AM FEELING LIKE QUITTING?

Money follows those who have money. If you doubt it, then do yourself justice and have lots of it acquired gradually on the basis of prudence. Chances are if you are a broke bugger, like I, courtesy of being a forced full-time student yet in reality classes are part-time.

Am writing this piece on my phone having seen a kith being furnished with ‘chums.’ On the other hand, I am jealously looking at her wishing I was the person on the receiving end so that the jealousy would have been reversed.

Anyway.

As a student, you need to kill some unnecessary wants, sacrifice for a better tomorrow they say; like going out to have a drink (ale), visiting pals for pep talk which can lead to the former, purchasing new clothes from shops or hanging out with a bevy of exquisitely hot damsels or any other activity that takes more of your time and money. Student life is frustrating, especially when your mates are in relatively high profile jobs that earn them sufficient bucks. What's worse, half of your current classmates are either employed or employers and since you were initially a proletariat before switching to full-time status, you keep up appearances that somehow you are employed because no one gives a buck about your status. Replace the ‘b’ in buck with ‘f’.

Sometimes when I get a call from a former campus mate doing well (like I did while writing this and it lasted more than 15 minutes), I usually become indifferent yet feign it over the phone. Why didn't I concentrate on building a career then probably immerse myself in scholarship after getting enough bucks to sustain payment of fees and paying my bills? Ideally, I abhor this reality of reliance, it's frustrating and makes me feel inadequate having lost self-worth. Financial disorder it is. The jobs I apply for have no reply, not even the annoying automated responses. My mail is just full of junk. Maybe I am doing things wrongly. Hitherto, I have not got any interview. Leave alone the chance of even attending one to sharpen my communication skills or confidence or just determine whether am still marketable in the job market. These are the times I feel I should not have gone to university or scored good grades in high-school that resulted in the former. Probably, I should have fully immersed myself in a profession of conviction early enough and worked on ameliorating every bit of what am engaged in.

I can only imagine the far I would have been. By now, I could be able to comfortably pay my bills without much ado. But look at me now, I am this reclusive desolate chap whose overtures have been curtailed owing to so much wavering that has clogged my mind preventing flexibility in my thought process.

When I look back, I can honestly say that it has been a series of ups and downs. The desired job market in Kenya is not easy to crack. Getting any other job is not a problem, but the one I should be in looks like a mirage. Maybe I have not aggressively explored all the available avenues with the agility of a monkey. Maybe I have become reluctant. Or chances are, I am lazy. Yes, I saw somewhere on social media that peeps of my generation are very lazy, we want to be placed food in the mouth like birds do feed their nestling. Have I let the notion sink into my ambition? No, that I wrote this piece invalidates the generalization on my part.

However I can say that I have not utilized well all the leads I had. Recently, I filled a form by my former employer and luckily got paid two dollars for having taken my time to give feedback on the program which was a collaboration of World Bank and the Kenya government but executed by the private sector (KEPSA-KYEP). There are guys who were phoned and never got the mullahs (sorry men if you were broke like I).  In fact, while answering the questions, my mind was hibernal. When you had placed so much hope on a program then it felt short of helping fulfill your desires, you kind of feel wasted and cheated. But the essence of it was to prepare those who are nimble, as for yours truly like earlier on intimated, I need to be pushed to get the job. Once I get it, I usually become workaholic, such that it becomes difficult to look for something else. That's my folly, I never have the intuition of an augury. When I do, like all folks, I ignore it altogether.  Now that I know about risk, I sure am knowledgeable enough to profit from my erstwhile idiocy.

Again, I have only one regret. The fact that I needed to have completed my internship is not in denial. And since my quest for autonomy in search of better pastures was too alluring amidst, I eventually lost an important certification. Now I have nothing to prove for the few months I was attached to my place of work apart from blog posts. Which means that in life, one needs to be very patient. Patience is an incompatible virtue while time is of the essence. Those who make hasty decisions never get to benefit from the probity of achieving innate results. As a matter of fact, just being patient for a while makes the biggest difference.

When I went back to my former employer to seek for my certificate of completion, and owing to the fact that I never completed my end of the bargain (I was required to complete four months before being issued with the certificate), I am now not entitled to any certification. Life is a lesson though, you learn every step of the way. Prudent it is to take stock so that such mistakes never resurge. I am forced to swallow bitter pills because of indecision looking back at my despicable folly. Need I say more?

Life is what you make it though perhaps analogous to a book. When one chapter ceases, you open a new one. Crying over spilt milk is not worth it. So what next, juggling books is a must. There is a succor in immersing the brain in a trajectory of continuous profound matriculation. Especially if you have Ivy league hopes like yours truly. The reprieve is that at the end of the day, you may smile all the way to the bank with an armour or arsenal that no soul will ever rob you.


Psst. Am taking an online course in University of Queensland, offered free of charge in edX on 'Unlocking your employability'. Hope it will demarcate me from the many job seekers who are earnestly searching for a job like yours truly. Take cognizance that there is a caveat imposed when taking the course that, "We hate to break it to you - but no one can guarantee you a job. Especially in today’s competitive labour market. WE certainly can’t."

Hasta la vista, Baby.

[Picture Source: Clipartbest.com]