DILEMMA

Sometimes we get offers that make us think twice. There are those that you don’t even have to mull over. They come and you make up your decision straight up and you are taking them with no brouhaha. It’s simple, something good that you have weighed all the options should be devoured with alacrity. It is normally like a euphoria. You find yourself wanting it at the spur of the moment more than any other thing. Normally, for a guy of my ilk, excitement can only be triggered by, say, I get a good job. Or, if my current weekly wage that is normally hourly snowballs and remains at a high rate for a while.

What I have come to realize is that when it comes to money, we can do anything just to get it. I am not an exception. Yes, there are limits in my pursuit. But, I know of guys who will sacrifice a lot just to see to it that they have mullah. And those mullahs are what causes us to have sleepless nights. I know most guys who are not employed but still have money. Me, am an egalitarian. Funny thing is that, the probability of finding a person without a job with money sometimes is high compared to a person with a job. A proletariat lifestyle is only good as far as the payday is concerned, past that, you are back to square one. Chasing papers. Chances are, if you borrow money from me ‘kati kati ya mwezi’, I will advise you to sort yourself with the many credit lending apps and platforms that are proliferating by the day. We Kenyans have a problem with our finances. That is why lending apps the likes of Branch, Saidia, Mshwari or Tala are making a kill out of our money neediness that keeps on ballooning.

So many have been blacklisted courtesy of credit lending apps and they still survive. What with the protracted process of getting a loan in a bank being so lengthy and having so many conditions. Can’t pay won’t pay mentality is real. Add the fact that we are just those guys, eeh! Unless there is a check-off system whereby money is deducted before getting into our hands, we will be reminded of our dues but we shall not act on it. Kesi baadaye is our slogan.

Sometimes back while in a mat, there were two guys seated on my right discussing about a friend who is an addict of soft loans. Raise your hands if you have never borrowed a loan.

“Unaona huyo boy (guess they were referring to their buddy), ye huchukua loan kutoka Branch kulipia loan ya Mshwari ama KCB-Mpesa.”  One of the boys with a loud voice was saying.

“Kwani ye hulipa aje na vile kuna interest na hana jobo?” the other boy asked.

“Maze, do iupatikana. Unajua huyu msee pia hucheza Sportpesa. So akiwai labda thao chwani hivi, ye hulipa hio do alichukua then anachukua ingine. Na unajuaa, kwa Branch anaqualify for 15 K.”

“Lakini hio doo huokelea matimes. Si nikatengeneza profile ka hio naweza furahi sana buda”

Then the guys switched to talking about the purchase of a domain names or the probability of buying a small server because one of them wanted a running website to showcase his DJeeing and other stuff. He intimated how he had missed getting 50K because of not being in touch with his cousin who had a wedding and hired an ‘outsider’ to offer entertainment services which he could have cashed on.

Their conversation really affected me.  I am one of those guys who actually practice what their friend who pays a loan with another loan. There was a time KCB Mpesa was proliferating the idea and it has finally gained root in my system. ‘Yenyewe, sisi majamaa wa peni mbili husumbuliwa sana na hizi pesa nane.’

I hope I will be able to escape from this handcuff of servitude. They are becoming too much. Just the other day, I was telling myself that when you are broke, someone somewhere is wishing he could lend money whose present value he is assured of. Like he lends you 20k and you return it with an interest of 5k. Shylocking. But that is the easier part.

I remember writing about a friend I was a guarantor to and he refused to meet his end of the bargain after being given money. He went chini ya waba and the lenders had to look for me. Collecting receivables by lenders is really a headache. Especially when it comes to money. That is why financial institutions have come up with debt collection department. Some of those debt collectors end up being crass as opposed to being courteous when dealing with defaulters because their job safety depends on it.

I think, getting money from lenders is much more better than getting it from friends or relatives who can disappoint more than often. Plus, they can be gibbery how you always like getting money from them but you never repay.

Not that I am against borrowing money from friends or relatives, but from my school of thought, I find it awkward unless you don’t know the existence of Tala, Branch, Mshwari, your bank or chama (they come in handy on a rainy day if a plunderer does not swindle away with the cash). Another scenario is if you are burdened after exhausting all the platforms you had hoped you would use to get a loan when an emergency arises.

A lot about credit. I am thinking of how I will start a new life after kujizoesha kuwa a night shift bugger because I normally work at night. I am being offered a day job and am like, "Jeez, will this work out for me, is the risk and returns worth it. Or should I just forget about my current status quo and take up the offer?"

What a big decision I must make because when I juxtapose what I make at the end of the day, it is the same or more than what I will be given. The comforting prospect is that there is hope of a promotion and interacting with guys to get their perspective. Which is important as I may end up getting a wild thought to gyrate my blog.

Hasta La Vista Baby.

[Picture Source: My Own]

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LAZY TO TADS

At the close of yesteryear, I was having exuberant charm to script. I would wake up in the morning and write three to five pages. I would write random thoughts about the babes in my life, the struggles, the victories, the transgressions, the people who mattered and those who peeved me I felt like kicking them in the butt. Then things happened and now all I do is wish I could get the synergy to rejuvenate my hitherto erstwhile proclivity for penning at least a story. Even just one for the sake of my skills and need to be up to par. Guess this is the price one must pay for seeking an education and only working in a reclusive aura that cares nothing about you other than the income you make while working.

