Are You afraid?

Fear of the podium sometimes makes me afraid of facing my woes. As much as I have been able to compose a couple of times, I still get stomach spiders when I sit down behind the screen to pen down my thoughts. I wanted to chicken out into doing this blog post because my creative juice had been punctured. Why am I even afraid yet I don't even have an audience? It's like presenting in an empty hall or the dark. Or I am in my room where I am not supposed to fear because I have no cheering squad or rival haters: the critics and the fence-sitters. But still, I feel like I don't usually get it right in terms of what I am doing. I wish I was spot on, hitting the nail on the head and addressing issues with clarity and fervor. Sometimes I feel like I suffer from some kind of fear that I don't know where it comes from. 

For instance, I would have somehow faced my woes head-on, but I am still beholden to what is holding me from breaking out of my cocoon. The way individuals say that the fear is gone. That does not necessarily apply in my case because I know myself well. What I have since realized is to accept that sometimes I may be hopeful that the future will change, yet it never does. Life is never predictable. Sometimes you are a vibrant fellow, you are tough and looked upon by individuals who look at you as if you are the one who was sent to be their savior. At least, no one has ever seen me in that angle. If at all, I am this guy who is perhaps mellow and quickly develops cold feet. 

I am afraid of many things. I am afraid of the dark yet I have to sleep alone most of the time. I am afraid of doing what I have never done before I love the comfort of the status quo. I even fear approaching people and getting married. Every time I think of marriage, as opposed to bliss, I see it as an obligation that will rob me of my independence and freedom. Many of my age are now happily married. Some complain while others get along with the union perfectly well. To all those who are married and in a perfect or near-perfect relationship devoid of social media brouhaha, you make the world a better place.

I love solitude because I do not have to worry about others who are doing things differently and are equally doing it better. I fear voicing my concerns and normally convince myself that at the end of the day, if I speak out nothing will ever happen as I expected and there will be no change. As a result, I tend to sit on the fence. Which is not what I am supposed to do. I should not be like others who are perfectly at home with the state of affairs even when they are not headed in the right direction. The problem with this state is that you are always afraid to do something controversial. It feels like I am too concerned about other people's feelings because I also want to be a people pleaser. Which makes me want to question myself, "What the hell is wrong with me?"

Every time that I hope that age will bring in new prospects, that is when nothing of that sort happens. Instead, what usually happens is the direction in which life takes is the one in which I have no perfect control. I am the type of person who cannot be decisive when it comes to making up my mind. As much as I am a recluse, I still love other people's company. I fall under the category of ambiverts. Just some with a better proposal and I will be in. If you call me in the middle of the night and convince me that you have my favorite drink as long as it is not a weekday, mimi huyo, I jump onto the bandwagon with so much passion. 

That said, I hate kissing ass. If you expect that I will be your little minion, then that is not my cup of tea. I am highly egotistical in what I normally do. I still have a long way to go to mend that character, but what I usually tell myself is that I don't think that it matters what others think. At the end of the day, everyone is his own man. 

Since I know I am the type of person who is usually afraid in some cases, I usually feel I need to work seriously on this incompetence. It is said that what you fear is what you need to do many times until you are finally able to overcome the fear with so much ease. It becomes a routine that when you look back to, you feel like 'Why was I even afraid.' Yet some of the fears I have are not those that I can be able to address with immediate effect. I still fear going to the gym, yet it is just a few meters from where I live. I have been saying I need to go there to have my body toned and stop having chicken legs but the I still dont have the courage to do so. Reminds me of the fact that the nearer the church the further the heaven. 

Hasta La Vista, Baby

x

Read More

What's Next

What do you do when you lose your train of thought? There comes a time when you have a very interesting and punchy idea that you had thought would be the kicker that you intend to cash on only for it to end up evanscenting in thin air. It happens especially when you are creative and in such a case, you have to either accept the outcome or you sit down and hope that the thought will resurrect from the gabions or gorges that got lost in the medulla. 

Subtly there is always this unrelentless pursuit in life where, once you have solved an issue or a problem, another also comes about because problems compound. For instance, you may intend to pass an exam so you do all it takes to see to it that you study diligently until you finish the examination. Once you have finished that huddle, then another arises of what is next. We are in a maze where there is always something that needs to be solved. And the maze is such that you cannot be able to forgo it. 

A few weeks ago, I happened to have repaired my stalled jalopy that had been lying unattended for the past 8 months and it came with several costs that only a car owner has to endure. Ideally, it is always good when you have to hail a cab or take a matatu. You only have to worry about reaching the final destination with the other obligations falling on the driver or the car owner. 

As usual, when you want to put a broken car back in motion, you have to spend many hours at the grease monkey. Always, you will be told about items that have broken down that need to be repaired. Had I a good camera to capture the moments, I would have done so and started a YouTube channel with all the steps and then hope I start my YouTube journey. You know the way that Youtubers normally say, 'Please like, subscribe, and don't forget to share this video with your friends and enemies because it means a lot to my channel.' I feel like we debase those who spend time and money trying to entertain us with their content that they have spent many hours trying to curate and edit for us busybodies to come and comment on. It's usually a way to get more people watching and then you get more ads and in turn more visibility and earnings.

Youtubers and social media chaps are the new celebrities in our realm. The gadgets urbanites own have made us associate more with those we see on the internet than those we see on traditional media like newspapers, TV, or those we listen to on Radio. I have no time for TV. It drags a lot. And I think the media stations should find a way to accommodate chaps like us because we have since forgotten that they even exist. And because we can easily be swayed by them, it makes sense to find what suits the average chap who is now drawn to the internet. The only time we remember that local media stations exist is when there is a certain important event or occasion that requires us to stay tuned. Otherwise, I think that the media station has been left to rural folk.

At the garage, you have to contend with all manner of people. This especially applies to the blue-collar mechanics who have set up shop just anywhere because they were able to convince the land owner that they are protecting the property from land grabbers because there are chaps who have a high proclivity for land. They can see idle land. In a few days, they will be selling the plot to an unsuspecting buyer because there is always that guy who has money that they want to invest in a meaningful venture. We usually say that people don't have the money yet the reality is, that there are those with more than enough, all they think of is where to invest the amount because they cannot also give it out for free. 

