Albeit the
machine (Range Rover Evoque) has never wowed me in terms of aesthetic values,
it has uniquely designed sleek features and lightweight capability not
forgetting that it is highly streamlined which makes it perfect for urban
driving and a real beast on the road. Well, the guzzler is a trendy fit and
breaks the monotony of Japanese littered roads that are synonymous with us
Kenyans. Some say a machine whether cozy or not is for taking you from point A
to B. Well they are idiosyncratic in my school of thought. But your arrival in
such a contraption speaks boisterously of who you are regardless of whether you
have hired it or own it to the mundane plebeian. If it evokes such desirability
and oomph on yours truly, then you can be pretty sure that it has unmatched
rivalry on our roads. As a breather, let me say that the Range Rover Evoque combines
head-turning looks with awesome attributes, thanks to its blend of style, performance, economy and
off-road ability. I
had to emphasize the words in bold. Period.
Imbroglio.
There is this man who KTN saw it best to say that he was hurling massive
English (ENGLUO) and I was pretty much fascinated by his use of ubiquitous
words which may well be vocabulary to some. Hitherto it had not occurred to me
that he was that well versed until in his heavy jeng accent, he talked about
some audit stuff being in imbroglio. However, his pronunciation was way out of
how it should be said if in any way his insinuation was tied to this prodigious
word that I knew but had to check with my lexicon on its intended literal
connotation.
That is the
state I was in on Monday when I was to take a car to Highridge where my new
workstation is situated. Boy, it is ridiculous to even think of intimating the
story. Like a rookie, I went to board vehicles headed to Parklands, totally different
from those that are supposed to take you to Highridge. Thankfully, I made it to
town early enough to mess up a little bit because in Swahili they say, “Kupotea
njia, ndiyo kujua njia.” At this point there is so much temptation to
switch to Swahili, however, that will be tantamount to calamitous because,
ideally, there are words in Swahili so difficult to translate from English
never forgetting that the flow of the prose will be subject to a lot of
hesitation and Googling to find the right phrase using Google translator. And
apparently, there are so many words in English that need a native Swahili name.
Like I was once listening to a conversation and Lady Jay Dee was told to
translate the word ‘tennis’ to Swahili. She said ‘tenisi’ ambivalently thinking
there is a better word having done what is known as ‘kutohoa’ in Swahili. I
was good in Swahili way back in high school. Now the remnants are still lurking
somewhere though the real knowledge has gone to the dogs. I recall with
nostalgia the makosa ya hijahi and ngeli. If the two still exist.
Ok, back to
the main point. There are some conductors whose main motivation is usually the
money and not the interest of the passenger they are to aid. As a person, you
need to have some little bit of sense in you so as to be kosher. When you peg
things on money at the expense of helping a friend in need, you might even loose
the slightest opportunity of growth you would have been bestowed because it is
better the hand that giveth than the hand than receiveth.
As a person
who never knew where I was going to, I did ask him if he was going to show me
the place I was heading to so that I could alight if indeed that was the route
I was supposed to use. Unfortunately, he showed me the wrong place having
entered his car. So upon alighting I had to ask the sentries the focal point of
where I was to report to work. But at first, I went to a building that looked
almost the same like the one that I was supposed to be reporting to having seen
the images on Google. And speaking of Google, I was never even bothered to know
where the place I was going to was situated, never mind that I had free
internet in the house and a whole weekend to check on the google maps and ensure
I got the exact destination on my fingertips.
Which reminds
me, I remember getting lost on my way to search for Oshwal last year (Let’s
just say, am not cognizant of this suburbs). That I have ended up in Strathmore
is a story that has a close relation with Oshwal. My destination was supposed
to be Highridge and the mat left me at a point where I was as green as the
brown “Kidero” grass. Last year, it took me more than an hour to
trace Oshwal College. Luckily, with the help of some very cordial sentries, I
did find the institution which did not ooze the kind of flamboyance in terms of
façade as I had thought and expected. It was too plain and it never seeking attention
made the probable look kind of too much jejune. But what made me want to go to
the institution was the beautiful girls who spoke splendid English using their
noses and their light skin complexion. I love seeing beautiful girls. Beauty
makes life worth living. Otherwise, if there was no beauty, what else would we
be look for in life? Maybe we would have been reluctant to even work hard for better
our prospects in life.
Away from
last year reminisces. The sentry at Oshwal Primary was the most helpful. His
accent sounded like that of a ‘murume’ and I did wonder how he
ended up in such a pitiable situation because I rarely see people of this ethnicity
plying their trade as watchmen. Had rather they sell Mogoka or Mira in the filthy
streets of downtown Nairobi. He did give me the right direction of how I had to
walk.
