit gets out of hand, especially the covert ones, like a tot, you need guidance until that point in life when you can walk on your own. 

And gambling is one such habit that never ceases among those who develop it when young because it may regurgitate at any given point in time when you especially thought you are done with it. Well, at the end of the day, life itself is a gamble. The decisions we make and the repercussions, whether good or bad can only be likened to gambling only that we do not need to necessarily lose money when we engage in whatever action that comes into mind.

Take smoking for instance, we have been told a thousand and one times that cancer sticks are just that, cancer sticks. Medical research corroborates the same. In light of the situation, I think being a cancer stick salesperson could have been a very lucrative job, but because stringent policies have come to radically deal a big blow to the sector, the unrivaled sales from the product have plummeted in contrast to those of mainstream ale makers which fall under the same category of sin stocks. Had this not been the case, tobacco farming would have been booming and sin stock investing in the same product spiraling to unprecedented levels because cigarettes have an inelastic demand and are recession-proof. That’s economics one’o’one.

Men, I hate the evocative scent that permeates after smoking cheap to mid-range cigarettes.  The smell sticks like strong incense and it takes days for it to completely fade away which in an anathema. I wonder how partners married to smokers feel given that they must tolerate the stench that emanates from both the clothes and breathe. Yet they must cope with the noxious smell if the partner is an addict and cannot do without a midrange scented cancer stick in a day.

That said, my bedding are still laced with the redolent smell when a smoker who spent the night playing PS3 lay on it for about two hours after getting spent during the day after voting as he could no longer stay astir. The worst thing is that the scent became part and parcel of my blankets. It’s more than a week ever since the bugger slept on my bed and the struggle that I have gone through to sleep on it is not worthy a description. It’s bad, it’s synonymous to sleeping with a tramp or wearing a damp cloth and you have no option. 

Yet the culprit looked unfrazzled as if he was subtly inhaling flower-scented deodorant or he was perhaps suffering from parosmia.  And every day, I thought the inimical smoke odor would die a natural death. Sadly, it kept on decreasing at an increasing rate. That is the reason why I have hanged my blankets outside after the smell escalated, to fix the problem given that they needed the proverbial airing. I hope this will be a lasting solution because the smell was so deep into the fabric I felt like it was chocking.

American roulette. This reminds me of the first time I went to a posh casino to hawk bank products. Never mind that the policy of the institution was strict against gambling and any form of association.

I have been playing American Roulette but at an academic level. That is, Roulette mathematics and the results were awesome until I was expected to find an odd number standard deviation. It was so mind boggling I spent two days researching on what I already knew. When I got it, I felt like running nude in the estate screaming, “Eureka! Eureka! Eureka!” like the legendary Greek mathematician and Physicist Archimedes. Then I realized there was no discovery I had made and I coiled like a millipede that has sensed danger ahead.   

An American Roulette has 38 divisions; 18 of the numbers are red, 18 are black and two are green. As a player, the main objective, which any player pursuits, is to predict, which numbered pocket the roulette ball is going to settle into. A ‘sure bet’ in roulette is tantamount to picking one of the main colors, either black or red. You either win or lose an equal amount of money when you have placed such a bet. And the expected value irrespective of the type of the bet you place is a constant -0.0526 for every dollar. The expected value is the weighted average of how much you can win or lose.

Consequently, I inadvertently bumped into a research that was carried out in the US on the correlation between gambling and smoking and there is no evidence to authenticate the fact that most gamblers are smokers. The scenario depicts an almost equal number in comparison to the general population with a slighter margin on gamblers who smoke. The casino I went to did not have so many smokers. In fact, the Indian guy we sat next to who had gone to gamble was taking tea. And it goes without doubt that majority of gamblers in in Kenya are Indians (me opine). Why? You need money and to be living beyond the mere tenets of being able to pay bills. You also need to have a fall back plan which is to come from a well-to-do family or having a reliable cash cow that you can milk to sustain the addictive behaviour that is gambling.

Is there a correlation between gambling and smoking? I strongly believe there is. While the research I was relying on for analysis was carried out ages ago, probably more than a decade, the reality is that so much has changed post that period. I cannot fail to factor in the fact that awareness levels among the public has increased. More people have gone to school and the media has played a vital role in spreading the message far and wide.

****

A former primary school pal who I met while training to be a clerk is now a weed addict and he smokes sticks with abandon. Apparently, we were also in the same campus but doing different courses having different tastes and preferences and during different time periods. He intimated how a couple of times he forfeited using public transport just to use the bucks to sustain his thirst to get stoned. I wish I saw him walking, making his way into Kibera to finally be in Langata were he resides. I told him he was hooked on substance but like the perennial addict he denied the allegation though seceding when I pressed further. What he confessed was he will never move to the ghetto because, “Unawezaenda hio mtaa ukute uko na mamorio wenye wanakugeuka ukitoka nao rave juu wanasaka na hivyo ndio wanakuruka vitu zikienda mbaya.”

Then we started reminiscing the good old days. The times we were considered bookworms and chops, now we were both together hustling as clerks. What an embarrassment it would be having worked hard in both primary and secondary school only to find yourself jobless looking for whatever they might throw to you to make money. Damn, it can never be that serious, right? He is yet to finish school and reminds me of an uncle who dropped out of campus to be a watchman because as he intimated, he did the course he did to please his peeps. He never did what he liked and that was the reason why he never felt like completing what he started.

So, at the end of the day life is like a roulette, you spin the wheel hoping that things will go in a certain way only for them to give you the complement of what you had staked on in terms of probability. Even clairvoyants and psychics predict the natural course of life and fail miserably. That is well depicted when the Financial Times noted that, “The clairvoyant society of London will not meet Tuesday because of unforeseen circumstances.”

Hasta La Vista Baby.

[Picture Source: Google Images].

