Sometimes you end up realizing that you
have achieved nothing considerable as a writer when the year terminates because
you ended up being in love with money. It has been a long since I took the time to
update this blog (I only did 6 posts last year). I got entangled in a
bittersweet relationship that was kinda toxic. Karma. Yes, I have been on a
money quest. I killed my ambition because of money. Then I become a slave. In
another world, an employee is a slave whose value is the salary she gets. Once
in a money cell, you do as the employer wants, not as you want. Money has no
emotions. Well, you can never get enough when it comes to money. It is a merry-go-round. You make, use it, and then like an addiction, you go where you can
easily get it. Because that is where you get satisfaction. Yet you deny that
you are not a slave.
In addition, you become convicted in a solitary cell. You feel like pursuing your dreams but, well, money killed your dreams. Therefore, like the average Joe, you resign to fate. Lackadaisical at seeing your vision come true. Then, at the back of your mind, you start nursing the dreams of what you had wanted. Dreams without a personal will to see them to the next level are like a train without an engine. They never go anywhere even if you have money. Therefore, to reduce the friction, money becomes the catalyst and chemical in the reaction. Which is not good when it comes to chemistry. I know that does not make sense chemically speaking.
I really miss the good old days when I needed not to worry myself sick about where the next mullahs will come from other than the fact that I needed to be comfortable in my own skin. Those days are long gone. Man must make money. The only difference is, I make money that is not reflected in my lifestyle. When I look at my bank statements and the way I have to struggle to make the cash to sustain a debt-ridden lifestyle, I thought I needed a break. To restrategize, I have been a money seeker at the expense of being an idea generator. If only I made the money that appears on my statements with ease, I would have quickly been financially secure. I live in a bubble. I am broke but my statements say I am doing well.
A fortnight ago, I read that when it comes to money, more is better than less. True that, to some extent (sic). Therefore, I have been struggling to get more every day. Yet, that is the most devilish idea one can ever engage in. There is one thing that remains; nothing changes even after getting what you want monetarily. Scaling comes with existential problems like broken relationships, pretentious lifestyles, and an assertion of self-confidence. However, we live in an illusory world where we want to be ‘seen’ as doing well because society loves people who have money. Material things with a housefly life. Who does not love money?
Actually, they say, money is the root of all evil. Money is power. Money is sweet. Nevertheless, when it is all said and done, we shall live everything that we worked hard for to those who never did. That does not mean we fail to pursue our monetary goals. Failure is fatal. You end up not having what you want because, well, money has a global language. It attracts and brings fake relationships. Once you get it, it brings out the character that you never wanted to acknowledge. Ati, you are a true exemplification once you get money. Methinks, it still creates false characters. Just a feeling of wanting justification then you return to default settings when you are done with the hullabaloo. Because, at some point you realize, even with the much you thought was a lot, it’s like peanuts to someone who has more and does not display a larger than life personality that the nouveau riche display. Old money is silent in speech but robust in action. It demarcates the difference.
Can I really be thankful of the effort I put in making money and the kind of freedom I have lost? That is food for thought. I will take a break, go look for answers, and write about it. I have itchy palms. Perhaps they are telling me, Omera, I am feeling like I should have been making money now. However, I have let my bundles lapse. I am tired of the hustle. If only I could get someone to employ me to write with a pay cheque that is equal to what I make on my side hustle, I would quickly choose the former. Ain’t people paid to be passionate and do their hearts desires with ease? Yaani, like the way you can be a runner. You love running. And no amount of petty talk breaks your bone. You soldier on, and when you finish a race feeling as if you want to vomit blood, you pick yourself up, ask for glucose and re-energize.
Then like a real hero, you start practicing to be the best. Being the best is as easy as ABC. All you need is practice, the right coaches and finally, the commitment to succeed. When you gear yourself to the race, no amount of drawbacks will let you quit. However, consistency is a virtue that makes one scale faster.
Now about my money quest. I am still worth a mere $5 an hour according to my actual speed on my side hustle. At times, I go down. Other times I mushroom. Yes, I started with kedo $0.5. With time, I scaled it because I learnt from those who knew the tricks of the game. Maybe, one day, I will learn from buggers who know how to make money online writing first hand content that has been stolen from minds of others because an artist should be a thief. Content plagiarism is permissible in artistry because, it is not academic where you need citation and gikmakamago.
Perhaps the best thing out of money persuasion is financial independence. One day, when I will be financially independent, that is, when I am not obliged to take a mobi-loan that charges me for being a bad financial manager, I will look back and say, ‘Here is that guy who made it through the ups and downs of bad financial decisions’.
