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On
average, it should take one fifteen to twenty minutes to read a post in a blog
with twenty five hundred words. Is that not the same number of minutes a viewer
takes to watch an American comedy, say, there are no those airtime thieves in
form of advertisers who sponsor programs as a way of marketing, advertising and
engaging in public relations at the same time. Those who bore the hell out of
you because they want a wider market share of the products they sell and hence
sponsor programs by ensuring they have their ad just when you cannot unseat yourself from the couch or settee or
change the channel because the remote is far away and you are eagerly awaiting
for the next part of the episode.
Let
me not beat about the bush any further, it takes an average of twenty minutes
to watch a comedy series like Big Bang, Modern Family, Exes, and you name them
if a fan of comedies like me. Damn, am a silent pitcher, never afraid to falter
till I get it right. It's life. The Hell. You need to be swayed and rocked like
a ship in the ocean by the tidal waves that lam without warning you feel the
ship will keel before you find the right bearing you really wanted. And when
you do, you say alas!
Have
you ever worn a chintzy pair of pants, those that make you look like an Abunuwasi?
That which is just slightly below the ankle when standing and exposes your
socks when you sit, the knee raises it so that its length is just something
below the calf. Bad, I had to pull that because my wardrobe is becoming too
disdainful because I have been kind of allergic to go to G-mall and do some
exquisite shopping. Then there is this kitsch t-shirt that leaves me irritated
wanting to scratch my belly, shoulders, chest and armpits because it reacts
with the body when you sweat (it’s normal to sweat). I will check the material used
to tailor the cloth because it also smells funny when you have removed it from
the body and has those electric shocks as a result of the static energy it
harbours. Pardon me, only designer clothes are tailored (achana na nguo za kushowa juu mafundi huwa zi designers) while the kind I wear are you know this things.
'So
jive, rout and ewer are words found in the scrabble dictionary.' a scrabble challenger asked was shocked to find out. Fukes. Imagine
I had been given a range of over 80 marks or points, whatever. I had
underestimated my rival and he had pulled a 'triple word' using a Q and my goose
was almost cooked. Luckily, a man never says die. I love playing scrabble
because it lets me showcase my lingo and lets me ruminate using the seven words
I have. I am not that smart though? In fact, there was a lady who told me that I
should play scrabble with her continuously to enable her improve on her lingo. Bingo!
Hats off even though I have to do it for myself.
You see, I gave her the kind of thrashing which caused all the male colleagues to look at us in suspense (we were playing scrabble during a break). She had taken over from the guy colleague whom I was trailing because the guy had gone to attend to pressing or urgent matters. She screamed like a rabbit being slaughtered much to the chagrin of many, especially those who have a thing for her when I reduced the gap like Kibaki did and Raila's sychophants started crying foul. I had pulled the stunt. Trust me to gamble with words when playing even if I know they only exist in my head.
You see, I gave her the kind of thrashing which caused all the male colleagues to look at us in suspense (we were playing scrabble during a break). She had taken over from the guy colleague whom I was trailing because the guy had gone to attend to pressing or urgent matters. She screamed like a rabbit being slaughtered much to the chagrin of many, especially those who have a thing for her when I reduced the gap like Kibaki did and Raila's sychophants started crying foul. I had pulled the stunt. Trust me to gamble with words when playing even if I know they only exist in my head.
I
had to blow my own horn. It's practical. I was trailing her but at the end, Even
though she and other colleague used combined power in bringing their folly to a
guru like me, I was able to outmaneuver them in diction and voila, I emerged
the winner. Lest I find a pro who will show me how it is done.
Like
a story I read of a certain old man from the countryside who went to a city
where they were not allowed to be riding on draught animals while going for
business. As a sagacious fellow, he went to the home of a young man who deemed himself as the self-confessed ‘World’s
greatest Chess player’ and had engraved the sign on his gate.
Since
the old man was intending on having a place where he could have his donkey given
residence while he was doing his business, he decided to challenge the world’s
greatest chess player to a game. The chess player berated him and only agreed
to the challenge after being persuaded that there was a wager of 15 gold coins.
They
played the game and the old man was checkmated in less than five minutes. As a
bargain because he did not have the 15 gold coins, he left his donkey with the
chess player as substitute for the coins since it was worth 50 gold coins and
went about his business in the town for a week.
The young man changed the saddle and purchased new reigns for the donkey and also cleaned the ass.
The young man changed the saddle and purchased new reigns for the donkey and also cleaned the ass.
When
the old man finished in his dealings after about a week, he returned to the
young man’s house to play for another game (return leg but still on the young
man’s court) and this time, he had the 15 coins.
However,
his wager was different. That in the event he won, he would get back his donkey
but if he lost, he would surrender the 15 coins.
The
two of them began the chess match. However, this old man who was once terrible
showed completely different skills in just one week. The young man did breakdown
in sweat and started squirming on his chair and in no time he heard the old man
say, “Young owner, checkmate.”