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PARA MI MAMÁ

You know what ma, my mind is kind of wonky.

I know you love reading. I know it because we used to have those moments. Remember back in the days when dad used to buy ‘Daily Nation’ and each of us wanted a piece of what was inside.

These days, I have an uncanny habit of finding what I love reading from my palm. Phone. Oh! I am still moaning the loss of my phone. I know you tried to reach me the other day. Hence had to contact small bro.

Am trying out something new ma. From the rocky terrains that dad used so much to restore into cultivable land, you wake up every morning. You, ma have made a name out of yourself in those streets.

Those places don’t deserve the Twitter phrase ‘those streets’. It’s a hamlet for heaven’s sake. It’s a community that comes to life once villagers have got out of the lonely mud walled houses that characterize the humble dwellings people live in. Everyone knows everyone.

I know they look up to you because you have been an ‘employer’ for quite some time. Oh! What do those villagers say, that he works in town with nothing to show for what he has achieved?

Ma, I lost my phone in circumstances you would not be in affirmation of. I lost my phone because they get lost and I wrote about it here.

First things first. Ultimately, I will buy a phone. An analogue one that does not attract kleptomaniacs. One that befits my new-found status. An unemployed jobseeker. Because I don’t know how I will explain to guys what I do.

You know what ma, you are the only person who has called within the family and asked about my phone. Never mind that the call came almost three weeks after I lost my phone. Two weeks and four days to be precise. My statistical knowledge of rounding off without truncating tells me that it’s now three weeks.

You asked if I am still working? Yeah, I work. Not for a big institution anymore. I read on a blog they are requesting some staff to take up early retirement. Such inhouse affairs should not reach gossip blogs, right.

Then allow me to tell you that from my investment studies, those targeted don’t affect the investor confidence in the bank. I am like a jilted lover. You may say, nosing it up where I was from. Well, we are humans, we ultimately want to know what is happening the other side where we were initially.

Let me also tell you how it feels not to be having a phone ma. It feels like the nineties. I love it this way. You know that technology is integrated in our day to day life, especially the phone. I love the feel of people not having access to me. I also love it that no one is caring that much about me. Not having to text, call, and the internet of things. I still manage to wake up early due to instincts because I have no alarm to wake me up.

Here is a terse odyssey of my first day without a phone after being relieved off my duties for being AWOL. Minnows like us don’t matter that much when we don’t make it to work. In fact, I was just a torn in the flesh to my manager who never seemed to understand me and all that shit.

I decided to go to the famous Arboretum near State House. A nature trail that is gayer than anything on moors. A luxurious, glorious and greeny terrain that has trees that are alive with birds, insects, monkeys and squirrels. I wanted to go and meditate near the soothing sounds of a flowing river. I wanted to savor the sound so that it creates a sense of inner peace.

The pure white noise that I take for granted. It was going to be subtle experience to ease tinnitus and improve my concentration. Apparently, the sound of falling and gurgling water is no longer free if you don’t have a phone. And for that matter, Mpesa. I wanted to go and calm down and probably fall asleep. Guess what? It never came to be.

Well, ma the place I used to access free of charge while in campus is now only accessible by paying for entry via Mpesa. I had no phone, therefore no Mpesa and no entry.

I walked back feeling abused and weary. That I had walked all the way only to be told that I can access the place only after electronically paying for entry. What do these people want my phone number for? But we are living in a world where people thrive on data. My only question is, why only Mpesa.

That is how I never managed to gain entry. So my hard cash never mattered. Obviously, Uhuru Park came to my rescue. And I passed next to that cube I used to reside in while living in the suburbs. I felt nothing ma.

There is no way I would have put my mind into a thought process afterwards. But here’s a catch.

When you have nothing that goes on in your mind. You develop a sense of self efface. You can even have suicidal thoughts. What’s more, nobody cares anyway. People only care when they gain from you, or in worst case scenarios, when you are about to be interred.

Fair enough, let me now change the vibe.

The other night, I felt that ka thing we feel when we see a person in a poor state of health.  I felt like an emotional roller coaster had taken over me. I even cried and slept knowing that you are experiencing a medical crisis. You voice though, still clear and authentic. But your health and body, it betrays the voice.

Then I remembered how you used to struggle with dad when he used to have those nose bleeding moments when I was a toddler and he had to go for a surgery. Now you only have him and he has you. He may not know how to be the best but still ensures he turns to the occasion every time you are sickling.

Ma, I don’t know how it feels to be that sick. The way dad explained it. The medication had an allergic effect on your body. And I could see it when I last saw you.

I felt sad but had to hold back the tears. At some point, when I saw you, I saw someone who was on the verge of going. But you are a strong woman and has seen worse. Well, because he is with you and knows best, I still carve out time to engage in other stuff other than thinking about your state of health.

Perhaps you are probably wondering whether your son is normal. You have never seen him with a lady, or he has never hinted at a relationship with one. Well, I am still single and chasing after the wind with a certain girl I should not even be chasing. She is my friend’s former girlfriend.

She had a birthday this week. She had wanted me to take her for an Italian cuisine this Friday. But I have gone chini ya maji because of issues finances. Lakini ntampeleka tu. Plus, I know how it feels when the person who should have wished you a happy birthday never does so. Well, I don’t have a phone. That’s my excuse. She knows about that. Hence, she can’t take any offence.

Now you know I am not having that ‘homo’ thing in me. Let me also tell you that there are others who have shown interest in me. Yet I never develop that deeper intimate relationship. I hence forget about them then remember later when their emotions have waned. But I am also to blame because I never tell them my feeling about them.

Now you know.

Moving forward. I don’t know how to tell you this, but I don’t think I am interested in getting married or kids any soon. Well, like Ngugi wa Thiongo said, ‘I marry when I want’.

