Success is never predestined

Sometimes I feel like my compositions are just off. My scripts lack honesty and clear focus. I sound like a dick. I struggle with self-doubt and low self-esteem. Furthermore, I thought weekly blogging would reinforce my confidence, but it hasn't. Normally, an abundance of creative imagination results in blunt, concise, and straightforward prose characterized by sexual magnetism and a touch of humor. However, I have yet to find an 'aha moment' and a technique that is casually provocative and mentally enthusing. What turns into an enchanting and beautifully scripted post makes you feel like you have found your inner soul. Soul in the prose. 

I must admit that I lack the ease and ability to spin tales that sound naturally human and charm with emulation because I tend to express myself in abstractions. It does not translate into what I conscientiously craft. Rare are the moments when I muse and reflect deeply on something that is authentic and has never been heard before. Consequently, I end up sounding like the dry prose of a car owner's manual. I bet you know what normally happens to those booklets. Car owners' manuals are seldom perused and internalized to find out the underlying quirks and features that the car has the potential to offer. They are booklets that are overlooked because it is tedious to skim through dense information, even though they have tidbits of knowledge that could be enlightening and educational. I doubt if the "Mitumba" second-hand vehicles sold in Kenya come with the booklet.

Instead of taking time to glance through the manual, you jump straight into driving or, as a passenger, sit comfortably en route to your final destination. Which is valid and perfectly fine. What if we took the time to read the car manuals? Would there have been any difference? Car owner's manual publishers should have curated content that is interesting and enjoyable to read. Maybe use grade-four reading-level language that is easy to comprehend. However, they are typically filled with voluminous content and legalese, use complex language that is devoid of interactive elements, and contain irrelevant information. This leads someone to prefer straightforward advice from salesmen, friends, and relatives on how the car works.

Maybe, I am boring as opposed to seductive. My clarity of thought has no segue and is non-congruent. I have no brevity; hence, I sound like a car owner's manual. My storytelling skills are probably chaotic and lack the emotional spark that ignites interest. I can't consume fiercely and intensely, burn into ashes like a colossal blaze that draws you in. You feel like you have gotten lost in the prose—the way you dream and wake up only to find you are making castles in the air. Waking up after a dream is rarely creative. 

You might be enjoying an erotic dream only to wake up clod in cum or piss. Unfortunately, urinating is among the few dreams that often come true. These are the struggles that afflict. You cannot run away from them. Being average can feel overwhelming. Sometimes, you can showcase brilliance and sage. Other times you grapple with trying to inject insightful realism into a scene in such a way that it impresses. Still, you have to be content even when you lack a unique verbal expression or linguistic flair. Over time, the gibberish will slowly transform into sound, credible content, offering the reader an unequivocal grasp of the subject.

We are surrounded by mediocrity. When you look around, you will realize that we tend to settle for the least, provided we inject minimal effort. We are reluctant to push ourselves to greater heights and avoid mediocrity. Once we have done our part, we leave the onus of decision-making, if the output is viable, in the hands of others. Or, if you were in my shoes, you write crap and cling to the hope that someday, you will be a good writer. The few who pursue excellence by stepping out of their comfort achieve remarkable feats and greatness that we only envy and do nothing about.

There are days when I sit down to pore over the works of renowned authors and feel ashamed of what I have written. I am trying hard to avoid being subpar, but I am not making any inroads. I constantly remind myself that fortune favors the brave and consistent, so I keep on keeping on. I am still in the game. Thank goodness, I am not the type to compare my compositions directly to those of great authors. As an amateur, I prefer to stick to what I know, yearning for an elusive spark that elevates my creativity. But my creative works still lack that special thing that I want them to have. I have ambitions bigger than the input provided, which makes me wonder if I have a mediocre mindset.

From a young age, I was brought up to believe that I was the best in my endeavors. And for a long time, I believed it. Yet, my best does not seem good enough. And that begs the question: Should I strive to eliminate this mediocrity? Of what use! I have always said that failing to plan is planning to fail. Ironically, I fall into the category of chaps who are averse to meticulous planning. I get derailed and forgo excellence because I have settled for comfort. I prefer to have modest competence. I am not as dedicated as someone who secludes himself for a few months to pursue deep work and achieve mastery, so you can't afford to ignore the high-quality content produced. At least, I engage in my pursuits as a hobby and not as a prodigy. It's fun to outpour emotions freely. Provided you set boundaries to avoid being offensive or rattling others in the  way that is piquing.