This endemic laziness is systemic. It’s not normal per se. It began at the birth of the new year and it is now that I am starting to recover. I have a feeling it is self-induced rather than influenced by outside forces. Normally, I spend most of the time alone. As such, am finding it hard to concentrate for long hours on that which I should be obliged to accomplish. Am becoming a serial procrastinator who does not want to meet his own end of the bargain. Look at me now, I am even struggling to make sense of words for this new-found laziness that I don’t know emanated from where. It’s pricking and galling. I want to disentangle but the wit and stamina to accentuate the obligation keeps shirking, I am left in a state of incertitude. A state of paralysis caused by paranoia, perhaps. Where do I fall in this equation of unknown? How do I find X? The famous X in algebra.

As such, I want to be who I am. Yet when I try, I wish I was free. Free from the bondage that is self-inflicted, that consistently make me less of the person that I wish I should have been. Again, age is also catching up and there is the consistent challenge that I need to take myself to the next level. I am yet to discern where that level should be.

I kind of wish I was not a sloth. Well, realistically I am not one but I can be one literally. It’s a wish that I have all power at my sleeves to reign over. Wish it was that easier said than done, beggars would be seasoned equestrians. Maybe I should put caveats on my cuffs and with them, I also ensure that I have control measures counteracting what if events. Modeled though rational and unmatched self-control through Monte Carlo simulation, sensitivity and scenario analysis that is devoid of cognitive errors ensuring I am not averse to regrets. Yes, that’s the only way of getting out of this quagmire.

I think my inconsistency is causing my creativity to be banal. Like, I am trying hard to have picturesque notions that I have experienced but that is all in vain. Deja vu. Nothing is coming up in my mind that excites. Reminds me of the ‘Lazy Song’ by Bruno Mars. But I want to tell myself, ‘I am not lazy’ like 100 times just to reaffirm my now philosophy that each day I wake up, I have to see to it that I conquer something that hitherto was a challenge.

Yes, I think I should face challenges with the swagger of a lion, even amid lows, it still studiously goes for the prey with valour. I think laziness has everything to do with courage and mental disposition. What else can I intimate it to. Like, I watched a clip of a miniature horse by Ozzy Man. Well, this guy is the modern age narrator who tickles my fancy with his unbridled f bombs that are well ‘dictioned’ in his video reviews. The guy uses “flashing titties, destination fucked, massive spready, new position, lick the juice from the crack, proud to be a soft cock” and a hell lotta obscenities that require a durty durty mind to cipher. Apparently, that miniature horse was having a hard time jumping from the stable because it kept on having misconceived notions that it was supposed to jump to a very distant place. When it finally jumped from the stable down to the ground, Ozzy was like “Boom shakalaka, majestic as fuck” with a final “Ha-ha”. I also felt that moment and it was so emotional I felt like it was giving me goosebumps.

The way that miniature horse was raising its hind legs as if to say, “Ahoy, I have done it, I have made it” made me feel like yes, I can also do it and write something even if it as nonsensical as it is. Now I feel like I am slowly getting over the writer’s block and getting my groove back. I am thinking, will this last. Maybe yes. Yes, because I am obliged to do it rather than it being discretionary. ‘Lakini Haisulu!’, that is exactly what I tell myself when I have absconded my civil duty to update my blog or write conjured random thoughts that normally naturally pop up when I sit down to ruminate subconsciously while writing, which don’t last more than thirty minutes. Also, I am not working out anymore, neither am I sticking to dogmatic rigmaroles. It's a free world "dick heads". 

Investigating deeply, I have realized that it is probably work that has contributed to my lethargy. It can be exhausting and demanding. The result is that I sometimes have both mental exhaustion and my body becomes so weary at times, I feel like I should have relieved myself from these drudgery and dreary responsibilities that burden me but I am obliged to do them. Which I do religiously.

What I don’t fear is waking up in the morning. I still am a morning person and even though I don’t enjoy the scenery of dawn, I love the fact that I am awake most times in time to perform my duty of building the nation. Which I will continue doing in various facets that I can achieve while I still have the stamina to do so.

At day’s close, there is hope at the end of the tunnel. That things will go well and change is coming. I will be a victor once again, I will conquer my fears and with that, I will conquer the world.

Hasta La Vista Baby.

[Picture Source: Pixabay]

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THE BACHELOR STRUGGLES

Sometimes it’s a struggle being a bachelor. You are supposed to be married at your age or at worse having a reliable girlfriend who you are going to tie the knot with but you still are single. Yet, there is a lady you are in platonic relationship with who you catch feeling when she does not pick your phone calls or reply to your messages. Deep down, you feel like you should have settled down with a lady. Someone who loves you to bits that once in a while when you mess up, say those Jezebels happen which they will at some point in time, she will forgive and say that things happened. But, on your part, you will have to make drastic changes. Like, no conversations with girls anyhow, no two way step verification she does not know. It hence means that your phone should be at her arms reach, and other abnormal traits or deeds you are required to observe.