Let me also take this opportunity to tell you this, I am not sure of what my results will be in the exams, but as days pass, I become more pessimistic.

Ma, I have been thinking about relocating. I don’t know where but essentially where the is more peace and seclusion. Then I will come back. In the meantime, I fear how to go about the whole issue.

I know that you felt disappointed when you heard that I no longer work. Let me try to explain. Sales, mum is a calling. Just like writing they say. It should come natural or you may force it.

The best part is that I had prepared you psychologically for the event. I never made any progress in life other than blog posts and reminisces of the job. Sales was tricky. It was even hard when I combined it with my studies.

It made me feel less of a person. When I look back, I realize that there is so much you can do other than being a salesperson. I have now taken advantage of Edx. It’s a free online learning platform when you are not interested in certificates to show that you have studied a particular course. One day I will introduce your other son when he has outdone his love for FIFA.

Ma am still employed. But I have not got to that level where I can be entrusted with the company email. You know what, when I make this blog professional, I will have mine email.

I know many people take company email for granted but I am envious of them. Does that matter? Not very much. It’s just that I would have loved to have one when time comes. One more thing, I still have my pleb’s email.

Here is something else.

I have a feeling that you pray for me and my siblings to one day get out of the desolation and have proper jobs. I think happiness in life outweighs even the best job with the most competitive compensation package in the world. I also pray for your quick recovery in these times when you have no medical cover.

Seek thee the kingdom of happiness and all else shall be added unto you is my mantra. Once you are happy. It becomes easy to build on confidence and act on prevailing opportunities. Right?

Ma, I hate to say this but I hate when people advise me to apply for internships. It is said that it is a sure way to getting employed. You get skills that employers need. That the exposure is very material.

I will digress. Getting a job has more to do with being very good in what you do so much so that you become a prized possession an employer cannot let go of or the other way around. Again, there is the aspect of trial and error for a newbie like me in the area I want to venture in. It may take long but not forever. In the meantime, I am honing my skills.

But here’s something nice that you would love to hear. I have been up to date in my financial obligations in terms of paying for the groups we share and as such, I am not financially in a quagmire. Only that the big bucks have refused to come through.

Albeit the current moments seem unpromising, the future is bright. I can tell without doubt. You will pona and I will get a job. I will endeavour to beat the ideology that is there are no good jobs for plebs. In the meantime, I am working on getting my grove back.

Finally, it’s that time of the script to wrap things up. Time to tell you that I love you ma for being the woman in my life. Though I rarely ever call to tell you that. Those kibokos you gave me helped in a way. I am proud of you and as you struggle to make ends meet like I am doing this other side, I am pretty sure that one day, you shall reap the fruits of your labour for the sacrifice that cost you and you know where.

Hasta La Vista Baby.

[Photo Source: Google Images]

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EMPLOYABILITY.

I am currently pursuing an online course on employability. There is a big difference between employability and employment. The former encompasses the latter. To paraphrase what employability entails, this has to do with gaining knowledge, skills: technical and soft skills, achievements, and personal attributes that makes one an effective employee to make successful transitory contribution to the employer, colleagues, the public, clients: both prospective and current and the society in general.

Employment on the other hand deals with having the job and being able to make a difference in the workplace. The difference is subject to interpretation depending on which field one is in. As a blogger, I am at making a difference through writing. What about you?

So far, I have been applying to mainstream angel entry jobs, low cadre jobs an middle-level positions. The response from employers has been quite skeptical. Am even planning to call a truce with one of the employers. I don’t believe in employment bureaus. I have not signed on any up until now. Yes they might help me find a job, or the very minimum secure me an interview. But I am still reluctant. One of the reasons I have not used fee-based bureaus is because I hate to think of a person ‘eating my money’ just to find me a job. Secondly, I believe that I should fight for the chance like everybody else. Those favoured and those who are not. Thirdly getting a job is not currently my raison maître. I want to test the system. Which I am having a futile debut at ever since I quit to concentrate on studies.

One thing I learnt about studies while being employed is that they greatly improve on one’s employability. They make you be regarded as able to take up more responsibilities and be seen as an effective time manager. There are also intrinsic gains to a part-time student that he or she knows while going through the process. The challenges are pecuniary and both peculiar. Pecuniary because you have to forego some luxuries an pecuniary because of the opportunity cost of the time one spends in ensuring they never fail.

Allow me to surmise on some aspects that I have learnt over the years as I prepare myself for employment. Last year, I prepared only for an interview (Read it here). Then, I thought that what mattered was how to impress a panel or an interviewer while undergoing a scrutiny. Now, I have a broader perspective. The key lies in preparing the self continuously. If you have limited entrepreneurship ambitions in the meantime like yours truly. You may impress today, but that does not mean you will still have your verve in the near future when contemplating to switch careers if that happens. Anyway, if you have a pusher, why should you mind? But even pushers have to shove that which they are sure about. Competency is such a required tenet that if you fail in meeting the minimum standards, then you are as good as obsolete unless the pusher will shoulder the baggage.

I have learnt that everything boils down to communication.  If you can accurately convince the other party into buying your argument, then you are good to go. Watching the movie ‘Moonwalkers’, probably one of the reasons why Johnny Thorpe was able to convince Kidman into bringing him film director Stanley Kubrick was because he did not falter in his communication skills. Even his body language never betrayed him. He took a phoney to Kidman, received the pay and scripts and went to offset his other debts.

Communication is paramount. Whether you want to get employed, strike a deal, present a proposal or be in business which has a perpetuity. If you can tacitly express yourself through other leveraged ways, well and good. You have communicated.

Being able to express yourself in a comprehensible way, concisely and driving the point home counts for 80% of striking a deal. Knowledge counts for 5% and Skills 15%. It’s palpable to convincing a lady, which I rank very low at. You always need that third eye and ear, an extra tongue a flair for being well versed with the surrounding. However, in my case, I must confess that due to my botched ability in mustering the skill to effectively and efficiently express my ideas in black and white, I have not been able to be called for even a single interview. Let me not lie, I have never gone to an interview I applied to, most of them have been referrals. Most are a result of the  former and come  without financial constraints on my side.