You need to know how to attract money. That is why there are individuals who have decided to go the amoral route of conning gullible individuals who have not done their due diligence have invested in skills aimed at convincing their target audience. Something funny about most investors is the ease with which they are trusting once they think they have found the right person to handle their capital they are willing to invest. Most of the time, we have very since and trustworthy institutions and firms that never swindle their clients. Otherwise, on rare occasions, you have to at some point be a victim of con agents. What I know is that so many individuals have been conned but they have to let go. They do not want to speak out because it can be embarrassing to document your folly. They may not want to go through the rigorous court process because the wheels of justice are sometimes very slow. In most cases, the con agents lure their targets with very irresistible offers to the extent that they cannot be able to resist the temptation of procuring the product being sold. A case in point could be an instance where an iPhone goes for half the price. Since you want the association that comes with owning the gadget, you go ahead and wire money to the recipient who vanishes in thin air upon receiving the deposit.

So much about life anecdotes but at the end of the day, life is structured in such a way that there is usually that which keeps us going. If you own a house, you are required to furnish it. And not just furnish, but you are also forced to ensure that the furniture is modern and classy enough to be in line with the current taste and preferences. Once you finish the house, you need to again maintain it. The compound also needs to look green and there is a whole lot of stuff that you need to do to ensure the place is serene. I mean, once you are done with a certain objective, it will create another that needs to be solved. And then it becomes a circuitous process with nothing but an endless stream of tasks that need to be solved.

Hasta La Vista Baby.

Read More

Success is never predestined

Sometimes I feel like my compositions are just off. My scripts lack honesty and clear focus. I sound like a dick. I struggle with self-doubt and low self-esteem. Furthermore, I thought weekly blogging would reinforce my confidence, but it hasn't. Normally, an abundance of creative imagination results in blunt, concise, and straightforward prose characterized by sexual magnetism and a touch of humor. However, I have yet to find an 'aha moment' and a technique that is casually provocative and mentally enthusing. What turns into an enchanting and beautifully scripted post makes you feel like you have found your inner soul. Soul in the prose. 

I must admit that I lack the ease and ability to spin tales that sound naturally human and charm with emulation because I tend to express myself in abstractions. It does not translate into what I conscientiously craft. Rare are the moments when I muse and reflect deeply on something that is authentic and has never been heard before. Consequently, I end up sounding like the dry prose of a car owner's manual. I bet you know what normally happens to those booklets. Car owners' manuals are seldom perused and internalized to find out the underlying quirks and features that the car has the potential to offer. They are booklets that are overlooked because it is tedious to skim through dense information, even though they have tidbits of knowledge that could be enlightening and educational. I doubt if the "Mitumba" second-hand vehicles sold in Kenya come with the booklet.

Instead of taking time to glance through the manual, you jump straight into driving or, as a passenger, sit comfortably en route to your final destination. Which is valid and perfectly fine. What if we took the time to read the car manuals? Would there have been any difference? Car owner's manual publishers should have curated content that is interesting and enjoyable to read. Maybe use grade-four reading-level language that is easy to comprehend. However, they are typically filled with voluminous content and legalese, use complex language that is devoid of interactive elements, and contain irrelevant information. This leads someone to prefer straightforward advice from salesmen, friends, and relatives on how the car works.

Maybe, I am boring as opposed to seductive. My clarity of thought has no segue and is non-congruent. I have no brevity; hence, I sound like a car owner's manual. My storytelling skills are probably chaotic and lack the emotional spark that ignites interest. I can't consume fiercely and intensely, burn into ashes like a colossal blaze that draws you in. You feel like you have gotten lost in the prose—the way you dream and wake up only to find you are making castles in the air. Waking up after a dream is rarely creative. 

You might be enjoying an erotic dream only to wake up clod in cum or piss. Unfortunately, urinating is among the few dreams that often come true. These are the struggles that afflict. You cannot run away from them. Being average can feel overwhelming. Sometimes, you can showcase brilliance and sage. Other times you grapple with trying to inject insightful realism into a scene in such a way that it impresses. Still, you have to be content even when you lack a unique verbal expression or linguistic flair. Over time, the gibberish will slowly transform into sound, credible content, offering the reader an unequivocal grasp of the subject.

We are surrounded by mediocrity. When you look around, you will realize that we tend to settle for the least, provided we inject minimal effort. We are reluctant to push ourselves to greater heights and avoid mediocrity. Once we have done our part, we leave the onus of decision-making, if the output is viable, in the hands of others. Or, if you were in my shoes, you write crap and cling to the hope that someday, you will be a good writer. The few who pursue excellence by stepping out of their comfort achieve remarkable feats and greatness that we only envy and do nothing about.

There are days when I sit down to pore over the works of renowned authors and feel ashamed of what I have written. I am trying hard to avoid being subpar, but I am not making any inroads. I constantly remind myself that fortune favors the brave and consistent, so I keep on keeping on. I am still in the game. Thank goodness, I am not the type to compare my compositions directly to those of great authors. As an amateur, I prefer to stick to what I know, yearning for an elusive spark that elevates my creativity. But my creative works still lack that special thing that I want them to have. I have ambitions bigger than the input provided, which makes me wonder if I have a mediocre mindset.

From a young age, I was brought up to believe that I was the best in my endeavors. And for a long time, I believed it. Yet, my best does not seem good enough. And that begs the question: Should I strive to eliminate this mediocrity? Of what use! I have always said that failing to plan is planning to fail. Ironically, I fall into the category of chaps who are averse to meticulous planning. I get derailed and forgo excellence because I have settled for comfort. I prefer to have modest competence. I am not as dedicated as someone who secludes himself for a few months to pursue deep work and achieve mastery, so you can't afford to ignore the high-quality content produced. At least, I engage in my pursuits as a hobby and not as a prodigy. It's fun to outpour emotions freely. Provided you set boundaries to avoid being offensive or rattling others in the  way that is piquing.

When you read about successful people, what comes to mind is that they are innate geniuses who are naturally talented and don't have to put in the work that results in success. All they have to do is show up, and voilà, they are a big name with fame and glory. They only find a gap that needs to be filled and do it effortlessly because it is as easy as ABC. Yet, it could be that they put in a humongous amount of work in the past and only have to refine the crap. We see the final output, which is polished and consumable. What we don't see is the number of years it took and the effort and wit of having figured out what works and what does not. Success is never predestined, there is a lot behind the scenes that shapes its outcome.