When you read about successful people, what comes to mind is that they are innate geniuses who are naturally talented and don't have to put in the work that results in success. All they have to do is show up, and voilà, they are a big name with fame and glory. They only find a gap that needs to be filled and do it effortlessly because it is as easy as ABC. Yet, it could be that they put in a humongous amount of work in the past and only have to refine the crap. We see the final output, which is polished and consumable. What we don't see is the number of years it took and the effort and wit of having figured out what works and what does not. Success is never predestined, there is a lot behind the scenes that shapes its outcome.

Time passes in a blur. When you realize you can no longer be successful, you take little interest in pursuing excellence and embrace mediocrity because that is where you find happiness. There is contentment in simplicity. You might work your ass off trying to gain traction, but as I sometimes say, your best effort may not be worthwhile and significant enough. Ergo, you start doing it for fun and become passionate about it. It becomes a hobby that becomes your baby. You have to teach it to wean, crawl, talk, walk, and go through all the phases of life. You stumble, roll over, and then find your footing. If it was meant to be, then it shall blossom. Even though a mustard seed takes longer to grow, once it has grown, it provides shade, and you can hardly remember its humble beginnings as a tiny seed.

Hasta La Vista, Baby.

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A Petty Placid Position

The simplicity of life is in the way we sometimes take for granted the little things we should be grateful for. When you wake up in the morning and your body is tempted to go back to bed because the weather is conducive for another round of slumber. It's a battle that takes place in your mind. It is either you wake up, or amid the homely aroma in your blanket fort, tuck yourself back into sleep as a blessed reward. Sleep is a need, and should have been part of Maslow's hierarchy of physiological and safety needs. It should have been factored among the basic needs. It comes naturally when your body is fatigued. And you can do nothing about it. Yet, as much as it is sweet to be curled up snugging, there comes a time when you have to rise and shine. You may flip-flop many times trying to connect with dawn, but you have to do something- wake up.

We live in an epoch where the average chap is programmed to question what does not make sense. Among the first things that one should do is say a prayer for having seen a new day. I am not deeply religious when it comes to supplication and devotion. My idea of prayer is to mime a few words before sleep and then hope that God in heaven will answer my prayer. Sometimes He answers them, sometimes He says no, and other times He says maybe. I abide by what Blaise Pascal said about God. Believing in him is a probabilistic outcome. If God exists upon death, then if I lived by his word, I will get rewarded. If life comes to an end, which is a sure bet, and God does not exist then it is a win-win situation.

I would say that a majority of individuals are normally religious and believe in God. That applies to most Africans where religion has been an embodiment of our lifestyle. When you talk about faith, atheists and heathens, cannot relate. Atheism is a result of rebellion. In the same way, protestant churches emerged when the Catholic church was the only denomination that existed. Someone studied the bible which remains a bestseller and realized that the teachings and what the priests did were conflicting. It could be they used the church to oppress the common man. That is the same discovery that those who don't believe in God made. Someone realized that we still live even if we don't believe in God. Asian countries have very small populations that believe in God, a choice they made because it suits their lifestyle.

On my part, God's existence is limited to certain aspects of my life. My stand is, that God has always been there, He is the omni of all omni. Nevertheless, I won't say that He has been a determining factor in how I live myself. Certain aspects are devoid of God's intervention. I would say that my daily quests; be it in what I eat, where I want to go, what I think about and so many things in my life have very little of God's influence. Though, I have to acknowledge that I still have to believe that He is my provider. The aspect of seeing another day cannot be taken for granted. I may sound petty but some people never make it to see another day. Some are struggling and facing challenging moments in the hospital and have to rely on medics for medical support, drugs prescribed to bring them back to normalcy, and God to heal or cure them.

Such instances, beseech you to believe that there is a hand of God. It is also the reason why when in some situations, we usually call upon God to take charge. If you are participating in a contest, as much as you may be the best, anxiety may reign and at such a time, you let God do His will. Obviously, if you don't ace the prize the first time, you still have a second and a third to do what you can to improve your chances until you convert the opportunity into a try or you get tired and ship out because you are overtaken by events or find something better. What I usually say is that the best will always be the best. You may be denied what you deserve, but consistency, continuity, and consecution will always favour you. Like the Nigerians say "Go no go shame us." God is the one who you look up to when you are feeling low. He is the one you go to when you are happy and even when things don't work, you trust that he will pacify and make it happen.