Perhaps I have wrongly written my CV for the right job. My resume is a two page document. I call it a bikini CV. Once someone said that a bikini is brief enough to reveal all details but covers the really essential details one wants to get acquainted to. I love the brevity because it gives the prospective employer room to gauge whether am competent for the job or not. Consequently, it reduces the time she needs to make a decision as she can easily flip through the document. You guessed it right, its pithiness has probably contributed in employers finding my credentials below par or of no value towards contributing in ameliorating the returns or contributing towards the goals and objectives of the firm in the long run. Pole Musa!

Hitherto, I thought that I would easily transition to another job having quit my former employer who made it clear that it would be in contradictory to company policy if I was going to be studying part-time. Even while working, I knew it was not going to be easy getting another job. I had tried and know the numerous futile attempts I made. Employers hate rookies. They take long to adjust to the workplace, are incompetent in their view and lack panache. They however will give an ear to an amateur with validated experience. So, internships, attachments or related jobs experience is as important as having done the job.

Relating to the employability course, I realized that participation in other aspects like sports, voluntary work, travelling and lots other engagement is important. All jobs have a skill you can always take to the new job. Cooking can help in being a watchman. Only a HR professional knows how.

Because of the enormity of the studies I am undertaking, I preferred staying out of employment. I cannot dispute that learning has no rewards. Time is the most important factor. If you easily find your life’s passion, then you know what is right. But with our increasingly competitive world, having an edge in terms of skills gives one an operational advantage. I no longer want an employer who will look at my transcripts then conclude that I am not worthy of the position. Irrespective of the paper qualification, I still work towards my employability. Whether it is through perusal or daily life experiences, at the end of the day, what matters is that God added me another day that I heavily invested on. How I use it in adding value to my eventual career boils down to the management of hours I have at hand.

The other day, I was flicking over the pages of a daily looking at the job segment. Who did I see? A certain campus mate appearing as model for their company’s newspaper advert. I remember holding my horses in applying to the said company. Even a certain lady who was ‘spit’ by my first year roommate was now plying her trade with the prestigious auditing firm. However, as a consolation, I can say I have never loved auditing. Just as you may abhor being a house maid, shamba boy or a toilet cleaner. However, the rewards and benefits the company bestows its employees, you cannot fail to reconsider a profession in that field. Plus you may find other befitting roles once in.

Seeing those guys on newspaper did remind me of one Greg Smith. He was once a vice president at Goldman Sachs, where he earned over $500K a year. Greg was even in the advert showcased to budding employees on how pleasurable it was to work for the investment bank. He depicted the role model who transitions from campus, then into the workplace seamlessly. However, in what appeared to be a complete icebreaker in the industry, he wrote an op ed in Times Newspaper signalling his resignation. Colleagues and the firm woke up to find out that he had resigned. As a student, I find the mechanism he used to tender his resignation very unethical. He also wrote a book which industry analysts studied carefully and vindicated his former employer of any wrongdoing. The fact that he was also engaging in ‘whistle-blowing’ instead of seeking the advise of independent counsel, or his supervisor or better still the compliance department was enough to also hold him accountable.  To cut he long story short, those two pictures of my former campus colleagues did stir something very crucial. I am challenged. I did ask myself, ‘What misdeed did I commit?’ Nevertheless, I am writing about it now. Yes I am also into writing. For there is a whole lot of life ahead. The only difference made is when the grim reaper ascends or otherwise.

In that case, allow me to introduce you to investments. It is said that the best investment is to invest in yourself. With that regard, I am envisioning myself being a C-suite professional in this angle, or a portfolio asset-manager or research analyst. The list is endless. Whichever comes my way, I am welcoming it with open arms. If something more appealing comes my way after the rigorous studies. You know what I will do.

In our investment profession, there is being passively involved and being actively involved. Like I chose to be actively involved in my studies. Even though my old man paid for my tuition fee, I found it was not enough. I felt like I needed to get out of the passenger mentality. I remember watching a certain lady on an investment channel I have subscribed to on YouTube. She decided to take the bull by its horns by enrolling for a PhD program aimed at equipping her with investment skills. That way, she could be able to analyze investments, select securities and construct an investment portfolio. That way she could be able to chart her own destiny with her money while investing. Obviously she lost when starting. Did she give up? No. Initially she relied on the advice of an asset manager in an investment bank to guide her on how to invest. But she was not getting results. After the studies, she moved from investing in mainstream equities to investing in derivatives (options to be precise). I know that is jargon. But you can always google the terms, right. She studied while working on a fulltime basis, as opposed to I who resigned. With $10000, she was able to make over $100 million in three years. Through active participation. If she invested without knowledge, she would have lost everything. Hard she taken a passive approach in investing, she would have ended up either getting a return of 10% to 20% a year. Does that ring the bell? She did risk investing for herself and the returns were a boom. And you know what? The asset manager who was to invest her money is now her partner.

I introduced the word risk and return. I am increasing the probability of my returns by hedging on the risk of failure by dedicating more time to study. I am a full-time student till I get a fulltime job. My rote is flexible, reason why I can take any form of employment that will aid in me getting credit points in my career of choice. I am not vitiating the role of the tutors who play an instrumental role in my studies. Only that I am taking an active role. In that regard, I am improving on my employability even though I am not employed. If I will not end up being employed, I will resort to entrepreneurship. That way I will have taken advantage of my employability.