Time passes in a blur. When you realize you can no longer be successful, you take little interest in pursuing excellence and embrace mediocrity because that is where you find happiness. There is contentment in simplicity. You might work your ass off trying to gain traction, but as I sometimes say, your best effort may not be worthwhile and significant enough. Ergo, you start doing it for fun and become passionate about it. It becomes a hobby that becomes your baby. You have to teach it to wean, crawl, talk, walk, and go through all the phases of life. You stumble, roll over, and then find your footing. If it was meant to be, then it shall blossom. Even though a mustard seed takes longer to grow, once it has grown, it provides shade, and you can hardly remember its humble beginnings as a tiny seed.

Hasta La Vista, Baby.

Read More

A Petty Placid Position

The simplicity of life is in the way we sometimes take for granted the little things we should be grateful for. When you wake up in the morning and your body is tempted to go back to bed because the weather is conducive for another round of slumber. It's a battle that takes place in your mind. It is either you wake up, or amid the homely aroma in your blanket fort, tuck yourself back into sleep as a blessed reward. Sleep is a need, and should have been part of Maslow's hierarchy of physiological and safety needs. It should have been factored among the basic needs. It comes naturally when your body is fatigued. And you can do nothing about it. Yet, as much as it is sweet to be curled up snugging, there comes a time when you have to rise and shine. You may flip-flop many times trying to connect with dawn, but you have to do something- wake up.

We live in an epoch where the average chap is programmed to question what does not make sense. Among the first things that one should do is say a prayer for having seen a new day. I am not deeply religious when it comes to supplication and devotion. My idea of prayer is to mime a few words before sleep and then hope that God in heaven will answer my prayer. Sometimes He answers them, sometimes He says no, and other times He says maybe. I abide by what Blaise Pascal said about God. Believing in him is a probabilistic outcome. If God exists upon death, then if I lived by his word, I will get rewarded. If life comes to an end, which is a sure bet, and God does not exist then it is a win-win situation.

I would say that a majority of individuals are normally religious and believe in God. That applies to most Africans where religion has been an embodiment of our lifestyle. When you talk about faith, atheists and heathens, cannot relate. Atheism is a result of rebellion. In the same way, protestant churches emerged when the Catholic church was the only denomination that existed. Someone studied the bible which remains a bestseller and realized that the teachings and what the priests did were conflicting. It could be they used the church to oppress the common man. That is the same discovery that those who don't believe in God made. Someone realized that we still live even if we don't believe in God. Asian countries have very small populations that believe in God, a choice they made because it suits their lifestyle.

On my part, God's existence is limited to certain aspects of my life. My stand is, that God has always been there, He is the omni of all omni. Nevertheless, I won't say that He has been a determining factor in how I live myself. Certain aspects are devoid of God's intervention. I would say that my daily quests; be it in what I eat, where I want to go, what I think about and so many things in my life have very little of God's influence. Though, I have to acknowledge that I still have to believe that He is my provider. The aspect of seeing another day cannot be taken for granted. I may sound petty but some people never make it to see another day. Some are struggling and facing challenging moments in the hospital and have to rely on medics for medical support, drugs prescribed to bring them back to normalcy, and God to heal or cure them.

Such instances, beseech you to believe that there is a hand of God. It is also the reason why when in some situations, we usually call upon God to take charge. If you are participating in a contest, as much as you may be the best, anxiety may reign and at such a time, you let God do His will. Obviously, if you don't ace the prize the first time, you still have a second and a third to do what you can to improve your chances until you convert the opportunity into a try or you get tired and ship out because you are overtaken by events or find something better. What I usually say is that the best will always be the best. You may be denied what you deserve, but consistency, continuity, and consecution will always favour you. Like the Nigerians say "Go no go shame us." God is the one who you look up to when you are feeling low. He is the one you go to when you are happy and even when things don't work, you trust that he will pacify and make it happen.

One of the things I have lately been diagnostic about is the institution of the church. You cannot divorce religious denominations with God. They have a marital relationship that dates back to very many years. Most of the time, we are told that it is in the church that you find sanctity. You go to petition God with other people. When all of you pray together, that is where the spirit of God is. Your prayers are answered faster because you have come together to request the same thing. Recently, the church transformed from a sanctuary where you go for spiritual nourishment and a place of refuge into an institution that prioritizes finances, extracting whatever little you have under the guise that you are giving to God. It aligns with the prosperity gospel. The wealthy are given a front seat because of their monetary offering which is seen as a sign of favour. When I noticed that I could not cope due to my limited financial ability and a snake in my shallow pockets, I decided to avoid the church. That does not mean I don't trust in God. I still do. Once in a while, when an opportunity to go to church presents itself, I jump on it but I stopped being a regular goer to church.

In the future, things may change and I may decide to go back because the situation is not cast in stone since I stopped attending church frequently then I will not go back. Am a devout Catholic. Being a staunch Catholic is like being a Muslim, you may be seduced by other churches to change your allegiance, and some quickly change the denomination they belong to, but I don't think I will ever switch. I once did but now I know there is no difference. What matters is your faith in God. They say karma is a bitch. What goes around comes back around. One day, I will often be going to church to worship and not be a periodic faithful who waits for Christmas and special occasions to make my way to the church.

Hasta La Vista, Baby.

Read More

Authenticity, Reality and Sanity

For the longest time, I have been deviant and delusional. It's a basic instinct that has made me feel like I possess some superpower that I naturally don't have. It's human nature to have the lopsided perception that the pastures are greener and more desirable on the other side. What you are doing is not good enough; hence, you romanticize what the other side offers. It was this coercion that drove me to deify the use of bots in my compositions, which resulted in the loss of my style and natural voice. I became a nomad in my sanctuary. 

When the ugly truth came out, I was naked and unmasked, unable to make potent use of my brain. All this while, I had lost my creative juice in the quest to sound erudite. I had eschewed the sanity of using the easel as a prop to support the sketchbook, which would imbue my artistry with logical clarity and emotional delicacy. Adrift, I had undermined my endeavors as a middlebrow. I was at sea, my soul lost, and I yearned for the feel of the land, a refuge of safety.

