I WANT TO TAKE YOU ON A JOURNEY

Most people like brevity. I have done some research on the same and realized that man loves short articles. I penned this piece since I realized that no one would like to spend more than 5 minutes reading a story that does not make sense. This will take you at most three.

Have you ever thought about the power that Tuesday injects in you as a person each morning? Have you ever realized that Monday is a doomed day and it goes without saying that it is the most hated day the world over? I would have talked about the other days but I would like to single out two important days of the week. I know ladies revere Wednesday- nothing to talk about there, and Thursday and Saturday, perhaps I ought naught to write anything.

Sunday, most Christians check into the church and other places of worship to go and catch up with Sir God and probably repent their sins as some boring pastor preaches while they are asleep or thinking about licentious adventures (read: hanyaring game). I usually listen to Easy like Sunday morning by Lionel Ritchie as I lazy around waiting for a church minister to “Holien” my day.

Church is perhaps the best place that you can find an avenue of showcasing the latest contraption, fashion or gadget you bought and brag about your children and we get married in church, Right. Don’t guys carry IPads and Tablets to church and use the same as a source of the Holy Scripture? Yet again, some use the pads to watch blue movies, send hate messages on Twitter and Facebook and engage in catching up (a nicer word for gossiping among ladies).

Oh dear (forgive me for this), I don’t really know other sins that have been committed using smartphones and tablets. Still the bible is the best selling book since time immemorial (the hard copy). I have one for convenience purposes (the one I was bought in high school and I LOCKED it in my metal box from day one and it was still new upon completion of high school) .

I love church but I am that guy who attends the Divan ministries where you switch on the telly on Sunday, slouch lavishly and with the remote at hand, check for the pastor who preaches what you want to hear and does not pierce your mien into submitting into joining his ministry.

Once in a while when am touched and feel philanthropic and charitable, I usually send some Sh.310 via M-pesaaa. Obviously I would like to attend Kanyari’s church some day because the guy has turned Christianity into a big time business venture full of hoax, delusion, deception, jealousy and selfishness (remember when he told that dude he was coaching that Rose Muhando had not paid for the promotion).

While Kanyari only wanted Sh.310, the churches I have attended ain't considerate either because they demand more only that overseers of such churches are university graduates and use orthodox means (buying new TV, and other petty things). They wish they could be as creative, ingenuous and courageous like Kanyari (mad respect for this charlatan who turned Church into a flourishing business). I am not anti-church though, just agnostic, I am anti using the church as a means towards personal enrichment on the pretext of helping the poor when you know you aint helping them. Sawa.

Church aside, everyone just loves Friday. Have you ever thought of the effect Friday has in your life? Whoever coined the phrase Thank God Its Friday (TGIF), (SMH)? Damn, he or she had in mind buggers like me for reasons that are usually obvious. Larry Madowo knows best. His show trends like it is some hot spiced marinated chicken breasts served together with some Chinese rice you pay dearly for in a pricey bistro. And some ladies like chicken breasts. I will find out why? Just like I found out that ladies who wear screaming red lipstick are full of themselves, aim at attracting the attention of men and they are not corporate ladies and blah blah blah.

This is the month of love. Ladies love chocolates, flowers, red wine and everything red and an out in a good joint to fete St. Valentine who came up with Lovers day which apparently falls on a Saturday this year. Ladies love romantic books too, I realized.

I am marking my 100^th write-up just like my former Alma Mater marked 90 years since its inception. The journey has been well rewarding but again it has been challenging.

If you have time, read other pieces too, and imagine you are drinking a cold soft drink say Fanta on a hot day as it massages your throat and leaves you well satiated to the brisk.

PS: I like writing long articles. This is limited to 800 words.

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SEX ON FIRE

She was idling in one of the streets of Nairobi. I could read her body language. She sent strong signals that she wanted me. What with that gaze. I looked at her for some few minutes persistently. Feigned ignorance of her existence and walked past her. She was hot. That kind of lady that you can never resist because everything in her makes you want to take her to bed just by the look of her face, physique and what else?

I presumed she was waiting for her man. I walked past her and went to the bank. I wanted to withdraw enough cash because I was taking her home. We were going to have Sex On Fire. Lurid words, but I am just that. Me and I Love having sex on fire with any woman I can pick up or my friend has just finished with.

Am that shady and loose moral. I sleep with my friend's exes and they are used to it. They know it but can do absolutely nothing about it.

I can never be faithful. While most men hate picking ladies openly. I do it and even haggle over the price as others are listening. They usually sneer at my brazen tendencies and braggadocio. Who cares anyway. I have even slept with ladies I just bumped on the net. Some I am recommended to by even those I am sleeping with. Am very lucky a man. So lucky with women because many men stick to one woman for the rest of their lives.