Studying my ethical and professional standards notes, I realized that I could not mark as important sections I felt were weighty. Lesson learnt? All ethics and professional standards conduct is important. Am studying via a computer. Slow, tasking and loathsome. But I realized one thing. If I am professionally competent and can return the best results to a client without observing ethical standards, does it really matter? Yes. We all want to be associated with success. That is why a code of ethics and standards of professional conduct is critical. When we acquire knowledge over time, we can use it to societal detriment or benefit. That is why guidance is necessary even if you think you are the most moral of all persons. Maybe the Son of Man is the only being who can be exempt. But other mortal beings are not. Reason why we have a code that guides our profession.

Reading through the fiasco that led to the collapse of Imperial Bank. A bank whose logo signified royalty. As such it should have treated clients with reverence only given to a queen or king. I did bemoan the death of ethics and lack of standards of professional conduct in a profession that is at the centre stage of man’s interest. Money. We surely are beholden to money. I am not a morality evangelist though. If I was one, EACC would have probably hired me based on the track record which I don’t have.

Anyway.

I am only paraphrasing on the vices I read about. Whether true or the converse. Those that the common man finds too complex to understand. Especially when they do not innately affect them but macro economically contribute to poor credit rating of the country, collapse of the shilling against the dollar and serious integrity issues on holders of such institutions that affect the fiscal and economic policy of our beloved country.

In my opine, there is only one thing that should have prevented the collapse of such a bank. A code of Ethics and Professional Standard of Conduct. If only the employees acted at the interests of the beneficiaries (bank account holders) and the probable compromise of the Central Bank Governor through his better half, who should have acted with authority. If only such people knew about ethics, and acted with veracity. Probably the bank would have not been placed under receivership and clients loss their money due to the requirement of debt service before other financial obligations have been ratified. Is another scandal in the offing? This is Kenya.

Away from matters financials. Do you find anything that makes me tick? I think I am not a hustler. Not that a go-getter who is nimble when it comes to employment. But hey! I now know the genesis as to the reason why I had to fork out more for my professional course. I read about it and there is something called mosaic theory, I was able to piece up things. You see, I also don’t have a mentor. That someone I look up to. Is it because of my big ego? I am ready to kill it. Like I killed my conscience to become a teacher for a few months knowing full well the pay is wishy-washy.

Now piecing up all that information, you realize that my employability has not gone to the dogs. It’s only time before I get the right employer. But you see how things are related. A bank is imprudently run, it uses a gifts and benefits to influence the decision of the Central Bank Governor. The bank collapses, share prices of other banks also plummet, the number of investment bankers being employed thins and I am now here griping at my probable cause of lack of an opportunity in the investment industry.

This is a matter of conjecture. It is best left to the pundits and naysayers and haters to debate about. And on that note allow me to end with my signature of

Hasta La Vista, Baby.

[Picture Source: Google Images]

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ONLINE MANENOS.

There is a certain day I went to ADD (That unfinished building along Lower State House Road) to either download a hilarious comedy series or some nondescript series I was following, or probably I was headed to conducting an extensive research on my final year project paper. Chances are, I went to research but in the process got sandwiched into downloading those series from a site I have forgotten. Then, those tech gurus had disabled BitTorent and uTorrent. Again, they made it impossible to download using faster means such as IDM. Hence we had to either use direct download which was slow, or some extension on Mozilla which sometimes failed unexpectedly.

Of course, you found yourself also on social media. I was addicted to twitter as opposed to now when am a big fan of LinkedIn. It’s called growth. Facebook and YouTube also were too tempting. I remember watching ladies ‘twerk’ because it was a big thing then on YouTube. And there was a day we went to our lady student friend’s house and they did really twerk it even though we had a ‘fifty fifty’ Christian friend who went on to receive a hot lap dance only to realize he had erred when the process was over. You know these guys who profess Christianity like it’s a means to an end but when they find a conduit, they never fail to exploit.

Initially, anyone who knew ADD would enter without much scrutiny. So if you were a KEMU student and wanted to read in the luxury of an unfinished building, ADD offered a leeway. Overtime as security issues became fragile, it became necessary to allow only students from UON to gain access to the building. But during the official business hours, it was only the ADD students who were allowed to transact business. And most of those students acted like spoiled kids from rich families because they hosted parties on weekly basis much to the chagrin of broke Main Campus students who were a majority.  Main campus guys were rendered to the role of being spectators.

Later on, when mechanism had been put in place. It was a requirement to enter the building using your student ID and if you had a laptop, you also needed to register it because of a series of theft cases that were probably reported.

There is this day I went and found a very thorough sentry who never entertained jokes. Unbeknown to me, this sentry was above his game in terms of dealing with mischievous students. Thinking it was business as usual, I went and registered a phony serial number of my laptop then walked away. Not so fast.

“Excuse me, hebu rudi hapa.” The sentry called me out by my name.

“Kwani nimefanya nini?” I retorted in defense after heading back.

“Unajua ile kosa umefanya?” he asked.

“Sijafanya kosa yoyote,” I replied in my equivocally poor Swahili due to Sheng Interference.

“Mbona hujaregister serial number ya laptop yako?”

“Nimeregister na ndio hii hapa,” pointing at serial number I had written down.

“Unajua ukora ndio mi sipendi.” The senty said.

“Ukora gani?” I was beginning to become irate.

“Mbona unaregister number ya computer ile si yako alafu unatoka mbio?”

“Mimi najua nimeregister laptop vizuri juu hio ndio number nimeshika kwa kichwa.” I said.

Then an argument ensued. The sentry could not let me in. I started feeling frustrated and got irked. But he never budged. In the end, I had to give in. I could not win with a clearly assertive sentry. My protestation was like a house of cards. It was fast crumbling at a rate that reduced me to mollify myself. I had to remove the laptop battery and alas, there was the correct serial number.