Naturally, there is this trap that we fall into because we want to make life easy. It's cool to sound like an elite and have an air of sophistication. When you pen down your thoughts, you want them to exude sage and intellect. Yet in reality, this misconception creates the illusion of an innate, extraordinary ability. You almost end up having epistemic arrogance which is a misguided sense of superiority. Ultimately, it destroys rational reasoning and makes you think you are in a privileged position that justifies your actions.

Moving forward, the journey I want to embark on will be defined by originality and veracity. Since the year began, I have always relied heavily on AI to perform tasks that I was supposed to do. The dependence on AI can be addictive and erroneous. As much as writing is easy, there is a tendency to think that it is ethereal. All you need is just a pen and paper to project the notions in the mind so that all and sundry can be able to grasp a piece of your mind. Alternatively, you sit down behind a screen, and with every keystroke the stories that yearn to be told interlace seamlessly hence blooming into tangible art. 

Indeed, it is tempting to solicit for an easy way out so much when it comes to writing. I recall how I failed to ace a scholarship opportunity due to my reluctance to put in the effort to craft a narrative that would have sold my story with ease. Nowadays, academia has realized that many people rely on bots to do most of the grunt work associated with their academic pursuits. Original ideas have taken a shift in how they intertwine to form solid arguments because bots are taught to mimic effective writing that poses an ethical dilemma. Nevertheless, technology has advanced and can easily detect if one has leaned on artificial intelligence despite passing a plagiarism check.

After using artificial intelligence for close to six months, I have to accept the reality that we cannot escape the use of bots. They are an inseparable part of our future. They are here to stay and the more they are integrated into our lives the better they will become in replacing the human, producing what we have always thought was exclusive to us. Still, without human input, a bot will not be able to be productive. I was influenced to believe that what a bot produces is better, which is not necessarily the case. Nonetheless, it could rephrase my words with finesse to my liking. I loved how it polished my sentences in such a way that they were so refined I felt like, 'This bot just read my mind and offered the remedy to my problem.' 

Little did I know that it was stifling my authentic voice and style. As a writer, which I am, albeit a mediocristan one, I have to recognize that existing creations should not limit my pursuit to better what is already available. Depending on technology as a means to an end decimates authenticity and creativity. For instance, asking a bot to finish a sentence is easy but it also weakens your expression, and depending on the feedback, it will execute what you want while compromising on your originality. The thought process is weakened. However, I have learned to appreciate the sophistication of AI.

Somehow, bots are reliable tools. There are numerous out there but the ones that I have used extensively are ChatGPT, CoPilot, and Gemini. Of the three, I would say that I rely more on the CoPilot toolkit. It comes in handy because of its ease of accessibility. Whether it's through a sidebar on the Edge browser (I am used to Edge these days as a choice) or an icon on my taskbar, it's always easily accessible. Most of the time, I use it to rephrase sentences that are repetitive and need a little bit of variation. I mean, when I ask it a question and where it has the ability, it provides direct and prompt answers that address my curiosity head-on. I feel like it's telling me, "Say less!" And kaboom, it delivers precisely. 

Though I may be resistant, I am not immune to the use of bots. Even this article has instances where I relied on them because of their compelling nature and how versatile bots are. When it comes to all three bots aforementioned, I feel like ChatCPT stands out in the realm of writing. When you present it with a verbose paragraph, it will preserve the core message with minimal alteration. When you give it a loaded paragraph, it will condense it by ensuring the brevity that is needed. It serves as a cost-free editor when I am revising my first draft. The reality is that I don't have a human editor to oversee the inconsistencies, grammatical mistakes, and sentence elongation; that is why it steps in. Certainly, it acts as a decisive blade in the 'Kill your darling' editing mantra.

I hate the way Gemini does its rewriting. You may give it a lengthy paragraph, only for it to end up diverging into something entirely different, which can lose the meaning of the original intent. I don't have examples but I know that when it comes to writing, that is not its fort. While it may have some of the best creative nuances, the reality is that it blatantly deviates from the original intended idea and offers a solution for what should have just been left the way it is. Who needs a suggestion that seems so obvious it has been auto-generated? Bots also have a voice that you easily distinguish if you consistently use them. It's about the structure and elements of style and how it solves what you want with ease.

Technology is here to stay. Other than those AI bots, I also use Quilldot's AI content detector to find out if my prose is overly dependent on AI. Hitherto, I had no idea that I was among those who were mutilating the creative space with a constant summon of AI to assist in rectifying my shortcomings when it came to diction. My integrity was compromised and I must admit that frequent reliance on AI has diminished my prowess and assertiveness. AI offers a very reliable avenue that aids in enhancing vocabulary and helps hit the nail straight on the head. Still quillbot also helps with grammatical mistakes that are detected by Grammarly. To get the most, you need to subscribe to a premium package. 

Another important tool I have been relying on ever since I came back to this space is Grammarly. That has been helpful when it comes to writing mistakes. There are an array of issues that you can be able to detect using the tool such as conciseness, punctuation, grammar, and word choice also aids in making writing clearer and engaging. Since I use a free version of the tool, I must admit they have grown having used the features built on the platform. 

Other applications that I have used include readability apps that break down the grades and scores of the prose that I have penned down. The language tools are really important though they expect you to pay a premium to savour the full scale of the features they offer. 

And there lies my beef with them. We live in a society where technology has distinguished itself by its precocity and created the perception that it offers real solutions to artistic merit where there may be a deficiency. Technology, especially the internet is a repository of the past and helps us taste the charm of the olden days. Yet when you codify grammar into an app, it restrains the ability to indulge in the untrodden. While it is prudent to fit into the grammatical rules that language accords us, the reality is we are not supposed to be constricted by technology and ups to explore the brilliance of what the human mind is capable of. I feel like such apps limit our knowledge and confine us to what is an unjustified resignation to their application.

Hasta La Vista, Baby.