Here is a brief twist. When I got a job
that I almost love, I thought it was what I needed while in reality, it cannot
sustain my love for being a spendthrift. I am a reformed economist not a miser.
Apparently, one of the best things in life is to have your own money that you
can spend with ease knowing no one is on your sleeves or funds your spending.
Overall, money does not give the entire fulfillment one desires. It only gives
a spur-of-the-moment thing. Yet having it is still good for a person’s ego and
status in society. It makes us go to great strides in search of it. Finally yet
importantly, it determines our place in society. The echelons we have created
are because of everything to do with money. When you have it, you definitely
have authority over another. So strive to make it in abundance. The repertoire
you get if you have money is different from things like academic scholarship
because none ever notices that. However, when you have mullahs, even if you
adorn like a commoner, your relationship manager at the bank will treat you
with utmost respect as opposed to that guy in a suit who does not have kakitu
in his account.
Back to basics, during one unofficial
banter at work, we decided to display our financial muscles via money we
received in our Mpesa accounts. I met a guy who showed me that he had received
over 80,000 in a certain month when I was operating with less than 50k. I got
irked, because I thought I was on a higher pedestal because well, I mean, who
does not want to be seen as having more money. So, I took up the mantle of
making money each day. And with that, I forgot that I had exams to prepare for,
I failed to nail that exam. I had to prove my worth to match this guy. So, even
though I am broke like a church mouse, My Mpesa statistics show that I handled
1 million when in reality, I probably made less than 500k. Hence, other than my
8-4 job, I also had a ka side hustle that could give me at least 1k per day if
I was very persistent. Nevertheless, I came to realize that it is not that easy
to multitask on two jobs at once.
You end up having to sacrifice something that you really loved due to exhaution. Like writing, monitoring the stock market on a daily basis, reading blogs that invigorate the mind into being volatile and updated, and generally living the life you thought would materialize before hitting the third floor. Here I am almost hitting it and I can well say that I have lost so much yet gained so little in my aspiration. That is why I usually say, Bora Uhai or Pambana na Hali Yako.
Like life is never a straight path, plus it’s never that serious. You finish school (I mean undergrad), realize you love writing, then you start doing that dem thing and five years down the line, you have not yet broke even as a pen pusher. You are still making headwinds thinking one day things will work out. But, you are also very secretive and kind of a recluse while most people think you have a bubbly personality that is robust and easy going. Because you love making jokes, and laughing out loud. You do it because you feel like engaging in an intellectual discourse is boring and makes you look like a geek sorry a jerk.
Then someone tells you that we do not need to Google stuff because it has been written by a guy like you and I. Hitherto, you had trusted google as the number correct platform until this guy brainwashes you into believing that everyone has an opinion. And when that case is closed, you start discussing about ladies with big booties (Vera and Corazon) and those that are really beautiful at work. All men discuss about ladies irrespective of race, age and status. Unless the dude is of the homosexuality. Well, you end up talking to a couple of those sexy ladies who guys call slay queens, the big booty ones, the light skins, the melanin damsels with shiny skins who are beautiful a guy tells you are on point if know those beautiful ladies because they look like guzzlers.
Mind you, you have a meagre income. But you see them as colleagues who you never have a thing for because, well you got hooked to this lady who ended up going mute and then you felt like, well let me give this ladies thing a break. Lakini, I know that, when it comes to ladies, one trick that works is to have a nice rapport with other ladies even if they are not very pretty, that way you will easily have your way with a pretty lady even if huwezi muingiza box. Then there are those you realize have something queer they want from you. Damn, there is this chic who stalked me and because she was beautiful, I could not go telling guys that I noticed her following me at work during five different occasions. She left before I could tell her, “Ile siku, ukiwa umevaa mini ukakaa mbele yangu.” Any sane guy can relate unless you have switched off those ginene especially when she has pretty yellow thayos.
I am a zealot when it comes to spending
money especially when it regards pleasing the opposite sex. Yes, we must
acknowledge our weakness sometimes. But ideally, I don’t spend much on ladies
though. I spent most of my money paying debt to Tala, Branch, Mshwari, Timiza
and KCB Mpesa. Actually, there was only one lady that made me spend on her. It
was this bartender that even offered me free sex but, I guess am not the randy
type of guy who easily gets bamboozled into engaging in the devil’s dance with
just anyone. In addition, I have come to hate free things. So, I am officially
single in 2019. And that folks, is my money story. It is shallow and less precise.
Well, I had intended to put it on my blog more than three months ago but,
things happened and you know what, I am updating it now.
Hasta la vista, baby.