Yeah, ladies can make us run mad. They know our soft spot and they use it to deny us what we should be getting. At that point, mwanaume unatuliza mbokoyoyo. Matters that weakenwe men are so emotional more than we can handle. That is why a man who loved her wife so much follows quicker than you know it, God forbid, in the event the wife dies. We men love with all our heart. We may deny it but at the end of the day, we are like slaves to our women, especially if we have the one who controls everything in us. Once you find that belle, let her not know that you are like a ball she can bounce. If you let her know and she realizes that you are a giver, she will run your tap empty.

Thank goodness, I am a single guy. However, that does not mean that out there their is no woman I have not been eyeing to be mine. Obviously, there is that single babe I often wish I could settle down with, then focus on things like career and making money and a name. Though it may not be abundant, that I will make something satisfactory is better in the short term. Lakini, the good thing is that I have this lady I can tell about my struggles, my happiness, my lows and even hemorrhage some emotional stuff on her knowing full well that when I go back she will accept me. That lady keeps me going. Yet we are in a platonic relationship. Sometimes I wish I could have married her, but I still like the position she holds of a friend. At least, I can still mess around kidogo when opportunity presents itself without much ado. 

Therefore, I sometimes wish she got a nice, handsome, tall, dark and faithful guy. The kind of guy who will be by her side during the times when she is struggling. The kind of guy who accepts her and recognizes that I was first in her life before him and therefore I also need my space with my amour. Oh, before they officially start dating, she should introduce him to me and tell him where I belong. Lakini, when she is officially gone, I will have to accept the reality and move on like a gentleman and give them space. Even me, I would not like a guy who has some control and reign over my woman. I am jealous like Sir God up in heaven. If it is me, it has to be me. When we share, I am not part of the equation.

Living alone as a bachelor has some challenges in as much as it can be addictive. You are not answerable to anyone. You just feel free and like a bird you roam hoping you will find Mrs. Right. If things go right, perhaps you get a job. The problem with being a middleclass burger is that you set the standards of the jobs and income you want before you settle down. The problem is that you end up wasting time and money in the quest for what you want. You come to realize later that time and tide waits for no man. 

There are those times as a bachelor you get so broke, there was a time a friend told me he got so broke that he could not afford a sheath for some wild romp because, for real, who wants a baby he cannot take care of and the way babies are expensive and so involving. You have to forget about sleep until such a time when they are good to go. Again, with the average girl having like I don't know how many beaus, ukiongea na ka sponyo, unless you have domesticated her, and she does not let the cat out of the bag, contraceptives are a must.

Yes, settling down for a bachelor is hard, especially a guy who graduated from uni. The girls who are after you are really so many especially if you are in stable employment. Sometimes, you sample them to find out who really is loyal. Like there was this chic who sat next to me in a mat saying, 'Aki I was married for the weekend, now I am going to my house and then I will report back to school after kitu four or three days." Yeah, she was in a sleevelesss top, and I was in a fitting polo shirt with short sleeves, so our skin did touch occasionally. She was also having wide hips and they were really causing a scene down south I had to ginene.

You see, having one woman who you don’t live with is good and bad. The bad part is that you may invest all your emotions in her and maybe she is in it waiting for the next big thing. Once she lays her hand on that bugger, she will drop you the way a guy drops a mike and leaves. There is that carefree face of a person who drops a mike. That is the way a girl drops you when she is finished with you. Yani, she does not care hata kidogo. The good thing with one girl is that there is a high likelihood you will get married if you are serious the both of you. So, all in all, it's always good to have your options diversified. Being an investment student, I know that an optimal portfolio is the one that is diversified. Make hay while the sun shines. Brother or sister.

Kenyan men, ati we are not romantic. I recently went to a certain friend of mine who is a lady. Then she started having a conversation with a certain odiero. They were video calling. I don’t want to think about what that jungu normally asks her to do in her digs once she is alone. She told me she does not love company. I know why she does not. That odiero sponsor hates company like all men. Pengine she just wants a guy who is a day scholar. No, a guy who will turn up, service her and she is good to go. This chic lives in a  big house that I wish I was the one living in. I would have by now got so many babes some I would have forgotten their names as a bachelor. But mother nature knows why I still have the energy and that is why I have to spend it before I get the money and once I have it, I will be in that state where I cannot be entertaining so many babes. Luckily for me, I am not a babe’s person. I would only love to have one then the rest as they say is chemistry and history.

About that chic I visited, she told me that there is a way Nigerian man does his thing, they call asking. "Babe are you okay?"  and the frequency and the way they give money and spoil their babes, they just feel loved. Kenyan men on the other hand don’t do that and still want to be treated with the same care as foreigners who know how to romance. Oh, they say no romance without finance. Well, the ladies who are going to get it in their ring fingers are the kind who will be patient for the finance, if you hurriedly go for finance, go to a place where you can’t spend all of it at a go.

Hasta La Vista Baby

[Picture Source: Pixabay]

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