Since
he was anxious to know why the old man wanted his donkey back, he asked him why
he had lost and won. So he asked, “One week ago, sir, you were really bad at
chess. But in such a short period of time, how did you increase your skills? I’m
very curious.”
The old man explained that when he reached the
city, he found a sign reading, ‘Donkeys or horses are not allowed.’
Since he needed a place he could house the donkey, he purposely played with the young man and lost to be able to run his errands in the city. When he was through, he went for his donkey which was happy to see him after he had won. Clean and with new reigns and saddle he took his beast of burden and headed to back to the countryside.
When he finished his business, he went back and won after losing.
Dejected and embarrassed, the young man removed the sign from his home and did muse the reason as to why the old man had deliberately lost and won yet he had all along considered himself the legend of chess.
Reminds me of the African proverb, 'An old man sitting on a stool can see farther than a young man who has climbed a tree'.
Since he needed a place he could house the donkey, he purposely played with the young man and lost to be able to run his errands in the city. When he was through, he went for his donkey which was happy to see him after he had won. Clean and with new reigns and saddle he took his beast of burden and headed to back to the countryside.
When he finished his business, he went back and won after losing.
Dejected and embarrassed, the young man removed the sign from his home and did muse the reason as to why the old man had deliberately lost and won yet he had all along considered himself the legend of chess.
Reminds me of the African proverb, 'An old man sitting on a stool can see farther than a young man who has climbed a tree'.
I
might one day be forced to humble myself in scrabble but not any soon. Until I
find someone who can give me a range of 100 marks, I am Hercules of the game in
the staffroom. Or which superstar is a Dexter in playing mind games because if
you cannot play that you cannot win. I don’t know the superstar figure but when I do, I
will be good to go.
Ideally, scrabble is a time-waster, Aa aa (shaking my head sideways), no it helps reduce boredom and improves on your IQ, though Qi and not IQ is in the scrabble dictionary and other words like OE, OI, OO, XU, XI, JO, KO, KA, WOX, KO, KY, ZA, ZO which I have never had of are also there.
That day I will be able to use the word quinzhee on a double letter and triple word on scrabble, with either z or q on a double word, I will have killed scrabble. No lies. That will instinctively be more than 100 marks at once.
And now to the main issue, my brother took me to an upper middle class coffee eatery and guess whom I met? Our director and his son. Bet they were on there way out since they never had anything on their tables.
Where we sat, there was also a lady with her daughter discussing business. I don't know what happens to my ears but I just found myself intermittently listening to the sagacious banter the mom and daughter were engaged in. The daughter had this dude who she was saying she had and had a predilection for because she was looking at the future with him. They also talked about how she could be able to secure government tenders now that she was a woman and a youth.
I remember he mom advising her to take her professional papers seriously also because they would really matter in the near future.
Which brings me to one of my colleagues called Bonjour, when Bonjour confessed that sometimes he really strains to make ends meet in Nairobi, I could feel his struggle. Especially when he was narrating the story with Oty our sentry. Both from the house of Mulembe. They did remind me of those two luhyas who act on 'Hapa Kule' who have this ideophone, 'hulangauri' said as if someone has a lump of ugali on his throat preventing some vocal codes from clearly producing sounds.
Bonjour has this cousin who once took him to Safari Club and he wax with the Taxman. Damn, working with the office affords one a certain flair because it is a cash-cow for getting for getting free cash. Especially those that want to fault on payment of taxes or those who want to evade payment of tax.
In Safari Club, Bonjour's cousin was meeting his associates and he was introduced as working in the tourism sector. In fact, bonjour could not believe that he had been ordered to take a taxi to go meet his cousin who was still tipsy and needed someone to help him while checking on a firm in Industrial area. Bonjour was then tasked with driving the cousin-brother to Safari Club where things were beyond his reach.
He could not understand how they were able to consume what is his gross pay in a single meal. He tried to mull over it but could not come to terms with that fact. Upon finishing, his cousin gave him 3 K and told him to occassionally visit him in his office. Oh! And since the cousin could be able to swim in money, he even had a mpango who he had rented a hose in Kile while he lived in Runda which Bonjour thought was next to Karen.
Oty also told us of the story of his uncle who even though his pay was more than 300 K, he was still not satisfied because the uncles friend was a member of the golf club. Muthaiga golf club where you pay sh.20 million to be a registered member and play with the former president. Oty's cousin was also wanted to join the big boys and that was the reason he was finding his 300 K salary so little.
And that brought us to discussing about ladies, we can only be able to buy a lady a decent meal on the lower sides of Tom Mboya Street because as you know, if you pay rent, think about food and fare, you can only have nothing left because by the middle of the month, you are broke and need to take goods from mama mboga on credit.
I am still pondering on the next move to take if I will continue being a teacher because I never liked the way a colleague was almost having his eye gored out fail for the fact that robbers only dealt with his face. They escaped with a laptop and man, its sometimes demoralizing seeing this. It broke my heart as much as I pitied him. The sympathy was not enough.