Read More

What Life has become

Our inner circle of friends tends to influence our myopic tendencies and consequently, that leads us to adopt a prejudiced mindset while in their company. As a result, we become unaware of that segment with divergent views hence diminishing our thought process. Most times, we are drawn toward analogies that normally enthuse our emotions. We gravitate towards that which resonates with our emotional experiences, and the world around us, and impacts us on a deeper level. Often, pragmatism only prevails when circumstances require practicality. We are drawn to nonlinear thought processes because linearity is for suckers. Subtly, there is a connection where the subconscious mind influences us without our realization while incorporating its effects into the conscious mind which has the willpower to sway our decisions. 

In this interconnected web of life, where you find yourself may be by design or by chance. The mosaic or collage of diversity shapes our view toward life and encourages us to form bonds that draw the finest qualities in both ourselves and those around us. Yet, we are maybe mean and less self-effacing. Amid all that, the sanctuary of support may be found in our family, colleagues at work, the friends we make in our socialization processes, and the adversaries who are vital in making us whole. They come in to oppose and push us out of our comfort zones. Their negative lens in how they mirror life helps in transforming our collective approach that may be parochial and nascent.

Your perception of life is closely influenced by your aura, which is shaped greatly by the energy you radiate. The stages you have gone through in life immensely dictate the choices you make. Consequently, that is what contributes to your experiences. When you sit down and reflect on your past, present, and future, you realize that exposure plays a critical role in who you become. Some of us yearn to be successful and think there is a shortcut that can be extrapolated into the future through the actions we take which may be deliberate or unconscious. Others live life one day at a time, while some know the gravitas of survival is making hay while the sun shines. Life is structured in a way that success is not a singular feat but a relentless pursuit. It's a continuous process where when you decide to take a step back others pick up and build on what is already established.

The lessons that make you sagacious, resolute, painstaking, and fiercely independent are the ones that impact your life and contribute to your flaneur, especially if you are interested in deeper introspection. Mostly, what shields you from prostituting your mind frees you from the slavery of correctness and illusion of understanding. I mean, silence is gold, the world is more complicated than what we inherently know. The one who listens learns a lot. This is a deafening trumpet that vibrates the bones. By some farcical turn of events, we are programmed to think that being a know-it-all and actively contributing enhances our cool factor, yet it only makes us cluster to absurdity. How you become excited when you come across a new fact, whether heard or read and the thirst to cut reality into crisp shapes that fit into a social contagion. 

What strikes me is the belief we hold in the power of retrospective analysis of how we can learn from history. We have grown from fracture to fracture while making small, predictable progressions in life. Nothing like catapulting all at once into overcoming historical ruptures that have inherently held us hostage in fear of tasting the pleasures of living authentically. Yet some events are an exception that cannot be pushed under the rug. They contribute to savoring true joy and are essential in experiencing the fullness of our existence. The unpredictability of future thrill and mystery is a human nature that we cannot hide from. Life's inevitable surprises make it worth embracing whatever is thrown our way because tomorrow is the first day of the rest of our lives. 

Most societies value the family as a fundamental nucleus of society. That is because it is the first instance in which we make emotional bonds that determine our broader social interactions. It's the initial environment that nurtures and contributes to the cornerstone of our identity in society. The majority of people still desire to create families because it is crucial as a building block in the structure of the community. It is not only where we find a sense of belonging, love, and support but it is also the foundation of the future generation. Our well-being, filial bonds, and growth start in a family which serves as the fabric of society. The nurturing confines of a family provide a sanctuary of security that amidst life's uncertainties, we still have that haven we can go back to since home is where the heart is and that is family.

Lately, I have realized that most people are postponing family commitments because they have a certain perspective of what they think is a 'perfect time' and an 'enviable family'. The average chap wants to delve into the mystery of adventure by forgoing this responsibility. Men and women alike want to have fun, which involves engaging in casual sexual relations with multiple partners in some cases. For some, it is satisfactory to have one soul mate, while for others, one is not enough. These folks experiment freely, convinced that emotional ties are a thing of the past. We are in a new generation, and as we transition into it, we need to align with what is current trends. It's no longer considered cheating, it's merely accepting that times have changed. We have redefined the new norm, which goes against traditional societal expectations and our biological clocks.

My two cents is always to strike a balance because in the end, what matters is you as a person. It's a harmony between what you want and what you get. Live your life according to your doctrines and what you were brought up believing in. In most cases, the family will always win because it provides the unconditional support that we often rely on. It's where we find affection and earliest understanding. That is why parents and siblings will always stand by their blood because blood is thicker than water. Your immediate family will always choose and stand by you because they are the most important people in the world. They will take care of you and be there because they are your first point of contact and you need to cherish them. 

Hasta La Vista, Baby

Read More

From Social Media to Streets: #RejectFinanceBill2024

When Kenyans took to the streets to protest against the recent Finance bill, under the hashtag #RejectFinanceBill2024, led by a fiery and firebrand Gen Z and docile millennials, I did not expect much to come from it. The usual social media gimmicks and activism characterized by armchair rhetorics behind a small gadget are what I thought it would result in. I mean, previous street protests have been characterized by hooliganism, violence, and looting among other vices largely because the government, through the press, has shaped this narrative. 

I am a millennial. Millennials are known for their conformity; we tend to follow directives readily because we value adaptability and agreeableness. We tend to comply as long as the guidelines are clear and the actions to be taken are explicit. We are also a tech-savvy generation known for our collaborative spirit. Not the Gen Z. This generation is known for its inquisitive nature and its tendency to challenge the status quo. We tend to think they are weird because they are passionate and want meaningful explanations rather than simply following orders of 'because I said' as an answer. 

However, when you combine the rebellious spirit of Gen Z with the conformity of millennials, the result is the well-organized demonstrations witnessed against the Finance Bill 2024. These demonstrations were devoid of tribal divisions and focused on improving standards, going against punitive taxes and what we call "escaping the matrix".

Somehow, I feel like the mainstream media has become partial and compromised in reporting political matters that affect the populace. This apprehension stems from the fact that media outlets may self-censor to avoid jeopardizing the funding that they get from government coffers. Yet, they would not admit it because the government is a major stakeholder in the operation of media outlets. Media houses have to choose between editorial independence, sacrificing proper journalism and financial stability in their reporting. Challenging the status quo could lead to your licenses to operate being revoked or lead to serious financial repercussions. 

