THOSE STUPID LITTLE IMPS

There are times you get a weird kind of feeling that things will not be alright. You are jittery and uncontrollable only that you are not cognizant of that which is causing you inside panic. Outside, you look quite steadfast and unshaken. Like everything is fine and this is just a sojourn you have to pass through as a phase. When you try to rest, you just find that thoughts are coalescing within that which is making you uncomfortable. You already understand why Jay Z rapped about 99 problems. And you just want to go on holiday and forget all about the tribulations that are afflicting then you face them later on.

However, they are trials that you have to go through as an important phase in life. They make the individual in you unfaltering having gone through hell. Without them, you never grow. You will remain held up because life is about experiencing those doleful occasions and dreadful moments. Those that torment and even though you want to inebriate yourself to a stupor, you remember that there are repercussions. Those that prevent you from sliding from aberration. This world is uncanny, you need to exploit it at a slow pace. Never condescending because you never know when your downfall will surface. For when it does, the cohesive and adhesive forces that hold the fabric together within you may devastatingly succumb in a manner that is unbearable like the tower of Babel.

Sometimes, you easily want to have that financial freedom to pay for the things that make your life a marvel. Like vanishing from the people who matter most to you or heading to the coast for a genial extravaganza. A holiday you are not able to finance, since time immemorial, you have only been conversed by this Kenya phrase, ‘Uchumi ni mbaya’. Studies you have committed yourself, are also holding you back and a pending court case prevents you from being a fugitive. And you earnestly want to go and watch the series ‘Fugitive’ to learn the ways of an outlaw. Pulling such stunts will be disastrous. You may go six feet under even before you knew it because you never know how trigger angry the boys in blue are.

Again the situation is aggravated by your woman, (she has however refused you call her so). The one you think is under the tutelage of her more experienced godmother guiding her on the other side by detailing her on the art of being slippery by every hook and crook to try and find out if you are serious enough with her. But we are in the 21^st century. Playing difficult is no longer fashionable. Relationships have become like buying shoes at City Walk. However the chase itself makes it more fun when you are this penniless blogger who just resigned from work and you are in a financial limbo having been sabotaged by your former employer for preferring to juggle school with work. The one who threatens to have you incarcerated, thereby possibly missing out on your due exams which are first approaching.

So as a measure of foiling the combined guile, you also develop your own strategies to counteract them. Trying to find out who will budge first. Like you find this arrogance unbearable, full of deceit and machinations. You feel it is choreographed and feel like you will revenge. The best revenge is served cold. You have actualized it already, in a manner that in Game Theory results in a Nash Equilibrium.

You know full well ladies have their emotional side that you can easily tune, they talk, and she may have talked to someone about how hurting she has been, like you have been uncaring if her last statement augurs to that translation. At times you muse whether the feeling is mutual or just a passing fade, like if she holds you in high regard the way you also do her. If she does not, then maybe you are chasing after the wind with her. Which you will continue doing until that moment in life when it becomes vanity and you will see her slip from your hands as she will probably find a worthy suitor who is sately chummed to make her feel like the beautiful lady she really is. A guy who will take her to an exquisite holiday in Paris, which makes her develop goose bumps, exhilarate and be filled with child-like excitement as you will be probably looking at the pictures full of envy on IG or FB while she is having her life time experience. Probably singing to Black Eyes Peas ‘The Time’ with that lucky jamaa.

However she aint that type judging by your seasoned knowledge of her.

As for the former employer, I wish I could retract all the bad things I did to him. However, when I want to offer an apology, I think of the people he offended. His callous nature, him calling people animals, failing to aptly pay you though you have dedicated your time and offered services to your able best. Him never appreciating those that strive to see him realize his dreams. He never having an iota of feeling, having raging tempers you probably mirrored and a disgust for hygiene. Even if you are patient, you soon give up because you never achieve much having made you his small slaves without the air of freedom of expression. That you called him ‘Boss’ when the world has moved into a more liberalized air without prefixes or suffixes that give the superior mentality.

In this life, you need not to be chained like you are some form of slave who has to be servile to the whims of someone else. Till that moment when you unfasten yourself from mental bondage that you can only survive under someone, you fail to take advantage of the self as an asset that can marshal a lot of resources that should be capitalized for probable future benefits. You are quasi-free man, because of anger, you have to take full responsibility of my actions.

Amid all these, you will come out strong. Victory is assured, time being the only factor not known. Like Hollywood superheroes after a deadly fight.

HAST LA VISTA, BABY.

[Photo Source: Modified inFamous Movie Poster]