I came to realize that in Nairobi, money talks. You bed these ladies depending on the amount of money you can spend. I also never use protection. I never will with any of these ladies. They know it. Yet I have never been sick. I have the right to brag apart from mild headaches that last a few minutes. Not even a cough nor a flu.

She was with her friends who were equally hot. You feel like you want all of them because you carnal desires are so piercing and you hormones are raging high. Let me confess that I have had menage a trois on a couple of occasions.

All men who have had a threesome will confess that it is usually very pathetic. You never can satisfy all women. I have had them before. I tried using cialis and mira to keep my stamina. Seems like they don’t help a lot.

Let me tersely explain how I have been able to take even five women in bed when other people still dream about it.

You need to be confident. Very confident and take the bull by its horns.

The skill of bedding a lady differs from the skill of just picking her up. All the ladies I have picked up usually end up in my bed. It is just by design. I must sleep with them.

Sleeping with a woman also requires one to be very good in bed. Some ladies are very boring and you barely make out with her. You soon fall asleep because she can never rise to the occasion.

I have a very agile libido. Some ladies are like a carousel. You sweat out till you give up and sleep because they never lose their sweetness. They are very exciting. And when you wake up, you continue from where you left. You sure know where to pick up from.

The make you writhe and groan as you hold on to her like a baby never letting your hands betray you because they need to caress and hold the right edges.

I am a smooth operator who knows how to make ladies feel like they are special and Queens . I know how to make ladies feel satiated in bed. I know where to touch. The words to drive her crazy and the rest as it goes is history.

Have you ever realized that talking about sex in your mother tongue is a caveat emptor, derogatory and can result in a barrage of tirade from the senile folks and middle-age proxies especially the ladies.Not in English though, and precisely on this blog.

I talk about what I want and how I want.

SITUONANE

[Photo source: SplitShire]

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CERTIFICATES OF DOOM APPEARS LIKE A FRAUD.

Dennis Okari is a brilliant journo. Nice. He is a graduate of Kenya Institute of Mass Communication. Big Up Bro. He has worked for BBC. Perfect. He has worked in all the big media houses in Kenya. Wow (Am even jealous). And he recently did #CerficatesOfDooom. Bingo. It was a well-documented and researched expose on the rot in the Kenya Education System. Sad and Mortifying.

The moment I saw the advert that the expose was to be at the prime time news of 2100hrs (I was watching Churchil Live), I was very excited. For once, I thought this is the man. He has the balls. He is going to break down the rot in pieces, procedurally and systematically on how education in Kenya has been compromised.

I also read an article he co-authored on Daily Nation that nearly half of all graduates from colleges in Kenya are half baked. I was worried. Could I be among the half baked individuals who transcended from college to the ubiquitous job market of unemployment? Sooner someone will tell me that my degree is fake considering the grapevine I have heard from those in other colleges about my Alma matter.

When you have worked for a big organization of international repute like BBC and high standard organizations like NTV and KTN (many dream of working in these organizations), you ought to be very pragmatic. I mean rely less on fallacies, base your argument on statistics and facts and never stage manage an issue of national importance for the sake of bringing down an institution accredited by the GOK for more than 15 years. Or Dennis never did Logic?

Most of the clip footage that discredits Nairobi Aviation was captured when Dennis Okari was working for FEBA RADIO- Baraka FM as the Head of Production/Breakfast Drive Presenter. This is in his Linked In Profile. The footage was captured in 2008, March. Yes, Almost 7 years ago when I was on the verge of exiting high school.

Did CS  Kaimenyi, our former DVC, even realize that the footage he was watching were recorded when he had no idea he would ever be a CS since he was a scholar and such posts were then reserved for politicians? How easy it is to trick a person with an established brand.

Credibility is what #CertificatesOf Doom lacks

When you are a person who loves credibility, you acknowledge the source of your video. I found the photo above on Okari’s twitter handle. Anyone who has gone to college knows the essence of quoting the actual source of data. It reduces on plagiarism and gives someone the deserved credibility he or she is preaching or professes to uphold.

I wish Okari could have been categorical on the fact that the video exhibits he was using on his expose were not captured in 2015. He goes to the extent of using MPESA statements exhibits of 2015. Hassan the alleged former student was given certificates was issued the same in 2008. The period he was supposed to have cleared college was 2013. He sends money via MPESA in 2015. Why wait for 7 years to send money? If this is not half baked journalism, am afraid I need to go back to school.

When you are a journo, there are some ethical standards that you must adhere to. The aims of journalism include: to disseminate information; to interpret events; to act as watchdog on power; to advocate for reform or to advocate for certain causes; to educate and empower the public as citizens and to guide public opinion; and to serve (or propagandize for) the party or the state. This is according to Steven Ward.