Consequently, Kenyans have been left to endure the excesses of the government under the guise of public participation, a program that has not always lived up to its name in terms of genuine citizen involvement. The legislature went to bed with the executive, because it controls the purse strings and as a result, they enact legislation that does not align with the needs of the common man. 

As citizens, we feel neglected because leaders are not carrying out their constitutional right in addressing the plight of the average citizen. The "Uta do" mentality is frustrating and chocks to the core. Of course, the president needs to leave a positive legacy while being responsive to the citizens, but it seems like the Kenya Kwanza government does not listen to the people. Unfortunately, it is "the same forest with different monkeys." Who is to blame for electing leaders who are easily swayed by the incumbent government and who lack a proven track record to show forth? Should we blame the common man, who is easily corruptible with a few shillings, or civil society for inadequate public sensitization?

Over the past two decades, it has become increasingly evident that we have become a tribal nation, particularly in politics and economic empowerment. This is a topic that elicits emotions and upsets me, and I have to address it because it is a dangerous slippery slope. We are in a delicate tribal warfare that impacts us yet we cannot admit it. Human beings have always been tribal since time immemorial, seeking to share deep-seated animosities with like-minded individuals. Tribalism is dangerous because it fosters division and hatred. However, it can also unite and motivate, leading to better outcomes through competition. When we view the world through the lens of our tribe, we lose our nuance. Tribalism is now deeply rooted in both politics and the workplace, often turning politicians and employers into thoughtless, ethnically maligned drones. This allegiance to tribal views can suppress independent thought and align us with oppressive ideologies, ultimately costing us our independent thinking. 

In Kenya, whoever takes power controls the government coffers and, eventually, effectively holds the purse strings for the entire nation. It's a winner-take-all scenario. This control also extends to the judiciary, which in some cases renders the institution susceptible to manipulation. Fundamentally, the judiciary is supposed to uphold the rule of law and administer justice according to the Constitution of the land.  However, in some cases, the judicial process is skewed, resulting in verdicts that acquit individuals in ways that undermine the rights and liberties of both defendants and plaintiffs. The result is that glaring facts contradict a ruling, and this erodes public trust in the judiciary. It creates the perception that the highest bidder can sway judicial rulings in their favor, despite clear evidence to the contrary. And that is where the people must step in.

When widespread injustice occurs and the common man feels the country is not governed by the rule of law, they resort to picketing. People are protesting because the government has chosen to use the justice system and legislature to oppress the common people, leaving them to suffer and feed on the breadcrumbs while the elites enjoy the benefits of the cake. Our freedom of speech is infringed upon because the people we elected to office are colluding executive arm. Yet it is our right to speak about the ills that we see in society. As much as we may be sent to Gulag for expressing our political opinions, and engaging in open discourse on societal issues, we can challenge and potentially change the prevailing norms and enact positive change. We need to feel free while expressing our views without fear of discomfort. The pragmatism to face authority has now been left to social media though it should not be the sole outlet to challenge it.

Upon completing their education, instead of being guaranteed a haven in employment, school leavers are nowadays forced to find opportunities as content creators on platforms like Twitter, YouTube, and TikTok, where they can express their ideas because the economy is struggling to create sufficient job opportunities. The social media platforms can only pay a few creative individuals who bring an audience to their pages hence generating advertiser revenue. Consequently, many citizens who could have been productive and contributed to the economy are dependent on their overtaxed and financially overburdened guardians and parents. The "black tax" phenomenon has become a responsibility even for pensioners. 

Parents took their children to school with the hopes that they would be self-reliant upon completion of their education, whether someone went to a technical school or graduate school. Unfortunately, many graduates and school leavers are still dependent on their siblings, relatives, and parents due to the scarcity of income opportunities. In today's job market, even roles in construction that traditionally demanded minimal expertise and prized endurance are gatekept by nepotism and cronyism. Connections have become a prerequisite, a secret handshake granting access to employment's elusive rewards.

The clamor and resistance to the finance bill are rooted in the fact that it does not benefit the citizens who have to pay taxes and endure economic hardship. Economically, it is what's required to steer clear of the recurring debt trap we encounter. The real issue is that the political elite, the bureaucrats, and their entourage follow the usual path. They become affluent, lose touch with reality, and think they are better than others. In the end, they lose a healthy sense of perspective and come to view their roles as a God-given right to hold the positions they have. They become arrogant and impervious to the populace's desires.

I may be watching from the flanks. Protestors get killed, incarcerated, and injured while fighting for a better tomorrow. On the contrary, politicians get rich and are protected by the law enforcers. Some are inept and misappropriate money that should serve the current and future generations. They squander public funds while citizens diligently work hard and pay their taxes to support their extravagant lifestyles. We should stand to be counted by holding leaders accountable. As we demand accountability from them, they need to also be truth-telling. After all, we are all suffering irrespective of the tribe we belong to. When taxes are levied, they transcend tribal affiliations because they are not discriminatory. They are imposed uniformly across the board. And who stands to gain? It is tax collectors, the political class, and those with allocated budgets who use the revenue selfishly.

As a result, it is the average citizen who bears the brunt when tax funds are misappropriated, failing to serve their designated purpose. The 100 bob or 200 bob that you are given as a bribe will give you the illusion that your representative has your interest at heart. The truth is that once individuals are elected to represent us, they prioritize their agendas over the collective welfare of society. Wahenga na wahenguzi hawakukosea walipolonga kwamba, 'Kila mwamba ngoma, ngozi huivutia kwake.'

Hasta La Vista Baby.

Read More

Comfort Zone

A heartfelt salute to all the people who tirelessly fulfill their life's calling with unwavering dedication, never resorting to complaints or apportioning blame. They walk their life's path with stoic grace and take full accountability for their actions. What I have learned about life is that sometimes, not a single soul cares when you are going through struggles that should not concern them. Some situations require you to open up and seek guidance, while others demand you step out of your comfort zone and not wait for an easy way out. That is why you will find a person ready to take advantage and charge for offering a service to mitigate your issues, even if the results may not meet your expectations. Nothing like a free lunch. It is prudent to be cautious and weigh in on a situation to see whether you can self-resolve before seeking advice.