One of the things I have lately been diagnostic about is the institution of the church. You cannot divorce religious denominations with God. They have a marital relationship that dates back to very many years. Most of the time, we are told that it is in the church that you find sanctity. You go to petition God with other people. When all of you pray together, that is where the spirit of God is. Your prayers are answered faster because you have come together to request the same thing. Recently, the church transformed from a sanctuary where you go for spiritual nourishment and a place of refuge into an institution that prioritizes finances, extracting whatever little you have under the guise that you are giving to God. It aligns with the prosperity gospel. The wealthy are given a front seat because of their monetary offering which is seen as a sign of favour. When I noticed that I could not cope due to my limited financial ability and a snake in my shallow pockets, I decided to avoid the church. That does not mean I don't trust in God. I still do. Once in a while, when an opportunity to go to church presents itself, I jump on it but I stopped being a regular goer to church.

In the future, things may change and I may decide to go back because the situation is not cast in stone since I stopped attending church frequently then I will not go back. Am a devout Catholic. Being a staunch Catholic is like being a Muslim, you may be seduced by other churches to change your allegiance, and some quickly change the denomination they belong to, but I don't think I will ever switch. I once did but now I know there is no difference. What matters is your faith in God. They say karma is a bitch. What goes around comes back around. One day, I will often be going to church to worship and not be a periodic faithful who waits for Christmas and special occasions to make my way to the church.

Hasta La Vista, Baby.

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Authenticity, Reality and Sanity

For the longest time, I have been deviant and delusional. It's a basic instinct that has made me feel like I possess some superpower that I naturally don't have. It's human nature to have the lopsided perception that the pastures are greener and more desirable on the other side. What you are doing is not good enough; hence, you romanticize what the other side offers. It was this coercion that drove me to deify the use of bots in my compositions, which resulted in the loss of my style and natural voice. I became a nomad in my sanctuary. 

When the ugly truth came out, I was naked and unmasked, unable to make potent use of my brain. All this while, I had lost my creative juice in the quest to sound erudite. I had eschewed the sanity of using the easel as a prop to support the sketchbook, which would imbue my artistry with logical clarity and emotional delicacy. Adrift, I had undermined my endeavors as a middlebrow. I was at sea, my soul lost, and I yearned for the feel of the land, a refuge of safety.

Naturally, there is this trap that we fall into because we want to make life easy. It's cool to sound like an elite and have an air of sophistication. When you pen down your thoughts, you want them to exude sage and intellect. Yet in reality, this misconception creates the illusion of an innate, extraordinary ability. You almost end up having epistemic arrogance which is a misguided sense of superiority. Ultimately, it destroys rational reasoning and makes you think you are in a privileged position that justifies your actions.

Moving forward, the journey I want to embark on will be defined by originality and veracity. Since the year began, I have always relied heavily on AI to perform tasks that I was supposed to do. The dependence on AI can be addictive and erroneous. As much as writing is easy, there is a tendency to think that it is ethereal. All you need is just a pen and paper to project the notions in the mind so that all and sundry can be able to grasp a piece of your mind. Alternatively, you sit down behind a screen, and with every keystroke the stories that yearn to be told interlace seamlessly hence blooming into tangible art. 

Indeed, it is tempting to solicit for an easy way out so much when it comes to writing. I recall how I failed to ace a scholarship opportunity due to my reluctance to put in the effort to craft a narrative that would have sold my story with ease. Nowadays, academia has realized that many people rely on bots to do most of the grunt work associated with their academic pursuits. Original ideas have taken a shift in how they intertwine to form solid arguments because bots are taught to mimic effective writing that poses an ethical dilemma. Nevertheless, technology has advanced and can easily detect if one has leaned on artificial intelligence despite passing a plagiarism check.