Allow me to indulge and give you a break down on why the #CertificatesOfDoom expose was biased and disastrously never adhered to the tenets of social responsibility. It tells of students who have been aggrieved and want justice because the institution is taking them for a ride. Realistically, I never saw any student from Nairobi Aviation being interviewed in the whole 29.16 minute clip. They only used impostors (sorry for poor diction there) who were probably paid to do the clip.

First scenario

Footage of Silvia registering Patrick in 2008

Patrick being interviewed by Dennis Okari

Receipt of money Patrick Paid

Receipt of money Patrick paid

Patrick, the first undercover student goes to NAC to find out whether he can do Electrical Engineering since he is a class 6 drop out. He is told he can only do City and Guilds exams the footage clearly indicating the video was done on 23.03.2008. Therefore he pays a fee of Sh.7200 and is given receipts dated 2015 (if the chronology of events are right in the clip). The next day he starts his class. He says cannot read and write while being interviewed by Okari in 2015. He speaks fluently in comprehensible English. Question that begs is, "What is wrong with doing City and Guilds exams when there are no standard entry requirements as long as a student can read, comprehend the questions and answer the them correctly?" Are those exams normally marked in Kenya? I don't know.

Second scenario.

Hassan talking to Okari

Pampula handing over certificate and transcript to Okari

Certificate Hassan was issued indicating he was a student in Nairobi Aviation

M-PESA statements of the Sh.3000 Hassan sent to Pmpula, the IT Lecturer

Hassan, the second undercover student is a fake. He is filmed on 25.03.2008. Two days after Ptrick starts school. Hassan narrates to Okari how seven years ago he managed to procure a certificate in Aeronautical Engineering from one Ignatius Parampula, an IT lecturer. He sends him money via MPESA in 2015 to be given certificates without ever attending class. The total amount he sent as per the Mpesa statements was Sh.4027. Pampula only wanted Sh.3000 to give him the certificate and transcripts.

Are these not discrepancies?

Okari you are the best investigative journo in Kenya. Igwe. A hot TT for more than four days on Twitter. You watch clips from 2008 and again interview students in 2015 and allege you are an investigative journalist? Let me not presume you were laughing after each episode of narration like actors do each time they mess on those behind the videos. But you were serious. Gravely serious. Did you coach those two students or some else did it?

In Kanyari’s expose, I saw the faces of those who were being interviewed. They were even able to confess later they were being coached by Kanyari to Moha. In as much as the footage was discredited by some people, there was real investigative journalism there. It really gave me a reason to smile at how gullible we the youth are when given alms or promised the same.

The Nairobi Aviation College expose was devoid of credibility. When I saw it on Sunday, I tweeted that it was biased and full of vengeance. I still stand by my word.

NAC has become a butt of jokes. I feel for former students. They are now at a limbo sitting on the fence. They joined the institution because it was certified as one that was credible by the Ministry of Education.

Maybe, some mandarins wanted to fix Dennis, a journo star has been on the rise. Why? You may ask. He exits KISS TV, immediately finds a job with NTV, he then leaves it for BBC, eight months later, he returns to NTV and gets promoted while some people are still stuck in a rut. Okari can you clarify why you left greener pastures in Queens Land where many dream to set foot in, Please?

As innocent as he was, Dennis defends his expose because he is an investigative journalist. He goes to #PressPass and because he is as sure as a cock, he defends the lies. Dennis, own up that you lied to Kenyans. Own up that you hired people to discredit an institution some of my pals have attended. They feel really let down. They spent money which has gone down the drain.  “Will you apologize?” My rhetorical question to you.

I am not a hater. I love justice for all. I never like mediocrity though. I love guys who are partial. There is nothing to gain from being nonobjective. When you want to do your investigation, you know the procedure that should be followed, getting facts right.

There are some ground rules that apply to almost all disciplines irrespective of career. Ethics is a requisite. It has to do with being truthful and being morally right.

I may have had some interest in Nairobi Aviation, but the way you reduced a formidable brand with many graduates into smithereens. I doubt if I will hold it in high regard again. It can never be trust in the meantime.

Some of the courses on offer in NAC only require someone to be able to read and write. Like in the case of the class six drop out who lies that he never knows how to read and write while he speaks fluently in English.

Well some may argue that it was good the expose was highlighted 7 years later. I say no. We needed to have the lives of Kenyans salvaged before they go to the dogs and they start crying foul, like yesterday.

I am of the opinion that you kept the expose for way too long. Moha and Namu once worked in NTV but they never highlighted the rot. Why Dennis when he is fresh from London? The place Biko was denied a Visa to set foot in.

Every Institution has its weakness. Even my alma mater had some. From my experience, the only individuals allowed to release certificates to students are those who work at the examination centre. I don’t know if NAC has one and effects transparency regarding the same. Lecturers are never allowed to give students results.

You should have brought Pampula and Silvia to also give their sides of the story.
 