All along, I had underestimated the wit of this sentry. But when you do a job for long, not even the most knowledgeable theoretical genius of a Professor can outwit you in your trade. I did yield. Actually, after seeing many students register their laptops, he had got acquainted to the starting letters or numbers of most laptop brands. In my case, because of his actual interaction with most HP laptops, he knew the numbering and lettering.

As a matter of fact, he did let me enter inside. Oh, they were with a certain female sentry who really laughed when I was forced to retract my earlier words because she probably thought that university students are ideally intelligent. Of course the sentry knew me from that day. I would sometimes tip hip because he had unearthed my folly when I felt like I was 'chummed'. And that meant that when he found me inside the building while doing his random patrols, he would never miss to greet me even if I looked busy perusing for exams.

Anyway.

Unsubstantiated research has revealed that most people spend more than four hours a day on social media. Either to catch up with friends, be on the know, get entertained, read stories, upload pictures in exquisite places to let haters be jealous on their new found fortune or just how good they are doing, and the list is endless.

Being an online nerd or freak was a weakness until studies became a really intensive and I had to reduce on my online presence. Now, my laptop battery is past its sunset days and therefore serves no purpose other than ensuring it keeps the laptop free of lost parts. Therefore, there are times when I am busy writing and someone removes the laptop charger and I feel like eating him whole. Or when electricity units run out and it catches me unawares having not saved my work. I wish there was a word editor that recovers documents like adobe programs so that you never get worried about the probity of loss of your work.

Back to social media. I still think MKZ (Mukuru Kwa Zuckerberg) is the biggest social media. The pundits on this social media site have come up with metrics that cannot be easily bypassed in terms of getting a wider reach of people. It's called organic reach. Then there is paid reach. Those sponsored ads you see on Facebook are really earning Zucks so much. But it is however very expensive to run an advertisement on Facebook. My interaction with advertising on social media made me realize that there is power in having the mechanism to reach so many people online.

Having realized that am aging and need to be more professional, I returned back to LinkedIn, where I opened my account more than six years ago. LinkedIn is conservative. It's full of bigotry. That many people pretend to be who they are not is not a fallacious argument. Everyone seems to be working for a very good company with a big title that can scare you off. You find HR professionals who update that they will review your status which is actually a lie. Then there are those who write quotes, those who have impressive CVs having worked for very big multinational companies but nothing to show of for humanity. Those who are influencers and have a paid account that enable them to send inmail. As for yours truly, the economic conditions of a student cannot allow me to operate a paid account. Am even struggling to be a worthy publisher on the site.

I also have had about Snapchat. I probably should have read about it on Wikipedia or other productive sides with info. All I know is that it is owned by a certain Billionaire who is my age mate. It deletes photos once uploaded within 48 hours and it is meant for ladies. (The last time I checked, men are photophobic unless you are some celeb.) So I am as green as a child on her first day in class with matters Snapchat.

There is Instagram. I initially wanted to be the ‘it’ guy when it came to matters cars so that many people would adore me on this site. But with the loss of my smartphone about three years ago and never having reawakened the drive, the account is now in its dormancy state. Not like a dodo however.

There is a dating site by the name Badoo. Well, I have never had a successful date on that platform. All the prospective chats hit a dead end because I lose interest when it find it easy for a chic to give in. It also has so many restrictions like you need to pay for credits to chat with the person who excites your licentiousness. But hey, there are so many pretty ladies out here who are single. Likewise men. The only good thing is that there is no poster on someone’s forehead written, ‘Single and ready to mingle.’ If I were to rate this site, I would give it a 2 star. It is based on monetary terms and that pisses me off even if I were to find the apple of my eye. But I am not interested, in online babes, because they are as unrealistic as the site itself.

I wonder if Whatsapp is a social media platform. If it is, allow me to surmise about it. In the near future when people will have reliable readily available internet at subsidized rates and smartphones will have been the order of the day, most people will resort to Whatsapp as a media of communication. Again, Zucks will start charging fees and he will make lots of cash. I have been relegated to seeing group chats and sending forwards received. The young guys on this site are more versatile. The know how to effectively use emojis and don’t need urban dictionary as an app to counter-check on the stfu, tf, lol and the tgif of this world. They are also more open minded. Maybe, circumstances are making me realize that it will never be the same again.

Sportpesa. Let me take a breather.

Back to reality. There is an investment guru I read about who is a billionaire by the name Bill Gross. Never mind that am focusing on billionaires. He used to play black jerk. I have never entered a Casino but my former colleague who used to be a steward in a casino did info me about it. Bill Gross used his gambling skills to become one of the most sort after investment managers in the world. And reading through my investment lit, I realized that there is a high correlation between speculation, risk, gambling and prosperity.

Which leads me back to Sportpesa. I had vowed never to play Sportpesa. But my classmates are playing it. My former campus mates upload screen shots on our Whatsapp group and having investment ambitions, I think I should start betting. Investing involves well calculated risk, and Sportpesa can be a very good platform for starting out. Never mind that one of my cousins lost all his benefits to it, and pretended to have been attacked by majinis since he resides in Mombasa. He went bonkers for a few days and mum had to go check what was happening. Don’t we have this bigoted mentality that folks from the coast can cast a spell on you when you try behaving clever?

EdX. This ought to be the best site for online learning when you can spare some time to join a class with worldwide participants and who share the same ambition. Ever since I stumbled upon this site on LinkedIn, I have never looked back. I undertook a course by the University of California, Berkeley and got an impressive grade. Though I must admit it looked quite simple. Again it was based on peer review. Which should be adopted in most campuses as opposed to letting the lecturer do all the donkey work. I have also started another course. Hopefully it will improve on my employability.

And I learnt about natural reader among many other insightful stuff that have helped me to be a better blogger. Natural reader is an app. You need to pay for it to get the full benefits. However, it can still function well if you don’t pay for it. It helps in revision of my posts, editing and reading to check for sentence syntax and grammatical errors in my script. So I have benefited blog wise from edX, a lot.