After using artificial intelligence for close to six months, I have to accept the reality that we cannot escape the use of bots. They are an inseparable part of our future. They are here to stay and the more they are integrated into our lives the better they will become in replacing the human, producing what we have always thought was exclusive to us. Still, without human input, a bot will not be able to be productive. I was influenced to believe that what a bot produces is better, which is not necessarily the case. Nonetheless, it could rephrase my words with finesse to my liking. I loved how it polished my sentences in such a way that they were so refined I felt like, 'This bot just read my mind and offered the remedy to my problem.' 

Little did I know that it was stifling my authentic voice and style. As a writer, which I am, albeit a mediocristan one, I have to recognize that existing creations should not limit my pursuit to better what is already available. Depending on technology as a means to an end decimates authenticity and creativity. For instance, asking a bot to finish a sentence is easy but it also weakens your expression, and depending on the feedback, it will execute what you want while compromising on your originality. The thought process is weakened. However, I have learned to appreciate the sophistication of AI.

Somehow, bots are reliable tools. There are numerous out there but the ones that I have used extensively are ChatGPT, CoPilot, and Gemini. Of the three, I would say that I rely more on the CoPilot toolkit. It comes in handy because of its ease of accessibility. Whether it's through a sidebar on the Edge browser (I am used to Edge these days as a choice) or an icon on my taskbar, it's always easily accessible. Most of the time, I use it to rephrase sentences that are repetitive and need a little bit of variation. I mean, when I ask it a question and where it has the ability, it provides direct and prompt answers that address my curiosity head-on. I feel like it's telling me, "Say less!" And kaboom, it delivers precisely. 

Though I may be resistant, I am not immune to the use of bots. Even this article has instances where I relied on them because of their compelling nature and how versatile bots are. When it comes to all three bots aforementioned, I feel like ChatCPT stands out in the realm of writing. When you present it with a verbose paragraph, it will preserve the core message with minimal alteration. When you give it a loaded paragraph, it will condense it by ensuring the brevity that is needed. It serves as a cost-free editor when I am revising my first draft. The reality is that I don't have a human editor to oversee the inconsistencies, grammatical mistakes, and sentence elongation; that is why it steps in. Certainly, it acts as a decisive blade in the 'Kill your darling' editing mantra.

I hate the way Gemini does its rewriting. You may give it a lengthy paragraph, only for it to end up diverging into something entirely different, which can lose the meaning of the original intent. I don't have examples but I know that when it comes to writing, that is not its fort. While it may have some of the best creative nuances, the reality is that it blatantly deviates from the original intended idea and offers a solution for what should have just been left the way it is. Who needs a suggestion that seems so obvious it has been auto-generated? Bots also have a voice that you easily distinguish if you consistently use them. It's about the structure and elements of style and how it solves what you want with ease.

Technology is here to stay. Other than those AI bots, I also use Quilldot's AI content detector to find out if my prose is overly dependent on AI. Hitherto, I had no idea that I was among those who were mutilating the creative space with a constant summon of AI to assist in rectifying my shortcomings when it came to diction. My integrity was compromised and I must admit that frequent reliance on AI has diminished my prowess and assertiveness. AI offers a very reliable avenue that aids in enhancing vocabulary and helps hit the nail straight on the head. Still quillbot also helps with grammatical mistakes that are detected by Grammarly. To get the most, you need to subscribe to a premium package. 

Another important tool I have been relying on ever since I came back to this space is Grammarly. That has been helpful when it comes to writing mistakes. There are an array of issues that you can be able to detect using the tool such as conciseness, punctuation, grammar, and word choice also aids in making writing clearer and engaging. Since I use a free version of the tool, I must admit they have grown having used the features built on the platform. 

Other applications that I have used include readability apps that break down the grades and scores of the prose that I have penned down. The language tools are really important though they expect you to pay a premium to savour the full scale of the features they offer. 

And there lies my beef with them. We live in a society where technology has distinguished itself by its precocity and created the perception that it offers real solutions to artistic merit where there may be a deficiency. Technology, especially the internet is a repository of the past and helps us taste the charm of the olden days. Yet when you codify grammar into an app, it restrains the ability to indulge in the untrodden. While it is prudent to fit into the grammatical rules that language accords us, the reality is we are not supposed to be constricted by technology and ups to explore the brilliance of what the human mind is capable of. I feel like such apps limit our knowledge and confine us to what is an unjustified resignation to their application.

Hasta La Vista, Baby.

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