Consider the experiences of an individual grappling with mental health challenges. In the current digital age, we have social media, and some people may use the platform to relay contradictory information, often with the intent of garnering the attention of a target audience. Some even go bonkers and become delusional. A patient in a psychiatric facility may share posts stating that he has graduated and is ready to start the journey of treating people, accompanied by fabricated images of a graduation ceremony. You find such a patient lost in the fantasy of being a medic, convinced he is treating people in a health facility. 

Growing up, the medical profession used to be highly regarded, to the extent that we used to see it as the pinnacle of our career aspirations. You studied hard in school and cultivated a mental image of a doctor. Some even adopted the alter ego of a 'doctor' embodying the role before it became a reality. Not anymore, with specialization having taken over, all fields are worth pursuing if you dedicate yourself and are passionate about them. Nevertheless, you still need to meet the minimum qualifications and be certified to practice before applying your knowledge to real-world scenarios. Even in the medical field itself, specialization allows you to tailor your interests to your specific career path. Nonetheless, in some professions talent is what matters, hence understanding and mastering the elements that contribute to success is essential. It's not just about having a natural aptitude. 

As the sands of time slip in the hourglass, so too does the terrain of existence transform. The syllabus we once studied is likely outdated given the rapid advancements and transitions we have witnessed. Long ago, all you were required to do was focus on the bare minimum, and that would yield results. Presently, you can't rest on your laurels pretty, content and complacent that everything will pan out without the extra hard work. You have to push yourself and adopt a proactive approach. It is a journey with no sojourn that involves a diverse cast of people along the way—some leave an indelible mark, while others are ephemeral whispers that quickly fade from memory.

That is the reason why nobody can afford to be comfortable anymore. We work to earn a living, which we equate to money. Let's assume that money contributes to peace of mind and provides an extra dose of happiness. It alleviates worries about necessities and grants the comfort of purchasing power. As much as you have addressed a crucial aspect effectively, there are additional aspects that require your attention. Money can afford you options because it influences the quality of services and products you buy. Yet there is more to money that extends beyond transactions. You have to take the initiative to make it work for you. Physical well-being demands more than financial stability. Your health is at stake if you live a risky life, regardless of your economic status. Money is just a subset of life that solves money problems and offers a measure of security, but it is not the only factor determining the quality of life one lives.

Your financial capacity often dictates the lifestyle choices you make. You can only dine in an eatery that fits your budget or travel to destinations within your means. Your financial boundaries determine whether you adopt an economical mindset in your spending or indulge in occasional splurges. Time is also a crucial factor in determining our rate card. Some people reach a level of excellence where they continue to enhance their worth, while others find themselves stuck in a rut, struggling to break free from a cycle of stagnation that stifles their development. It may not necessarily be a lack of effort; rather, it may be their approach that is not yielding the desired outcomes.

What is certain is that, presently, you cannot afford to be content. Somewhere, someone is burning the midnight oil, striving relentlessly to succeed in life. You have to escape the matrix by breaking away from conventional beliefs, taking risks, and pursuing something genuinely worthwhile. You have to be creative and hardworking. While creativity alone is a valuable piece of the puzzle, it is just one component of a larger whole. You can be very creative and have exciting, unique ideas that stand out, but success is a mosaic that requires more than individual brilliance. You need a team to be able to collaborate and accomplish the grand vision.

Hasta La Vista, Baby.

Read More

In search of adventure

Mind readers have a knack for understanding human psychology, which they use to create the illusion of being right, particularly when presenting choices for others to select. This can lead to the perception that one has been outwitted, contributing to a sense of vulnerability. These individuals often receive accolades for their exceptional cognitive strategies, which seem to reflect a high level of intelligence. Guess they practice continuously the way actors do in a set until the outcome achieves a level of remarkable finesse. However, the longevity of such a display of cleverness is typically short-lived unless the person has undergone extensive training to perform captivating mental feats that can evoke amusement or astonishment at their skillful deception to their audience.

Often, it is a spark of inspiration that awakens our yearning for adventure. A sedentary lifestyle lacks thrill and can dull the senses; it's monotonous to do the same thing repeatedly. We crave experiences that yield tales worthy of recounting. This desire often propels us into action. People go to great lengths to create memorable experiences. For some, the quest to explore life comes naturally, while for others, it must be carefully planned and nurtured. It's not always as seamless as it seems; it requires effort and cultivation.

I appreciate the natural way life provides for our needs without forcing it. However, expecting nature to take its course entirely is unrealistic for some people. Those with a strong work ethic, characterized by rigor and discipline, understand that success typically demands continuous effort. These individuals develop and refine their skills through repetition, building muscle memory, and expertise in their endeavors.

To find someone successful, they’ve likely invested over 10,000 hours into their skill, honing their prowess until they understand the potential causes of the innate quirks and nuances that may arise. It takes time to have consistency. You have to turn up daily and immerse yourself in the craft. Even with consistent effort, maintaining the routine can be a struggle. For instance, sometimes I find the journey of blogging a painstaking one. It's not that I have a shortage of topics to pen about. The struggle can sometimes be overwhelming, and you want to call it a day and quit. 

Just when you think of retiring and think, let me now concentrate on something that can improve my life. Like walking 10,000 steps a day, uninterrupted 8 hours of sleep, eating one meal a day, and drinking 8 cups of water, you realize that maintaining these wellness habits can be challenging. It reaches a point where as much as you want to maintain all these wellness routines unless you have a coach to help you with the process, you may just end up backsliding and revert to old habits. Naturally, we are wired to abhor routine because of its restrictive nature. What enslaves us and makes us caged, well, you can just drink when your throat feels dry. The flawless, glossy skin often attributed to water therapy becomes an elusive goal. The kind of visage that is associated with water therapy. Few people manage to capitalize on these wellness practices, but those who do often create a livelihood from it. They develop masterclasses on how to achieve these wellness goals, attracting many who want to try their secret methods.

Given a choice to travel the world, most people would seize the opportunity enticed by the adventure and enjoyment it promises. I would quickly grab that chance because I know it would offer a broader perspective on my worldview. But, traveling is not the only form of adventure that satiates our lust for discovery. The everyday experiences we encounter teach us valuable lessons that shape our future interactions. There are people we might prefer to steer clear of, yet we often find ourselves unable to do so as they become part of lifestyle.