Yes, our institute also had an online webinar on Ethics. It is paramount for people to be of high ethical standards because it is a fiduciary duty to ensure you are full of integrity and honesty before you deal with other people’s money. So yes, even though am this reclusive online bugger, I try to remind myself of the best ethical practices so that I am able to act right. Above all else, a person of good morality aids in cleansing the society or moral corruption. Right?

Obviously we have wordpress, tumblr, pininterest, kik and so many other online platforms for sharing. The innovators and founders of this platforms are smiling all the way to the bank. They don’t give a shit when we post about the hard times that we go through. In fact, they are telling us punfo miran subtly as they become more liquid while we gripe at our predicament which we do nothing about.

And on that note, it's another time to say.

Hasta la vista baby.

[Picture source; My Own]

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QUARTER LIFE CRISIS

Have you ever been asked about your net worth or value and musing over the question, you conduct a complete audit of yourself and realize you are in a financial bind. Then you feel like you are this morbid failure whose financial status is better off rendered insolvent or liquidated or in layman terms you are in an economic turmoil since you are operating on a deficit in relation to your financial spectrum that you envisaged would be earning interests as you make more for sustenance having invested in index funds in a tax haven country, say Belize, British Virgin Islands or Mauritius.

At my age, I feel like I have gone through a series of up and downs but having not achieved a well-defined financial path could just be the reason why this post has surfaced.

Allow me to say that I am a freelancer. This is a courteous word knowing full well that I am not attached to any company that can offer me a leeway to start a financial journey through offering my services because I have no income to rely on at the end of the month or day because of impulsive decisions that have caused this financial quagmire. As I write this, I am hopeful that this sojourn will be pro tempore. Failure of which I will lose respect in the eyes of society and even my current beau (feminine version). However, I am not worried, life is about going through those situations that help you in identifying a Mojo stance that will be unwavering in the long term. The folly of short-term ebullience that is characterized by petty triumph is that it is soon hobbled into redundancy if cogent contemplation is overlooked.

Indeed, I have learnt that easy come, easy go. That which comes without much sweat is like a lottery win. You have not adequately prepared for it, so you end up making decisions that are reckless and immaterial because the new found fortune knocked on the door that was at a limbo inside. Take for instance yours truly, I made one of the most fatal mistakes in life when I left my teaching job that even though was not well rewarding, but had the prospects of taking me to the next level. Am I regretting? Yes and No. Yes because probably, as at now, I would have been in paid employment and not having to be that guy who borrows money having exhausted all the savings I had made in my former job. And No because my former job exposed me to new skills and aura that is present in most workplaces where the employer feels entitled to treating you the way he likes because you are his employees. But I gained material knowledge of social media marketing, graphic design and copyrighting that may one day rake in some cash. Since such tools cannot aid in quashing my financial obscurity in the meantime, I have taken time off to concentrate on my studies. Luckily, I am buoyant that things will start sprucing up after plummeting for a while, sooner. Because the good thing about life is its unpredictability.

As a freelancer, there are many facets of life that usually give one the impetus over those who are tied to employment. You have plenty of free time that you can use to genuinely aid in making money or loafing around lolling in the milieu of your hodgepodge or in rare occasions use it to gain knowledge on how to be beneficial to the self or society through watching online tutorials or reading books or attending webinars or seminars that contribute to the same.

Ideally, I discovered this MOOC (massive open online course) instituted by scholarship giants Harvard University and Massachusetts Institute of Technology (MIT) called edX. It has the ‘F’ word most people like and that is, it is Free of charge like oxygen. Yes, everything on edX is free apart from the fact that getting issued with a certificate requires a little payment at the end of the day. Indeed, learning has been liberalized. You get the best education from the best university at no cost and you can even land a scholarship to one of the Ivy League Institutions as the Mongolian wunderkind Battushig Myanganbayar. I saw him in a conference organized by World Bank where the institution was launching its maiden Open Learning Courses and realized how a global village the world has become. When you take up those courses, you need to program yourself to finish and have intrinsic motivation and discipline to complete. The setback is that MOOCs today are primarily serving the education haves, not disadvantaged learners. Why? You need internet which is far out of reach of many people especially those that could gain from MOOCs.

As such I can only imagine how MOOCs can be of help to the many hustlers who have a thirst for education but cannot find an avenue for gaining free education at the comfort of a click. If investors could realize that the future of a nation is incentivized through technology, they would ensure that more centres such as @ilabAfrica and @iHub are given more emphasis at the grassroots level so that more people can be able to gain an education in lieu of resorting to drug abuse and vices that destroy the moral fabric of the society. Sometimes when I look at the many hustlers who while away their time waiting for things to happen instead of making them happen, I usually empathize. Anyway, every other person knows what’s best for him or her. I am a firm believer that individual actions are sometimes within one's control. Except in incidences that are outside one's scope and as such they may be termed as macro influences. When I usually hear the stories of such individuals who I sometimes engage, I usually take an agnostic viewpoint.

Anyway back to my quarter life crisis, there are times when I usually feel like I made the worst decision to quit paid employment waiting for aggrandizement in the future in the event things go as planned, ceteris paribus. The folly of this is you never know when your bait will be ensnared and then these are there online jobs that are sometimes too good to be true. Of course there are those optimistically fabricated job ads that go viral on Whatsapp and any other group that has jobseekers will have such messages doing rounds on them. Sometimes the idle man in me dedicates time to go find out the authenticity of the job vacancies and the grim reality is that most of the jobs are cock-and-bull stories especially those that come clustered so you have an array of jobs to apply for. Methinks, most genuine jobs are those that are advertised on the mainstream media and a corroboration of the same is available on the company’s website or internal sources such as employees. Again, genuine employment agencies may help in efforts to verify the same. I doubt whether Brighter Monday is a better forum for searching for employment as they never have a contact and contract with the employer.