Later on we concluded that the assailants were not Sap because Saps know that they need to let their victims safe to be able to rob them again. Luhyas and Luos are the more crude muggers because they want their victim never to repeat the mistake again and can sometimes go the extra mile to kill. But saps, am told kill only when they have instructions to silence their victims.
This is a hypothesis we came up with that am not sure can hold water and be theorized especially regarding crime in the sprawling slums.
Even if I am complaining about being a teacher, I could never have come into contact with this intelligent men and women who are building Kenya into a better place. I can only wait till that time when I will be able to transition fully into writer so that I can be balancing it by part-time being a teacher.
HASTA LA VISTA BABY
Ideally, scrabble is a time-waster, Aa aa (shaking my head sideways), no it helps reduce boredom and improves on your IQ, though Qi and not IQ is in the scrabble dictionary and other words like OE, OI, OO, XU, XI, JO, KO, KA, WOX, KO, KY, ZA, ZO which I have never had of are also there.
I
am a tad bit too weary thinking of how those words became part of the English
dictionary. They sound Chinese or Asian. But English is also a remnant of
another language. It heavily borrows words to this age from other languages au
fait and turns them into its own words. But as at now, it lends more than it
borrows.
(to
be continued)That day I will be able to use the word quinzhee on a double letter and triple word on scrabble, with either z or q on a double word, I will have killed scrabble. No lies. That will instinctively be more than 100 marks at once.
And now to the main issue, my brother took me to an upper middle class coffee eatery and guess whom I met? Our director and his son. Bet they were on there way out since they never had anything on their tables.
Where we sat, there was also a lady with her daughter discussing business. I don't know what happens to my ears but I just found myself intermittently listening to the sagacious banter the mom and daughter were engaged in. The daughter had this dude who she was saying she had and had a predilection for because she was looking at the future with him. They also talked about how she could be able to secure government tenders now that she was a woman and a youth.
I remember he mom advising her to take her professional papers seriously also because they would really matter in the near future.
Which brings me to one of my colleagues called Bonjour, when Bonjour confessed that sometimes he really strains to make ends meet in Nairobi, I could feel his struggle. Especially when he was narrating the story with Oty our sentry. Both from the house of Mulembe. They did remind me of those two luhyas who act on 'Hapa Kule' who have this ideophone, 'hulangauri' said as if someone has a lump of ugali on his throat preventing some vocal codes from clearly producing sounds.
Bonjour has this cousin who once took him to Safari Club and he wax with the Taxman. Damn, working with the office affords one a certain flair because it is a cash-cow for getting for getting free cash. Especially those that want to fault on payment of taxes or those who want to evade payment of tax.
In Safari Club, Bonjour's cousin was meeting his associates and he was introduced as working in the tourism sector. In fact, bonjour could not believe that he had been ordered to take a taxi to go meet his cousin who was still tipsy and needed someone to help him while checking on a firm in Industrial area. Bonjour was then tasked with driving the cousin-brother to Safari Club where things were beyond his reach.
He could not understand how they were able to consume what is his gross pay in a single meal. He tried to mull over it but could not come to terms with that fact. Upon finishing, his cousin gave him 3 K and told him to occassionally visit him in his office. Oh! And since the cousin could be able to swim in money, he even had a mpango who he had rented a hose in Kile while he lived in Runda which Bonjour thought was next to Karen.
Oty also told us of the story of his uncle who even though his pay was more than 300 K, he was still not satisfied because the uncles friend was a member of the golf club. Muthaiga golf club where you pay sh.20 million to be a registered member and play with the former president. Oty's cousin was also wanted to join the big boys and that was the reason he was finding his 300 K salary so little.
And that brought us to discussing about ladies, we can only be able to buy a lady a decent meal on the lower sides of Tom Mboya Street because as you know, if you pay rent, think about food and fare, you can only have nothing left because by the middle of the month, you are broke and need to take goods from mama mboga on credit.
I am still pondering on the next move to take if I will continue being a teacher because I never liked the way a colleague was almost having his eye gored out fail for the fact that robbers only dealt with his face. They escaped with a laptop and man, its sometimes demoralizing seeing this. It broke my heart as much as I pitied him. The sympathy was not enough.
Later on we concluded that the assailants were not Sap because Saps know that they need to let their victims safe to be able to rob them again. Luhyas and Luos are the more crude muggers because they want their victim never to repeat the mistake again and can sometimes go the extra mile to kill. But saps, am told kill only when they have instructions to silence their victims.
This is a hypothesis we came up with that am not sure can hold water and be theorized especially regarding crime in the sprawling slums.
Even if I am complaining about being a teacher, I could never have come into contact with this intelligent men and women who are building Kenya into a better place. I can only wait till that time when I will be able to transition fully into writer so that I can be balancing it by part-time being a teacher.
HASTA LA VISTA BABY
[Photo Source: Pixabay]