Recently, an acquaintance of mine found himself in a precarious situation after being apprehended for driving under the influence. He was escorted onto the "Mariamu" lorry, and his vehicle was impounded and towed to the station. This anecdote highlights how, at times, we can outwit even the most elaborate processes designed to protect us and society. Upon arrival at the police station, amidst the chaos of processing numerous detainees, he took a gamble and slipped away in the opposite direction of the holding cells. Concealed behind a door, he assumed a false identity. In the ensuing disarray as the authorities organized the detainees, he emerged from his hiding spot. Mistakenly assumed to be an outsider caught up in the commotion, he was instructed to leave the station, as he seemingly had no business there at night. 

After escaping the police station, his next challenge was retrieving his car. It took him several days and numerous calls to get the car released from the police yard. Paying the tow guys was unavoidable, as they typically work in cahoots with the police. The key takeaway from this experience is the importance of opting for a cab instead of driving after drinking. Using a taxi can save you from the risk of accidents or getting caught by the police.

I later spoke with an Uber driver who explained that the cost of cash bail in such a case is 20,000 for the police and an additional compulsory 5,000 for the tow service. This experience, while adventurous in its way, underscores the lesson that if you've been drinking, it's far wiser to hail an online cab and retrieve your car later. Not only does this avoid legal troubles and hefty fines, but it also ensures your safety and that of others on the road.

After the narrow escape from the police station and avoiding the unpleasant odor of cells reeking of urine, he went again to the vibrant atmosphere of another club, opting for a taxi because his car had been confiscated. Unbeknownst to the authorities, he had slipped away. Later, he even considered surrendering to a traffic officer to confess, only to realize it would add the charge of escaping detention to his record. However, money has a way of softening the hearts of the police. By providing a bribe with no strings attached, he was able to go scot-free. Financial incentives have a way in which they influence outcomes, and it seems to hold true. Many people prefer this route over navigating the judicial process, which is often long and circuitous. This approach also saves time that would otherwise be wasted in the back-and-forth of legal proceedings.

He later told me about a person he knows who never offers bribes. If caught for any reason, this individual would endure the lengthy legal process instead of corrupting it, which is generally considered the proper way to handle such situations. I have bribed the police a few times for minor infractions like having a cracked windscreen, worn-out tyre treads, and speeding in areas where I missed the speed limit signs. For instance, if the limit was 50 kph and I was driving at 70 kph.

Once, I was even caught not displaying the insurance sticker. Before being booked, I managed to bribe the officer and he let me go. Another time, I failed to stop when signaled by a policeman, who then took a motorbike to catch up with me and charged me for failing to stop. If you have some loose cash, they will easily accept it. My rule of thumb is never to part with more than 1,000 shillings for these petty offenses.

Most of the time, parting with money is not a premeditated decision, it's the lengthy processes that prompt an individual to expedite matters, albeit informally. You always opt for greasing the wheels of justice though it undermines the integrity of established procedures put in place. It's not until you encounter an irate and hostile police officer,  who is unapproachable and vociferous, unwilling to listen, shouting like a madman that you realize why some people develop PTSD when they think of police stations. They end up with unexplained anxiety in their law enforcement interactions.

Hasta La Vista Baby

Read More

Kill your Darling

The quickest way to self-destruct is to give up on life and take no action regarding your prospects. That does not mean you will always be feeling despondent and indolent. Situations arise where responsibility forces you to forfeit and take the bull by its horns as much as you may not want to. The experiences we encounter are many and it is the most recent epic episode that remains in our mind that we keep on narrating. It ends up being a tedious story that is banal and lackluster. Once you realize that what you are saying sounds cliche and the listener has an idea of what you will say next, then it makes sense to cut it. 

Uber drivers have so many stories to tell if you engage them. Chaps like us do not know how to break the ice and I wait for the man behind the wheels to look at me and start a conversation. One cab driver who used to ply his trade at night used to harangue at the plight of the country's state and had an idea of just everything. Those were the days when online hailing cabs were not available at our arms disposal. The man would be high on khat and it made him talk as if the words he was narrating were having no end.

The bottom line is that if you engage a person, there is a possibility he will recount a certain hackneyed story that he normally repeats to his audience because it is what makes sense. The reason I love cabs is because there is never the same story you will experience with the same driver. What some of these drivers have seen, what they have heard, the scents and odors they have had to endure. They have a view of the past, present, and future. This may not be fixed into a shape when you look at it. But the signal from perceiving life through the three dimensions is a triangle of sorts.

A cab driver once told me that he used to work as a bike rider in one of the Arabian countries and ended up learning Arabic. The job was lucrative but he felt like the environment was not conducive to his stay because when it became excessively hot, he could not do errands he wanted to do. His eyes were now set on going to Eastern Europe to be a truck driver then slowly finding his way to the heart of mainland Europe.

Another recently told me that he has since accepted that sex will still take place in your cab whether you like it or not. Especially when you work at night when revelers are from having fun at night. He said that there are men who get inebriated at night and will offer you good pay to have the act with a lady in your car as you drive along. Some just do it because they are horny and some ladies even seduce you but you have to maintain that you are in business. The majority of ladies he took to destinations where an imposing SUV was waiting on the other end were girls in their early twenties or late teenage years. The ones who want a fast life. A man promises to give her twenty bob, (bob is slang for a thousand), and she is ready to do everything for the few hours they will be together.

She took a broken wine glass and started cutting her left arm deep enough to see white tissue and the skin separated. A stream of blood started flowing from her slit arm to the table and then down onto the floor. She had soft hands that looked tender and light in complexion. The people around looked with their faces blanched from shock. People will look at you harming yourself and do nothing. Standing in front of her, I took hold of the hand that held the broken glass before she good do any more harm because the scene was covered in blood. 

Bouncers were called to come and contain her because she was nervous and restless. She was a petite university student who seemed to fear what the future held. She kept on insisting that someone should hold her hand and when she had no one do that, she reached the broken glass and started harming herself with stabs that gorged deep. Only when blood started flowing did I realize that she saw what she had done that I managed to also come to my senses and forcibly prevent her from further self-inflicted injury. After the act, her voice was low and hoarse with exhaustion. The blood looked red on the floor and table. We moved to another table. What a night to behold.

Read More