My argument is based on the fact you only spent less than one month to do a comprehensive coverage of an expose that has also disillusioned many parents. Dude you are very good I tell you. I am not well versed with the research principles most journalists apply, but if it involves lies, witch-hunt and settling scores as some bloggers alleged, some people may never get justice.

PS: I  saw the picture of Sylvia backdated to 2008 and thought it was an hoax or it had been Photoshopped by those from the blogosphere. I had to revisit the video to confirm the truth. I wish someone would have employed me on permanent basis so that I could not have realized this. I wish I could see the faces of the lecturers and students, the guy who is in charge of quality control department because his coat looks like that of a lady and he  wears something on his head. Maybe, I will believe in the certificate of doom.

SITUONANE.

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LOVE IS IN THE AIR

It is February, the month of love. Love is in the air (February 2- February 16). Valentine's Day usually culminates the month as it is synonymous to being the Lovers day.  Most men find this as any other day.

Kenyan men, it has been said are lousy and icky lovers. They are less romantic and never know how to handle women. They use archaic loose vibes and never really give Kenyan women what they want (I also don't know what Kenyan women want). They like using a wing-man who apparently can devour before or after if they are have unchecked carnal desires.

And do Kenyan men use pick up lines? Pick up lines require some expertise while saying them. It is called the art of delivery. You may have the words but your tonal and variation may make you a coward of a person to look bad to your intended bait. As such you may make an idiot of yourself. You need confidence (not overconfidence) and you can forget about this hackneyed thing of pick up lines.

I once read somewhere that most men attack women from the rear when they want to approach them. Women however approach men from the front. The art of seduction by Robert Greene does not help much if you are a coward of a man like I used to be. Confidence (not overconfidence) is a weapon most ladies find worthy in men. And it works well if you can keep the conversation rolling. Women are wired differently and they may be complex and hard to deal with. I also don't know why ladies think all men are players and dogs.

On my side, I hate when I have to churn out stories while with a lady. Ladies have to take charge. Talk about their men and make me feel jealous, their struggles and future (I revere those who are optimists and gogetters). Reason why ladies talk too much is because of the Foxp2 protein and they have four and not two lips. They make women talk 13000 words more than men in a day. Men do an average of 7000 words and like walking a lot though.

Foxp2 is a protein also known as the  "Language protein" and its abundance in the human brain is the reason why people talk a lot that is women to be precise. 

I am aiming at getting to read "Why Men Don't Listen and Women Can't Read Maps" and "Why Men Lie and Women Cry" both co-authored by Allan and Barbara Pease.

Romance it is said goes hand in hand with height. Polish anthropologist, Dr Boguslaw Pawlowski, found that - in an ideal relationship - trust, money and respect are less important than the height difference ratio 1 to 1.09. His study in 2004 found that, to ensure marital bliss, a man needs to be 1.09 times taller than his partner. If you are a dude who has been having unsuccessful relationships, think twice. It could be you have a flair for taller women or those that are within your height.

When a woman loves, even if a man is cheating, she stays. She knows what that man is capable of. That in my opinion is not real love. It is desperation. If you are a lady with such a man. He is treating you like trash. He thinks you can go nowhere without him. Run like yesterday, for you will have noone to blame in the event you get an STI.

Women are more intuitive and perceptive in as much as they love to talk a lot. As such they can easily spot the difference between the words you are saying and the way your body is reacting while you are talking.If you are lying, they easily note it. Again during a face to face conversation while standing, women look at men using a wide peripheral vision. This means that while they may pretenting to be shy and submissive and looking into a man eyes sparingly, they are also usually looking at a man groin and checking him out but very subtly and covert.

If you're a man, remember that women are reading and decoding your body language whether you realise it or not, so learning how it's done can give you an equal footing. 

I know women are better when it comes to reading emotions, manipulating the situation and using an appropriate lie since men are not good at detecting whether a person is lying or not. And not just lying. Women can tell complicated lies as opposed to simple lies men tell that are easily detectable. So, if your woman cheats and you are not sure, she can do it again knowing too well she has to just coin a brilliant lie.

In those merry-go rounds and chama meeting women attend, don't they discuss about how their men perform in bed? Some women are crafty and hire money hungry handsome college graduates to service them while they lie to their men they are out for bonding in some unknown location. 

Since it is the month of love. I want to enter the intimate zone of many ladies as possible. If I find a lady whose pupils will be dilating while am giving her loose vibes. Then I will be sure that whatever I am reading is not a lie. It says that, "Women's pupils dilate faster than men's to create rapport with what their brain sees as another person's eyes."

And when it comes to getting effective results while on a date, women should wear red lipstick that has some licentious FX on the average bloke. It is usually an aphrodisiac that make men go wild even if you are not hell pretty. 

[Photo Source: Openphoto.net]

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