Looking for employment is tricky if you are not in one. You look desperate and can take anything most of the time. Just to make money. Then you come to realize that life is more than making money. And money is the root of all evil. If you live a life where you are not getting money from a reliable source like yours truly, then you cannot make plans bound by monetary decisions. The problem with money is that you usually spend it before you have it. Worse is if you are a low income earner. Being one means most of the time, you are left indebted and as such you cannot be able to invest in a substantial investment that can rake in more cash. You also have to work more hours or spend the same from and back home and this has a heavy toll on your mental and physical agility as you will find that most of the times you are exhausted to a point you cannot engage in an activity that will ameliorate your status. You subtly realize are subservient to your employer. He has the capital, which you need. Furthermore, if you have no pushers, you end up being frustrated by the bureaucratic systems you take up the easiest route. Which is the case mostly for a majority of the populace. Forget about those who went to study medicine finished and realized they loved acting. Those are extreme cases. They probably are sons and daughters whose fathers had an opening account for them at birth while you and I were born hohe hahe (with nothing). They make you think that you can pursue law and end up being a musician because you love music.

The reality is that, unless you become very cogent in your decision making and adopt a committed line of specialization, then you probably will remain that guy who wanted everything and got none. Why? There is a lot of dedication and sacrifices in each field. If you want to make a better musician, use education in any field as a backup so that you are not financially ruined. But the best education is that got through life experience. Not those that are certified at the end of the process. Those are just papers. Unless they secure you an avenue of having a big break or a small one, nobody ever knows you have them. They are like your groin nobody knows how it looks like until he sees it.

Life is about taking risks, the more risky it is the probability is that it can either result in a fatal loss to ultimately ruin you or a gain that will elevate your social status in the future. However the risk must be germane to what you aspire for in life. If it entails bending yourself into pretzel shapes to be able to get to the other side of the terrain, then do it. As long as it’s fun, and you have no other option, take up the challenge. Life is too short to live griping over that which you should have but you don’t in your current dispensation.

There are those times I usually contemplate of having a job seeker’s profile on LinkedIn. The amount I have to should spend is way above that which I can give a recruitment agency to write me an impressive resume and probably aid me in gaining an interview just to reassure myself that I am still competent and marketable in the job market. The amount though minimal is still not worthy of investing in such ventures. Furthermore, it delineates me from the process of finding a worthy employer as in the case of a recruitment agency. Like you promise to work for one month with a firm and someone else gets the proceeds all because they helped you get a job. But they say, ‘Hii ni Kenya, kila mtu lazima akule.’

One thing I realized is that there are so many employment opportunities available to people who user them as a conduit to make money or recruit cronies if the requirement of the duties and responsibilities are not very technical or specialized or not well defined. Like my old man told me of the infiltration of relatives of the seniors to positions they may qualify for or may not have qualified for thereby you hear of no vacancies in such organizations. The end result is that buggers like us take remnants in mediocre companies and if we work just fine, we can give such firms our best shot and this can form the foundation for success in the event we detach ourselves from the feeling of inferiority complex that you cannot work for a certain firm. Eventually such small firms perform best if you dedicate yourself and stick to the ideals if the owner never gives up. Chances are, you will reap big in future. This world is based on, ‘you never know’. Even a mustard seed is usually very tiny but its end result is unfathomable.

I also want to get there sometime in future. When I was young, I thought that life is about academics, passing exams and blah blah blah. Now my belvedere has been broadened. When I hear high-school graduates pondering on mainstream professions such as law, medicine and engineering in order to gain acceptance or reverence in the image of society, I usually feel like they are only after titles and the eventual benefits that come with such professions. Yet we have people who sell charcoal, lollypops (Like I saw one of my former pals in high school selling them on Thika road in the morning jam and imagined how others would have commiserated at his deplorable status. He passed in primary to join high school. You had to have scored 400 marks and above out of the possible 500. Then inwardly I concluded that the best hustle is that which you do with a passion. Who knows, if he becomes shrewd enough, he will be able to start a kiosk and we will eventually read about him on Business Daily’s Top 40 Under 40.)

Sometimes I wish I could also get the courage to go take up a job as a grease monkey in one of the many garages on Grogan and gain skills in the mechanical or electrical components of a car (I love cars). Or probably go to town, request whether I can push those carts for some pay at the end of the day just to get an experience with kanjo. Obviously there also those who sell smokies and eggs which is an easier job in comparison to the other two. These are the kinds of jobs that if you highly disciplined financially, you can be able to reap big because you are not tied to working for specific hours. You work based on the income you expect plus there no taxes since you have irregular income which is not steady.

Again, these are the kinds of jobs people associate with those they think are uneducated because they are done on the streets. However, nobody ever knows how polished those doing them are. Worse is people will start talking when you take them up and term you as a failure. Yes that is how our society is. While I am busy thinking of the fact that I am making myself a future without an elaborate income, some other person is taking advantage of the investment opportunity and smiling all the way to the bank of that which most people do not want to engage in.

However, our society is wired in such a way that no one will respect you when you are jobless and struggling to make ends meet. Guys will never tell you but the reality is that a jobless person is a pain in the ass. If you want to gain respect and acceptance in any society, make money and in colossal amounts. Our only idiocy is that we tend to regard highly those who fraudulently make the money and then remit pittances to us. All because we do not have an income to sustain ourselves or have to rely on them for monetary well-being.

  

As for yours truly, when I get a respite. It will be a beginning of another journey. One which should be on continuous progress till that time I will achieve self-actualization. In the meantime as I struggle with self-acceptance waiting for a rolla-coaster, allow me to sing Angela Chibalonza’s ‘Nataka nitoke chini.’

Hasta La Vista Baby.

[Picture Source: My Own]

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