On reaching
the point where I was to board a mat for Nakumatt Highridge Supermarket, the
Thomas in me decided to hesitate in order to ask someone who maybe had the knowledge
of where I was headed to. At that point, I felt like taking a ‘nduthi’
so that I could arrive at the job in time. But something told me not to
be in a hurry. I asked someone who looked like he had the geographical
coordinates of the area at the palm of his hand. However, he was the kind who take
so many things for granted and was even more confused than I was. I thought the
place I was headed to was still far because I was next to the administration
offices (Later I knew it was Mwisho, Kwa Chief)
At that
point, I decided to go ask a certain conductor to take me to my intended
destination. Luckily, she was helpful. Ever realized that the number of ladies
plying their trade as mat and bus conductors is biased towards Saps. The amount
I was to be charged was a paltry Ksh. 10. I realized that sometimes, patience
pays. If you hurry you might end up eating the entrails instead of the lean and
tender parts of meat. Like I would have probably paid Ksh. 100 for a motorbike
ride instead of saving Ksh.90.
The week also
saw me search for a passport which I had started looking for the previous week.
You see, I did not have a birth certificate which is a prerequisite for having passport.
Luckily, I had the copy of my birth certificate. Again being broke and not
intending to borrow money because am working, Mshwari came in handy. They are
currently lending me a 5 digit figure which is not bad considering I am
sometimes in a fix and need to use the service to solve one or three problems.
My old man
being in town, he did aid robustly in the quest for a passport. As the first
person in my nuclear family to own one, he was really proud. Never mind that it
is only for exam registration which I found out later even though I had vague
memories that I needed a passport.
In order to
get the birth certificate faster, we called one of my aunts who works with the
immigration department. There is always a queue of people looking for
passports. I usually bypassed them because I knew people. In Kenya, if you act courageous
and confident in what you are doing, not even the marauding and haughty Administration
Police can bar you from making entry in the busy department while others are queuing.
My birth
certificate was prepared in less than two hours on a Friday evening. But
because I couldn’t be able to pick it, it was agreed that the person making it
would deliver it to one Ben who worked at the immigration and was to be my acquaintance
in the search for a passport at Nyayo. All this while, I was thinking of how I
was wasting time not being in the job place. I was AWOL.
The person
who was supposed to be receiving the certificate got too drunk to report to
work on Monday. Civil servants sometimes do have a rosy time at the workforce,
right? For the birth certificate, I forked out Sh. 1500. The other charges for
the person preparing the passport at Nyayo house were settled by my old man
because he is still more chummed than me.
To make
matters worse, the invoice I had printed was not the one required. However,
because I was being served by a person who knew there was kitu kidogo, he did
not mind printing the required invoice which I found very relieving because if
I had used the right mechanism instead of going backdoor, I would have probably
spent ages looking for the passport owing to the shortfall that I was having.
So it took me
like thirty minutes to have all the documentation certified factoring in the
time spent for waiting for the officer who was to check the documents. Now I am
only waiting for a foreign country to let me let me travel to it because am
well armed.
Oh, and our
graphic designer got fired. Just like that because of some nonsensical reason. We
used to laugh together, and narrate stories but one story I intimated about a
deaf prostitute made her laugh to tears. Sadly I was added some roles which I
was not feeling like taking, of graphic design. I am still pondering on how to
make graphics that stand out even though I am not highly skilled in this field
(self taught). There is a lot of nitty gritty in designing. Color combination,
using the right font, alignment of objects, and knowledge of how to use all the
tools and coming up with an image that will capture the attention of the person
you picture is intended is not an easy job. You really need to think in 3D
using 4G now that our boss said that consulting is like eating into the time of
another employee and he needs the results faster.
As our human
resource continues to look for an employee who will fit the bill, I am still
going to act on the role in the meantime though my work has really been
compromized. Luckily, I have honed my designing skills and I can well say I am
doing just fine.
Yes, I
discovered a new eating spot in Highridge. It is made of iron sheets but much
smaller than the Mama Mswahili’s place. Since it is the only place serving us.
It sometimes get so full we have to wait outside in order to let those who are
in to finish so that we can partake of our chow. The meal is not as delicious
as Mama Mswahili’s. But it is a little bit cheaper. For some reason, I may not
have the money to eat there daily but sooner, things will look up and I will
move to something better because there are some Swahili dishes being made by a
certain lady and even though it is actually the figure I spend on a day, I will
be tempted to eat it.
However there
is one incident that made me love our mat drivers. There was this traffic cop
who wanted him to halt by the curb for some nonsensical reason. But the bugger was quite sly because he did
pretend to be stopping but accelerated entering into the nearby T-junction as
we sped off. We kept on looking at the back but the guy knew panya routes and
left us at a place you walk five minutes to work. Ideally, I usually take a
minute for the distance.
Oh, and I am
going to sometimes be boarding the Strathmore bus to school in order to save on
fare. Who knows, I might just get a big break when the year blossoms. When I
sometimes see my classmates in 4*4 and am doing route eleven to catch a mat, I
feel that I am more challenged than ever before to try and be in the right class.
I will ask for the tricks of getting there. But in the meantime, I will accept
the status quo even though there is this chic who told me she find old moneyed
men who reside in suburbs and drive fuel guzzlers with several businesses as
the equal of who to marry her. It made my heart sink in destitution and I am on
a legit mission to make real big money that my woman cannot spend. If I am not
going to make it in the meantime, I will look for one lady who wants to grow
with me steadily. Money is more attracted to people as they age. Ama sivyo?
HASTA LA
VISTA BABY
[Picture Source: Google Images]
[Picture Source: Google Images]
